Review of family parenting styles: characteristics of the child’s personality, parental behavior and recommendations from psychologists. Existing styles of parenting Authoritarian type of parenting

Quite often, people with children turn to psychologists for help. Moms and dads ask experts why their beloved children might have developed undesirable qualities and bad behavior. Education plays the most important role in the formation of personality. Their future life depends on his style and the type chosen by his parents. What methods and forms of education are used? This question is worth understanding, because the answer to it will be useful for all parents to know.

What is parenting and what styles exist?

The word “education” appeared in people’s speech a very long time ago. Evidence of this is provided by Slavic texts dating back to 1056. It was in them that the concept in question was first discovered. In those days, the word “education” was given meanings such as “to nurture”, “to feed”, and a little later it began to be used in the meaning of “to instruct”.

Subsequently, this concept was given many different interpretations by various specialists. If we analyze them, we can say that education is:

• the formation of a personality who will be useful to society and who will be able to live in it, will not avoid other people, will not withdraw into himself;
• interaction between educators and students;
• learning process.

Parents, raising their children, often do not think about organizing this process. They act as their intuition and life experience suggest. Simply put, moms and dads raise their sons and daughters the way they do best. Thus, each family adheres to a certain parenting style. By this term, experts understand the characteristic patterns of relationships between parents and their children.

There are many classifications of parenting styles. One of them was proposed by Diana Baumrind. This American psychologist identified the following parenting styles in the family:

• authoritarian;
• authoritative;
• liberal.

Later this classification was expanded. Eleanor Maccoby and John Martin identified another style. It was called indifferent. Some sources use terms such as “hypoprotection” and “indifferent style” to refer to this model. Parenting styles and the characteristics of each of them are discussed in detail below.

Authoritarian style of family education

Some parents keep their children strict and use harsh methods and forms of education. They give their children instructions and expect them to be followed. Such families have strict rules and requirements. Children must do everything and not argue. In case of misconduct, incorrect behavior, or whims, parents punish their children, do not take into account their opinions, and do not ask for any explanations. Similar style family education called authoritarian.

In this model, children's independence is very limited. Parents who adhere to this parenting style think that their child will grow up obedient, dutiful, responsible and serious. However, the final result is completely unexpected for moms and dads:

1. Children who are active and strong in character begin to express themselves, as a rule, in adolescence. They rebel, show aggression, quarrel with their parents, dream of freedom and independence, and that is why they often run away from their parents’ home.
2. Children who are insecure obey their parents, are afraid of them, and are afraid of punishment. In the future, such people turn out to be dependent, timid, withdrawn and gloomy.
3. Some children, growing up, follow the example of their parents - they create families similar to those in which they themselves grew up, keeping both wives and children in strictness.

Authoritative style in family education

Experts in some sources designate this model with the terms “democratic style of education”, “cooperation”, since it is the most favorable for the formation of a harmonious personality. This parenting style is based on warm relationships and a fairly high level of control. Parents are always open to communication and strive to discuss and solve all problems that arise with their children. Moms and dads encourage their sons and daughters to be independent, but in some cases they can point out what needs to be done. Children listen to their elders and know the word “should”.

Thanks to an authoritative parenting style, children become socially adapted. They are not afraid to communicate with other people, they know how to find common language. An authoritative parenting style allows you to raise independent and self-confident individuals with high self-esteem and the ability to exercise self-control.

The authoritative style is the ideal parenting model. However, exclusive adherence to it is still undesirable. For a child in early age Authoritarianism coming from parents is necessary and useful. For example, mothers and fathers should point out to the child incorrect behavior and demand that he comply with any social norms and rules.

Liberal model of relations

Liberal education is observed in those families where parents are very lenient. They communicate with their children, allow them absolutely everything, do not set any prohibitions, and strive to demonstrate unconditional love to your sons and daughters.

Children raised in families with a liberal model of relationships have the following features:

• are often aggressive and impulsive;
• strive not to deny themselves anything;
• love to show off;
• do not like physical and mental work;
• demonstrate self-confidence bordering on rudeness;
• conflict with other people who do not indulge them.

Very often, the inability of parents to control their child leads to the fact that he ends up in antisocial groups. Sometimes a liberal parenting style leads to good results. Some children who know freedom and independence from childhood grow up to be active, determined and creative people(what kind of person a particular child will become depends on the characteristics of his character inherent in nature).

Indifferent style of raising a child in the family

This model highlights such parties as indifferent parents and embittered children. Moms and dads do not pay attention to their sons and daughters, treat them coldly, do not show care, affection and love, and are busy only with their own problems. Children are not limited by anything. They know no prohibitions. Such concepts as “goodness” and “compassion” are not instilled in them, so children do not show sympathy either for animals or for other people.

Some parents not only show their indifference, but also their hostility. Children in such families feel unwanted. They are observed with destructive impulses.

Classification of types of family education according to Eidemiller and Yustiskis

The type of family upbringing plays an important role in the development of personality. This is a characteristic of parents’ value orientations and attitudes and emotional attitude towards the child. E. G. Eidemiller and V. V. Justiskis created a classification of relationships in which they identified several main types that characterize the upbringing of boys and girls:

1. Pandering hyperprotection. All the family's attention is directed to the child. Parents strive to satisfy all his needs and whims as much as possible, fulfill his desires and make his dreams come true.
2. Dominant hyperprotection. The child is the center of attention. His parents constantly monitor him. The child’s independence is limited, because mom and dad periodically impose some prohibitions and restrictions on him.
3. Abuse. There are a huge number of demands in the family. The child must follow them unquestioningly. Disobedience, whims, refusals and bad behavior are followed by severe punishments.
4. Neglect. With this type of family education, the child is left to his own devices. Mom and dad do not care about him, are not interested in him, do not control his actions.
5. Increased moral responsibility. Parents don't pay attention special attention per child. However, they place high moral demands on him.
6. Emotional rejection. can be carried out according to the “Cinderella” type. Parents are hostile and unkind towards the child. They do not give affection, love and warmth. At the same time, they are very picky about their child, demanding that he maintain order and obey family traditions.

Classification of types of education according to Garbuzov

V.I. Garbuzov noted the decisive role of educational influences in the formation of the child’s character traits. At the same time, the specialist identified 3 types of raising children in a family:

1. Type A. Parents are not interested in the individual characteristics of the child. They do not take them into account and do not strive to develop them. This type of upbringing is characterized by strict control, imposing on the child only correct behavior.
2. Type B. This type of upbringing is characterized by an anxious and suspicious concept of parents about the state of the child’s health and his social status, expectation of success in studies and future work.
3. Type B. Parents and all relatives pay attention to the child. He is the idol of the family. All his needs and desires are satisfied sometimes to the detriment of family members and other people.

Clémence's study

Swiss researchers under the leadership of A. Clémence identified the following styles of raising children in the family:

1. Directive. In this family style, all decisions are made by the parents. The child’s task is to accept them and fulfill all requirements.
2. Participative. A child can independently decide something about himself. However, there are several in the family general rules. The child is obliged to fulfill them. Otherwise, parents use punishment.
3. Delegating. The child makes his own decisions. Parents do not impose their points of view on him. They don't pay him much attention until his behavior causes serious problems.

Disharmonious and harmonious education

All considered family upbringing styles and types can be combined into 2 groups: disharmonious and harmonious upbringing. Each group has some features that are listed in the table below.

Why do some families experience disharmonious upbringing?

Parents use inharmonious types and styles of parenting in the family. This happens by various reasons. These are life circumstances, character traits, unconscious problems of modern parents, and unmet needs. Among the main reasons for disharmonious upbringing are the following:

• projection onto the child of one’s own undesirable qualities;
• underdevelopment of parental feelings;
• educational uncertainty of parents;
• presence of fear of losing a child.

With the first reason, parents see in the child those qualities that they themselves have, but do not recognize them. For example, a child has a tendency towards laziness. Parents punish their child and treat him cruelly because of the presence of this personal quality. The struggle allows them to believe that they themselves do not have this deficiency.

The second reason mentioned above is observed in those people who did not experience parental warmth in childhood. They do not want to deal with their child, they try to spend less time with him and not communicate, so they use inharmonious styles of family child rearing. This reason is also observed in many young people who were not psychologically prepared for the appearance of a child in their lives.

Educational insecurity occurs, as a rule, in weak individuals. Parents with such a deficiency do not make special demands on the child; they satisfy all his desires, since they cannot refuse him. The little family member finds a vulnerable spot in mom and dad and takes advantage of it, ensuring that he has maximum rights and minimum responsibilities.

If there is a phobia of loss, parents feel their child's defenselessness. It seems to them that he is fragile, weak, painful. They protect him. Because of this, such inharmonious styles of raising adolescents as pandering and dominant hyperprotection arise.

What is harmonious family upbringing?

At harmonious education parents accept the child for who he is. They do not try to correct his minor shortcomings, they do not impose any models of behavior on him. Doesn't work in the family large number rules and prohibitions that absolutely everyone observes. The child’s needs are met within reasonable limits (without the needs of other family members being ignored or infringed upon).

With harmonious upbringing, the child independently chooses his own path of development. Mom and dad don’t force him to go to any creative clubs if he doesn’t want to. The child's independence is encouraged. If necessary, parents only give the necessary advice.

For harmonious upbringing, parents need to:

• always find time to communicate with your child;
• take an interest in his successes and failures, help him cope with some problems;
• do not put pressure on the child, do not impose your own points of view on him;
• treat the child as an equal member of the family;
• instill in the child such important qualities as kindness, empathy, respect for other people.

In conclusion, it is worth noting that it is very important to choose the right types and styles of parenting in the family. This determines what the child will become, what his future life will be like, whether he will communicate with the people around him, and whether he will become withdrawn and unsociable. At the same time, parents must remember that the key to effective upbringing is love for the little family member, interest in him, and a friendly, conflict-free atmosphere in the home.

MKU DO

"Center children's creativity»

Article on the discipline:

« Psychology»

On topic:

« Basic parenting styles »

Executor:

Starikova Nadezhda Aleksandrovna.

Arzgir 2018

Content (p. 2)

Introduction (p. 3)

1. Family is the initial stage in a child’s development (p.4)

2. Basic parenting styles and their features (p.6)

3. Dependent behavior as a consequence of parenting style (p.12)

Conclusion.

References.

Introduction.

Developmental psychologists have long been interested in the influence that parents have on a child's development. However, determining the actual cause-and-effect relationship between specific parental actions and children's behavior later in life is very difficult. Some children who grew up in different conditions, subsequently exhibited strikingly similar traits. Conversely, children who grew up in the same conditions demonstrated different, even contradictory qualities. Despite this problem, researchers have found strong evidence for this link between parenting style and the impact it has on the child.

Sometimes the family, in principle, cannot determine what tactics adults follow in relation to the child. This happens if adults suffered from parental influences in childhood and try to “do everything the other way around,” but this fails, because the lack of experience leads them to use the same means and methods in education. Sometimes adults who grew up in government institutions simply do not know how to treat children, or different generations live in a family - grandmothers, parents, children, and everyone adheres to different approaches and do not seek to reach an agreement. This style of parenting can be called chaotic. Recently, more and more additional definitions and additions to educational systems have also appeared. The authors of pedagogical and psychological literature consider overprotection, “family idol” education, emotional rejection and cruel treatment, raising a child prodigy, and much more.

One can thus see a fairly extensive phenomenology parental relationship(positions), parenting styles, as well as their consequences - the formation of individual characterological characteristics of the child within the framework of normal or deviant behavior (Zakharov A.I., Eidemiller E.G., Lichko A.E., Varga A.Ya., etc.) d.).

The purpose of this work is to highlight child-rearing styles and study each of them separately.

The family is the initial stage in the development of a child.

A child within a family later life in society usually depends on the parenting style that parents form. Naturally, it is influenced by the environment, certain factors of heredity, but this is not so pronounced. It is the parents’ parenting style that significantly influences the child’s development, learning ability, life habits, and self-esteem. Often, an incorrectly chosen parenting style in the family leads to negative consequences for the individual, it gives isolation, antisocial behavior or a tendency to psychosis and depression. It is important to understand that education must be correct, logical and consistent in execution.

The family is the primary unit of society in which the upbringing and development of the child begins. It is so multifaceted that it can either create a healthy personality or destroy it. The child's needs and desires are either encouraged, or a barrier is created that prevents self-realization.

Each family has its own interests and values, and has the unique experience of previous generations. The future character of children depends on what these indicators are. After all, they react very sensitively to the behavior of their parents and internalize it as normal for the whole society. This is where the problems of education arise.

Parents, as the first educators, have the greatest influence on children. Therefore, they also have an advantage over representatives of preschool institutions, which also take part in the development of the child. IN healthy family favorable contact has been established between adults and children. They have the same goals and aspirations. This brings spiritual satisfaction to all its members. Such a family is no stranger to the manifestation of parental love, care and respect from children.

We find the first requirements for a person’s personality and his behavior, as a result of family upbringing, already in the biblical commandments: do not steal, be respectful to your elders.

A family is a special intimate group, a social association, a community, the members of which are connected by marriage or kinship ties, a common way of life, which carries out the reproduction of the population and the continuity of family generations, the socialization of children and support for the existence of family members who bear mutual moral responsibility. The basis of family education was the authority of the parents, their deeds and actions, family traditions. It is parents - the first educators - who have the strongest influence on children. It is noted that the family circumstances in which children grew up leave an imprint on their entire lives and even predetermine their fate. The success of education largely depends on the unity and consistency of the educational influence of the family and educational institutions. Parents must take into account the age and individual characteristics of their children and treat them (despite their age) with respect.

Formation of correct relationships between children, children and adults - important task parents.

Basic parenting styles and their features.

The style of education (communication) in the family is a set of private attitudes, concepts, principles, and value orientations that provide conditions for the development of the child and his preparation for social life. Basically, the predominant type of parental influence on the child is considered, but it is necessary to take into account: which family member dominates and how he dominates, as well as the significance of the influence of any family member on the child. However, it is often possible to observe disagreements between spouses in relation to the same act of the child, which are formed depending on the styles of relationship between the parents.

In psychology, it is customary to distinguish 6 main types of family parenting styles:authoritarian, permissive, democratic, chaotic, aloof and overprotective. Each of these styles has its own characteristics and affects the psyche and personal development child.

Authoritarian styleupbringing lacks warmth, it is characterized by strict discipline, parent-child communication prevails over child-parent communication, the expectations of such parents for their children are very high. All decisions are made by parents, who believe that the child should obey their will and authority in everything.

Authoritarian parents tend to show little love and “seem to be somewhat distant from their children.” Parents give instructions and orders, while not paying attention to the opinions of their children and not recognizing the possibility of compromise. In such families, obedience, respect and adherence to traditions are highly valued. The rules are not discussed. It is believed that parents are always right, and disobedience is punished - often physically. But parents still “do not cross the line and do not go as far as beating and ill-treatment" Parents limit the child’s independence, do not consider it necessary to somehow justify their demands, accompanying them with strict control, severe prohibitions, reprimands and physical punishment. Since children constantly obey their parents in order to avoid punishment, they become lack of initiative. Authoritarian parents also expect more maturity from their children than is typical for their age. The activity of the children themselves is very low, since the approach to education is focused on the parent and his needs.

This parenting style leads to a number of deficiencies in the child's development. During adolescence, parental authoritarianism generates conflicts and hostility. The most active, strong teenagers resist and rebel, become overly aggressive and often leave their parents' home as soon as they can afford it. Timid, insecure teenagers learn to obey their parents in everything, without making any attempts to decide anything on their own. Such children in adolescence, when the influence of peers on their behavior is greatest, are more easily susceptible to bad influence on their part; they get used to not discussing their problems with their parents, and often fall under the strong influence of their peers. The level of violence among boys from such families is the highest. They are less confident in their success, less balanced and less persistent in achieving their goals, and also have low self-esteem.

With such upbringing, children develop only a mechanism of external control, based on feelings of guilt or fear of punishment, and as soon as the threat of punishment from the outside disappears, the teenager’s behavior can become potentially antisocial. Authoritarian relationships exclude spiritual closeness with children, so a feeling of attachment rarely arises between them and their parents, which leads to suspicion, constant vigilance and even hostility towards others.

Conniving. In the relationship between parents and children there is acceptance, warmth, manifestations of love, forgiveness and endless trust in each other. Only very important components are missing: the parents’ true care for their children and reasonable psychological and behavioral boundaries, that is, rules clearly established by the parents, taking into account the child’s opinion for his own safety and comfort. Essentially, such parents refuse to take responsibility. Perceiving a lack of guidance from parents as a manifestation of indifference and emotional rejection, children feel insecure. This free style is characterized by low discipline or its complete absence; parents do not have high expectations for their children, and sometimes, when examining such relationships from the outside, it is not clear - which of the family members is the parent and which is the child? The child does not receive direction, restrictions, and when parents try to give some instructions, he does not obey. A faithful companion of liberal family education is the child’s poor performance at school, since parents are not interested in the process of the child’s education. In a liberal family, children acquire a false sense of control over their parents, and then try to control the people around them, which leads to attempts to manipulate others.

Liberal parents are inconsistent and often encourage uninhibited behavior, worrying more about giving children the opportunity to express themselves creatively and show individuality. At first glance, a child raised in such “freedom” should grow up to be an absolutely happy and fulfilled person in all directions. However, in reality this never happens. In the absence of boundaries, children do not feel safe, therefore they become susceptible to depression and various kinds of phobias, and among them there is a high tendency to commit violence. They are also easily involved in various kinds of antisocial activities, can engage in sexual relations quite early, and become part of criminal groups. This happens because the child did not once receive clear guidelines on what is good and bad.

Children raised in such families, just like their peers raised in authoritarian family systems, often fail to develop a sense of self-esteem because they, too, have not been taught to manage themselves. The lack of healthy discipline in the family makes them want to establish control over their parents and try to get them to control themselves. Such children in adulthood are very vulnerable, painfully searching for at least some kind of support by all available means: they join sects, find themselves in dependent partnerships, get carried away by the most exotic food systems, trying to establish control over at least something in their lives... This, in turn, prevents them social development, the formation of self-esteem and positive self-esteem, responsibility, the ability to establish strong emotional connections. A variation of the permissive parenting style is “emotional rejection.” In this case, the child is a burden to the parents and constantly feels it, especially if there is another beloved child in the family.

Democraticstyle involves communication and maintaining friendly relations between family members. Adults require discipline and rules of behavior, but all their demands are realistic. Such parents show attention and care, are fair in relation to the child’s actions, give him the right to choose and justify their demands. The democratic style is characterized by flexibility. Parents, with a democratic style of communication, motivate their actions and demands, listen to the opinions of their children, respect their position, and develop independent judgment. As a result, children understand their parents better and grow up to be reasonably obedient, proactive, and with a developed sense of self-esteem. They see in parents an example of citizenship, hard work, honesty and the desire to raise children as they themselves are.

Chaotic. It is also called “inconsistent”. The chaotic style is characterized by the absence of a unified approach to education, while the most contradictory requirements and principles are intricately intertwined. At the beginning of the section, the reasons why such an educational style can be formed are described: parents’ lack of experience, uncertainty, inconsistency in the actions of adults. To implement consistent educational tactics in the family, endurance and confidence are required, which parents, especially mothers, lack. This leads to uncontrollable emotional reactions - swearing, screaming, crying, unreasonable punishments that do not correspond to the situation, “lisping” with the child. As a result, the child becomes uncontrollable. As with the permissive style, in this case one of the basic needs of the individual is neglected - the need for clear boundaries, rules, stability and orderliness in the surrounding world. In a child, this situation alternately causes anger, irritation, anxiety, and guilt, which often leads to social maladjustment. Consequently, everything that corresponds to a permissive educational style can also be classified as chaotic.

Aloof. With an alienated style of family upbringing, relationships imply a deep indifference of parents to the child’s personality. Parents “don’t notice” the child and are not interested in his development and spiritual inner world. By actively avoiding communication with him, they keep him at a distance from themselves. Children are left to their own devices.In such a family, parents either “do not see” their child, or actively avoid communication with him and prefer to keep him at a distance (psychological distance). The disinterest of parents in the development and inner life of the child makes him lonely and unhappy. Subsequently, he develops an aloof attitude towards people or aggressiveness. At school, a child from such a family is unsure of himself, neurotic, and experiences difficulties in relationships with peers.No one in the family is interested in the development or spiritual world of the child; they keep him at a distance, preferring not to communicate at all. IN younger age he suffers monstrously because of this attitude.

An alienated parenting style is observed more often in dysfunctional families where one or both parents abuse alcohol or drugs.

Overprotection. From the first minute of the birth of their baby, parents strive not only to be close to him, but to vigilantly monitor his every step, warn and fulfill all his needs in advance (adults also determine what exactly the child should want). Such parents are very fond of collecting information about various fashionable methods of teaching and upbringing, they especially like those that assume a greater dependence of the child’s success on the inclusion of adults in their lives. A son or daughter is constantly limited in their freedom, and any attempts at independent behavior are suppressed in different ways- from direct and strict prohibitions to manipulation, threats, intimidation and blackmail. Here a whole range of negative attitudes are used: “don’t belong to anyone but me,” “don’t be close,” “don’t achieve success,” “don’t grow,” “don’t do,” “don’t think.” Parents engage in this indoctrination, trying to somehow cope with their own gigantic anxiety, which manifests itself at the very first attempts of the baby to show independence. Of course, such conditions are far from beneficial for the child. Not only will he not be able to make even a small decision in his life, but he will also be absolutely sure that an absolutely terrible and cruel world awaits him outside his parental family. Such ideas provoke the development of anxiety, feelings of helplessness and inhibit the formation of social and personal maturity. At the same time, as we remember, the child’s desire to circumvent parental attitudes also causes him to have a powerful feeling of guilt.

Dependent behavior as a consequence of parenting styles.

Each style of relationship in the family, no matter how positive it was, causes the formation of dependent behavior in the child. One of the forms of such a result of upbringing includesattracting child's attentiondue to quarrels, aggressive behavior, failure to comply with the will of the parents. It occurs when the mother is engaged in any business, but not with the baby. In another case, it is the daughter's attachment to her father. If the latter leaves home for a long time, this causes aggression in the baby.

The second form of addictive behavior issearch for confirmation. It manifests itself in the great demands of parents regarding the child’s achievements. This form is typical for families where the daughter is attached to the father or, conversely, the son to the mother. When children feel jealousy and high demands on the part of the second parent or the absence of such factors, they exhibit dependent behavior.

Another form of addictive behavior isseeking approval. The child directs all his efforts to this. This behavior is typical for girls, whom mothers consider similar to themselves, take little part in caring for them and encourage their dependence. In boys, this phenomenon is observed if he is rarely punished and his antics are tolerated.

The fourth form of addictive behavior is"stay close". It manifests itself when the child does not know how to behave correctly, if the mother treats him as less mature than he really is, and does not trust the father because of actions in the opposite direction.

Conclusion.

Thus, based on the above, the following conclusions can be drawn.

In a family, children are not only born, but also raised. The main task of the family is the formation of humanistic, moral principles in the child. Families, due to their characteristics, have this opportunity. It is the family that has such an atmosphere (we are talking about a prosperous family) in which the child develops the ability to pity, sympathize, empathize with another, the ability to “rejoice with, have fun and be sad with” another person, “co-present” with him . This is facilitated by three types of love in the family: marital love, parental love and children's love. Intertwined with each other, these three types of love create a special, child-friendly atmosphere. But the psychological discomfort experienced by the family today, anxiety associated with the future of the family, nervousness due to unsatisfactory family relationships are destroying emotional atmosphere families are deformed family relationships, having a negative impact on the stability of the family and its educational potential.

In junior school age The issue of parenting style is especially acute: children “with low self-esteem, expressed feeling their own isolation and uselessness, low social activity and dissatisfaction in social contacts, they had a negative experience of intra-family relationships: the predominance of “educational” rational influences over a direct emotional attitude, punishment as the main method of control, the lack of a clear educational program"Other studies have shown the impact of various biases in educational process within the family circle on the formation of inadequate relationships with the environment at this age, which contributed to the construction of behavioral patterns that led to the development of a refusal to search both in adolescence and in adulthood.

In addition, based on the above, it can be assumed that a refusal to search, developing against the background of complete well-being, can be formed only when a person has already sufficiently well formed psychological formations such as self-esteem and level of aspirations. On the contrary, while the center social situation The development of a child is an adult, while there is no clearly differentiated attitude towards the phenomena of the external world, refusal to search can only develop according to the type of learned helplessness. Of course, the situation of overprotection, especially in early stages ontogenesis, creates the impression of the development of a state of refusal of search against the background of complete well-being. However, in a situation of overprotection, any need for conscious action or independent decision leads to a feeling of fear, against the background of which a refusal to search for a type of learned helplessness arises.

"Universal or best style education simply does not exist,” writes Douglas Bernstein in his book “Fundamentals of Psychology.” “Thus, the authoritative style that is associated with positive outcomes in European families is not associated with good academic performance among representatives of other races.”

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The family is the primary unit of education. A lot of the child’s future depends on her. What parenting style adults prefer in relation to the baby will determine his future life.

It is important to understand the appropriateness of certain requirements, punishments and rewards. You need to know the pros and cons of the styles used in education. This will help build the most favorable relationship with your child.

Family is the initial stage in a child’s development

The family is the primary unit of society in which the upbringing and development of the child begins. It is so multifaceted that it can either create a healthy personality or destroy it. The child's needs and desires are either encouraged, or a barrier is created that prevents self-realization.

Each family has its own interests and values, and has the unique experience of previous generations. The future character of children depends on what these indicators are. After all, they react very sensitively to the behavior of their parents and internalize it as normal for the whole society. This is where the problems of education arise.

Parents, as the first educators, have the greatest influence on children. Therefore, they also have an advantage over representatives of preschool institutions, which also take part in the development of the child. In a healthy family, favorable contact is established between adults and children. They have the same goals and aspirations. This brings spiritual satisfaction to all its members. Such a family is no stranger to the manifestation of parental love, care and respect from children.

The formation of a child’s personality is influenced by the style of upbringing in the family. Parents can influence their children with the help of reinforcement, when the formation of correct behavior depends on encouraging those actions of their child that seem correct to them. In the second situation, everything is based on imitation. The child copies the behavior of his parents in order to become the same as them, without realizing whether this is right or wrong. And finally, a family in which the main mechanism of education is understanding. Here, parents respect the interests and needs of their baby, respond to his problems, thus raising a communicative and conscious personality.

Does much depend on the style of family education?

The style of raising a child in a family involves the behavior and attitudes of parents towards their children. There are three styles: authoritarian, democratic and liberal. Each of them has its own characteristics and consequences.

In authoritarian upbringing, the child perceives the wishes of the parents as a law for himself. However, adults do not even suspect that they are suppressing children in this way. They demand unquestioning obedience, without explaining the reasons for such instructions. Strict control over a child’s life is not always carried out correctly. The result of such upbringing is isolation and disruption of the child’s communication with his parents. Such children are less independent and lack self-confidence. Only a small part of them conflict with their parents, defending their positions.

Advice for parents

If this situation reminds you of yourself, then you should urgently take action and soften your tight control over your child. You need to stop putting pressure on the baby and give him the opportunity to express himself. Be more supportive of your child's desires, interests and hobbies. If you don’t want your child to grow up to be a withdrawn, fearful and insecure person, work on your parenting style.

Democratic

It is believed that the democratic style is the most favorable in raising the younger generation. Parents not only take care of discipline, but also do not interfere with their children’s independence. In such a family, the child fulfills his responsibilities, but at the same time his rights are not infringed. Parents respect the opinions of their children and therefore consult with them when necessary. Excessive guardianship in such families this is not the case, so children listen to explanations of what can be done and what should not be done. In a democratic style there are no big conflicts.

Another feature of such upbringing is moderation. That is, children do not have excessive aggressiveness, they are capable of becoming leaders, they can control those around them, but they themselves are practically not amenable to manipulation from the outside. They are quite sociable and easily adapt to life in society. However, there are also traits that are found only in a small part of the younger generation in families with a democratic upbringing style. This is sensitivity, the ability to put oneself in another person’s place, and altruism.

Advice for parents

The democratic style presupposes respect for the child’s attitudes and himself. So support friendly relations with the baby, but don’t get carried away, maintain your authority so that in the future the child can rely on you and trust you.

Liberal

The liberal style of education is also called permissive, and, apparently, for good reason. After all, parents in such families practically do not care for their children. There are no prohibitions or restrictions for them. This is not very good because the child may get hit negative impact in the future and even raise a hand against your parents. And such children have practically no values.

Advice for parents

It's not very good when a child is left to his own devices. If you don’t want him to get involved with bad company in the future or be influenced from outside, change your tactics before it’s too late. Introduce some rules and responsibilities that all family members must follow. Spend more time with your child and work with him. Do not allow the child to be without control at all.

Based on the results of upbringing in a family, we can identify children who are self-confident, able to control their own behavior, do not avoid new situations and almost always remain in good mood. It is more difficult for children who avoid communication to establish contacts with peers. They are afraid of new events, try to run away from them, and their mood can be called sad. Refusals from stressful situations can often be observed in immature children. As a rule, they have poor self-control and lack self-confidence.

Thus, in order to raise self-sufficient, self-confident children, you need to be able to correctly combine control and democracy in family education. Both indicators must be optimal. At the same time, you need to accept the child and his interests as they are.

The parenting style is deposited in the child’s psyche as the norm. This happens rather unconsciously, as it begins in preschool age. When a person grows up, he reproduces this style as natural.

To raise children successfully, you need to find something in between styles. Identification and dependence should not be too strong, but their complete absence is unacceptable. Children's behavior is a reflection of family upbringing. Therefore, the child’s further behavior will depend precisely on the experience gained in the family.

A little about types of education

Each family develops a certain system of education. It is based on the relationship between the child and parents. Thus, we can distinguish 4 types of raising children in a family: non-interference, dictate, cooperation and guardianship.

In a family with dictate The child's dignity and autonomy are systematically suppressed. If such decisions are justified, then parents have the right to make certain demands on their children, but only when the situation requires it. However, if parents influence the child, humiliating his pride, they are met with sharp protest. Thus, children become hypocritical, rude, often deceive, and sometimes hate their parents. If this resistance breaks down, then activity, independence, and self-confidence are suppressed.

A family in which the leading type of education is guardianship , protects his children from external difficulties and worries. Parents try to satisfy any needs of the baby. Children, as a rule, are not ready to face reality. It is difficult for them to establish contact with people, their independence is undeveloped, and they are not able to make decisions.

Non-interference is built on the independent existence of parents and children. Thus, two worlds are built, between which a line is drawn, and both sides have no right to step beyond it. In this situation, parents are passive as educators.

Otherwise it will be built cooperation . In such a family there are common goals and values, it can be called a team in another way. The advantage of this type of education is that the child will never grow up to be selfish.

What does this or that type of education lead to?

By adhering to a democratic parenting style, parents can establish a good relationship with their children. Children grow up to be independent, responsible, active, and show initiative. The democratic style allows you to guide the child's behavior flexibly and consistently. The parent's requirements are always explained, and the child's discussion of them is only encouraged. As for power, it is also present, but only in those cases where it is most appropriate. In such families, not only the child’s obedience is valued, but also his independence. There are rules by which parents act, while listening to the child’s opinion, but not based on it.

The remaining parenting styles do not produce very good results. Thus, an authoritarian type of relationship alienates children from their parents and makes them feel insignificant. Children feel unwanted in the family. Unreasonable demands of parents in the first case cause aggressive behavior and protest, and in the second - passivity and apathy. If children are raised in families with a liberal type of relationship, they feel unnecessary. Such parents cannot become a role model for the child, and the resulting gap in upbringing cannot be filled by anyone else. The “I” of such children is very weak.

Despite all the negative aspects, the authoritarian method continues to live and exist in families. This is due, firstly, to experience that is passed on from generation to generation. Such parents remember how difficult it was for them, but still build similar relationships with their children. Secondly, social relations play a role. Thirdly, all the negativity experienced during the day in transport, queues, etc., parents take out on their children. And finally, fourthly, this is an understanding of force as a way to resolve any conflicts.

Authoritarianism towards a child does not meet with any protests, but conflicts can be expected from a teenager. At the same time, parents pay for their old mistakes. It is important to remember that you need to form your personality from an early age, and not wait until adolescence. By this time, the style of the relationship has already taken shape, so it is not possible to replay it.

Dependent behavior as a consequence of parenting styles

Each style of relationship in the family, no matter how positive it was, causes the formation of dependent behavior in the child. One of the forms of such a result of upbringing includes attracting child's attention due to quarrels, aggressive behavior, failure to comply with the will of the parents. It occurs when the mother is engaged in any business, but not with the baby. In another case, it is the daughter's attachment to her father. If the latter leaves home for a long time, this causes aggression in the baby.

The second form of addictive behavior is search for confirmation . It manifests itself in the great demands of parents regarding the child’s achievements. This form is typical for families where the daughter is attached to the father or, conversely, the son to the mother. When children feel jealousy and high demands on the part of the second parent or the absence of such factors, they exhibit dependent behavior.

Another form of addictive behavior is seeking approval . The child directs all his efforts to this. This behavior is typical for girls, whom mothers consider similar to themselves, take little part in caring for them and encourage their dependence. In boys, this phenomenon is observed if he is rarely punished and his antics are tolerated.

The fourth form of addictive behavior is "stay close" . It manifests itself when the child does not know how to behave correctly, if the mother treats him as less mature than he really is, and does not trust the father because of actions in the opposite direction.

And finally touching and holding others child. This behavior manifests itself when parents show low demands and are completely devoid of anxiety for the baby.

How children are raised today

The family influences the development of a person’s personal qualities from his very birth. The characteristics of raising children in a family determine the further development of the child. If adults do not take part in raising a child, they will not be able to become an object of imitation for him. Dominance over children should not be allowed under any circumstances.

More and more often modern parents resort to the help of other people because of their own busyness. Children who are raised by a nanny do not receive the necessary warmth and love. It is allowed to leave the baby with relatives or with someone else for a short period. The child will benefit from a change of environment, and he will also gain new communication experience.

It's worth talking about parental responsibility in modern family. Situations are increasingly being observed where children are left to their own devices. It is also a misconception that parents believe that children receive the necessary education in preschool institution or school. Today, parents limit their responsibilities to checking the diary or attending school meetings.

Parents should not forget about their children. It is important to take part in their lives, know their interests, meet their friends and be curious about where they spend their free time. If you are calm in presenting your demands and avoid violence, the child will definitely listen to you. Raising children in a modern family should be based on mutual respect. Therefore, you need to treat your children as you would treat yourself.

Educational program on the topic

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Parenting styles

In each family, under the influence of various factors, a certain, not always conscious, system of education develops. The most common classification of communication styles between parents and children is their division into the following styles: authoritarian (dictatorship), permissive (non-interference) and democratic (cooperation). Many people add overprotection to this list. Each of these styles has its own characteristics and affects the child’s personal development in different ways. Authoritarian style: Peculiarities Parents who adhere to this style demand high achievements from the child, punish for failures, strictly control, invade the child’s personal space, suppress by force, decide for the child what is best for him, are not interested in the child’s personal opinion, and do not recognize his rights. “As I said, so it will be,” “I’m a parent, so I’m right.” With this style of parenting, the child does not have the opportunity to take initiative, since all issues relating to his life are decided by the parent alone, without his participation. An authoritarian parenting style involves resolving conflicts using the “carrot and stick” method, prohibitions and threats, rather than finding a compromise solution. Consequences During adolescence, parental authority loses its strength and the fear of parents, characteristic of an authoritarian parenting style, disappears. Therefore, in such families at this age a large number of conflicts often arise; children become “uncontrollable”, because all previous means of parental influence lose their power. The characteristic personality traits of a child raised in an authoritarian style may include the following options: Option 1 – development of a weak life position:- loss of self-esteem; - loss of the ability to make decisions, to be responsible for choice; - loss of one’s own desires (“what do I want?”); Option 2 – development of a despotic personality:- hatred of parents; - resolving issues only by force (whoever is stronger is right); - rude, cynical, despotic and boorish behavior and attitude towards others; - increased aggressiveness and conflict. Recommendations - Consider the child’s position, his motives, desires and experiences. Try putting yourself in his shoes for a while! - Try to give instructions in the form of a proposal, not a directive or an order. - Try to speak not dryly and distantly, but in a confidential, emotional tone. - Prohibitions and penalties must be clear to the child, discussed with him in advance and accepted by both parties (parents and child). - Any censure should be addressed not to the child’s personality, but to his specific actions. You cannot say “You are a deceiver!” It is better to formulate the phrase as follows: “I was very unpleasant when I found out that in this situation you told a lie.” - Do not enter the child’s room without knocking or in the absence of the owner. Don't touch his personal belongings. Try to respect your child's personal space, whatever it may be. - Do not eavesdrop on telephone conversations. - It is necessary to leave the teenager the right to choose friends, clothes, music, etc. - Sincerely explain how you feel when you are upset, but do not remember old, long-standing sins, but talk about the current situation. However, never put pressure, physically punish, or humiliate. - Become more tolerant of the shortcomings of teenagers. Notice in your child as often as possible those virtues that are characteristic of their nature. Conniving style: Peculiarities With this style of parenting, the parent creates “freedom”, independence and relaxedness in the child, allows him to do absolutely everything he wants, without imposing any restrictions. The parent does not help or interfere with the teenager, and does not take any part in the development of his personality. A permissive communication style presupposes a tactic of non-interference, the basis of which, in essence, is indifference and disinterest in the child’s problems. The common features of permissive and authoritarian communication styles, despite their apparent opposites, are distant relationships, lack of trust, obvious isolation, aloofness, and demonstrative emphasizing of one’s dominant position. Consequences With a permissive parenting style, the following options for personal development are possible: Option 1 – free, but indifferent:- independence - inability to intimacy and affection; - indifference towards loved ones (“these are not my problems, I don’t care”) - lack of desire to take care of someone, help, support; - little “warmth of soul”. Option 2 – personality “without inhibitions” and “without inhibitions”:- rudeness and permissiveness; - theft, lies, promiscuity; - irresponsibility, inability to “keep one’s words.” Recommendations- Change your communication tactics and attitude towards your child. Try to restore mutual trust and respect. - Establish a system of prohibitions and become involved in the life of a teenager. - Help him participate in the life of the family, clearly outline the child’s functional responsibilities in the family, your requirements and expectations. - Create a family council where many problems of the whole family would be resolved. - Show “warmth” towards your child, emphasize his importance to you and his exclusivity, talk to him and ask for his opinion. - Remember that the child needs your sincere participation in his life! Hyperprotection: Peculiarities In a situation of overprotection, parents try to completely protect the child from all difficulties and fulfill all his wishes. They take great care of the child’s strength so that he does not overexert himself, so they do all the household chores for him, and sometimes more. In contrast to authoritarian and permissive parenting styles, there is emotional closeness with the child. However, it is precisely this closeness in this case that prevents parents from providing the child with freedom for full development and personality formation. In times of crisis, adolescence, the negative consequences of this style of upbringing manifest themselves most clearly. During this period, the child needs to emotionally separate from his parents. In an overprotective family, such separation is impossible or is extremely painful. In adolescence, it is these children who most often “break down” and “revolt” against adults. The form of protest can be different - from cold politeness to active resistance. Consequences With overprotection, the following options for personality development are possible: Option 1 – “domestic despot”:- demandingness and intolerance to the desires of others; - spoiledness and capriciousness, selfishness; - manipulation of others; - arrogance and arrogance; - willfulness. Option 2 – dependent personality:- lack of initiative, helplessness; - gives in to difficulties; - depends on the opinion of parents, is unable to make their own decisions; - have difficulty communicating with peers. Recommendations- Do not give up control, without which it is impossible to raise a person, but reduce guardianship to a minimum. - Do not demand from your child only actions that are correct, from your point of view, accept him for who he is. - Help, but don’t try to solve all the problems for him; - Stimulate communication with peers. - Dose guardianship, dose freedom, dose praise and censure - this is one of the ways out in this situation. - Give your child independence and freedom of choice. He has the right to make mistakes and learn from them. Democratic style : Peculiarities With this style of communication, parents are focused on the child’s personality, his active role in the family, own life. The child is brought up as an independent, original person. Unlike the permissive parenting style, this process is not left to chance, but takes place under the careful and sensitive control of parents. The main characteristics of this style: - mutual acceptance; - mutual orientation. Parents who adhere to this style are characterized by: - ​​an active and positive attitude towards the child; - adequate assessment of its capabilities, successes and failures; - they have a deep understanding of the child, the goals and motives of his behavior; - ability to predict the development of a child’s personality. Consequences With a democratic style of education, the most harmonious and versatile development of the child’s personality occurs. Children raised in such families are characterized by: - ​​The ability to make independent decisions and be responsible for their actions. - Initiative and determination. - Ability to build close and friendly relationships with others. - Ability to negotiate and find compromise solutions. - Having your own opinion and the ability to take into account the opinions of others. Recommendations If you have managed to establish such relationships in your family, share your experience with others! These styles are not always manifested in pure form in the family. Parents in different situations can use different styles education. For example, in a situation of conflict, parents act by diktat, but in “peacetime,” on the contrary, they allow connivance. However, such alternation of styles, such inconsistency, also adversely affects the child. It is necessary to establish a unified parenting style in the family that is understandable to the child, taking into account his needs and capabilities. Dear parents! Remember that your children will someday be parents and they will, in due time, have the same problem with their children that they now have with their parents, that is, with you. It is up to you to teach them the best ways to interact so that they can avoid the same problems that you have in the future. And most importantly, remember that the most important thing for your child is your love and your respect!

And the problems have their roots in childhood. Child psychologists half a century ago began to think seriously about the connection between parental behavior and mental development child. Children can grow up in similar living and financial conditions, in the same environment, but in later life they do not show common behavioral traits. On the contrary, similar human qualities and identical behavioral traits are revealed in people whose childhood was spent in completely different conditions. However, in this contradiction, scientists have established a clear connection between methods and styles in raising a child and his further development.

American psychologist Diana Baumrind in the 60s of the last century she began studying family education styles. Her study involved more than a hundred preschoolers and their parents. Observations led to the discovery of three parenting strategies. These basic patterns of parent-child relationships play a large role in shaping a child's personality: indulgent (liberal), totalitarian (authoritarian), and led by example (authoritative).

In the future, this system of categories Baumrind psychologists added Eleanor Maccoby And John Martin. They developed two basic dimensions, one measuring the level of parental control and demands, and the other based on acceptance and rejection. At the intersection of these dimensions, a new, fourth style appeared - dismissive (indifferent).

It should be taken into account that parental parenting styles may differ within the same family in relation to different children. It depends on the temperament of the offspring, their age, gender, and so on.

Types of family education

Currently, there are four types of family education:

1. Authoritative style

Here, raising a child is based on an atmosphere of warmth, trust, and respect in the family. There is considerable control in this type of strategy, but it is aimed at the separate development of children. Parents encourage the child, show him that they are ready to change the scale of requirements as he develops and matures. The rules in such families are established taking into account the interests and needs of the children. The child is taught to adapt to society, to be flexible, to make decisions independently, but at the same time they are gently guided and in every way show that adults are involved in the life of the child.

Children who grew up in such families are generally more successful, they find it easy to study, they get along well with people, become leaders, enter universities, achieve high results at work, and are less likely than others to succumb to bad influences.

2. Authoritarian style

This parenting strategy is characterized by control over the child against the background of high demands, strict orders and constant prohibitions. At the same time, parents do not bother themselves with giving arguments and commenting on their directives. They simply give orders and expect their strict execution. In such families, children are manageable and obedient. The result of such requirements, according to adults, should be the social adaptation and success of children. In this type of parenting, parents can behave differently. In radical family totalitarianism, adults control all levels and spheres of their children's lives. In a lighter version of the home authoritarian regime, parents do not abuse their power, but expect their children to play according to the established rules.

This style of parenting has quite expected consequences: children from such families, reaching an age at which parental control weakens, demonstrate a decline in academic performance in universities. It is difficult for them to make decisions on their own, it is difficult for them to make choices. As a rule, all this happens against the background of low self-esteem.

3. Liberal style

This style of family education is typical for advanced, modern, undemanding, but responsible parents. In such families there is no strict control over children; independence and freedom of choice are encouraged. Liberal parents easily forgive their children’s misdeeds and try to minimize any conflicts. At the same time, some parents prefer to conduct a dialogue with their children, while others try to reduce contact with the child to a minimum.

In the absence of a directive, such families produce children with average academic performance, without signs of neurosis, with high self-esteem and excellent adaptation skills in society.

4. Indifferent style

With this style of family education, the level of parental involvement in the lives of children is minimal. In such families, there is a lack of warm contact between family members, minimal control, weak protection of the child, indifference and indifference to his needs and interests. Psychologists call this parenting style the most destructive for the child's psyche. Adults in such families are irresponsible and do not make demands on the child.

As you know, indifference is worse than hatred, therefore an indifferent type of education is even more dangerous than an authoritarian-directive one. A child from such a family feels unnecessary, studies worse than his peers, is more likely than others to become dependent on alcohol and drugs, and is more prone to neurosis and depression than others.

Development should not become a heavy duty for a child. Perhaps parents should put aside their egocentrism, take a closer look at their child, give him the right and opportunity to find his own interests and live his life. The best they can give loving mom and dad - independence, which cannot be achieved through coercion. The task of parents is not to force the child into a framework, but to teach him to live and make decisions: to endure defeats steadfastly and wisely, to achieve his goals, to discard unnecessary things and to choose what is interesting and right