According to statistics, psychologists are most often contacted with complaints about a child’s aggressive behavior. Let's look at the details of children's aggressiveness: what kind of behavior is considered aggressive and where does its source come from? Read about what to do if a child is aggressive: reasons for aggressiveness, recommendations for parents, correcting game behavior.

Aggression and age-related crises

What manifestations of a child's behavior indicate an aggressiveness problem?

Observe your child: what manifestations of his behavior indicate the presence of aggressiveness? He is quick-tempered and often gets into fights with peers, can swing at his mother and grandmother (or easily hit them), throws and breaks various objects, screams and threatens, swears, and can offend an animal. All these are signs of aggressiveness. However, this is not yet a reason to label a child “aggressive.”

A character trait like aggressiveness is far from inherent a large number children. Most often, many different reasons can be hidden behind outwardly aggressive behavior.

Aggression, first of all, is a reaction to a specific situation, most often unfavorable for the child. If parents do not pay attention to such situations and cannot adequately perceive them, then outbursts of aggression can become entrenched in the child’s character, turning into a stable trait.

"Advice. Do not take your child’s aggressive behavior as a tragedy. Remember that this behavior most often appears during periods age crises(crisis 3 years, crisis 6-7 years, teenage crisis 13-14 years). This means that it will soon pass.”

Manifestations of aggressiveness are associated with age-related crises

Anger or malice- the basis of aggressive behavior. This is important to understand. When a child shows aggression in any form, ask yourself the question: does he feel anger? This is quite easy to determine: by clenched fists, tense facial expression, clenched teeth.

Aggressiveness of a 2-3 year old child cannot be compared with cruelty, although it may seem to you that the child is behaving cruelly, tearing off the legs of a grasshopper or hitting his mother soft toy on the head. The kid doesn’t yet understand that this is cruel. He still doesn’t really know that such actions can cause pain. You just need to explain to the baby that it hurts. If your baby grabs your hair, tell him “It hurts” and remove his hand. If the baby falls and cries, explain: “You hit yourself, that’s why it hurts. I will help you” and take pity on him.

“When a baby is born, he doesn’t yet know what he can do and what he can’t do. Needed with early years instill social norms and rules of behavior, talk about what not to do. For example, you can’t hit people or animals.”

Aggressiveness of preschool children (4-5 years old) manifests itself in its own way. In a group kindergarten Usually 1-2 pupils demonstrate aggression, and this happens unexpectedly. Some of the children are hit on the head with a wooden block, some are pushed down the stairs, some have their toy castle destroyed. Violence among preschoolers is thoughtless, unintentional, and more spontaneous. Children preschool age They do not yet understand and do not recognize their cruelty, they cannot assess the degree of pain caused.

Junior schoolchildren (6-9 years old) And teenagers (13-15 years old) group aggression is inherent.

The main reasons for aggressive behavior in schoolchildren include:

display of physical superiority
the desire to rise through rudeness, force, humiliation of someone
maintaining personal dignity
revenge for humiliation, insult
student's struggle for high status
emotional instability
low level of self-control
watching scenes of violence and eroticism in films
communication in “bad” company
dysfunctional atmosphere in the family.

Aggressiveness of teenagers may manifest itself if it is not corrected in preschool and primary school age.

Aggressive behavior in adolescents is common

Causes of children's anger

The main causes of children's anger and aggressive behavior:

The child’s family and environment influence the presence of his aggressive tendencies.
A child’s call for help, grief, a feeling of unhappiness.
An innate tendency towards violence and destruction.
Neurological diagnosis (damage to the nervous system).

Children whose causes of aggression are the reasons described above need to be raised more diligently, carefully explaining the consequences of their actions. Sometimes it is impossible to do without the help of a specialist (psychotherapist, psychiatrist), especially for children who exhibit various inappropriate behavior or tend to deliberately cause pain to people and animals. Such manifestations may be symptoms of mental illness (psychopathy, schizophrenia, epilepsy).

Pay attention to factors that increase aggression in children

Remember that may increase aggression and cruelty:

Watching horror films, scenes of violence.
Violent computer games.
Cruel attitude of parents (if parents beat, they are indifferent).
Internal feeling of unhappiness, misunderstanding by relatives and society.

What to do with aggressive behavior?

Respond to aggression to prevent the behavior from becoming a personality trait.

React immediately

If a child has acted improperly, tell him about it immediately, without delay. Take him aside and explain to him the connection between his behavior and the consequences. Tell him that if he misbehaves or bites, then, for example, he will ruin the holiday. Even if you yourself are angry, try not to raise your voice at the child, not to scold him for disobedience, and under no circumstances to hit him. Although these measures will not force him to change rapidly, but thanks to them he will be able to understand that verbal and physical aggression are not always acceptable. Set a good example yourself by pulling yourself together and calmly taking the child aside.

Follow the plan

Always respond to aggressive behavior in the same way. By behaving predictably (“You’re fighting again, so play alone for now”), the little bully will get used to it quickly. He will understand that bad behavior will not add joy to him. And this awareness is the first step towards self-control.

Always discuss

When the child calms down, discuss the incident. It’s better to do this after half an hour or an hour: when he has already come to his senses, but has not yet forgotten about the incident. Let the child explain what caused the outburst of anger (“Kolya, why did you quarrel with Kostya?”). Explain that it is completely normal to get angry sometimes, but that it is not okay to fight. You can teach your child another way to overcome anger: simply leave for a while from the situation or person that brings him dissatisfaction. At this time, it is worth considering your behavior and finding the right way out of the situation.

"Advice. Special tools will help you overcome anger therapeutic tales that we can come up with together.”

Learn to be responsible

Teach your child the rule: broken, broken, scattered - everything must be put in order. If he breaks a toy, help him fix it. If you crumbled cookies or scattered cubes, explain what you need to clean up after yourself. Do not punish, but simply explain to your child the connection between aggressive behavior and its consequences.

"Advice. Teach your child to apologize for his unworthy behavior.”

Notice your child's good behavior

Reward your child with your attention and approval if he behaves well (especially if the child’s behavior was not at all brilliant before).
For example, if a child no longer resolves a conflict on the playground with his fists or gives in to another child to ride on the swing. Say that you are proud of your child and explain why: “You did well - that’s what well-mannered children do.”

FFilter what your child watches on TV

Do not allow your child to watch all TV shows, cartoons and films for a long time. Not all of them are harmless: many of them are filled with fights, screams, scenes of cruelty, and threats. If you saw something similar on the screen with your child, discuss: “It seems to me that this character behaves very decently. Did you see how he hit the puppy? You can’t do that, right?”

Keep track of what computer games your child plays

Neither young children nor teenagers will benefit from computer games filled with scenes of violence, ugly characters, and a dark plot. Offer them other, brighter, interesting virtual developments.

"Advice. If you see that your child is prone to aggression, often behaves differently from other children, and attacks of aggression cannot be calmed down, do not hesitate to contact a specialist - a psychologist, psychotherapist or psychiatrist. If you don’t take action in time, you can expect difficulties in studying, communicating and developing as a person.”

Corrective games

Play therapy– a great way to correct behavior. What games can help an aggressive child?

Game "Toy in the fist"

Let the child close his eyes. Place a toy in his hand. Now let him clench his fist very, very tightly and hold it like that for a while. And then he will open his hand and look at the toy. This game will relieve the child’s stress and switch him to positive emotions.

Game "Bag of Wrath"

Create a so-called “anger bag”. To do this you will need a simple balloon, where you need to pour flour, sand or some kind of fine grain (about half a glass). Tie the resulting bag. Show your child new toy, explaining that the “anger bag” can be used whenever you are angry with someone. It can be thrown, hit against a wall or a table. This is how the child will express his aggressive emotions.

Attentive parents can do a lot to prevent and correct aggressive behavior in children

What is the first thing parents of an aggressive child can do?

Acknowledge his feelings, and also do not hide yours. By doing this, you will teach your child to tell him what he is worried about and what he needs.
Teach to express aggression in acceptable ways (see games).
Create rules of behavior in the family and demand that they follow them.
Ask all family members to raise the child in accordance with the same tactics.
Loving a child, helping him become good.
Demonstrate your own positive example.
Offer your child alternative ways to release energy (sports, active games).
Do not overload your child with activities.

Love, an attentive and patient attitude towards a child, and positive behavior of parents can do miracles - direct the child’s aggression in a different direction, teach him to be kind and self-possessed.

ANGER AND AGGRESSION.

taken from the website of the ANO Psychological Center “Resources”

Outbursts of anger in a 2-3 year old child can be quite strong and literally take his parents by surprise. Most often, the first reaction of parents to these negative feelings will be to prohibit and blame the child for experiencing them.

What is the best way for parents to act? Which position is most justified from the point of view of child psychology?

Almost all caring parents think that a child surrounded by the love and attention of his family, just has no reason to be angry. And this “groundless” anger, in their opinion, makes them think about whether everything is okay with their child: “Maybe it’s our fault? Are you spoiled?" The question naturally arises: “How should we approach this?” Not paying attention - won't this encourage aggression? Explain and punish? But how do you explain such complex things to a baby? And if he doesn’t understand, then why punish him?

In the causes of children's aggression we have to understand, as well as develop the correct onetiku parental behavior . To begin with, we just need to define what we mean by the word “aggression”. First of all aggression will mean ah aggressive actions, committed by a child in relation tocommunication with other people. This could include biting, pinching, scratching, hitting, or other ways of physically hurting them. Aggressive actions can also include a child’s intentional damage to toys and other items in a fit of anger and rage. “Swear words” that a child utters to loved ones - “I’ll kill”, “throw away”, etc. - are manifestations of verbal aggression. The words “anger” or “anger” will actually refer to emotional state child, the negative feelings he experiences.

Well, now let's try to understand what motivates a baby who attacks his beloved mother, grandmother and others with his fists.

What happens to a child by the age of two - the age at which aggression against parents most often begins to manifest itself? The child is growing up: he has learned to control his arms and legs, has mastered his body enough to move independently and explore the world around us, learned with the help simple words express your wishes to your parents. And I realized that to some extent he controls his parents. He cried - mom came up, wet himself - mom changed his clothes, got hungry - mom fed him, etc. As the child develops, he improves his ways of attracting attention to himself, remaining for the time being in the happy delusion that his mother will continue to guess all his desires and satisfy all his needs.

And then one day he is faced with a situation in which mom tells him no. Sooner or later, it becomes difficult for a mother to adapt to the ever-increasing needs of the child. Her refusal to fulfill one or another desire of the child can cause quite intense anger. According to the child’s inner feeling and the previous experience of his life, the mother “has no right” to refuse him. He is used to getting what he wants, and does not understand why it should be different. The child begins to protest and get angry, resorting to simple aggression.

Is this normal? Absolutely normal! Anger is a normal reaction healthy body to an obstacle that prevents you from getting what you want. However, the child does not yet understand what his parents learned well in childhood. We can't always get what we want right away.. Sometimes we have to not only endureto wait, But And make significant efforts for achieving what you want, enduringwith all sorts of inconveniences. Moreover, sometimes, despite everything efforts, we cannot satisfy our desire. And in this regard, we must also learn to cope with negative feelings. It is precisely this experience of humility, of postponing one’s desires “for later” that the child still lacks.

Our public social life is subject to many restrictions and prohibitions that are still unknown to the child. Although for parents these prohibitions have long become the norm and operate automatically. And they expect the same from their child. “How does he not understand, this is impossible!” But he doesn’t understand, or rather, he hasn’t understood yet. A child is not born with the ability “endure” and “wait”, he will need to learn this. And he will study throughout preschool age (and then throughout his life). The task of parents is help him with this, without pandering, but also without rushing him and without judging.

He will also have to learn to restrain his aggression. In addition to the ban on aggressive actions towards others, society has an even stronger ban on aggression towards close people - relatives and family members. Sometimes parents are ready to understand their child’s aggression directed at a stranger, but they are “offended” by him if these actions concern themselves. Sometimes, on the contrary, the mother “will not notice” the child’s aggressive behavior towards her, but will be ashamed if the child starts doing the same thing at a party or on the street in the presence of strangers.

By the way, by expressing anger, a child can cause harm not only to others, but also to himself. A child can direct anger both at those who caused it feelings - that is, on parents, and on “replacingliving" objects - toys, furniture, etc. But sometimes the child directs his anger and rage at... himself. For example, he may start hitting himself, pulling his hair, and even banging his head against the wall. In child psychology there is a special term for this behavior - auto-aggression, or aggression directed at oneself. We will not delve into this topic now; we will only note that auto-aggression receives its development/feeding when other ways of expressing aggression are strictly prohibited. “You are bad, you beat your grandmother,” the parents tell the child. “I’m bad,” the child understands to himself. This means that you need to punish yourself. As we see, the child behaves very “logically”. However, very quickly his parents feel sorry for him. And not in vain, auto-aggression is unsafe for the child’s psyche, and its manifestations should be a signal to parents about his internal troubles.

So, speaking about the attitude of adults to manifestations of children's aggression, we noticed that at the core indignation most often lies behind the idea, the child already has the ability to control chowl anger, which means he hurts them on purpose, “osozNanno." That is why the first thing parents should remind themselves of when faced with a manifestation of aggression on the part of a child is that he really “does not realize what he is doing” and does not control himself sufficientlyexact measure to restrain your aggressive pulse. He does not yet understand that he is committing a bad act, just as he does not understand that you are in pain; the baby may still not understand (not remember from sensations) what pain is in general. That is why it is very important for parents to indicate what is happening - embracerealize that they are in pain and calmly explain to the child, that “you can’t fight or hit people.”This ban and the explanation must be repeated again and again, preventspeaking to the child at the time of implementation aggressive actions- catch his hand raised to strike, dodge bites, etc.. Until the child realizes what is happening and learns to restrain himself of his own free will.

In response to the child’s aggressive action, the mother, as a last resort, can resort to light corporal punishment - a slap on the bottom, squeezing the child’s hand in the forearm, etc. This punishment will be, so to speak, symbolic in nature. Its purpose is to indicate to the child the seriousness of his offense. This remedy should not be abused. It will be effective if used occasionally, when it seems that such punishment is appropriate. Of course, a 2-3 year old child is already able to partially understand his actions, but very often he still cannot slow down his aggression at the moment when he is overcome by a feeling of anger. Although later he realizes what he did and sincerely repents. For example, a child may make comments to toys: “You can’t fight, you can’t offend your mother,” although he himself may continue to swing and hit his mother.

In this case, some mothers begin to get annoyed with the child even more: “How is it - he knows what he shouldn’t do, but still does it. So, on purpose." However, these mothers are simply rushing to conclusions. Such a situation should be treated not as a “pedagogical failure”, but as an intermediate success of its impact. The child’s behavior shows that he has already memorized the rule, knows what is expected of him, but is simply not yet able to fulfill it whenever it is required. While emotions are stronger than him. And that's okay too. Any study takes time. And you need to give this time to both yourself and the child.

Thus, a preliminary conclusion can be drawn. The fact that the child is angry, swears and maybe aggressive - normal. This is not a sign of depravity or improper upbringing. Anger in its own way origin is the same natural feeling as rahappiness or sadness. Anger is also energetically a charged feeling that in many situations helps to fight difficulties, overcome obstaclesactions. Anger may be needed for self-defense, to assert one’s rights. Anger sends a signal to a person that some important need is not being met. That's why The child is faced with the task of not suppress your anger altogether, and learn to express itin a safe way for yourself and others. Ideally, you need to learn not only to express your anger in a civilized manner, but also to reverse this negative energy into constructive actions to overcome obstacles.

By forbidding a child to be angry and angry in general, by imposing a “taboo” on this feeling, parents can do their children a disservice. How does a child feel if his parents shame him for being angry? “I’m bad, there’s something wrong with me.” Because anger occurs naturally over and over again, the child may begin to fear being rejected for having these “wrong” feelings. Thus, in place of anger come guilt and a feeling of one’s own inferiority.

At the same time, anger does not evaporate anywhere, but remains unconscious, suppressed, which is fraught with inappropriate outbursts of anger in situations where a person’s self-control is weakened, for example, during illness. This outburst of “forbidden” anger leaves behind a very severe state of guilt, demoralizing the person even more and depriving him of the strength to fight stress and ill health. Guilt and shame may be even less constructive than anger. And unlike anger they don'tgive a person strength, but, on the contrary, weaken him,causing you to doubt yourself and your capabilities.

To teach a child to control his anger and managing it, it is worth sharing the feeling of anger and aggressive actions committed by the child. When you condemn a child's aggressive actions, you do not condemn him for his feelings. “You have the right to be angry, to be dissatisfied, to declare your disagreement,” you tell him. “But you shouldn’t hurt people and all living beings.”

This way you ban aggressive actions, not feelings. At the same time, it is good if you indicate to your child an “allowed” action that will allow him to get rid of accumulated tension: beat a punching bag (or a special “hitting toy”), have a pillow fight, have a fight with inflatable swords, tear up old newspapers, crush plasticine and etc. Thus, scientifically speaking, you “channel” his anger, which means you control it.

Now a few words about curse words. Parents equally have a negative attitude towards manifestations of both physical and verbal aggression in children. Although from the point of view of child psychology, oddly enough, the expression of verbal aggression is preferable. Because it's a more "civilized" and more "adult" way to be angry. Agree, saying is not doing. This is why parents can initially teach their children to replace their aggressive actions with words. This will be the first step towards coping with your aggression.

It is great if a child learns to recognize his anger when he himself can understand that he is angry now. And he can learn this if you, his parents, first recognize and indicate his anger for him. When you notice that your child is unhappy and angry, you need to tell him about it (without judgment, calmly): “I see that you are angry.” And then the next question-assumption: “Are you angry because... it doesn’t work out / you can’t / I don’t allow you, etc.?”

In other words, you appeal to the child's mind, inviting him to determine the cause of the anger. This is a most valuable lesson for small child: he can UNDERSTAND , maybe not right away , that there is a specific reason for his experiences. Over time, he will be able to determine this reason himself, thereby moving from the expression of emotions to their analysis, which, of course, will allow him to learn to restrain his aggressive impulses. The next step for him will be the ability to enter into a contractual relationship with his mother, that is, to negotiate to get what he wants under certain conditions.

Thus, scheme for teaching a child educationalmanaging your anger looks like this:

1) first you indicate to the child his condition - “you are angry” - and name a possible reason;

gradually the child learns to understand that he is angry and associates his feelings with a specific reason;

at the same time, he learns to express his desires and needs in words and make others understand what he needs: “I want...”, “Now I want you...”, “I don’t want you...” ";

Common mistake parents is to suppress the child’s feelings of anger and impose an absolute ban on any aggressive actions on his part.

Reason This is due to the fear of parents. They are afraid that their child will grow up to be an “asocial type” and will not love his parents. The deeper reason lies in the parents’ inability to manage their own anger, which they were similarly “forbidden” to feel as children.

Parents should not shame and scold their child for his feelings and for the fact that he is not yet able to cope with his aggression. It’s bad if the child concludes: “I’m bad because I’m angry; but since sometimes I can’t help but get angry, I get even angrier, and I’m also angry that I’m forbidden to be angry.” As a result, he does not learn to control his aggression, he only learns to suppress it, which weakens him and deprives him of an important experience - the opportunity to learn to control himself.

Correct Actions parents are to stop the child at the moment of his committing aggressive actions and inform him that you are unpleasant and painful. For example, a mother can physically prevent the infant from “attacking”: removing the nipple from his mouth when he tries to bite, stopping his hand raised for a spanking, And etc. In the future, an older child should be taught to replace his aggressive actions with words, telling him what he is angry about. The child can also be taught other ways of expressing his anger, ways that are safe for him And for others, it is to “channel” their aggression.

If a child is able to recognize his feeling of evility, identify and name the reason, and also talk about this to others, that means he's doing a great job with the difficult task of controlling their negativefeelings, knows how to manage them.

When a baby is born, he seems like a sweet little bundle of joy and kindness. He is not capable of causing harm or pain to anyone. However, over time, it is possible to detect signs of aggression in a child. To answer the question of how to deal with it, you need to identify the reasons why it arose.

The online magazine site is called, which is aimed at causing harm to another person or destroying an object in order to satisfy one’s desires. Destructive behavior is contrary to morality, decency and law. However, it should be understood that the child does not yet know all these rules and laws by which adults live. He still behaves like an instinctive animal that does not even control its body perfectly yet.

Aggression in children is common. We can say that it is a certain norm, especially if there are good reasons for its occurrence. For example, it has been noted that children who are deprived of maternal attention and weaned quite abruptly become suspicious, selfish, cruel and anxious. If a child is brought up in an environment of love and gentleness, then the child does not have such qualities.

The development of aggressiveness is often influenced by health conditions. If a child has chronic illnesses, has psychological abnormalities, or suffers from problems with the functioning of the brain, then he may also have deviations at the level of behavior.

But still, most often, a child’s aggressiveness is the result of the special upbringing of his parents. Thus, aggression occurs in a child if parents react in the wrong way and, as a result, punish him for showing anger. Here two methods become common:

Condescension.
Strictness.

What kind of family do they most often grow up in? aggressive children? Surprisingly, in both cases children with aggressive character traits may appear:

If parents try not to pay any attention to how the child behaves, then over time he begins to believe that such behavior is correct.
If parents punish a child for aggression, constantly forcing him not to show it, then surprisingly the child simply learns to restrain his own in front of his parents, but throw it out on those people who cannot resist him. Aggression does not go away, but simply accumulates and spills out in more convenient situations.

Only by observing the “golden mean” in upbringing can parents help their child cope with his aggression.

What is aggression in children?

People usually react negatively to aggression. Even if a child exhibits it, it still causes negative emotions. What is aggression in children? This is behavior of a negative nature, which is aimed at eliminating what the child is indignant about. Thus, children are often indignant at the behavior of their parents, who force them, command them, prohibit them, etc. It seems that aggression in such a situation is a positive quality, since the child shows it to defend his innocence, freedom and rights. However, there are cases of aggressive behavior in children that cannot be justified by positive motives. For example, killing birds or kittens. Use of physical force against peers. How can this be explained?

Here, too, we are talking about aggression, which is expressed in destructive actions aimed at eliminating some indignation. However, often the “weak” suffer only because the child is not able to take out his aggression on those who really cause it. Often these provocateurs are parents.

Translated from Latin, aggression means “attack”, “attack”. A child exhibits aggression as a result of the upbringing his parents put him through. And often aggression, due to erroneous upbringing, becomes a character trait of the child.

How do children themselves understand their own aggressiveness? This will be interesting for parents to know.

What kind of people aggressive child considers them aggressive? Answers in 50% of cases: “Dad and mom, because they constantly fight and fight.”
What would an aggressive child do if he met an equally aggressive peer? Answers: “I would start to fight: I would dirty it, splash it, beat it.”
Does an aggressive child consider himself aggressive? The answer is no.

It is obvious that children become aggressive only because their parents behave this way. In other words, children copy the behavior of their parents, performing the same actions that their parents would have done in their place.

Aggressive children are not able to adequately evaluate their behavior. Moreover, their range of actions in a normal situation is quite limited. If they perceive something as dangerous, their only reaction is to defend. Fights, insults, damage - all these are methods of defense with which the child previously achieved his goal (defended his rights, freedom and his “I”).

Why does aggression occur in children?

The reasons why aggression occurs in children are:

Problems with brain function, somatic diseases.
Indifferent attitude of parents towards children, towards their successes, status, interests.
Aggressive behavior of the parents themselves, which can manifest itself not only at home, but also among people. In this case, children simply copy the behavior of their parents.
Excessive excitability.
Low intellectual development.
, where a child and his parents or between mom and dad constantly have squabbles, there is a lack of understanding and common interests.
Low self-esteem, the child’s inability to control his emotions and actions.
The child's attachment to one of the parents, while aggressive behavior is manifested towards the second parent.
Passion for violent computer games, observation of aggressive behavior from TV screens.
Lack of skills to build relationships with people.
Inconsistency in raising a child, lack of a uniform upbringing that both parents would apply.

Aggression in a child most often comes from the upbringing that is applied to him, when parents very often punish him or do not pay due attention, so he attracts him to himself with aggressive actions.

How to recognize aggression in children?

Aggression in children can be recognized quite easily. In a team you can find at least one child who will behave appropriately:

Select toys.
Calling names, using rude language.
Attack with fists.

With such behavior they provoke other children to fight. It is difficult for adults and children to understand such a rough, rude, pugnacious child. However, it is precisely such a child who needs understanding, affection and love. Often a child becomes aggressive because his parents do not pay attention to him and do not participate in his life. Then it begins to seem to him that he is not loved, no one needs him, he is rejected.

Aggressive behavior is a lack of self-control skills that parents should instill. Also, the child simply experiences internal contradictions, indignation, and discomfort, which is reflected in destructive behavior. Wanting to find a way to gain the love of his parents, he may stop at aggressive actions, because after committing them, his parents finally pay attention to him. Even if they yell at him, it's still at least some attention he needs.

Often, aggressive behavior is the only way to win your place in the sun. If a child does not know any other way to do this, and has always achieved his goal only through aggressive behavior, then his actions will become his character trait.

Aggression in a child can be identified by the following criteria:

Loss of self-control.
Frequent argument and conflict.
Special irritation of people.
Refusal to follow the rules.
Blaming others for your mistakes.
Angry and refusal to do something.
Vengefulness, envy.
Sensitivity to the slightest manifestations of people around him, which he may perceive as a threat to himself.

Where does a child's aggression come from?

The child is aggressive because he lives in a dysfunctional family, is deprived of what he wants, and tries his behavior on adults.

At 2 years old, the baby can bite. In this way he can dominate the others. This is how he shows his strength. Also, the baby can copy the behavior of the mother, who behaves aggressively herself.

At 3 years old, aggression in children often arises due to toys. They start pushing, pushing, spitting, fighting, throwing things. Here parents need not to beat or separate their children, but to divert their attention to something else.

At 4 years old, the baby becomes less aggressive, but he still does not know how to understand someone else’s point of view. For him, the world is either bad or good. After watching the film, the child cannot distinguish between truth and fiction. This is why parents must explain everything to their child. He needs clear instructions and rules that he can understand.

Children at the age of 5 begin to behave aggressively, in accordance with their gender:

Boys use physical force.
Girls use verbal abuse, threats, and humiliation.

Starting from the age of 6-7 years, children begin to slowly learn self-control. Aggression in at this age may be caused by failures, lack of love and understanding, or abandonment of the baby.

How to deal with aggression in a child?

Aggression in a child should not be condoned or ignored. It needs to be eliminated. To do this, you need to find out the reasons for its occurrence, then eliminate them. If the baby needs parental attention, then it should be given in situations where the child behaves well.

You need to play role-playing games with your baby. This will help you simulate various real-life situations and practice skills on how to control your emotions and behave correctly in a situation of threat or aggression.

It is important to teach a child to throw out his negative emotions in good ways:

Draw your aggression and tear up the drawing.
Beat the pillow.
Switch your attention to something else.

Parents should become role models for how to behave in relationships with other people. You can play sports to burn off excess energy. It is important to communicate with your baby in a friendly manner and spend time with him.

Bottom line

Aggression is a natural reaction in a child who is angry. If parents do nothing to eliminate it, then aggressive behavior will become entrenched, since only in this way will the child be able to throw out his accumulated indignation. If adults are unable to change the child’s behavior, then you should seek help from a child psychologist.

To understand the reasons that cause aggressive behavior in a child, you first need to understand what aggression is. Psychologists say that aggression is not an attitude, not a motive, or even an emotion. Aggression is not a healthy behavior pattern that begins in early childhood. The reasons that provoke the development of an aggressive pattern of behavior in a child have a very real basis, so it is extremely important not only to know about them, but also not to ignore the possible consequences.

We have selected the most common causes of aggression in children, according to experts:

Reason #1 - Rejection by parents

This reason is one of the basic ones, since according to statistics, aggressive patterns of behavior most often manifest themselves in unwanted babies. If a child was born to parents who were consciously or subconsciously unprepared for this, he not only intuitively feels the catch, but also “reads” this information with intonation and gestures. Such a child tries to prove that he is good and has the right to exist. However, it usually does this quite aggressively.

Reason #2 - Hostility

It is very difficult for a child whose parents are hostile towards him. Over time, this baby transfers the attitude of his parents to the world around him, which seems far from friendly to him. If parents allow their negativity to be taken out on the child or blame the child for their own failures, the child not only loses self-confidence, but also develops fears and phobias. Over time, the lack of a sense of security and stability leads to bursts of aggression that are directed at parents.

Reason #3 - Destruction of emotional connections

If a child is forced to live with parents who treat each other with disrespect or hostility, his life becomes a nightmare. It is especially sad when a child not only witnesses family quarrels, but also takes part in dramatic events.

As a result, the child is either in constant tension, suffering from family disputes and an unstable situation in the house, or begins to harden his soul and become a subtle manipulator with a very aggressive pattern of behavior.

Reason No. 4 - Disrespect for the child’s personality

Aggressive behavior can be caused by tactless and incorrect criticism, humiliating and offensive remarks, especially if they were made publicly. Disrespect for the child’s personality, and even more so his humiliation, can cause serious complexes that destroy self-confidence.

Reason #5 - Excessive control

As a rule, excessive control over the child’s behavior is established by parents who have a tough and domineering character. However, in an effort to control every step, mom and dad should not forget that by doing so they suppress the personality and hinder the development of their child. In addition, overprotection causes not so much love as fear and the desire to run away. The end result of such harsh upbringing will be the child’s aggressive behavior directed at others (adults and children). A kind of veiled protest against the “oppression” of the individual, rejection of the situation of subordination, the existing state of affairs, the fight against prohibitions. In an attempt to protect his self, the child chooses an attack as a form of defense, even when he is not in danger.

Reason #6 - Excessive attention

When a child is given a lot of attention in a family, he quickly gets used to it and becomes spoiled. Over time, the parents' desire to please the baby turns against them. If the next wish of such a child is not fulfilled, in response the parents receive an outburst of aggression in the form of a thrown hysteria or “quiet” meanness.

Reason #7 - Lack of attention

The constant busyness of parents also gives rise to aggressive behavior in children. In this case, aggression is used as a way to attract parental attention, even in a negative form. The child feels lonely and defenseless, he is frightened by the indifference of his parents and, as a result, aggressive, inappropriate actions.

Reason #8 - Feeling of fear

It should also be remembered that outbursts of aggression can be caused by the baby’s anxious state and dictated by fear. Quite often, aggressive behavior is a child’s cry for help, behind which there is a real tragedy and genuine grief. As a rule, a frightened person acts and thinks inappropriately to the situation. A frightened child also lets the situation get out of control and ceases to understand who is his enemy and who is his friend.

Sergey Vasilenkov for Women's magazine "Prelest"

The age of seven is a very important milestone in a child’s life. He becomes a schoolboy and expands his social circle. The daily routine changes, new responsibilities and hobbies appear.

It is now that educational activities begin to actively displace gaming, and thinking from visual and figurative becomes verbal and logical.

Voluntary attention and meaningful memory develop. And it is during this period that aggression most often manifests itself in a 7-year-old child. Advice from a psychologist can help you overcome this difficult period comfortably and correctly.

There are several forms of childhood aggression:

Physical – expressed in physical impact on others or in deliberate damage to objects. The child hits, pushes, bites other children, throws or deliberately breaks objects.
Verbal – carried out orally. This includes: insults, threats, shouting, swearing.
Indirect – indirect aggression. These are gossip, complaints, ostentatious hysterics, inciting conflicts among peers, deliberate violation of the rules adopted in the team.

When showing aggression, children chase different goals. For one child, this is a way to achieve a certain goal, to get what he wants. For others, it is a way to protect themselves from an offender or take revenge on him.

Some children, once in new team When they find themselves among strangers, they strive to attract everyone’s attention, and find nothing better than shocking others with their behavior. For some, hostility towards peers is an attempt to gain authority, to feel superior or unique.

Reasons for aggression

Potential aggressors are children of the following categories:

Guys with attention deficit disorder, or in a word, hyperactive. They are overly active, fussy, and unable to concentrate for long periods of time.
. Left-handers differ from right-handers not only in their dominant hand. They have a completely different mindset, they are more vulnerable and touchy. The majority have reduced performance and more often have difficulties in learning.
Children with disorders of the emotional-volitional sphere. These are anxious children, vulnerable, and overly shy.

Some can also make the child aggressive. A child who witnesses scandals between parents, who is subjected to family violence, will most likely also behave hostile towards others.

Lack of attention from family or overprotectiveness can also negatively affect the child’s behavior.

Stimulants of aggression in children

Even such minor troubles in the opinion of adults can seriously upset a child and cause aggressive behavior:

Stresses that a child encounters in society.
Quarrels with friends.
School with its new, sometimes incomprehensible, laws.
First failures in studies.
Unexpected situations on the street, in transport.

Infringement of the child's basic needs, such as:

communication;
movement;
independence.

Cruelty and violence on the TV screen and in computer games, this virtual world so-called “shooters”, where the player’s rating is calculated by the number of hits and shots, very quickly captures the consciousness of a small, impressionable person. And it often spills over into real life.

Sometimes the cause of children’s defiant behavior is not aggression, but a kind of “strength test” that they deliberately arrange for adults.

The energy of these seven-year-old people is in full swing and in order not to turn into destructive force, she must find a peaceful way out.

For hyperactive children you need:

train attention;
maintain a clear schedule of training sessions;
provide physical activity;
praise for good deeds, trying not to pay attention to defiant ones.

Parents and teachers should show love for children in any situation, criticize not the child himself, but his actions. The baby should know and feel that he is loved. This gives him a feeling of confidence and security. For left-handers, you need to properly organize the space. In the classroom, they should sit by the window, at the left desk. They should not be required to write continuously.

Fortunately, there are a great many ways to combat this problem. After all, every little aggressor needs a special, individual approach:

Satisfy the need for movement. Together with your child, choose something interesting for him sports section and visit her regularly. Go out into nature with the whole family more often, ask your child for help with housework.
Be a positive example for children. Behave with restraint and kindness in any situation. Both at home and in society.
Hugging children. Hugs are a great way to relieve negative emotions. In a fit of rage, the baby can neither control his emotions nor listen to the persuasion and comments of adults. And in the arms loved one he will gradually calm down.
Foster independence, but show a willingness to help if necessary. Independent child more confident and resistant to stress. At the same time, he should know that mom and dad are always there and will definitely help if necessary.
Respect the little person's personal space. For a child to feel calm and share his experiences with his parents, he must trust them. Therefore, you need to respect his personal space, keep his secrets, not eavesdrop on conversations, and not read “secret” letters and notebooks that primary schoolchildren love to keep.
Maintain your child’s usual way of life, maintain stability in everything. Children react quite painfully to changes in their usual routine, so it is necessary to warn about these metamorphoses in advance and prepare for them.
Explain how unprofitable such behavior is for the child himself. In a calm environment, you need to discuss inappropriate behavior and its consequences. For example: “Now you forcibly took the ball away from the girl, and now the children will think that you are ill-mannered.”

In this case, parents are required to strictly observe the established boundaries of behavior. The child needs boundaries. In an atmosphere of permissiveness, he becomes nervous and anxious.

Therefore, it is important to clearly define what can be done and what cannot be done. These rules should be stable and not change depending on the situation.

Methods for combating aggression in children

The first step to defeating aggression is the ability to express your emotions in words.

This difficult task cannot be done without the help of adults.

Seeing that the child is losing his temper, you should calmly and kindly explain to him the reasons for his anger, show your sympathy and participation.

For example: “You are angry because you didn’t have time to finish your drawing. But you can finish it at home, and tomorrow you can show us the result.” Over time, children learn to voice their experiences themselves.

To verbally express a problem, there is the “Pebble in a Shoe” technique. The teacher or parent should draw a parallel and explain the rules: “Has a pebble ever fallen into your shoe? Remember this unpleasant feeling when at first it is almost unnoticeable, and then begins to rub and scratch your leg more and more. And if you don’t shake it out right away, you can even rub a callus. And when you take off your shoe, you will be surprised at how small and unnoticeable it is, this unfortunate pebble. So are our experiences.

Even the smallest and most unnoticeable offense will make us angry and hurt until we talk about it.” Children are encouraged to compare all their troubles with a pebble. And to talk about them, use the standard phrase: “I have a pebble in my shoe.” Next, explain what exactly this pebble is: a classmate pushed him, his braid came undone, he didn’t have time to go to the board, etc. In such a playful form, it is much easier to talk about your problems.

Teach your child to express aggression in peaceful ways. There are many anger management techniques:

A “whipping pillow” or “scream bag” that comes to the aid of an angry baby.
Humor can also be a great help. Children will definitely enjoy the game “Name Calling”. The essence of the game is to come up with funny, harmless name-calling for each other. You can use words on the same topic: vegetables, fruits, items of clothing, dishes and others. And perhaps in conflict situation children will want to make the same joke instead of insulting their opponent.

Childhood aggression brings a lot of distress to both the child himself and his loved ones. And it is impossible to cope with it alone. But if there are loving, attentive people close to the child, he will be able to overcome any difficulties.