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As evidenced by our observations and experimental psychological studies, the problems of raising children and the development of mental processes in preschoolers occur within the age norm, and deviations in children's behavior are not due to clinical symptoms. However, the complications and difficulties that every child experiences excite adults (educators and parents) and require increased attention and special pedagogical skills from them.
Each child is unique, therefore, it is necessary to approach him taking into account the influences that education, training and social environment have on him. Adults should understand the true reasons for deviations in the behavior of a child, taking into account his individual and typological characteristics, opportunities and interests, and the style of family education.
Through observation of the child in various situations: how he behaves in new conditions, how he reacts to difficulties during the execution of educational tasks, how he resolves conflicts, educators will be able to identify deviations in children's behavior and correct them.
Undoubtedly, this help will become productive when the model of family relations is known, the various influences that a child experiences from members of his family - people of different sex, age, preferences, which every day, by their actions, intonation, expressions, gestures, facial expressions.
Early emotional experience is critical to developing a healthy personality. If a child preschool age develops according to the established age norms, then the main reason deviation in his behavior is mainly the wrong upbringing in the family.
The lack of a system of value orientations, the inconsistency of family disciplinary requirements, the inability of adults to establish psychological contact with children cause the emergence of such deviations in children's behavior as aggressiveness, withdrawal, passivity, anxiety, uncertainty, tearfulness. It is more difficult for such children to get used to new things; they often conflict with their peers and family members.
Numerous psychological studies of domestic and foreign authors consider the problems of raising children and confirm the great importance of child-parent relations in the development of each personality. As noted by G.S. Kostyuk, an upbringing that is reduced only to external influences (orders, prohibitions, etc.) and ignores internal changes in the thoughts, feelings, needs and aspirations of pupils, is doomed to failure.
The improper upbringing of children in the family gives rise to negative traits of the child, which first arise as situational phenomena and express her opposition to the rude demands of adults, and then become consolidated and turn into stable characterological traits.
Let us consider briefly the main types of inappropriate parenting in relation to a child.
Hypo-care- this is a kind of extremely improperly organized upbringing, which manifests itself in complete lack of control and lack of supervision, interest in children's problems and hobbies. Children feel that adults do not care what they do or what happens to them. Lack of constant parental attention, lack of a regime, insufficient control over the child's behavior often become the reason for acquaintance with an asocial environment.
The absolute opposite of this upbringing - overprotective, which involves overprotectiveness and petty control over every step of the child. A number of constant, prohibitions, when a child does not have the right to his own opinion, decision-making, independence and responsibility, creates the impression that “everything is impossible for him”, and “everything is possible for his peers”. It is clear that under such conditions the child does not have the opportunity to learn from his own mistakes and accumulate personal experience.
Raising a "family idol" manifests itself in overprotectiveness when parents try to satisfy all the whims of their child as much as possible and uncritically. From childhood, the baby grows up in an atmosphere of constant approval, adoration, admiration for him. Such conditions and the corresponding upbringing of the child actually program the child for a crisis situation in the future, the habit of being the best and the first, a high level of claims, on the one hand, and a lack of personal experience, inability to work - on the other hand, can cause hysterical childish behavior.
Raising a child "Cinderella", or emotional neglect, leads the child to a sense of his own uselessness in the family, he is a burden for his parents, without him everyone would be freer. The situation becomes even more complicated if the child has a brother or sister who is treated much better. The constant awareness of oneself as unwanted, unloved becomes the root cause of childhood neurotization of the personality.
The types of wrong parenting are also tough relationships: harsh punishments for minor offenses, "ripping off evil" on the baby. The whole family is in an atmosphere of hostility, an invisible wall has grown between the members, everyone lives on their own, without the help, support, care of others. Even if there are no fights and loud curses in the family, such circumstances affect the further mental development of the preschooler.
In the case of overestimated moral responsibility, mothers and fathers pin great hopes on the future of their child and expect great success from him. Most often, these requirements are a projection of unfulfilled plans and dreams of parents. The child is constantly focused on not upsetting his relatives, justifying their hopes, as a result of which he experiences constant anxiety, tension, fatigue, which also affects the state of his psyche and behavior.
Another reason for disharmonious upbringing is the presence of "competing educators". This is an example of a family where representatives of several generations are at the same time educators. Parents, grandmothers, aunts hold different views on the methods of upbringing, introducing them, they often compete with each other. Such an educational "disorder" can become a source of anxiety for the baby and lead to painful manifestations in his behavior.
Experience shows that parents who apply for psychological help in relation to “problem” or “difficult” children, they themselves suffered from conflicts with close adults in childhood. Now they subconsciously reproduce the "familiar style" of upbringing.
It is important to note that children learn from their parents appropriate ways of behaving by observing their relationships. When the requirements for the rules of behavior and the parental example coincide, then the child will reproduce the parental behavior, and if the parents say one thing and do another, they demand honesty from the baby, but they themselves deceive each other, call for restraint, and they themselves swear and fight. then for the child the situation of personal choice of behavior will be very difficult.
Since parents in the family are fully responsible for the moral and material support of children, their role is very important, especially in the early years. They must ensure the safety of children and be good role models, both psychologically and physically.
Content
Problems of modern parenting faced by parents:
- Parents can let their children do whatever they want. In this case, children may become rebellious and difficult to cope with. These children tend to grow up outgoing and assertive. This is not bad in general, but can lead to mental stress in parents.
- In most families, both parents work and often come home tired. And they cannot pay enough attention to their child, the child may feel deprived and offended. Such upbringing can lead to the fact that the child becomes hostile towards others.
- Some parents strive to make their child better than themselves and are overly strict and punish for the slightest mistakes. In this case, children are afraid of their parents and obey them. However, they become overly dependent on their parents to make any decisions in their own lives.
- In addition to being emotionally dependent on their parents, children can also feel left out if they have financial problems.
- If parents themselves do not cope well with stressful situations, then this can also negatively affect the children, and they can acquire various fears without feeling supported.
Despite these Problems modern education , there are some science-based tips for raising happy and well-bred children.
It is necessary to understand the child. Many parents raise their children by the example of other families, but each child is different and the parenting style that works for one child may not work for another. Therefore, the method of education depends on the individual. For example, children who are not good at coping with their emotions may need to more attention, while a child adapted to the social environment may suffer from excessive control.
It is necessary to joke and play with children, this increases the child's creative skills. Such children find it easier to communicate with people in the future.
It is very important that parents stop looking for excellence in their child or in yourself. Such thinking only increases stress, and decreases confidence in itself. You should try to relieve the pressure so that you and your child can live happier and more peaceful lives.
It is a well-known fact that parents, who constantly express negativity or are rude to children, as a result, get excessive aggression from the child, increasing as they grow older. It is necessary to reduce the amount of anger in the home, this will reduce the chances of serious social problems in the future. A warm, nurturing relationship between mother and father helps reduce behavioral problems in children. By setting a good example, parents help their child create new, healthy family relationships in future.
Don't let parenting affect your marriage. Research shows that parents with marital problems contribute to stress in their children, leading to insomnia and other mental problems.
Children learn everything from their parents, successful upbringing requires an active and constant spiritual, physical, intellectual and emotional presence of parents in the child's life. The more time is spent effectively raising a child, the more likely the child will be happy in the future.
Double standards - mom allows, dad does not, or vice versa.
Often in the family, there are disagreements about raising children. This happens due to the fact that parents have different views on the same situation. Mom, most often having a softer character, permits something, and dad forbids. In such a situation, it is difficult for a child to accept someone's position, because the opinion of each of the parents is equally important to him. This confuses the child, because, due to his age, he himself cannot correctly set priorities.
First of all, parents need to remember that their opinions must coincide. In case of disagreement, it is better to discuss them among themselves, without involving the child in this. Clear boundaries - what can and cannot be clearly defined.
Parents in any case, they must act jointly and in the best interests of the child. Therefore, it is important that parents take the same part in raising a baby. The father, as a rule, performs the functions of a breadwinner in the family and may be out of work, considering his duty fulfilled. Nevertheless, it is necessary to involve him in solving everyday issues and just spending time together.
It is very important not to quarrel in front of the child, since a quarrel that began on the basis of different opinions can easily turn into personalities and the parents' reputation in the eyes of the child will be undermined.
Don't take your anger out on your child. You have to listen to his problems, despite the fact that your own seems to be more important. Ask your child's opinion as often as possible, discuss family problems with him.
Honesty- this is the basis of education. You should not lie to the child, once is enough, when the child realizes that you have deceived him and it will be very difficult to return the trust.
The ability to make decisions and take responsibility for them is an important quality that must be instilled in a child from childhood. You need to listen to the child's opinion, offer him possible options, without imposing your own. Let this be advice, but the decision will be made by him.
Talking in an orderly tone is also not worth it. Praise should be given for a successfully completed business. It is better here not to limit ourselves to the banal “well done”, but to explain in detail what the child has done and how important it is.
Children like, when they are spoken to in an adult way, so you should turn to the child for advice and listen carefully to his opinion.
Raise a child and instill in him the right values not easy. But if parents want to raise a strong and responsible person, they will have to make an effort and have to start with themselves. The child is a blank slate and will repeat exactly what he sees in the very first teachers in life - that is, in you.
Therefore, it is important that parents adhere to the same views in education... Become the closest person you can trust to your child, then it will be easier for you to understand him and negotiate with him. And remember - harmonious family relationships give a great guarantee that your child will also have prosperous family in the future.
Influence on the child.
Consider a few examples of the impact on children. The most negative way to raise a child is diktat... Unfortunately, many parents seek to control their child in everything, not giving them the opportunity to choose and make an independent decision. This is bad for personality development. In adulthood, these children tend to be withdrawn and have many relationship problems.
Hyper-care an adult is able to raise from a child a dependent, infantile person, with an uncertain position in life. It is even dangerous because protecting the baby from the slightest danger, we deprive him of the opportunity to learn how to soberly assess the situation and act at the right time.
Opposite side overprotective- non-interference. When parents are sure that their absence in the child's life gives him the opportunity to be independent, a completely different situation turns out. The child begins to feel unnecessary and abandoned, a feeling of alienation appears. In adulthood, problems arise with loved ones and a person is not able to build relationships.
Bad habits.
If you noticed bad habits from your child, then you must certainly wean him from them. We all know that kids love thumb sucking, nose picking, nail biting and so on, all this is not so scary when the child has one or two habits, but if there are a lot of bad habits, then the parents need to work on it.
First of all, start with yourself, how much time do you devote to children, whether you work with them. When there is discord in the family and frequent quarrels, children feel it and bad habits appear. But do not forget about the problems of the medical field.
Any child's habit can fix and become a reflex so that this does not happen, you do not need to demand too much from the baby and set impossible tasks.
Baby sucking thumb and often he himself does not realize that he is doing this, at this moment the main thing is not to put pressure on him, otherwise you risk only exacerbating the problem.
Most The best way get rid of bad habit in a child- role-playing game. For example, your son bites his nails - offer him a game of manicure and tell him how to properly cut and care for his nails. Be an example for your children, get rid of bad habits yourself and you will see how children will imitate you, bad habits will disappear.
Another important problem in children is child aggression.
It is expressed in the desire to hurt others. Such children can torture animals, tell terrible stories.
It is necessary to understand the reason for this behavior of the child. This is usually a simple curiosity or misunderstanding of the pain of another being. It is important to explain to the child that his actions are causing suffering. If older children behave cruelly in the family, then the younger ones will also imitate them. Your main task is to prevent such situations in time, to teach children to love and take care of each other.
Support your children, remember that your attention is very important to them. Build your child's self-esteem by respecting their actions and decisions. Very often, at the time of an argument, parents make their children feel guilty about it. The child should know that he is loved and valuable no matter what. The main thing is not to overdo it, otherwise you will develop a great the baby's conceit... Praise the child only for real actions, reinforce his confidence in his strength.
If you notice that children have begun to show arrogance towards others, talk to them. Make it clear to the children that they will be treated the same way as they are to others.
If something does not work out for your child, then this is not a reason swear at him, at such a moment you need to encourage the baby and help him cope with the task. Any of your actions should be aimed at establishing trust between you and your children, this will help build a full-fledged relationship.
The most favorable the way of raising a child today is cooperation... How is it expressed? In support of each other the whole family, in common purposes and joint solutions to problems and tasks of a different nature. A child who is brought up in such a family grows up as a self-confident person who is able to make decisions and build his life.
The most important thing in raising children is to establish contact and mutual understanding. To do this, you need to see the personality in the child, respect the choice and decision of your child, value his opinion. Thus, you not only increase the child's self-esteem, but also his self-confidence.
Be an authority for your children, be able to listen and understand the situation. Many children cannot express in words what worries them, the main thing is that the child completely trusts you and then he will turn to you for help or advice. To do this, you need to devote enough time to children, play with them, read and study. joint activities... If there are several children in the family, then it is imperative to build relationships with each child.
Think and reconsider your parenting style, because in most cases when a child does not obey or is capricious, the problem lies in the bias of the parents, it is enough just to hear your children.
If there are no conflicts between parents and the couple shows respect for each other, then children will grow up well adapted to adulthood... However, these functions are problematic for most parents. If you are depressed, then try not to show this to your child, try to solve this problem as soon as possible, perhaps by contacting the services of a psychologist online.
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If children indulge
This type of behavior is quite common among youngsters, especially four-year-olds. If kids fool around too often or at the wrong time, it can cause serious problems.
How to prevent the problem
Give your children plenty of opportunities to pamper, and even encourage them to do so at a designated time. If they are fooling around at this time, tell them that they are doing well, because they are not disturbing anyone, that adults are fun to watch them.
Sometimes offer to indulge yourself, helping the children understand that this is not bad behavior at all if you do not disturb anyone or spoil things.
It may turn out that a child who fools around too much or pretends to be a jester is actually trying to get away from some serious problems in his life.
He hides under a "mask", trying to avoid unbearable stress. The same kind of behavior can develop due to the fact that he sees the attention, admiration of other children and some adults.
Discuss with other family members and caregivers what the child may be hiding behind the mask of a jester, what is trying to drown out such behavior.
If you see that the child is calm and serious, use this opportunity to talk to him about what worries him or her. Invite him to draw a picture that "no one will see but you two."
If the child starts to play around at the wrong time and you need to interrupt his foolishness, firmly address him with the words: “Now it is very important that you stay serious. In 10 minutes we will finish the job, and you can indulge in as much as you want. "
Tantrums
Very young children throw tantrums because they often do not have enough words to express their needs. Dissatisfaction from misunderstanding accumulates and pours out in tears and screams. A preschool child who regularly throws tantrums and does not suffer from language and mental retardation may be under stress. The reasons for this can be many - too high or too low demands of adults, neglect of his needs or severe punishment, discord in the family, physical ailment associated with severe pain, excessive pampering or lack of social skills.
How to prevent the problem
Consider how to provide the children with ample room for feelings and emotions to escape.
Emotional breakdowns will be less if you give the child the opportunity to act according to his own plan and understanding (with your support and supervision), i.e. you will not suppress his initiative and independence.
How to deal with a problem if it already exists
Try not to pay attention to tantrums, just make sure that the problem remains within safety limits. Remember that the purpose of this behavior is to get what you want or to let off steam. In any case, if you pay attention to the tantrum (whether positive or negative), you are encouraging these things to happen more often.
If a child confuses others with his hysterics, then quickly take him aside away from the “spectators”. Calmly tell him, “It so happens that a person gets very angry, and this is normal. But it is not at all normal when this person starts to interfere with everyone else. When you feel that you have calmed down, you can return to us (to the children). "
Ask more experienced people to watch the child with you - perhaps you, without knowing it, are doing something that provokes the child to tantrums.
Discuss possible reasons such behavior with other family members. Together, think about how to solve this problem.
Active children
Activity often annoys adults who want everything around to be "decorous and well-behaved." At the same time, for a child, movement is both a sign and a means of development and growth, i.e. natural need.
For the most part, children want to cope with their problems because they see the reaction of adults who are dissatisfied with their behavior. But this can really be done only by understanding whether this is really a problem, and not the child's natural need for movement, and also by finding out its causes.
How to prevent problems
It is important to help overexcited children feel confident, to teach self-control and self-esteem.
Inform the children in advance about the upcoming business: “Now we will get dressed and go for a walk. We'll be back in about an hour and have lunch. Put on your boots, your jacket and let's go. "
If possible, stick to a daily routine - sleep, eat, walk, at the same time.
Learn to see the positive aspects in the child's activity: he quickly gets involved in the action, quickly performs the work.
Do not offer your child activities that require too long sitting in one place.
How to deal with a problem if it already exists
An overly energetic child needs to be given time and the opportunity to throw out his energy so that it does not harm him or those around him: tumbling on the mattress, crawling under the chairs, squeezing a ball or a power meter in his hand.
To help active child concentrate, take him on your knees, or hold him with one hand on his shoulders, with two hands on his forearms.
As often as possible, when the child is calm, let him know that his overactive behavior is improving: “You see, you have already been able to concentrate for a long time. You must be proud of yourself now. "
Entrust him with things in which he needs to be active - gather everyone to the table, bring the necessary item.
Scattered children
For the most part, children want to cope with their problems because they see the reaction of adults who are dissatisfied with their behavior. But you can really cope with the problem only by finding out its causes. Perhaps the child is hearing impaired, and he simply does not hear your task, or he has poor vision and cannot distinguish what you are asking about at a distance. Eventually, the child can think, dream, or fantasize.
How to prevent problems
Have your child's hearing and vision checked by a specialist doctor.
Ask your child to tell or draw something that he has been thinking about for so long (perhaps he has a huge inner world, and this is a completely different side of the matter).
Try not to make the children's room look too distracting.
Patiently repeat the task several times, gradually increasing the amount of information you give. For example, first: "Ask your grandmother where the box of threads is." Then: "Ask your grandmother where the box of threads is, find it and bring me the black threads."
How to deal with a problem if it already exists
Work with your child one-on-one more often, so it will be easier for him to concentrate.
To ensure that the child is not distracted by anything when he is working at the table, put a low cardboard screen on the table.
Let the child know that their behavior is improving: “You have already been able to concentrate for so long that you have put together the whole puzzle. You must be proud of yourself now. "
Do not overload the child with tasks that require maximum concentration, so as not to get the opposite effect - feelings of resistance, boredom, rejection.
Teach the necessary skills at the moment and in the content when the child is interested. For example, when a child is bathing in the bathroom, count with him how many bottles there are, which one is the highest, which one will hold more water, etc.
If a child clings to you all the time
If the child does not step back, clings to you, clings to you, this may be an indicator of the nervous tension that he is experiencing. This behavior is quite typical if the child just went to kindergarten or was sick, if a baby appeared in the house or if any of his urgent, justified needs were not met. For example, in communication, play, movement, sleep.
How to prevent problems
Offer your child more fun, active practical training... Give him enough freedom to act as he sees fit.
Remove the feeling of insecurity and the fact that from different parts of the room talk to him: "I see you are removing the rings from the pyramid", "You decided to rock the doll."
Try to satisfy the needs of the child: he should have a comfortable place for rest and play, toys should be freely used. If the child wants to nibble on something, put a bowl with pieces of carrot, cabbage, turnip in a prominent place.
How to deal with a problem if it already exists
If you know that your child is going through a difficult period associated with family circumstances, then give him additional attention for some time.
Enter the limiter of your direct contact, for example, set a timer and say: "In two minutes I will go about my business, and you will choose a game for yourself."
Do not push or pull it, this will further exacerbate the feeling of insecurity. Support him, praise him when he plays from a distance: “Good girl, play with dolls. I will iron linen next to you "
Invite friends or peers of the child to visit, invite them different games... Ask your child to teach friends how to play their favorite game.
Provide your child with household chores: cleaning the table, sweeping, pouring water into the cat's bowl.
If the child teases and swears
This problem presents a certain difficulty, because, on the one hand, adults do not want to "let down" the use of swear words, and on the other hand, they know that if you pay too much attention to it, then children will swear even more.
Do not assume that all bad kids get in kindergarten... In reality, all children, without exception, have heard these words at some point and somewhere before, but now they have entered the age when they are interested in experiencing their effect on their own experience. As a rule, there are two typical periods when children fight: from 2.5 to 3.5 years old and from 4 to 5.
How to prevent problems
Talk to your child about the meanings of words that people usually use to express their negative emotions. For example: I don’t like it, I’m angry, I don’t like it, I’m angry, I’m in pain, etc.
When the child expresses his feelings in acceptable words, praise him: "It's just wonderful that you humanly explained to us how you feel."
How to deal with a problem if it already exists
First you need to figure out why he speaks swear words. It may be a desire to attract the attention of an adult or other children. This may be one way of gaining some power over others by putting adults out of patience by hurting children. This can be an automatic reaction to resentment or anger - the child sees that the parents are doing this.
If the child is looking for attention and power, completely ignore his words. If other people, children complain to you about this, say: “I heard and did not pay attention to it. You can do the same. " Do not show any anxiety or anger, as this is what the child wants. After a few minutes, talk to your child calmly about the inappropriate use of these words.
If a child utters swear words automatically or in imitation of adults, intervene instantly, but very calmly. Tell him that these words may offend others.
If the child is naughty and crying too much
This behavior certainly disturbs, and sometimes annoys adults or leads to the fact that the child begins to tease peers.
To change the situation, you need to understand the reasons for this behavior of the child.
How to prevent problems
Make sure that the child is healthy, that no one scares or offends him on the sly.
Offer your child more fun, active, hands-on activities. Give him enough freedom to decide and act as he sees fit.
Remove the feeling of insecurity and insecurity by talking to him from different parts of the room: "I see how you paint", "You decided to clean up the doll room."
Try to satisfy the needs of the child as much as possible: he should have a comfortable place for rest and play, and toys should be freely used. If the child feels the need to constantly chew on something, put a bowl with pieces of carrots, cabbage, beets, turnips in a conspicuous place.
Do not restrict drawing, ask to explain the drawings.
How to deal with a problem if it already exists
If a child of three years and older is naughty, do not react to his tears, but say: "Tell me what is the matter and I will know how to help you."
When the child is calm, tell him: "How nice to see, play, talk to you when you are not crying."
If the child begins to speak in a capricious tone, interrupt him and say: "Speak normally so I can understand what is wrong."
Tell your child that he can cry as much as he wants, but only in a place where he will not bother anyone.
Observe your child, make sure that his behavior is not related to certain times of the day or certain people. For example, a child may cry before bedtime, lunch. If this is the case, be flexible and change your bedtime.
If a child fights
This behavior is much more typical for boys. This is probably due to a whole complex of reasons - male hormones, social behavior patterns, more rough games. Girls more often express their aggression in words, expressions of contempt, “weaning” from themselves. Before you do anything, make sure that this is precisely a manifestation of aggressiveness, and not just a game or inability to explain your desires.
Children see patterns of this behavior on the street, in popular TV shows, and transfer some of the actions into their games.
Many children are not yet able to fully control strong feelings and act impulsively, unable to understand everything. possible consequences their actions.
It is possible and necessary to teach children to act in different ways in different circumstances: where necessary, to be able to defend themselves, where necessary - to get away from a fight.
How to prevent problems
Limit the time you watch action movies and TV shows if you can't exclude them entirely.
Give your child the opportunity for a natural, constructive burst of energy - do not forbid running, cycling and rollerblading as much as possible, building houses out of chairs, etc.
Make a punching bag at home.
How to deal with a problem if it already exists
If children start to fight or fight at the wrong time, tell them: "Now is the time for us to play quietly (get ready for a walk, get ready for dinner), but after that you can fight, just take the mattress."
Agree with your child about some rules of struggle - do not trip, do not kick.
If a child takes toys and things from others, use the method of logical consequences: "If you take a toy from Kostya, what could happen next?"
Help your child understand their behavior. As often as possible, when the child is calm, let him know that his behavior is improving: “You see, you can explain to others what you want without fists, and the children accept your ideas. You must be proud of yourself now. "
Anger and cruelty
Seeing anger and cruelty in children is always very disturbing and unpleasant. We wonder if they will grow up to be adults who commit crimes without paying attention to the pain and suffering of others.
Children who often show anger and cruelty may do so because they feel insecure, unloved. Or too often they see patterns of such behavior around them.
How to prevent problems
Show empathy for the child, make it clear that he is a good, lovable person, but you do not approve of some of his actions.
Accept the child's anger, rage as acceptable feelings, but show other ways of expressing them: “I know you were angry. This is a normal human feeling. If you don’t like what he is doing…, say so in words or choose someone else to play. ” “I understand that you do not like spiders. I don't like them either, and I'm even afraid, but you can't kill them, it's better to step aside, let them run away to their children as soon as possible. "
How to deal with a problem if it already exists
Intervene whenever you see violence and make your child fully aware of the results the behavior has produced. "When you kicked Andrei out of the game, he was very offended, he was hurt by the injustice."
Understand that the abusive child is trying to “lift” himself by bullying others. Help this child see the good in himself that does not depend on comparison with others: “Every person is very important. You can draw so much and love to do it so much that all the children are happy to ask you to help. "
Do not skimp on affection when your child shows good feelings towards others.
Help other children who are violent and violent to stand up for themselves: "I will play with whoever I want", "No one has the right to hurt me."
Shy and withdrawn
This character trait can persist in a person throughout his life and people often talk about it with pain and bitterness. One of the reasons for this phenomenon is low self-esteem. The child thinks that they will laugh at him, that others will not accept him, that he is the worst of all.
How to prevent problems
Make your child feel loved, desired, respected.
Take good care of your child's ideas and statements, even if they are very timid.
As often as possible, pronounce for the child his positive, strong features, so that he still forms a positive image of himself.
Support and encourage the child's initiatives, the desire to do, solve something on their own.
How to deal with a problem if it already exists
You should only intervene when you see that shyness leads to serious problems: it prevents you from making friends, getting involved in games and activities.
Do not "pressure" the child, do not emphasize his peculiarity, respect his need to be a little aloof, but offer tasks that would require the inclusion of other children in the activities.
Start playing or doing an activity with your child, and then invite other children to join you. When the kids are playing, quietly leave.
Be sure to teach your child the right words - how to invite another child to play together.
Whenever a shy child plays with others, note this: “It's great to see you play with everyone.”
Limit the amount of time your child can spend alone, and tell others that they also want to be alone.
Preschool childhood is a big and responsible period mental development child. According to A.N. Leontyev, this is the age of the initial actual folding of the personality. As modern studies show, during the preschool period, not only all mental functions develop intensively in a child, complex types of activity are formed, for example, play, communication with adults and peers, but also a common foundation of cognitive abilities is laid. In the personal sphere, a hierarchical structure of motives and needs, general and differentiated self-esteem, elements of volitional regulation of behavior are formed. Actively assimilated moral forms behavior. Violation of any of the links or mechanisms of the psychological structure of the preschooler's development can decisively affect the entire further course of the child's development.
The main most typical questions of parents' appeal to psychologists.
The most numerous group of visitors to the consultation are children who, as shown by the survey, do not have any deviations from the normal course of development, but at the same time there are certain difficulties associated with their age or individual psychological characteristics. We have come across, for example, complaints from parents about disobedience and stubbornness of children (especially in times of crisis), poor memory, inattention, disorganized behavior, slowness, timidity, restlessness, laziness, “shamelessness”, deceit (for which the so-called “pseudo lie ", Ie, children's fantasy), weakness (or rather, involuntary behavior), etc.
These varied complaints often (although, of course, not always) are based on a common cause: parents' ignorance of age norms of development. The widespread attitude towards the "always obedient" ("comfortable") child or the desire to achieve constant superiority of his child over others lead to an overestimation of the requirements for children.
A certain positive effect in such cases is provided by an explanation of the characteristics of development at the appropriate age. In a number of cases, in order to remove unreasonable anxiety and a tendency to present excessive demands from parents, an objective assessment by the psychologist of the child's development turns out to be sufficient - necessarily with an indication of his strengths and weaknesses.
As already noted, a number of typical complaints from parents arise, in fact, in connection with quite normal ("legal") age-related characteristics of the mental and personal development children. For example, with regard to children of younger and middle preschool age, dissatisfaction with their restlessness, inattention, impulsiveness, “lack of will”, unwillingness to wait, make efforts, show patience, dedication, etc. is often heard. All these complaints are often based on unreasonably high from the point of view of age-related capabilities, requirements for arbitrary management and control over behavior and even mental processes (“remember”, “be attentive”, etc.), non-discrimination of “known” and “actually acting” motives of behavior, etc. At the same For some time, well-founded anxieties can also stand behind such complaints: as you know, with a delay in mental or general mental and personal development (infantilism), the regulatory side of the behavior of the child's activities suffers noticeably.
Among the problems specific to preschool age, we have repeatedly encountered, for example, with unreasonable anxiety of parents about a completely normal given age the child's enthusiasm for play and fantasy. The emergence of such fears, obviously, is influenced by the fact that the cases of preschoolers mastering high forms of development of play activity are now becoming really atypical. There is a noticeable impoverishment of the content of children's games and a decrease in their place in the life of preschoolers (despite the presence of pronounced play motivation) due to the lack of their contacts with older children - carriers of the play subculture, as well as the weak attention of both parents and educators in preschool institutions to this most important side of children's life.
Another "acute point" in the relationship between parents and children of younger preschool age is the manifestation of their independence and initiative, the desire to "do everything in their own way." Of course, due to the general ineptitude of children of this age, such manifestations most often take on an inadequate character and are suppressed by adults. As a result, these essentially normal age characteristics (more precisely, achievements) of the child, being transformed, take the form of whims, disobedience, negativism and other undesirable forms of behavior. At the same time, the positive experience of demonstrating independence and initiative in early and preschool age is of fundamental importance for the entire further development of the child, and timely consultation of parents and the correction of their educational attitudes, interaction skills can serve as a means of preventing significant complications in the development of the child's emotional-volitional sphere in subsequent ages.
Practice shows that incorrect educational attitudes and beliefs are often widespread among parents: underestimation of the importance of personal forms of communication and play activity in the development of a child, the ideals of "unquestioning" obedience, an authoritarian attitude towards children, fears of hereditary transmission of unwanted personality traits of relatives, etc. Modern popular literature prompts parents to think about the need to determine already at preschool age what their child is capable of (meaning a specific specialty or field of knowledge). Timely deliverance of the child's relatives from such educational delusions is an important factor in the prevention of serious complications in the development of his personality.
In preschool age, memory, imagination, and self-awareness of the child are actively formed, including those aspects of them that are associated with the child's ideas about his past. This process, proceeding under normal conditions, as a rule, is hardly noticeable or at least without causing any special difficulties, in cases of atypical conditions of development, for example, in adopted children, it can become the subject of special attention of parents and require the advice of a psychologist.
A special circle of problems arises in connection with such an important, but extremely little developed in developmental psychology issue, as the issue of the early stages of character formation and, in particular, its accentuations. It seems to us that in a number of cases in preschool age it is necessary to take into account the early detection of some features of accentuations in hyperthymic, sensitive, hysterical, unstable and some other types. Preventive capabilities psychological counseling associated with the fact that certain combinations of the type of accentuation of the child with wrong upbringing contribute to psychopathic development. For example, the combination of hysterical accentuation with conniving hyperprotection in upbringing (“family idol”) easily leads to psychopathic development (see: 52]. Children with character accentuation (explicit or hidden), especially acutely need an individual approach in upbringing. when parents do not know and do not take into account the zones of “least resistance.” Corresponding explanations of the psychologist can contribute to the formation of a conscious orientation of parents to the stable characteristics of the character of accentuated children, which is necessary to prevent psychological breakdowns of the child and parents, for their successful mutual adaptation.
An independent group of problems is made up of cases of accelerated mental development of children - general and partial. Consultations for this reason, as a rule, are few in number, nevertheless, each of them poses a special task for the psychologist - to find such types of activities for the child that would ensure the optimal realization of the possibilities of his development. In such cases, it is necessary to explain to the parents the reasons and possible consequences of the accelerated development of the child, to guide them in possible options The "psychological fate" of the abilities discovered in him.
At the same time, children with weakened neuropsychic or somatic health, as a rule, are especially difficult in terms of education. Such unfavorable character traits and behavioral features as increased physical activity, disorganization, anxiety, aggressiveness or, on the contrary, lethargy, timidity, emotional vulnerability, etc., often reach a significant degree in them. For such children, it is advisable to practice repeated or systematic visits to the parental consultation , since upbringing in these cases should be especially flexible to take into account the characteristics of children. Prevention of tendencies towards hypo- and hyper-care is necessary. Otherwise, even relatively small mistakes in upbringing turn into the emergence of new, additional problems, turn the child into "difficult in all respects."
For many parents, raising preschool children is shrouded in constant anxiety, worries, and excessive love. They replace the child's life with their own, thereby leaving him no chance for his own thoughts, feelings and mistakes.
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Upbringing of preschool children, problems of upbringing children.
The upbringing of preschool children (from 2 to 7 years old) requires a special approach. As teenagers, we are confident that we will be the perfect moms and dads. But when we become parents, we begin to realize that we are far from perfect. We are the same people, and we do not have nerves of steel. Of course, we are not immune to making mistakes. The main thing is to correct them in time!
Let's take a closer look at these errors.
The first parental mistake is Hyper-care.
For many parents, raising preschool children is shrouded in constant anxiety, worries, and excessive love. They replace the child's life with their own, thereby leaving him no chance for his own thoughts, feelings and mistakes.
Symbiosis develops, or in other words "interpenetration". The relationship between parent and child becomes very close, crossing all conceivable and inconceivable limits. The overprotective begins to destroy the personal qualities and character of the baby.
Such upbringing of preschool children is based on anxiety and lack of confidence either in themselves or in the child. Parents are afraid of the moment of parting with their child. Their own personality is of no value to them. They believe that their child will always need their care and help.
Children raised in such families usually rebel against total parental care. But, not having the skills to be independent, they hardly make any decisions. Parents did not explain to them that independence is a way to live their lives in an interesting way.
Think - most of your life, a grown child, whether you like it or not, will have to live without your care. Having matured, he will no longer want you to "take him by the handle."
No matter how difficult it is for you, learn to let go of your child. Of course it will be difficult. Start doing it piece by piece. For example, today you assigned him one task, after a while - another. And a month later they were allowed to put the porridge on their own on a plate.
In the upbringing of a preschool child, there must be a share of independence. Try making a list of what child rights and freedoms your child has. Analyze it. Does it really pose some kind of threat to the child.
Try to distract yourself. Take care of your personal hobbies. An interesting lesson will help you forget for a while about overprotection of your child. And the child will take a break from your excessive manifestations of love and care.
The second parenting mistake is "Parental Authority"
Let's talk about the second mistake parents make when raising preschool children - authoritarianism.
The mistake lies in the constant pressure on the child from the parents. They constantly put pressure on him, and demand the unconditional execution of his orders. They are trying to develop iron discipline and obedience in the baby.
One of the favorite expressions of these parents is: "I said!". A step to the right, a step to the left - are considered "escape", and are ruthlessly punished. No opinions other than the parent's are considered.
For such mummies and daddies, only success in any childhood achievements is important. They show love only if the child justified their expectations. If the child does not cope with the task assigned to him, he succumbs to ruthless criticism.
Such a cruel measure of educating preschool children, of course, develops obedience in them. But, at the same time, children become "downtrodden" and unable to show any initiative.
They make losers with a broken personality. They are constantly anxious and suspicious. The only thing they can succeed in is in a similar "terror" in relation to their own children.
When the child reaches adolescence, then it is the parents who begin to face more problems. The child's consciousness inflamed by hormones begins to resist parental authoritarianism.
What if this is your case?
The upbringing of preschool children should not be based solely on such authoritarianism. Think, parents, breaking your child, you develop his obedience not only to you, but also to other, stronger personalities. If you want it to be a "rag" on which to wipe your feet, then go ahead - go for it.
Do you know that children who grew up in such an environment experience deep pleasure in beating up their wives or children. After all, it was you, the parents, who laid it in his head that you can offend the weak.
Such situations can arise when raising boys. As for the girls?
Trying to achieve complete obedience from girls, parents literally "grow" the future victim for the rapists. Only such girls choose despots and tyrants as their husbands. It is about these girls they say "iron lady".
Try to imagine all the actions that you take in relation to own child... Like? If not, then try to hear your child. After all, oddly enough, he has his own opinion and his own "I".
The third parenting mistake is rejecting your own child.
Consider the third mistake parents make when raising preschool children - rejecting a child.
This situation occurs in the following cases: difficult childbirth, divorce after childbirth, etc. The child is associated with something unpleasant and bad. He falls under the category of bullies and boobies. Nothing good is expected from such children. And there is no need to talk about parental affection. The child is simply tolerated.
The scenario for the upbringing of preschool children in this case follows two options.
Emotional rejection.
The child is a hindrance to work, to a new marriage.
The rejection may be of a mild color. But reminders of what sacrifices the parents made for the sake of the child, that he must compensate them for all the inconveniences, always make themselves felt.
Phrases such as “if it were not you, I would have been different” or “study well, I have a lot of problems without you”, form a child's hyperresponsibility combined with frequent nervous breakdowns or neuroses.
Child abuse.
Such upbringing of preschool children is accompanied by constant corporal and moral punishment.
The purpose of such punishments is to humiliate the child, to hurt him. The fate of such kids is not to be envied. It depends on how strong nervous system the child, and the one who surrounds him.
Such children usually seek comfort and affection from kind people who live nearby. Otherwise, they grow up vicious and aggressive towards the whole world.
What if this is your case?
If you actually realized your mistake, and sincerely want to correct it, visit a psychologist. The correction itself, in this case, will not help. Trying to fix things on your own runs the risk of adding guilt to everything else. And this will only aggravate the state of affairs.
The fourth mistake of education is indulgence.
Consider the fourth mistake that parents make when raising preschool children - conniving hyperprotection.
The interests of all family members depend only on their precious child. The consequences of such upbringing are very dire. There is not a single person who could sensibly assess the current situation. Maintain an adequate attitude to everything that happens.
The reason for this parenting behavior is to make up for all their unmet needs on the child. A great desire to give him everything that they did not have themselves. The same mistake is made when a baby is born weak. Parents unconsciously try to protect him from bad things in this way.
Wake up and assess the current situation with sober eyes. Is your child really "special" and superior in all respects to other children? There is no need to create illusions around him that he is the best. In the future, his life will be cruelly broken off.
This approach to parenting preschool children is a surefire way to raise an egoist. And then, do not expect help from such a person.
If you close your eyes once to the fact that your child stole someone else's toy at the age of four, then you will have to cover it in the next years of life. At ten years old for beating up a peer, at seventeen for raping a girl.
Don't sleep, open your eyes. Surely you have situations for which you can criticize your child's behavior. After all, all children have shortcomings, and the task of parents is to identify them, correct them correctly and in time. Surely you have grandmothers who will always caress and take pity on your child - after all, this is their direct responsibility.
The fifth mistake of upbringing - today "it is possible", tomorrow "no".
Consider the fifth mistake that parents make when raising preschool children - the instability of the educational style.
Today, daddy good mood- he allows the child, but the mother, on the contrary, is bad and she forbids. Or he resorts to blackmail: "Here, eat the soup, then yes." It turns out the situation from Krylov's fable: "When there is no agreement - how, musicians, do not sit down ..."
Such upbringing of preschool children is not stable and constantly changing. It can mix in itself all the styles that are applicable in education - authoritarian-liberal, strictly permissive, excessive attention and complete indifference.
Many parents will agree that they are fickle in child education... But they do not know how, or maybe they do not want to adequately assess how strong their instability is. Such emotional instability can confuse any child.
Over time, the kid ceases to understand the boundaries between "ok" and "no". He gets lost and wanders in questions. The child cannot understand whether they really love him or not.
Moms and dads forcefully form in a child such qualities as stubbornness and a lack of perception of parents as authoritative personalities. All of this can be severely reflected in adolescence.
If you don't want this to happen, start negotiating with each other now.
What if this is your case?
Organize a so-called parental council, or meeting, in general, call it what you want. The child, of course, should not be present. Decide once what your child can and cannot do. And try to adhere to agreements and established rules.
The main thing is, before you plunge into the upbringing of preschool children, learn to negotiate with each other. It is impossible to demand something specific from a child if you yourself are inconsistent in your actions. Well, if you cannot find a common compromise, do not hesitate and visit a psychologist.
The sixth mistake of upbringing is "zero" emotions.
Consider the last, sixth mistake that parents make when raising children of preschool age - indifference.
Indifference is when absolutely no feelings are felt for the child. There is no manifestation of anger, and there is no manifestation of love either. Absolutely nothing.
Such an attitude of parents to children leads in the future to catastrophic consequences. Trying to somehow attract attention and parental love, the child begins to try all the ways.
He turns into an angel, and does whatever is asked of him, he is affectionate. If this does not work, the child begins to bully or steal, with the goal of somehow attracting parental attention to himself.
And there is no need in this case to perceive his behavior as antisocial. This is a simple cry for help: "If you do not notice me as good, feel that I am when I am bad."
Without waiting for love and warmth from mom and dad, the child can really get into the groups of anti-social. Many children who live in complete indifference from their parents resort to suicide. They see it as their last chance to get attention.
What if this is your case?
It is unlikely that anyone from a number of this category of parents will read this article. After all, he doesn't care. The article addresses those people who are related to this kind of families - relatives or neighbors, friends.
Take responsibility for the upbringing of preschool children in difficult situations. Give him your warmth and love. After all, any person, especially a baby, needs them so much. The child should feel needed by someone.
Think if you can save this kid's life. No one the right person- This is an excellent prey for drug addicts, as well as various criminal and sectarian personalities.
