Aggressive boy. Advice for parents of aggressive children. Video: Children's anger and aggression. Why do our children become angry?

The aggressive behavior of a five-year-old child is expressed in the fact that he begins to break, destroy objects that come his way, and offends those around him, who often have nothing to do with his offenses. Parents usually cannot find an explanation for such actions of their children. There is always a reason that provokes a child to aggressive behavior. And finding out is the joint task of parents, teachers and psychologists.

An aggressive child at 5 years old may be hysterical or manipulative

If there is such a bully kid in the team, then the well-being of the children's group is jeopardized.

Aggressive behavior of five-year-old children is expressed in the fact that they lose control, argue with elders, and behave rudely and ruthlessly with peers. Such a child will never admit to his mistakes; he will definitely justify himself and shift the blame onto other children.

Traits such as vindictiveness, envy, wariness and suspicion are characteristic of children prone to aggression.

Definition of aggressiveness in children preschool age

If you observe the behavior of five-year-old bullies, you will notice the following signs:

the child constantly tries to bully, push or call other children;
he likes to break or destroy things;
he constantly tries to provoke others, angers teachers, parents or peers in order to receive reciprocal aggression;
he deliberately does not fulfill the demands of adults, for example, does not go to wash his hands, does not tidy up toys, in order to be scolded. Moreover, having received a remark, he may burst into tears so that they begin to feel sorry for him. This is how an aggressive child can “release” internal tension and anxiety.

Aggressive children often start fights

The reasons for a child’s aggressive behavior at this age can be the family situation, temperament, socio-biological reasons, the age component, and even “personal” circumstances. Each child must be dealt with individually. But it is still possible to systematize the reasons.

Discord in the family is one of the serious reasons that causes anger in a 5-year-old child. Frequent quarrels, family proceedings provoke the child’s anger. He projects family relationships onto the environment.

Parental quarrels are the cause of aggressiveness

Indifference on the part of relatives is another reason for a child’s aggressive behavior. Things don't get better in an atmosphere of indifference emotional connection child and parents. At the age of five, children really need this connection.

Lack of respect for the child. As a result, the baby is not confident in himself, begins to develop complexes and assert himself.

As a rule, all these feelings are expressed in the manifestation of anger towards others and oneself.

Excessive control or lack thereof also leads to aggression.

Family reasons for aggression

Personal reasons that cause aggression lie in the instability and instability of the child’s psycho-emotional state. The most common are the following:

Certain situations can trigger children's aggression. For example, a child is overtired, he is overwhelmed by impressions of what he saw or heard, he simply did not sleep well. All this can result in an outburst of anger.

Problems with learning can cause outbursts of aggression

Sometimes certain foods can cause aggression. For example, the level of cholesterol in the blood may decrease, as a result of which aggressiveness will increase (this is an officially proven fact by science).

Or, for example, due to excessive consumption of chocolate, a child may experience outbursts of anger.

Environmental conditions can also cause children to become angry. Loud noise, vibrations, stuffiness, or being in a small space can irritate your child.

The amount of chocolate and aggression in children are interconnected

It has been noticed that children who permanently live in areas of busy highways, near the railway, are much more irritable than those who live in residential areas.

The type of temperament also influences the manifestation of aggression. There is one nuance here - temperament cannot be corrected. But, knowing the signs of each type of temperament, you can correct the child’s behavior.

A melancholic child tends to experience stress from participating in competitions and from various innovations. These conditions make them feel angry, but they express their emotions passively.

There is an opinion that the Internet and computer games contribute to aggression

In phlegmatic people, aggression is also expressed, one might even say calmly. Equilibrium nervous system allows owners of this type of temperament to control themselves. External manifestations of rage are very rare in such children.

Sanguine people tend to be peaceful and are not inclined to show aggression towards other children. A sanguine child is aggressive only when he has exhausted all possibilities for peaceful resolution of issues.

But choleric people are prone to fits of rage from childhood. A child of this psychotype is characterized by extreme imbalance, nervousness and hot temper. More often than not, they take actions first and then think about their actions.

At the age of five, boys show signs of aggression much more often than their peers. It is at this age that children begin to differentiate by gender. The social stereotype that a boy should be stronger, and therefore more militant, than a girl plays an important role.

Reasons for different types of aggressiveness

Social reasons in this age category also matter. Children at the age of 5 are observant; they assimilate the value systems that are accepted in their environment.

So, a child from a family where people are treated according to their status and social status, may be aggressive towards the cleaning lady, but will be restrained towards the teacher. If there is a cult of material wealth in the family, then a child at the age of 5 will take these values for granted and will direct his aggression towards those who earn little, towards those children who do not have expensive toys.

Violence against a child can cause aggression

Forms and purposes of aggression in five-year-old children

Aggression in children aged five can be expressed both physically and verbally. Moreover, aggressive behavior can have either a mental or emotional basis. What is the reason for the aggressiveness of five-year-old children? What do they want to achieve with their bellicose behavior?

And the goals for children can be the following:

expressing your anger and hostility;
an attempt to show one's superiority;
intimidate others;
achieve what you want in any way;
an attempt to overcome any fears.

Aggression against other children is the most common manifestation

Modern psychologists distinguish between 2 options for the manifestation of aggression in children of this age:

This is impulsive aggression, which is committed in a hysterical state, it manifests itself spontaneously and is accompanied by very high emotional stress.
Predatory aggression, which, most often, is planned as a way to get what you want. For example, by deliberately breaking a toy, a child throws an aggressive tantrum in order to be bought another one.

Moreover, psychologists note that children who are more developed at the age of 5 choose the tactics of aggression according to the second option. Whereas, less developed children are more prone to impulsive aggression.

The behavior of children from 4 to 6 years old is characterized by the manifestation of anger towards peers. During this period, children begin to realize that they are part of society, so they have contradictions and grievances, both real and far-fetched. It is these feelings that make the child attack others.

What are the consequences of aggressive behavior?

If a five-year-old bully constantly tries to “bully” his peers, is aggressive towards adults, treats animals with malice, is very sensitive and touchy, then this behavior must be treated with increased attention. All of these symptoms taken together may indicate a predisposition to violent acts.

Parents should closely monitor their child and, if attacks of anger recur periodically, then they should seek help from specialist psychologists. This behavior is truly a problem that needs to be addressed.

Fights in kindergarten- consequences of aggressiveness

What factors can increase the aggressive behavior of a five-year-old child?

Teachers, psychologists and parents should be very careful if

the child has experienced any violence;
he observed violence in the family or among others;
saw violence on television;
there are people in the family who use alcohol or drugs;
if the family is at the stage of ending the marriage;
in a family where there is only a mother, the parents do not have jobs and are not well off;
Firearms are stored in the house.

Parents must teach their child to be patient and be able to manage emotions. The family should limit their baby from the negative effects of the environment. But it is impossible to isolate the baby. Therefore, you need to talk to the baby and teach him to cope with negative emotions.

Hours of watching TV leads to outbursts of uncontrolled aggression

The risk of increasing the level of aggression in 5-year-old children arises if a particular child’s mutual understanding with peers is disrupted, and the child begins to feel isolated. The result is increased aggressiveness. Parents and teachers should help the child get rid of this, try to set the child up positively and change his behavior.
There is another factor that stimulates aggressive behavior - shortcomings in upbringing. It happens that parents simply encourage the child to become embittered towards the world around him.
Depression that occurs in children is also a stimulus for anger.
Of course, deviations are also a factor that stimulates aggression. mental development. These are various conditions bordering on schizophrenia and paranoia.
Autistic and mentally retarded children are also susceptible to aggressive attacks. The behavior of such children can be aggressive due to disappointment, resentment, and inability to cope with emotions.
Destructive disorders can also stimulate aggressive behavior.

In order to cope with the aggressive behavior of a 5-year-old child, you need to find out the cause and stimulating factors of anger.

Parents of those children who are prone to aggression must learn to manage the behavior of their children. Positive contact should be established with the child, and parents should praise him for good behavior.

about the danger of punishment

At the age of 5, a child cannot be physically punished. Such punishment will not stop an aggressive child; on the contrary, the problem will worsen. If children who are prone to aggression are punished, they begin to misbehave more often, but hide their actions.

In this case, the child’s psyche may be shaken, and he will develop a desire for violence. Children with such behavior are classified as high-risk groups. As adults, these children are at risk of developing mental illness.

Psychologists believe that a common problem for parents is children’s quarrels with their sisters and brothers. If a child behaves this way towards his family, then with unfamiliar children, he may simply become uncontrollable.

The task of parents is to teach a 5-year-old child the basics of social behavior and emotion management skills.

One of the options is martial arts classes, where the child learns not only the basics of self-defense, but also learns correct behavior.

Teachers and parents should make it clear to children that all issues can be resolved peacefully, learn to assess the situation and control their emotions.

How to reduce a child's aggressiveness through play activities

“Toy in the fist”: Give the child the task of closing his eyes. Let him take a toy or candy in his hand. Then the baby should firmly grasp this object in his fist. After a few seconds, you need to ask to open the handle. The surprise that the child sees in the palm of his hand will be a pleasant surprise.

“Bag of anger”: You need to have a “bag of anger” at home. The child will “put” his aggressive emotions into this bag. If you take an ordinary ball, but instead of air, fill it with grain or sand, then a container will appear where negative aspects are hidden. This pouch is used to avoid aggression.

“Tuh-tibi-duh.” If the child begins to get angry, then you need to invite him to walk around the room, saying the phrase: “Tuh-tibi-doh.”

Words should be pronounced very actively, with anger. As soon as the baby starts to laugh, you need to stop saying these words.

When you see that the child’s behavior is becoming aggressive, he is irritated, then invite him to draw his feelings or mold them from plasticine or salt dough. While working, ask your child about what he is doing and what feelings he is experiencing. These actions distract from an aggressive mood.

Together with your child, make a small pillow “for anger.” As soon as the child begins to get irritated, ask him not to be nervous, but simply beat the pillow with his hands. The hysteria will gradually fade away.

Playing sports is a way to relieve aggressiveness

Make it clear that fighting and attacking others is not a solution to problems. If he is aggressive and angry, then no one will be friends with him.

So, at 5 years old a child can behave aggressively. Factors that provoke aggression are very difficult to avoid. But parents, with the help of teachers and psychologists, must do everything to ensure that the child is irritated as little as possible.

Children's aggression is not unreasonable. It is imperative to find out why the child’s behavior manifests itself in anger.

Perhaps the reasons are in the family, maybe he himself is prone to such manifestations of anger due to his temperament, or perhaps he is not comfortable in a team.

In any case, parents and teachers must find the reasons for this behavior of a 5-year-old child and help him get rid of excessive aggression.

Source:
Aggressive behavior of a child aged 5 years
aggressive behavior of a 5 year old child
http://detki.guru/psihologiya-rebenka/agressivnoe-povedenie-5-let.html

Sometimes the parents of a child who has started going to school or is just about to enter first grade are faced with the problem of attacks of aggression in their child. How to behave during this age crisis and what to do if he does not obey his parents and teachers?

Aggression in children is a negative reaction to different actions or comments from others. If a child is not brought up correctly, this reaction can develop from a temporary one into a permanent one and become a trait of his character.

The sources of a child’s aggressive behavior can be somatic or brain diseases, as well as miseducation. Another reason for this behavior may be the age crisis.

At this time, children begin to recognize themselves as students, and this is a new role for them. This contributes to the emergence of a new psychological quality in the child - self-esteem.

Watch a video about the causes of crisis in children aged seven and methods for overcoming it:

From now on, this is no longer a small baby, but a real adult who strives to become independent. At 6-7 years old, children lose their natural childishness, so they deliberately begin to make faces and behave unreasonably. The reason for this is that children begin to separate the inner “I” from external behavior. They are aware that their behavior can cause reactions from others. Unnatural behavior shows that this is just a child’s experiment, although because of such experiences of the baby, the parents are very worried and worried. Besides, It becomes difficult to put the child to bed or send him to wash, an unusual reaction appears:

neglect of requests;
thinking about why to do this;
negation;
contradictions and bickering.

During this period, children demonstrably violate parental prohibitions. They criticize any rules that they did not set themselves, and strive to take the position of adults. The existing principles are understood by the child as childish image which needs to be overcome.

There are times when children begin to make various sounds: croaking, mooing, chirping, and the like. This could just be a continuation of their experiments, but this time with sounds and words. If your child does not have speech problems, then there is no reason to worry. If there are any defects or stuttering, you should consult a doctor.

Express your approval of your child’s independent actions, allow him to be autonomous;
Try to become an adviser, not a prohibitor. Support in difficult moments;
Talk to your child about adult topics;
Find out his thoughts on an issue of interest, listen to him, this is much better than criticism;
Let the child express his opinion, and if he is wrong, then gently correct him;
Allow yourself to recognize his views and express agreement - nothing threatens your authority, and your offspring’s self-esteem will be strengthened;
Let your child know that he is valued by you, respected and understood that if he makes a mistake, you will always be there and provide help;
Show your child the possibility of achieving the goal. Praise him for his success;
Try to give answers to all the child’s questions. Even if the questions are repeated, repeat the answer patiently.

Actions that show him that there are other opportunities to attract attention and show strength will help reduce a child’s unstimulated aggression. To look like an adult, you don’t need to assert yourself at the expense of those who are weaker, or use bad words when irritated. The following methods for emotional release are recommended:

Tear into pieces paper that you always need to have with you;
Shout loudly in a special place;
Play sports, run and jump;
Knocking out rugs and pillows will be useful;
Practice hitting the punching bag;
Playing with water helps a lot (contemplation of water and its inhabitants in aquariums, fishing, throwing stones into a pond, etc.)

During attacks of aggression in a child, parents need to be calm and restrained. You need to try to understand how your child feels. The most important thing is to love and understand your baby, give him By more attention and time.

Unconditional love – best way fight against aggression. Moms and dads know their children very well and are able to prevent unexpected outbursts of anger. Physical aggression is easier to curb than verbal aggression. At the moment of a surge of emotions, when the child pouts his lips, squints his eyes or otherwise demonstrates his dissatisfaction, you need to try to redirect his attention to another object, activity, or simply hold him. If the aggression could not be stopped in time, it is necessary to convince the child that this should not be done, it is very bad.

Among other things, at the age of 7 years, children begin to pay attention to their appearance and clothes. They strive to look like adults. For the first time, the child critically evaluates his behavior. During this period, shyness can very easily develop; the child is not always able to adequately evaluate the opinions of others. An incorrect assessment of what is happening can frighten a child and make him afraid of attracting attention. It may be difficult to establish contacts. But sometimes children are just naturally shy.

A shy child is more susceptible; often those around him are unable to understand him. Moms and dads are encouraged to emphasize the good qualities of their children more often. Thus, his self-confidence needs to be nurtured. Under no circumstances should you be angry with your child for his shyness. He may feel somehow flawed, different from the others. This may have a bad effect on the development of his character. As an adult, a person will remember his childhood resentment. A child will not become brave and decisive from constant reproaches, but he is able to withdraw from it.

Here are three easy ways to help your child:

Report how people behave.
Show how people feel.
Don't be negative.

I hope I have explained the essence clearly; if additional explanations are needed, I am ready to answer your questions.

You can find out Dr. Komarovsky’s opinion about the actions of parents by watching the following video.

Source:
Aggression in a 7-year-old child: advice from a psychologist
Everyone knows about the age crisis of 7 years, but not everyone knows how to behave correctly during this period. What to do if he doesn’t listen? Has a 7 year old child developed aggression? You urgently need advice from a psychologist! We will be happy to share information with you about this problem.
http://www.o-krohe.ru/psihologiya/agressiya-u-rebenka-7-let/

Aggression in a child: preventing it from becoming a habit

First of all, it must be said that aggression And aggressiveness- these are different concepts. Aggression is, in other words, active form expressing the emotion of anger is a quick reaction to some kind of negative “stimulus” for the child, which can manifest itself in causing damage to a person or object. Aggressiveness is behavior that has become habitual, one might even say, a personality quality.

Usually a child starts to fight in a situation where he cannot get his way, then different children achieve this in different ways: someone whines, someone throws hysterics, someone, sulking, withdraws, this is how they “punish” adults. And someone tries to defend their desires with their fists.

Until one year of age, the child mainly studies the world around us. In the second year of life, the child's activity increases. Now he is becoming more interested in people. As a rule, the child already begins to walk, and opportunities for research abilities increase. And therefore aggression manifests itself precisely in the sphere of learning communication and mastering the basic rules of behavior.
The manifestation of a child’s aggression at this age is associated with the inconsistency of parents. Teaching rules of behavior “depending on the mood” or connivance, permission to do whatever you want, leads to the fact that the child does not form the basic “don’ts”, and therefore he reacts violently when they “suddenly” appear.
The “self-education” of parents helps a lot with this problem: follow only two rules yourself:

There should be few of these “don’ts” (no more than five main ones, from the category of things that are dangerous to the life and health of the baby)
These “don’ts” must always be followed, regardless of the parents’ mood.

But what to do with the rest of the “cannots”? – Replace them with “maybe.” For example, a child enthusiastically tears book pages, enjoying the sound and his “ability to transform objects” - let old newspaper, and say that THIS CAN be torn.
To achieve the correct response to the word “impossible”, you need a little: patience, agreement between adults (so that it doesn’t happen: what dad prohibits, mom allows). As the child grows up, the “don’ts” are replaced by others, and this will happen less painfully.

At three or four years old, the phenomenon of “transfer” arises, the essence of which is that the child at this age does not dare to openly pour out his anger on his mother and father (primarily because they are adults and enjoy real authority) and suffers anger and aggressiveness to another, much more harmless object.
Children who, growing up, do not learn to suppress their aggressiveness and communicate with others through oral speech, often turn into real brawlers. With the help of fights, children can get the things they want, but this will make them outcasts in the children's company and other children will be afraid of them. To speed up the “growing up aggression” moment (and help protect other children!), you can use tips to help your child break aggressive habits.

What could be the causes of childhood aggression? What to do if a child behaves aggressively?

“He got into a fight!” - the kindergarten teacher exclaims in a dramatic voice. Under barely restrained maternal annoyance, the little man returns home. There, at a family council, his fate will be decided: the fate of a man who committed an unforgivable aggressive act.

Modern society dictates its own rules of the game to us. And what 100 years ago a father would have praised for, today causes parents to panic. What is childhood aggression? Is it worth fighting it? And if so, then how.

Types of aggression in children

According to the most common interpretation, childhood aggression is behavior directed at others or at oneself and associated with causing harm. Depending on how this behavior manifests itself, the following types of aggression are distinguished:

Verbal- the child screams, swears, calls names, verbally abuses. Depending on whether the baby reprimands the person who angered him or complains to a third party who had nothing to do with the conflict, aggression is divided into direct and indirect, respectively.
Physical- here there is causing material harm to the object of anger.

Such aggression can be:

direct- children fight, bite, hit, scratch. The purpose of this behavior is to cause pain to another person;
indirect- the move involves causing harm to the offender’s belongings. A child may tear a book, break a toy, or destroy someone else's sandcastle.
symbolic- constitutes threats to use force. Often this type of aggression develops into direct aggression. For example, a child screams that he will bite you and, if intimidation does not work, he puts it into practice.

No matter how a child’s aggressive behavior manifests itself, it always causes stupor and bewilderment in parents. Where did this come from? What to do about it? Ordinary conversations about how fighting and swearing are bad do not help.

Causes of outbursts of aggression and aggressive behavior in children and adolescents

Family members are especially sensitive to aggression directed at them. Why a child is aggressive with other children can be understood, but at home the child is treated well. So what causes outbreaks of aggression and aggressive behavior in children and adolescents?

The most common group of reasons can be classified as “Problems in the family.” Moreover, these can be both difficulties in the relationship between parents and the child, as well as problems of adults who are not directly related to the baby: divorce, death of a close relative
Children, just like adults, have their own individual characteristics. Therefore, the second group of reasons can be attributed to “Personal characteristics”. The child may be easily excitable, anxious, and irritable. He finds it difficult to control his emotions, so any little thing can make him angry
And the last group can be characterized as “Situational reasons”. Fatigue, poor health, heat, long monotonous pastime, poor quality food. Such things can infuriate not only a child, but also an adult.

Diagnosis of aggression in children

All these factors can intersect and overlap each other. Identify what caused the child’s aggressive behavior in specific case, a qualified psychologist will help. Diagnosis of aggression in children is carried out over several meetings, based on the results of which the specialist analyzes the problem and suggests ways to solve it.

The choice of methods for correcting aggression depends on many factors. But parents need to be prepared for the fact that there is no simple way treatment of aggression. To help a child you will have to work hard, including on yourself

What to pay attention to first of all, what recommendations for parents? aggressive children should be guided? Here a lot depends both on the reasons for such behavior of the child and on his age

Aggression in children aged 2-3 years

During this period there is a crisis of 3 years. Kids are selfish and are not used to sharing. If they disagree with something, they may hit, scream or break something that does not belong to them.

It should be remembered that children do not yet know how to control their emotions, so this behavior is more the norm than a deviation. Do not scold the child, it is better to try to distract him from the object of his bad mood with something.

Being too strict can make the problem worse. Take your child aside, gently tell him that this is not the way to behave and suggest a new activity.

Aggressive preschool children

Most often, aggression in children is due to various reasons occurs precisely in preschool age. At this time, the little man still does not know how to express his emotions and feelings and tries to express them precisely as aggression.

Aggression in children aged 4-5 years

At this age, the child begins to settle into society. He checks and examines how his behavior affects other people, including his parents.

If his actions do not harm others, give him the opportunity to build boundaries for himself. It should be understood that this does not mean permissiveness. You need to make it clear to your child what is possible and what is not. How he can express his anger (words) and how not (physically).

Aggression in children 6-7 years old

Children of older preschool age are not too often aggressive. They have already learned to control themselves, they understand what is good and what is bad. If a child behaves aggressively and cruelly, you should think about the reasons.

Perhaps he lacks independence or finds it difficult to communicate with peers. Now interaction with other children comes first for the baby.

Aggression in schoolchildren

Schoolchildren also do not yet have a fully formed psyche and most often express their feelings towards peers and teachers as aggressive self-defense.

Aggression in children aged 8-9 years

The child is actively growing, expanding his knowledge about the world and himself. Both boys and girls begin to pay attention to the opposite sex. The authority of the adult is questioned.

It is important for parents to understand that the child is no longer a baby. From now on, children demand to be treated as equals. Aggression among schoolchildren is often associated with adults’ rejection of this fact.

Aggression in children aged 10-12 years

Early adolescence prepares parents for the crisis and complexity of adolescence. Already now, the authority of peers is more important for a child than that of the parents. Aggressive outbreaks cannot be avoided now.

It is important not to respond to aggression with aggression and not to enter the slippery slope of confrontation. It is better to try to build a partnership with your child. Spend more time with him, talk about adult topics. Of course, there must be boundaries and limits. After all, you are a parent, not your child’s friend.

In any of these periods, one should understand when aggression is only temporary, situational, and when it threatens to turn into an accentuation of character. If the problem of child aggression in your family is quite acute and you feel that you cannot cope with the situation, do not be afraid to ask for help. Raising aggressive children is not an easy task. And the work of a psychologist will not be superfluous here.

How to relieve aggression in a child? Treatment of aggression in children

There are various techniques to relieve aggression in a child. There is a large number information on this issue.

Video: Children's aggression. How to help a child get rid of it?

You can try to apply all these activities and developments in life. Some of the children do not like to draw, but will be happy to compose a story with fictional characters. Some guys love to build and destroy. And someone simply feels the need to shout, thus releasing their anger.

Aggressive child recommendations for parents

Whatever method you choose, you should understand that this is only a transitional stage for your child.

Games and exercises can help relieve stress, but they are not a panacea.
The child must learn to deal with his emotions constructively, expressing them in words. Having spoken about the true cause of his disorder, he will experience relief and will be able to start looking for solutions to his problem. Agree, when everything inside is bubbling with anger, it’s difficult to find a way out
Perhaps, during classes with your child, you will understand that the problem of childhood aggression lies in yourself, in the parents
It's hard to admit this, but it doesn't mean you're a bad mother or a bad father. This speaks of you as an adult, responsible person. With some effort, you can change the situation. And no matter what your child does, remember, he expects you to love him no matter what.
Confidence in your need and value for the most important people in your life - your parents - can work wonders even with the most notorious hooligans

Video: How to teach a child to manage his emotions and express his feelings?

Games for aggressive children

The life of children, especially younger ones, consists of 90% of games. Through them, the child experiences the world and learns to live in it. Therefore, often, when there are not enough words to explain to a child how to cope with the passions raging within him, you can and should use game situations
Hit each other with pillows, have a “war” with snowballs in winter and water pistols in summer, play darts, cheering loudly with each hit, run races, play sea battle
This will help the child relieve internal tension. Remember the films in which the hero, angry, threw a cake in his opponent’s face, and it all ended with laughter and amicable eating of the remaining sweets

Exercises for aggressive children

In addition to simple games known to everyone since childhood, in interaction with children who are often prone to show aggression, exercises developed by psychologists are used.

Video: Games to reduce children's aggression

Classes with aggressive children

During all the games and exercises mentioned above, it is important to let the child understand that with their help he can cope with his emotions without your direct help
During a quarrel, you can, for example, say: “We are both very angry now, let’s take pillows and fight until we forgive each other.” Thus, you will not only relieve tension, but also show how the conflict can be resolved without casualties
One more important point In any activity with a child, it is important to establish the boundaries of what is permitted: during a pillow fight, it is necessary to stipulate that hitting can only be done with a pillow, without using the legs. If you need to cope with verbal aggression, then you can call them names, but not offensively, for example, with the names of vegetables

Raising aggressive children

Necessary components educational process Children who do not know how to express their emotions constructively are guided by reflection and personal example.

The concept of reflection implies the ability to analyze one’s feelings. When a child screams or hits other children, he does not always understand what is happening to him. It is important to talk to him about this so that he feels your participation and support in a difficult situation for him.

Children learn all the ways they interact with other people primarily in the family. Pay attention to how you and your loved ones deal with anger. Maybe your baby is just copying adults? And before you change his behavior, you need to change yourself?

Video: Children's anger and aggression. Why do our children become evil?

Why is a child aggressive with other children?

It is not uncommon for parents to learn that a child is behaving aggressively from third parties. Complaints from a teacher or educator are puzzling. What is the right thing to do in this situation? What measures should be taken
First of all, you need to take a deep breath and understand the situation. What exactly happened? Under what circumstances? The child shows aggression towards someone in particular or towards all children
It is also important to find out the child’s opinion on this issue. Try asking him. But don't push. Children cannot always talk about their experiences
You should pay attention to what he does in the evening. Did you tear off the doll's head? Talk about what the doll did, whether it was good or bad, and why it needed to be punished. You can draw together and use the drawing to act out a situation that happened during the day

Psychologist's work with aggressive children

If you can’t figure out the reasons for your child’s constant aggressive outbursts on your own, you don’t need to let the situation take its course. In some cases, consultation with a psychologist can be equally useful for both parents and the child.

A specialist will help you understand what is behind this behavior and give recommendations on raising your baby. In some cases, psychotherapy may be necessary correctional work.

Correction of aggression in children

When the word “psychocorrection” is mentioned, many parents have a panic attack: something is wrong with my child, he is not normal, how did it happen, that others will think, suddenly they will think that my child is crazy. But don’t avoid asking for help because of your own fears.

Thanks to the fact that you and your child do not visit a psychologist, the problem will not disappear. Think about what is more important: how you will look in the eyes of others or the health of your baby.

Depending on the type of child problem, correctional work may be:

individual - the child works with a psychologist one on one. More suitable for older teenagers who are not ready for group work
family - when classes with a psychologist are attended by the whole family or one of the family members and the child. This type of activity is ideal for younger children. He is able to teach not only the baby himself to cope with strong emotions, but also help mom and dad correctly understand and respond to their child’s emotional outbursts
group - the child attends classes together with peers. Through play situations and communication, he learns to better understand himself and behave in society in an acceptable way, without humiliating or offending others.

Prevention of aggressive behavior in children

Parents' fears that their child has serious problems are not always justified. Often seemingly insurmountable difficulties turn out to be not so terrible in reality.

Still, it is important to listen to your children and understand what is happening in their lives now. At the right attitude you can easily prevent an aggressive outburst, direct strong emotions in the right direction and reconcile the child with his own feelings, and therefore with the whole world!

Video: How to extinguish aggression in a child (S.A. Amonashvili)

Sometimes the parents of a child who has started going to school or is just about to enter first grade are faced with the problem of attacks of aggression in their child. How to behave in this age crisis and what to do if he does not listen to his parents and teachers?

Reasons

Aggression in children is a negative reaction to various actions or comments of others. If a child is not brought up correctly, this reaction can develop from a temporary one into a permanent one and become a trait of his character.

The sources of a child’s aggressive behavior can be somatic or brain diseases, as well as improper upbringing. Another reason for this behavior may be the age crisis.

At this time, children begin to recognize themselves as students, and this is a new role for them. This contributes to the emergence of a new psychological quality in the child - self-esteem.

Watch a video about the causes of crisis in children aged seven and methods for overcoming it.

Why doesn't he listen?

neglect of requests;
thinking about why to do this;
negation;
contradictions and bickering.

Why does a baby make croaking sounds?

Express your approval of your child’s independent actions, allow him to be autonomous.
Try to become an adviser, not a prohibitor. Support in difficult moments.
Talk to your child about adult topics.
Find out his thoughts on an issue of interest, listen to him, this is much better than criticism.
Let your child express his opinion, and if he is wrong, then gently correct him.
Allow yourself to acknowledge his views and express agreement - your authority will not be threatened, and your offspring’s self-esteem will be strengthened.
Let your child know that he is valued by you, respected and understood that if he makes a mistake, you will always be there and provide help;
Show your child the possibility of achieving the goal. Praise him for his success.
Try to give answers to all the child’s questions. Even if the questions are repeated, repeat the answer patiently.

Classes for children 6-7 years old

Actions that show the child that there are other opportunities to get attention and show strength will help reduce a child's unstimulated aggression. To look like an adult, you don’t need to assert yourself at the expense of those who are weaker, or use bad words when irritated. The following methods for emotional release are recommended:

tear into pieces paper that you always need to have with you;
shout loudly in a special place;
play sports, run and jump;
knocking out rugs and pillows will be useful;
practice hitting the punching bag;
Playing with water helps a lot (contemplation of water and its inhabitants in aquariums, fishing, throwing stones into a pond, etc.)

How to find a common language?

During attacks of aggression in a child, parents need to be calm and restrained. You need to try to understand how your child feels. The most important thing is to love and understand your baby, give him more attention and time.

Unconditional love is the best way to combat aggression. Moms and dads know their children very well and are able to prevent unexpected outbursts of anger. Physical aggression is easier to curb than verbal aggression. At the moment of a surge of emotions, when the child pouts his lips, squints his eyes or otherwise demonstrates his dissatisfaction, you need to try to redirect his attention to another object, activity, or simply hold him. If the aggression could not be stopped in time, it is necessary to convince the child that this should not be done, it is very bad.

How to deal with shyness?

How can I help?

A shy child is more receptive; often those around him are unable to understand him. Moms and dads are encouraged to emphasize the good qualities of their children more often. In this way, you need to cultivate his self-confidence. Under no circumstances should you be angry with your child for his shyness. He may feel somehow flawed, different from the others. This may have a bad effect on the development of his character. As an adult, a person will remember his childhood resentment. A child will not become brave and decisive from constant reproaches, but he is able to withdraw from it.

A baby is always associated with a friendly little one who willingly makes contact with others. Imagine the surprise of parents when their child receives numerous complaints, and one fine day mom and dad see the child’s aggression towards other children. Why are such colossal changes happening?

Aggression in children requires mandatory correction

Definition of aggressiveness in children

Aggression is destructive behavior directed at other people, which brings physical and mental suffering. Not only the surrounding parents suffer from this condition, but also the child himself; the environment is rejected from him, the baby begins to feel resentment. Negative emotions grow like a snowball, misunderstanding of others gives rise to new attacks of aggressive behavior.

Types of aggression in children

It has been noted that aggression is activated when a child joins a children's group. When he was with his family with his mom and dad, he was the center of attention. In kindergarten there is one teacher and at least twenty people like him.

In case of aggressive behavior, diseases of the nervous system should be excluded. In the total number of cases of aggressive behavior, these reasons occupy a small percentage. The difficulty is that it is impossible to work with such children without a comprehensive examination and drug treatment.

Why is early education important?

In other cases, most problems can be solved with the help of education. The process of interaction with the child must begin from the first meeting. It has been proven that a child remembers treatment from his parents from the first days of life. When a child has his own children, he copies the behavior of his parents.

Aggression can appear in early childhood

It has been noticed why children who were fed little breast milk, often aggressive. In the developmental history of an aggressive child, early weaning occurs.

Close contact with the mother gives the child a feeling of security and tenderness, which the child carries through all childhood years.

Under one year of age - an aggressive child, what should I do?

Many adults consider aggression to be an innate quality, because many children often cry and throw hysterics. But such a reaction of a newborn is nothing more than the ability to express his emotions. With a cry, the baby expresses various emotions and needs.

Parental aggression is passed on to children

From the age of one year, the child begins to show strong emotions. The baby masters sitting, crawling, walking, and speaks his first words. If the child does not get what he wants, he expresses his dissatisfaction with a wave of protest. If a child tries to get this from an adult, then anger may arise towards him, the child may hit him painfully, pinch him, or throw a tantrum. At this moment, older relatives try to divert the child’s attention, at first they succeed.

Why can’t you limit a child’s desires and aspirations?

It is necessary to prepare a safe space for the baby where he can exercise. For example, a child likes to get things from a shelf in a chest of drawers. For its safety, you can close all the other shelves, and put soft things without dangerous fittings on the lowest one. This way the baby will fulfill his wish and remain safe.

A child’s protest and dissatisfaction is not yet true aggression; problems may arise later. Important with early years do not shake the child’s psyche and do not kill his desire to understand the world.

Children between 2 and 3 years old

Each child develops individually, there is no specific development for this age. Your child may approach this crisis stage six months late or, conversely, earlier. It is necessary to clearly monitor the signs of aggression in the child’s behavior.

From this moment on, the child distinguishes himself from other people, his personality is formed. The baby begins to say: “I myself, mine, give me!” The child shows independence and tries to do all the actions alone. You cannot suppress the child’s wishes; in this case, you will encounter resistance and misunderstanding.

Aggression can manifest itself towards things, parents, to strangers

Resentment may begin due to a minor event. An aggressive child reaches out for a toy, fails to grab it, at first there is a loud cry, all attempts to calm the child are met with irreconcilable resistance.

Why does a child react to words with aggression?

Attacks of aggression can be caused not only in response to actions, but also to words. The beginnings of this condition can be observed when the baby has a poor vocabulary. When trying to explain his desires and aspirations, he encounters misunderstanding and laughter. It is very important to treat any verbal expression of feelings by a child with understanding, otherwise the child will develop anger and resentment.

Aggression can manifest itself verbally, in actions and in hysterics

Children from 4 years to school age

As the baby grows and develops, his speech and sense of control over his emotions and actions improve. By this age, children skillfully begin to control their actions, as a rule, they fight less often, although some children continue to sort things out with physical force. Although some continue to take away toys, fight and bite their peers.

Aggression among schoolchildren is often directed at peers

By the age of 4-5 years, children begin to engage in active debate. They try to humiliate the dignity of the child they don’t like with words, they start calling them names and swearing. Why can you hear obscene language from the mouth of a little man? The child usually absorbs this behavior from family communication. It is very important not to sort things out in front of the child.

If your child is noticed in this type of aggression, you should have a serious conversation with him and change relationships in the family. The best example is your own friendly attitude. Tell your child not to humiliate the dignity of other children.

A child’s aggressive behavior indicates an excess of emotions and energy. Perhaps it makes sense to place your child in a section or circle where he will be physically and emotionally involved. Exercises based on competition, martial arts, competitions are very useful in this regard.

Teenager and aggression

Why is it difficult to work with this age group?

The most tragic stage in the development of aggression is at the age of 11-14 years, if it is easier to work with the child, there will be a greater positive response. In the case of aggression in a grown-up offspring, everything is much more complicated. The roots of the problem are still in the family. Many parents are very busy people, they don’t have enough time to sit down and just talk with their child, all communication is limited to stock phrases.

Coping with teenage aggression is not easy; consultation with a psychologist is needed. A detailed conversation is needed about the importance of your work, the child is not working yet, the standard of living of all family members directly depends on your employment.

The struggle ahead is not easy, but you need to try and believe in success. There are no hopeless situations; if you don’t know what to do, look for the experience of other people and specialists.

Causes of childhood aggression:

The harmful influence of human society. A person cannot exist in isolation from society. However, the people with whom we and our children interact are not always filled with kindness and positivity. Due to age and lack of experience, a child is easily misled.

The cause of aggression is the attitude towards the child

Problems in communication in the family from childhood. Often the cause of a child’s aggression lies in discord in the family. Aggressive children often copy the behavior of adult family members. Some parents sort things out in front of their children, which can lead to swearing and fighting. You need to learn to control your emotions and teach your child this. In human society there are many ways to solve problems, aggression is neither physical nor psychological form not welcome.

Discomfort in society is one of the reasons for aggression

Media. This source of example for behavior haunts the child constantly. This is how aggressive children gradually turn into teenagers. There are many scenes of violence, swearing, and fights streaming from TV screens. A child from an early age is not protected from exposure in any way. If there was an adult between the child and the computer, TV, but parents always have no time. They leave communication with their beloved child for later. This is how a middle-aged child learns lessons from the media as truisms. Today, even children's cartoons have changed priorities. Good cartoons that teach basic truths are already in fashion. Today, young people rely on vivacity and audacity. This method of resolving conflicts does not lead to any good.

Punish your child if he really deserves it. All misdeeds should not remain without your assessment, the child should not feel impunity. If the child has shown himself on the positive side, then do not ignore it, your love and care will resonate.

What to do with aggressive child

What mistakes should not be made when dealing with childhood aggression?

Get a pet. Children who hate the world may become attached to a puppy or kitten. Through this communication it will be easier to reach the child’s heart.

Many parents, trying to eradicate any hint of the existence of aggression in their child, most often deal with superficial symptoms and ignore the root of the problem. As a result, the situation worsens even more.

Causes of childhood aggression

Often aggression is a consequence of frustration when one or another need of the child is not satisfied. A child who experiences hunger, lack of sleep, poor health, feels less loved, less desired, perhaps rejected by his parents/peers - may become aggressive, which will result in an attempt to cause physical or mental harm to himself or others.

Many parents are quite clear about what “conditions suitable for the upbringing and development of a child” are: the child must be fed on time, clothed, shod, provided with clubs/teachers, etc. Such a concept as “lack of parental love and care” is puzzling.

Meanwhile, many children experience a lack of love in the family due to the parent's inattention to the wishes of the child himself, as well as due to numerous quarrels between parents, divorce, illness or death of one of the parents, and due to physical and/or psychological abuse.

The child, in pursuit of parental love, uses physical force in relation to younger and weaker brothers and sisters, or exerts force on them psychological pressure in order to assert oneself. Later, he will learn to apply the new skills he has acquired among his peers.

How does childhood aggression manifest itself at different ages?

The founders of psychoanalysis, Sigmund Freud, Melanie Klein and others wrote that aggression is an innate instinct. An example of this can be seen when children, out of an excess of love, begin to beat their mother. It is important to stop this behavior and explain it with the words “Mom is hurt.”

Over time, in the process of upbringing, the child learns to cope with internal aggression using psychological defense mechanisms, such as sublimation, expressing his aggression on paper, or projection, transferring internal aggression to others and perceiving them as aggressive people, etc. Or it can transform aggression into constructive activity.

So, in an attempt to avoid aggression, your child suddenly begins to actively clean the house, selflessly learn a new piece of music. musical instrument, play sports, etc.

In early childhood, aggressive behavior is considered normal, but with age it becomes unacceptable. The child must learn to express his feelings in words, and young aggressors become professionals in the epistolary genre. Physical aggression smoothly transforms into psychological attacks. Already from the age of 10, a frequent form of aggression in schools towards a child is boycott.

Types of childhood aggression

There is an open manifestation of aggression - when your child expresses his protest with screams or fists. Children and adolescents who do not know how to openly conflict and express their disagreement and dissatisfaction, conflict in a hidden form and often their aggression leads to self-destruction.

An example of such hidden aggression in younger age, there may be problematic behavior with peers: a desire to subjugate another, inability to come to a common decision, reluctance to study, do homework, encopresis (fecal incontinence), casual phrases about an unwillingness to live, abdominal/head pain (although tests carried out in the clinic show that the child is healthy).

IN adolescence, hidden aggression manifests itself in the fact that a guy or girl finds it difficult to build healthy relationships with peers, experiences bouts of jealousy, and is unable to respect the desires and decisions of another person.

Trying to cope with internal tension, a teenager may begin to use not entirely healthy methods of coping in an attempt to “forget.” Alcohol, drugs, early sexual activity, cuts on parts of the body, anorexia are used. Disappointment, resentment and dissatisfaction not spoken out loud can lead to the development of depression.

Does a certain parenting style influence children's aggression?

Over the course of many years of working as a family psychotherapist, I noticed that parents, through their upbringing, shape not only the behavior and worldview of their children, but also program their future.

I remember a joke:

In Dr. Freud's office.
- Doctor, my son is just some kind of sadist: he kicks animals, frameskicks the elderly, tears off the wings of butterflies and laughs!
- How old is he? - 4 years.
- In that case, there’s nothing to worry about, it will pass soon,

and he will grow up to be a kind and polite person.
- Doctor, you calmed me down, thank you very much.
- You're welcome, Frau Hitler...

IN different families are used different styles education. Some parents set too strict boundaries, they do not know how to communicate with the child, and the goal of education is complete control and obedience. Trying to be a good boy or a good girl at home, the child is forced to express all his dissatisfaction in the kindergarten or at school, often in an aggressive form.

There are parents, on the contrary, who are overly sensitive to their children, often listen to them, and are afraid of offending the child’s feelings, so as not to injure them, God forbid.

Over time, it becomes increasingly difficult for such parents to set boundaries in their upbringing and limit their child. The inability of such parents to build boundaries and permissiveness lead to the child feeling stronger than his own parents, that he can do anything, and begins to show aggression towards his parent/brothers/sisters and towards peers.

In families with two or more children, parents can probably remember that having given birth to a younger one, they do not always have the strength and time to care for the older one. But, if parents systematically ignore and do not notice the older child, then he begins to feel “transparent” (children’s statement). And in order not to experience this heavy internal tension, the child’s behavior becomes impulsive, aggressive, with frequent mood swings. Thus, according to the children, “THEY ARE SEEN.”

The correct parenting strategy is that parents openly show love with words, gestures, affection, are interested in the lives of their children, are sensitive, notice if something happens to the child and try to console him. These parents control their children, but also know how to trust. A child who grows up in a family with healthy communication will use aggression only for self-defense. He will be able to express any dissatisfaction in an open form, in words.

Aggression towards parents: reasons and what to do?

Unfortunately, this is not uncommon in our society. More and more often I deal with families where a child insults and beats his parents. This causes enormous suffering for both the parent and the child, who feels like a monster. In this case, the parent needs to learn to set boundaries in education.

Don't wait for the situation to escalate; stop unwanted behavior immediately. How do you know when exactly to stop unwanted behavior? Believe me, you will feel it yourself. As soon as the child’s behavior causes you discomfort, you as a parent are obliged to stop it with the words: “This is unpleasant for me” or “I do not intend to continue the conversation in this form,” etc.

Respect yourself and by doing this you will teach your child to be sensitive to the needs of other people and to respect their personal space. A child who has been taught to respect his family members will definitely treat people around him and outside the family with respect.

Aggression towards peers: causes and what to do?

There may be several reasons for aggression towards peers. The child may lack parental attention, or the parent has a clear preference for his brother/sister, or the child is simply spoiled and unlearned to respect others, and may be going through a difficult period in his life, in the event of illness, death, or divorce of his parents. In each individual case, a different approach is applied.

A family therapist, observing the dynamics of family relationships, is able to diagnose the problem and find an appropriate solution.

Differences in aggressiveness between boys and girls

We talked about how aggression is an innate instinct in both boys and girls. The manifestation of aggressive behavior, of course, differs between boys and girls, depending on the accepted norms in society. If a conflict between boys that turns into a fight is perceived as normal, then a fight between girls can cause serious bewilderment among both peers and the older generation.

In the process of evolution, girls learned to use not physical, but verbal aggression, including intrigue and manipulation. Very rarely are boys the organizers of a boycott; usually this is the prerogative of girls.

Does childhood aggression go away with age?

No, childhood aggression in no way goes away with age, so it is important to learn to accept aggression rather than fight it. Over the years, many people learn to listen to themselves, their body, to be aware of their aggression, to accept it, realizing that this is a transitory feeling. By expressing our pain/dissatisfaction/disappointment out loud, we learn to cope with this feeling.

An adult who does not know how to properly conflict and express his disagreement will subconsciously express his internal aggression towards his husband/wife through increased jealousy and/or an affair. This person is not able to respect the wishes of another person and will actively impose his opinion and his will.

At work, this can be expressed in intrigue, manipulation of others, or abuse of power.

How to correct a child's aggression? What should parents of an aggressive child do?

First of all, it is important to understand whether the child’s aggressive behavior is normal or pathological. Mothers come to me who are unable to accept their son’s aggressive behavior, whereas at a young age, up to 6 years old, it is absolutely normal. While it is difficult for a child to express himself verbally, he expresses this through behavior.

Learn to talk to your child. Explain that when he is angry, he can throw out his aggression on an inanimate object (pillow, mattress).

Enroll your child in sports section, for healthy expression of aggression. It is advisable that the child choose it himself.

Hug your child more often, show your love and care. Teach your child to talk: about his joy, about his pain, about his experiences. A child who receives psychological support from his parents is able to verbally express his feelings. He won't have to express aggression in other ways.