You will need

• - Documents on family income;

Instructions

If you agree to take baby

baby to your family or not.

Please note

Useful advice

They are always waiting for mom and dad, children left without parental care, living in orphanage. If you can give such a child warmth family hearth, if you have thought about everything thoroughly and are ready for a son or daughter to appear in your life, start acting. Adoption is not an easy procedure, it is carried out with full responsibility before the law, so be prepared for the fact that you will need a lot of free time to collect documents.

You will need

• - passport
• - extract from the house register
• - marriage certificate (if available)
• - medical report
• - certificate from the Internal Affairs Directorate confirming no criminal record
• - other documents required by the guardianship and trusteeship department

Instructions

Contact a specialist from the department and your city or region. He will ask several questions about your marital status, financial situation, criminal record, health, and will tell you whether you can become an adoptive parent. The guardianship department will also give you a list necessary documents and certificates. Among them are a passport, a certificate from work and an extract from the house register, a certificate of registration (if any), and so on. WITH full list The requirements can be found in Article 127 of the Family Code of the Russian Federation.

Within two weeks after you submit all the documents, your home will be inspected by specialists from the guardianship department to determine its suitability for living in it. The conclusion they draw up will be submitted to the court to consider the adoption case.

Along with a package of documents, submit a standard application to the court requesting consideration of your adoption case. Be sure to show up for your appointment. If the court’s decision is positive, then with a copy of the adoption certificate in hand, you will be able to enter the child’s data in your passport at the local registry office and receive a new certificate for the baby.

Please note

After receiving permission to visit your child, you will be given some time to get to know each other and get used to each other. Please note that not all institutions allow you to take your baby for a weekend or even for a walk.

Useful advice

At the first meeting, try to convince the guardianship department employee that your intentions are serious. The outcome of your adoption case will depend on the work of this person.

Sources:

• Article 127 of the Family Code of the Russian Federation

Adoption baby V Russia the process is long. Often it is delayed not only due to the fault of employees of the guardianship and trusteeship authorities, but also due to the ignorance of the candidates for adoptive parents themselves. To avoid possible errors, it’s better to immediately get acquainted with what awaits you ahead.

You will need

• - passport;
• - autobiography;
• - medical certificate of health;
• - a copy of the marriage certificate;
• - documents confirming ownership of residential premises;
• - a certificate from your place of work or a copy of your income statement.

Instructions

Write an application to the guardianship and trusteeship authorities about your desire to become an adoptive parent with a request to make a decision on this issue. Based on the submitted documents, in two weeks you will receive a conclusion about the possibility or impossibility of becoming an adoptive parent. Be prepared for the arrival of a commission that will draw up an act on your housing.

If the decision is positive, you will be registered as a candidate for adoptive parents. In addition, you will be provided with information about children who can. Get a referral from the guardianship authority to visit. If you have not found one in your region, then you can contact any other guardianship and trusteeship authority anywhere in the Russian Federation.

Take advantage of the federal data bank on children left behind. To do this, write an application asking for information about children with certain data (age, gender baby, nationality, etc.), attach to it the conclusion of the guardianship authority that you are allowed to become an adoptive parent, fill out a form where, in addition to standard information (full name, place of residence, passport details, etc.) indicate your wishes for the child, whom you would like to adopt.

After reviewing your documents, you will be provided with information about the child who matches your wishes. In case of yours, you will receive a referral and will be able to visit baby. You are required to notify the database operator of the results of your visit. The database staff will regularly inform you about the appearance of children who meet your requirements. You are obliged to personally visit the children you like, get acquainted with their history, medical report on their state of health baby.

If you have chosen baby, go to court with a statement about . In addition to standard documents, the application should be accompanied by copies of a certificate of adoption, the consent of the other spouse (if one person is adopting) or a birth certificate if the adoptive parent is not a member. In addition, indicate what data you would like to change - last name, first name, patronymic baby, his nationality, date and place of birth.

Please note

Within 10 days after the official adoption of the child, inform the database operator about this.

Sources:

• A site dedicated to adoption issues in Russia.

Nature has laid in us a special life program - we must conceive, bear and give birth to offspring. But it is not always easy for parents to accomplish this task. Then the birth of a baby becomes for the family big problem. Long time Spouses spend on all kinds of examinations, treatments, and medical procedures. Meanwhile, there is a way out of the situation - take the child from orphanage.

Instructions

Notify the guardianship authorities in your region about your decision. In Russia, it is the guardianship authorities who determine foster families. At the same time, a child can be taken into a family not only by a complete family consisting of a mother and father, but also by a single woman or man.

Familiarize yourself with the forms of life arrangement for orphans in our country: - Adoption is a form of life arrangement for a child in which he is equal to his own child, receives inheritance rights and the right to parental assistance. In Russia, a one-time cash payment. - Guardianship by consent is issued for an orphan by guardians. They are subsequently paid a monthly cash allowance for the child. - A foster family is a type of living arrangement for orphans when the parents are not related to the child. In this case, the adoptive parents receive a cash allowance for the maintenance of the child.

Study the statistics. Data shows that young children are more likely to be adopted, while adults are more likely to be adopted foster family or obtain guardianship over them.

Decide which child you want to see in your family. Carefully weigh all the advantages of a new life. You will greatly traumatize the child’s psyche if you fail to cope with his upbringing and return him back to the orphanage. This happens especially often with teenage children, age characteristics which imply the presence of a complex character and problems with communication. Kids experience it easier and grow up in a foster family, like family. Often, growing up, such children become outwardly similar to their stepparents!

Before adopting a child from , carefully review the adoption procedure. Although the process has now been simplified, it can take up to six months from the time you submit your application until your child comes into your home.

Analyze your desires. You should not cripple the fate of a child by taking him into foster care if you are not sure that you will be able to love your step-child. In the practice of guardianship authorities, there are many cases when guardians and adoptive parents pursue only selfish goals and are not good parents orphans.

Visit the school foster parents. Usually there are such organizations in all guardianship authorities. Read psychological literature. After the child is out orphanage entered your family, it is useful for some time to receive help from a qualified person in order to quickly establish family contact with the baby.

Do not elevate your noble deed to a feat. Be prepared for inevitable problems and difficulties. Accept the child into the family as if it were your own, love him and remember the responsibility for his fate.

They say that children are the flowers of life. But not everyone can give birth, and this often becomes the cause of despair for women and couples. But if you are ready to become parents, contact orphanages, where thousands of children are currently being kept, waiting for their fathers and mothers.

You will need

• - Medical certificate about your health status;
• - Documents on family income;
• - Documents on housing conditions - financial and personal account, papers confirming ownership (for privatized apartments);
• - Certificate of no criminal record. It can be taken to the ATC (OVD);
• - An application filled out according to a special form.

Instructions

If you agree to take baby, write an application to the court for adoption and attach all the necessary documents.

Wait for the decision - the court will issue a verdict according to which you will have the right to take baby to your family or not.

Please note

Firmly assess your strengths - you will need to raise a child, raise him, send him to school, take care of him. Remember that the child already has his own experience and memories. Also find out everything you can about the child - who the parents were, what his health is, his mental state, his level of development. Ask how they are different from other children, how long they have been in the orphanage, and what significant things have happened during this time. Be sure to visit the institution’s psychologist and doctors, and also talk with the baby himself.

Useful advice

Arrange in advance with the director of the institution for which you took the referral about a visit. This will get rid of unnecessary problems, and the teachers will be ready to show you all the information about a particular child and answer any questions you may have.

The issue of adopting one's own baby most often confronts fathers who are not married to the mother baby at the time of his birth. The father may decide to establish paternity as at the time of birth baby, and after, and even before that.

Instructions

So what you should do is file a paternity petition. The application is submitted by the father and mother who are not married to each other, in person to the registration authority civil status.
If the mother is incapacitated, deprived parental rights, there is no information about her whereabouts, and also in the case, you submit the application yourself. In this case, first obtain the consent of the guardianship and trusteeship authority.

You can submit a joint application to establish paternity as soon as baby, and after. If before birth baby It becomes clear that for some reason submitting a joint application may be difficult or even impossible, submit your application back in . Moreover, in this case, attach a document confirming it to the application. It can be issued by the medical organization where you are being observed, or by a private practitioner.
IN in this case, paternity is established on the basis of this application when issuing a birth certificate.

If for any reason you or the mother baby If you cannot be present in person to submit the application, have the signature of the absentee notarized.

In case the mother baby is in official marriage with another person, include a statement from her husband stating that he is not the father baby, born to his wife.

If you decide to register your relationship with your mother baby through marriage will happen automatically if you agree. In this case, the birth certificate baby appropriate changes will be made.

Useful advice

At your request, you or the child's mother will be issued a certificate of paternity.

Sources:

• What documents are needed to adopt your child?

The number of childless families is growing every year. People, hoping for a miracle, stand in endless lines to see healers and the relics of saints. This helps some people. But what should families do who still have no children? Just adopt. Of course, this is a big responsibility, but you can give your baby a full-fledged family, love and affection. Most often, couples want to foster baby to year. Such a young age baby allows a woman to fully feel like a mother. And the baby himself doesn’t remember anything from his past life.

Instructions

Tell us about your financial situation, health, and the possibility of adoption. You will be asked questions about your spouse and other people living with you. The specialist will assess your psychological readiness for such a step. You will be given documents that you will need to bring.

Provide the following list of documents: - from the place of work indicating the position and salary or a copy of the income statement; - a brief; - a certificate from the internal affairs authorities confirming the absence of criminal records and offenses; - an extract from their house register from the place of residence or a document confirming ownership for residential premises; - a copy of your financial account and marriage certificate (if you are a member); - a medical report on your state of health.

Within 7 days, the guardianship and trusteeship authorities check the accuracy of the provided documents and living conditions. If they are satisfied with everything, then it’s your turn. Next comes the selection of candidates based on their place of residence.

As soon as a child meets the requirements in the database, you will be invited to a meeting. They will show you a photo and tell you about the baby. If you like him, they will arrange a meeting with him. Otherwise you will have to wait further.

With court decision and documents baby contact the registry office to register it.

Video on the topic

Please note

If the desired child is not available at your place of residence, contact other relevant authorities in the Russian Federation. In this case, the queuing procedure will be different.

Useful advice

The medical report is valid for 3 months, and other documents - for a year.

Sources:

• How to adopt a child

Take baby joining a family is a very serious decision that must be well thought out and weighed. Giving in to emotional impulses is simply unacceptable here. After all, every adopted child is an individual with his own difficult past, advantages and disadvantages.

Instructions

Making the decision to adopt baby or, please note that you will need to collect and submit a package of documents to the guardianship and trusteeship authorities. It includes: application; autobiography; a copy of the income statement or a certificate from the employer indicating the salary and position; a copy of your marriage certificate (if you are a member); certificate of no criminal record; a document confirming your ownership of the residential premises; extract from the house register (copy of personal account). A written consent for admission will also be required. baby adult family members, taking into account the opinions of those living with you, who have reached the age of 10. The living conditions in which the child will live must be examined and a corresponding report drawn up. You also need to undergo a medical examination. You cannot become a foster parent if you have certain diseases. All information about restrictions on adoption is contained in Family Code RF.

Within fifteen days from the date of submission of the application and the complete package of documents, the guardianship and trusteeship authorities will make a decision on adoption or. Please be aware that no assistance is provided to parents after adoption. When applying for monthly maintenance baby will be paid . Its size is set in each region. You will also be provided with assistance in organizing recreation, training and treatment. baby. Guardianship and trusteeship authorities are regularly required to monitor the conditions of upbringing, education and maintenance of the child.

Please note that baby ten years and older can only be adopted from his. In this case, the final decision is made by the court. A medical certificate must be issued for the adoptee. It will indicate all diseases, give recommendations for their further treatment and maintenance of the baby.

Video on the topic

Guardianship is established over children under 14 years of age, and guardianship over a child aged 14 to 18 years. The trustee is vested with almost all the rights of a parent relating to the maintenance, education and upbringing of the child.

You will need

• - passport;
• - salary certificate or copy of income statement;
• - certificate of family composition;
• - a copy of the financial personal account from the place of residence (extract from the house register);
• - medical report on health status;
• - certificate of no criminal record;
• - a copy of the marriage certificate (for married people);
• - written consent of all members of the candidate’s family (over 10 years old) to accept the child into the family;
• - act of inspection of housing conditions.

Instructions

Guardianship of a child is established by a decision of the guardianship and trusteeship authorities. If you dare to take such a responsible action, contact local authorities by writing a statement with a corresponding request. To resolve the issue of care, you will need to submit a package of certain documents.

Request a certificate from the employer, which should indicate your position, as well as the average salary for the last twelve years. Citizens will need a document confirming their income, and a pensioner must attach a copy of their pension certificate or a certificate from the territorial authority Pension Fund Russian Federation. Of course, this may also be a certificate from another person carrying out pension provision organ.

Go through a medical examination and get a report on your health status. It must be issued in the manner established by the Ministry of Health and social development RF. If the adoptive parent has certain diseases, the guardianship authorities have the right to refuse to grant guardianship. Contact the internal affairs agency at your place of residence for a certificate confirming that you have no criminal record for an intentional crime against the health and life of citizens.

First of all, the guardianship and trusteeship authorities are guided by interests. A child who is 10 years old is transferred to a foster family only with his consent. Adult family members who live with you must also be willing to apply for guardianship. They must confirm their consent in writing. Don't forget to consider the opinions of your own children who have reached the age of ten.

Guardianship and trusteeship authorities are required to examine living conditions, in which the child will live, having drawn up an appropriate act about this. Free of charge, they will request from the authorized bodies all the necessary certificates about the compliance of your apartment or house with technical and sanitary rules and regulations. Within 15 working days from the date of submission of the application, the necessary documents and the examination report, the guardianship authorities will make a decision and prepare a conclusion on the possibility (impossibility) of appointment as a trustee. You have the right to appeal a negative conclusion to judicial procedure, just make sure that all documents are returned to you along with the refusal.

There are quite a few forms of placing orphans in families. This includes adoption, registration of guardianship, etc. People who want to take their baby and give him some of their warmth can choose any option that suits them. But each of them has its own nuances that should be taken into account. For example, guardianship requires more organization and accountability from guardians. The question: how to take a child into guardianship rather than adoption sounds quite often.

To obtain guardianship, you will need a number of documents, which include documents that prove the identity of the candidate adoptive parent. This is a passport, a marriage certificate, if the child is taken into custody by a family. You also need to provide registration and registration forms, certificates from the place of work, which will indicate the average salary, and the position of the potential guardian. Add medical certificates that confirm your physical and mental health, you will have to undergo a consultation with a narcologist. You will also need a certificate of no criminal record stating that you have not previously been deprived of parental rights.

Additional documents include an application for guardianship, an autobiography of the candidate, a conclusion from the SES authorities on the compliance of the potential adoptive parent’s housing with the necessary sanitary and hygienic standards, a statement from all family members of the potential guardian that they do not object to such a procedure.

Tip 11: A child from a boarding school: what should adoptive parents be prepared for?

So far in Russia the practice of adopting children from boarding orphanages is small, but in the West it is already quite common. Increasingly, Russian parents are expressing a desire to take someone else’s child into their care.

When parents come to the guardianship and trusteeship authorities with the desire to become adoptive parents, specialists study the family and prepare them for meeting a new child. The most popular are children under three years old, and then 6-7 years old. It is better if the child is just taken from the family. Therefore, mostly in boarding schools there are teenage children who have been separated from their families for quite some time. As a rule, such children are adopted less often. It is them that is worth talking about in more detail.

Children from a boarding school are raised a little differently: they don’t wash, don’t clean, can’t cook food, don’t know prices, don’t go shopping. They don’t even know their way around the city, since they don’t go on excursions and practically don’t go anywhere.

Such children are served by special staff, so children in the boarding school are practically helpless in the real world. What should adoptive parents know about such children?

There is no need to be afraid to take even adult children from a boarding school. Such children simply dream of starting a family. If children under 10 years old can still be capricious, older children are aware of their reluctance to return, so they try to be obedient.

Children from the boarding school do not have the developed ability to express their love, since there are not enough nannies and teachers for everyone. Therefore, the older the child, the more difficult it is for him to approach, just hug, say a kind word. At first, such children will find it very difficult to perceive words; it will seem to them that no one needs it. However, teenagers from the boarding school really need the love of their parents, but they absolutely do not know such love. A child from a shelter needs to be very gradually and carefully taught to use words like mom and dad and to show affection. This may take a month, or even more.

How smaller child, the easier and faster he joins a new family; it is more difficult for teenagers in this regard. Orphans often become adults much faster than children raised in families. They managed to take a sip of grief from the very beginning, and therefore they understand that from their youth they need to get on their feet.

Having been in new family, teenagers are already willing to help their parents, but very often they begin to protest, even run away from home. This is explained by the fact that it seems to them that no one loves them. Teenagers were used to the fact that no one usually really cared about them. You need to show maximum patience and attention to such children, learn to understand and love them. Gradually, after some time, the child will definitely reciprocate your feelings, turning into a truly loved one.

Video on the topic

(2 votes: 5.0 out of 5)

“I want”, “I know that I need it, I just feel it.” “It will be right”, “I want to give love and care to those who are deprived of it”, “I want to do happy child“,” “I want to raise a worthy member of society” - here is a small list of statements from future adoptive parents who are starting to collect documents and attend classes at the school of adoptive parents. It often happens that candidates are indignant at the tactlessness of the specialists’ questions: why should they know the most intimate things about us and our experiences, how dare they question our selfless desires, and in general, it’s right that children should be in the family - what else can they do? any questions?

There really are questions, but the future adoptive parent must find the answers to them, first of all, for himself and his family and at the same time be extremely honest. Because it’s where we start our journey together that will determine whether it will be easy or difficult, whether it will make sense or turn into regrets.

First question which makes sense to ask yourself: who else besides me wants to be in the family adopted child?

There are often cases when this desire comes from only one family member, and the rest have to be persuaded (“Otherwise we’ll get a divorce...”; “Well, what’s it worth to you? We’ll take the child, and I’ll leave you alone,” etc.). And it even happens that one of the family members openly opposes it. And yes, indeed, you can persuade someone to sign documents, but it is unlikely that you will be able to pretend to love and care for a new family member every day. Unfortunately, the situation in the house will begin to heat up, old problems will come to light, and the child who comes into the family becomes only a reason to sort things out. Sometimes this ends with the family falling apart. It's not easy for everyone.

Therefore, it is important that all family members who will continue to have contact with each other, much less live under the same roof, want adoption (or another form of placement). A good way out is to talk, find out the opinions and concerns of each side, and give each other time to think.

Second Very important Question when making a decision on adoption (guardianship): What can I give to my adopted child?

Another important one question sounds like this: Whose place does the adopted child take?

As sad as it may be, it happens that an adopted child comes into a family because a natural one was not born. Either he was born and died, or someone recently left the family (literally or left this world). The emptiness requires filling, and there is confidence that the child will be able to fill this emptiness.

In life, everything happens a little differently. If a new family member does not have his own place, intended only for him, then with a very high degree of probability he will begin to fight for this place with the one for whom it was truly intended.

For example, if a child takes the place of a departed partner in a relationship, he may become “too grown up”: not obey, strive to prove everywhere that he is in charge, suffer from this burden of an adult and constantly enter into confrontation with representatives of the adult world - teachers, educators, family members.

If a child comes to the place of someone whose life has ended, he begins to show with all his might that he is different: alive (loud, noticeable, hyperactive), unlike anything (and this does not always mean a demonstration of outstanding talents - it can just be very noticeable negative behavior).

Being in someone else’s place is quite unpleasant, and, in addition to demonstrating your difference, you may also have a desire to simply leave this space where someone else is expected (for example, to run away or “go away” into addiction). There are quite a lot of options for fighting for your place and individuality. The child’s confidence that he is important, needed and interesting in himself will help to avoid this.

Speaking about possible difficulties in the behavior of an adopted child, it naturally arises question: what exactly do I/we refuse to face?

For some, constant noise and shouting, swearing with obscene words, may be unacceptable. ill-treatment with children and animals, disrespect for elders, and for some – lack of hygiene skills, gluttony, constant boredom, refusal of empathy.

Why is it important to ask yourself this question now, when the decision is just being made? This way you can figure out what scares you. Perhaps, upon closer examination, “scary things” will not turn out to be so terrible, but it is good to identify them for yourself and think about how they can be overcome. Now is the time to do it.

And of course, it always makes sense to think about yourself, namely, who and how can support you if difficulties arise?

Stepparenting brings with it many new questions (even if you've already experienced parent) and situations: how to deal with regression, what is normal in a child’s behavior, how to respond to destructive behavior, how to help accept your past and much, much more.

If, after weighing the pros and cons, you feel that you are not ready yet, then this may mean that you are not ready right now. Knowing your weaknesses suggests that the situation can be changed. To realize your aspiration, time and some changes in your life and the life of your family just need to pass so that the adoption process is easier and everyone involved is comfortable.

Jessica Frantova, psychologist,
teacher at the School of Adoptive Parents

The problems of adoptive families need to be known before you decide to adopt or take custody of a child. In Russia, about 100,000 children are left without parents every year of different ages. An orphanage, even with the most wonderful living conditions and professional educators, cannot give children the love and care that he received in the family. Therefore, graduates of these institutions more often take the path of crime; it is more difficult for them to start a family and raise their children. A foster family is a good solution for orphaned children. But why aren't foster care more widespread?

First of all, they interfere financial problems. Despite all the benefits, allowances and salaries of parents, it is obvious that these funds can only provide normal conditions life foster family. So that a child does not look like an outcast in the company of his peers, in addition to food, clothing and free travel, he needs a telephone, a computer, the opportunity to go with friends to a movie or a cafe, etc. It’s good if adoptive parents find businessmen who want to help the disadvantaged for the children’s needs, but these measures are temporary.

Many foster families receive assistance from charitable foundations and local authorities interested in their development and spread throughout the region.

The second problem is housing. An ordinary apartment can comfortably accommodate 2-3 children, but what if parents feel that they could take in 5 children?

In some regions, a large foster family receives a large house at its disposal, or the local administration does its best to help them by allocating a plot for construction and providing them with funds or building materials. Unfortunately, the opposite is more often the case, since not every region has a budget from which the necessary money can be safely allocated, there is no housing stock from which an apartment could be allocated for free, and many officials are more than cool towards requests from adoptive parents to help them with housing.

Namely, large foster families could solve the problem of orphans and children who have lost parental care for various reasons.

Raising a foster child

This is the third and important reason why foster families are not spreading throughout Russia as much as needed.

Childless couples are afraid to take a child from a shelter or orphanage, because they are afraid of possible difficulties in raising him, especially hereditary tendencies. Many people believe that children of alcoholics, drug addicts, and criminals end up in government institutions. Of course, parents can be all sorts of things, but babies living in a hospital or orphanage are not to blame for being unlucky with their parents.

Often, having already accepted a child into the family, adults watch him grow up with secret fear, mistaking a penchant for noisy games for aggressiveness, a child’s desire to take someone else’s toy for a tendency to steal, and trying to nip these developmental anomalies in the bud, and using rather harsh methods. The child, not understanding what he did wrong, naturally begins to resist, a conflict arises, which, due to the lack of understanding of the situation by adults, can cause the child to leave home.

The training provided to adults who want to become foster parents warns against such steps. Experts give future parents advice and recommendations on how to avoid conflict situations, and yet it often happens that adults, having taken a child into the family, especially an older one, after some time terminate the foster family agreement and return the child to the orphanage, explaining the action by the dissimilarity of temperaments or something similar. In fact, such a reason may arise, but more often it is a misunderstanding of the psychology of someone else’s child, who does not live up to the expectations placed on him and does not bow at the feet of his adoptive parents for every piece of bread.

The habituation of parents and children in a foster family is a thin autumn ice that can crack with any wrong step. Children who have lost their family have experienced real grief, they love their parents - both alcoholics and drug addicts, and are afraid to become attached to a new family, so as not to betray the old one. For this reason, during the period of adaptation, children either withdraw into themselves or begin to be insolent, kind words respond rudely and defiantly. Only patience and tact, the understanding of the adoptive parents of how much suffering this fragile child’s soul had to endure, can help the child understand that in this family no one claims to be his mother and father without his desire.

Adoptive parents, who have found an approach to each child, share their experience with newcomers, helping them overcome the very first height - strangers getting used to each other, there is an opportunity to ask for advice from parents who have been in a similar situation, attend seminars and courses for adoptive parents and decide together problems of foster families.

If you think that you should take a child from an orphanage for upbringing, don’t hesitate, take it. Guardianship authorities do not leave without help people who save children's souls and raise full-fledged citizens of our country.

In Russia before the revolution there were no orphanages at all. If the child was left alone, relatives, neighbors, and friends of the parents took him in. So a foster family is a historically justified form of raising orphans for our country.

Raising adopted children in a family is an extremely important matter from the standpoint of universal human values, but at the same time difficult, based on the complexity of connecting a family, which has its own history, its own traditions, habits, foundations, with the fate of the child, crippled, traumatized. It is important to understand the characteristics of an orphan, to know how he lived in an orphanage before. We must remember that the child, despite the fact that there are a lot of adults in the orphanage - educators, teachers, psychologists - is completely alone and abandoned. He does not have that one, close, dear adult for whose sake he could develop, grow, and whom he could orient himself to in his life. This, of course, is not the only feature. I would like to note that such a child may have a complete lack of experience of living in a family. He does not have a family model, he has not seen how a mother takes care of a child and a father, how a father takes care of the family. He also doesn’t know many basic things: how to go to the store, make himself a sandwich, make tea, how to earn and spend money. In the orphanage, unfortunately, there is a complete lack of personal boundaries. The child, of course, has his own bed and bedside table, but he cannot manage things the way he would like. Very little depends on his desire: whether you want it or not, in allotted time you need to eat, sleep, play.

In a family, a child must have personal boundaries, things about which a child can say “This is mine!”, and mom, dad, other people must ask permission to use these things. In this way, the child develops the concept of not only “mine,” but also “someone else’s.” The lack of personal boundaries in an orphanage leads to the fact that, having taken another person’s thing, the child does not understand that he is stealing, he does not even think about the fact that it is someone else’s, he is accustomed to the fact that everything is common. Therefore, when a child comes to a foster family, it is important to take this point into account. Draw his attention to the fact that you need to ask permission - and, in turn, ask him if you can take his things. This is a whole area of ​​work for foster parents. You should not be embarrassed to talk about these things with your child and be sure to respect his boundaries.

If a child was abandoned already at a conscious age, he lived in the family for some time, then this is, of course, a traumatized child, but he has formed a certain attachment with his mother. He has experience, albeit negative, of communicating with close adults, he has learned to love, although perhaps not in the way we would like. A child who has lived in an orphanage since infancy has no such experience at all. He has not had time to learn to love a single adult, he does not have a feeling of lasting affection. The adults in the orphanage often change, and in such conditions it is difficult to establish relationships that resemble family ones.
No matter how much we tell you at the School of Adoptive Parents what you should pay attention to when choosing a child, in most cases you choose with your heart. They came, they saw – it’s mine! The heart skipped a beat, and the child was loved at first sight.

When a child from an orphanage comes to a family, he brings with him all the grievances that he has accumulated throughout his life. The child has very low self-esteem; he believes that he was abandoned because he is bad. He almost never experiences aggression from relatives who abandoned him. He blames himself for what happened. This is due to children's egocentrism, because the child believes that the whole world revolves around him - both good and bad. When a child comes into the family, everything changes. Of course, the adaptation period is difficult, it can be quite long, but in a family the child simply blossoms. Even the child’s smell changes, sometimes new hair appears, he begins to grow actively, his eyes change - that is, renewal occurs even at the physiological level.

Psychological changes are associated primarily with the fact that the child now understands: “I am needed, I am loved. I have a mom and dad, and everything is like everyone else.” The child wants to grow and try for them. But not everything works out right away and not everything goes smoothly. At first, the child tries very hard to please, tries to hear and do everything, but, of course, he cannot remain in such a tense state for a long time. When the child finally relaxes, the adoptive parents already see all his bitterness and resentment towards the world. They notice that the child’s basic sense of trust in the world has not been formed or has been destroyed. And during this period, it is important for parents not to flinch, to contain his anxiety, to accept the child with his tragedy. For some, adaptation lasts about six months, for others it takes up to seven years.
When conflict happens with your child, you have biological reinforcement, you are with that child from the very beginning. When conflicts arise with your adopted child, you do not have such biological support. Therefore, it is very important when meeting a child to feel him. Literally, do you like the way it smells, is it pleasant to hold it in your arms, to touch it. There are a lot of difficulties in a foster family, and physical acceptance will help you and serve as reinforcement in difficult situations. And yet, raising an adopted child is a very rewarding endeavor.

It is worth mentioning separately about the temptation of adoptive parents to blame all troubles on genetics. Think for yourself, if every day we think about bad heredity and talk about it to the child, if every minute we expect that he is about to become an alcoholic or drug addict, in his every step, even harmless, we see the manifestation of bad genes - what can grow out of it? This parental behavior pushes the child to reproduce the scenario that he is told about and that is expected of him.
When deciding to take a child into the family, you need to think about what contraindications there are. You need to remember them for yourself, discuss them with a specialist and weigh your decision. Let's look at some of them.

If in the family that is preparing to become a surrogate, in the last two years there have been any traumatic events– death of loved ones, divorce, serious illness – this is a serious contraindication. It is believed that two years is the period during which a person comes to terms with the loss. Of course, this is not a rigid cliche, for some it happens earlier, for others later, but on average it is like this. You need to listen to yourself, if such a situation happened, whether it passed for you, whether you calmed down, whether you have the strength. That is, first you definitely need to solve the crisis within the family, and only then take the child. If the family itself is in crisis, it cannot help another person with his problems, or truly support him.

Presence of natural children in the family– this is, of course, not a contraindication, but another reason to think about it. How will they react to the arrival of a new family member? How will they be together? Experts recommend taking a child younger than your own children, so that the natural order of children in the family is preserved and the elder-younger hierarchy is not violated. But it is worth saying that this is not always the case, and there are positive examples of families in which the adopted child is older than the native one.

When a child appears in a family, he needs a lot of attention. He needs all the love, all the space - and the readiness of the whole family to change its structure must be assessed. This is comparable to a newborn baby taking up all the mother’s time and care. But at the same time, other family members may have a misunderstanding of the situation - after all, the child may already be old, five, seven, ten years old, but behaves like a baby: he wants to be fed, clothed, and only fiddled with. It's like he's catching up. He behaves this way not because of his own whims, but thereby establishing affection for his parents. Over time, this will change, the child will calm down, but this period must be lived through.

Remember that not only couples, but also single people can adopt a child- man or woman. This is not the most best option, but still good. You need to think about age. It is better if potential adoptive parents are under 50 years of age, although this, again, is not a strict restriction, but only a recommendation. This is also connected with the resource of human life - it is necessary for the parents to have time to take the child to adult life, both with health, and with the fact that it is simply more difficult for older people to change their lives and find the strength to take care of a child.

It's also important to think about your motivation.. Why am I taking a child? For what? What can I give him? What do I expect from him? There is motivation that helps the child settle into the family and become family and friends, and there is motivation that prevents this. Often, an adult pursues his own goals, and does not act in the interests of the child. Impulsive actions also do not lead to anything good. For example, we saw a baby on TV - it’s a pity, we have to take it. But pity is not the best adviser. Today it’s a pity, tomorrow the problems begin, and the pity ends. The child remains alive, with his own problems and characteristics. The return of a child to an orphanage is very difficult for both the child himself and the failed adoptive parents. Specialists at the School of Adoptive Parents - there are a sufficient number of such schools in the Nizhny Novgorod region - help to understand the motives and determine the personal resources of candidates for foster parents. This work is aimed at identifying the candidate's strengths and possible risks.

The adopted child's relationship with the family environment- relatives of parents, their friends - may not line up right away. The first question that arises is: “Why did you do this, why do you need someone else’s child?” This step is especially painful for grandparents. But this does not happen because of their callousness, but on the contrary, they worry too much about their own children. Grandmothers understand that raising an adopted child is not easy work, and they try to protect their children from problems and hardships. You need to give your parents time to get used to the child. After all, you made this decision on your own, and you need to help the older generation understand you. It is precisely grandparents who often support myths about bad heredity, which will certainly make itself felt. But then these same grandmothers become very attached and truly love their adopted grandchildren, and are proud of both their children and their decision. After all, it used to be considered the norm that a child lives in a family. If in family of origin Some difficult situation arose, the child was not left alone, he was still taken by relatives, friends, acquaintances, simply residents of the same village. It also happens that great-grandmothers, remembering this tradition, help grandmothers get used to and accept an orphan child.

An adopted child also needs to be prepared to meet new people.. In the orphanage, he lived in a fairly limited group, but now he has to meet a large number of people, each of whom has their own opinion about him, their own attitude. First of all, it is important for an adopted child to establish a relationship with his adoptive parents, and at first it is better to protect the child from unnecessary meetings. First build a small family - parents and children. When a child understands that he is loved and accepted here for who he is - when he is pampered, when he is sick, when he is sad and happy - he will become more confident. Then gradually, without lush crowded events, you can introduce him to the family environment. It would be good to talk about this first, show photographs, talk about those people whom he will soon recognize. The child may not even go at first, refuse and get scared - understand him, maybe it’s worth postponing the meeting.

Adoptive parents must have a number of personal qualities that will help them cope with conflict situations. Firstly, this is empathy - the ability to empathize, understand, feel another person, be it an adopted child, native child, your spouse or your parents. Secondly, the parent’s openness and ability to accept help. Often the adoptive family is left alone with their problems; they are afraid to let in a specialist who will help, see the situation from the other side, and provide support. This behavior only makes the problems worse. It is better to contact specialized services that work specifically with foster families, because the topic of foster parenting has its own specifics. It is very important for an adoptive parent to be a communicative person, that is, to be able to establish communication with the child, with teachers at school, and, if communication with blood relatives is not interrupted, with the relatives of their adopted child.

Should I maintain contact with people from my child’s past life?, are decided first of all by the adoptive parents themselves. There are situations when a child needs to be protected from previous relatives – that’s it. For example, if violence or immoral things happened in the family of origin. But it also happens that children are abandoned due to insurmountable circumstances - extreme material need, difficult life situation. If communication with relatives does not bring obvious harm to the child, then you should not categorically prohibit him from meeting his birth family. Each person should have his own story, and a child has the right to know what happened in his life. Adoptive parents should consider all the possibilities and options specifically for the benefit of the child - how it will be better for him, and not for them.
We wish you that every family is happy, and that adopted children truly become family, loved and loving.

NATA KARLIN

It is depressing that the number of abandoned children is growing every year. But we should be proud of those families who decided to take a child from an orphanage. For the most part, these are people who do not seek to receive benefits for an adopted child; they love children and want to give them a piece of warmth and love.

If people take a baby from an orphanage, they raise him like their own child. There are cases when these children never find out that they are not related by blood. But how to properly raise a child who is taken from an orphanage at an age when he already understands that he did not have a mom and dad, but now he has? You discussed in the family possible options development, and are ready to reckon with. Are you ready for the home will come a person with his own habits, tastes and interests. Now it’s worth learning about some of the problems that can arise in the process of raising an adopted child.

Adopted children in a family - features of upbringing

Are you sure that you have calculated your strength and that it will be enough to take an adopted child into your family and raise him like your own? After all, this is not an item that can be returned to the store if it does not suit you according to some parameters. Children are characterized by disobedience, whims, hysterics and tears. And this applies not only to children from the orphanage, all children are the same. The main thing to remember is that if you fail to fulfill your obligations and return the baby to the shelter, you will sow hostility and hatred towards people in his soul. He will be completely disappointed in himself, life and the people around him. After all, after the betrayal of mom and dad’s relatives, there was a “blow” from the adoptive parents.

There are several rules, following which you can understand whether you are making the right decision when accepting an orphan child into your family.

You must know what the child you chose from all the children in the orphanage is like. Talk to caregivers, nannies and teachers. Give your child as much free time as you have. You cannot rely on the behavior of the child himself in this matter. After all, each of those kids who live in the shelter passionately dreams of finding a mom and dad. The child will “go out of his way” to show only his best side. Don't allow yourself to make an impulsive decision; spend at least a month communicating with your baby.

After the child is already at home, a wave of euphoria from the happiness of being in a family overwhelms him with new strength. In a foster family, orphans take a long time to adapt. The same can be said about parents who are getting used to their “new” adult child. He may call you mom and dad from the moment he met you, but that doesn't mean he's used to you. He really wants not to upset the adults and to please you even more. The child shows maximum activity and goodwill; he expects to be praised and paid attention to.

Adaptation.

The attack of euphoria will gradually pass, and everyday life will remain. You will need to move on with your life, look for common ground and mutual understanding in the new family. The next stage in the adopted child’s behavior is denial and contradiction. He tries to achieve concessions and shows his character in every possible way. Why? The answer is that it is important for him to know the boundaries of what is permitted in this family. Carlson’s phrase is appropriate here: “Calm! Just calm!” This way you will keep in order nervous system all family members and the family itself. Be deliberate and methodical about explaining to your child that what he is doing is wrong. Give examples of how to behave. Don't make a fuss and don't shout! However, do not allow yourself to be manipulated and indulge his whims. Some parents, desperate to cope with such behavior, drive themselves to depression. Never, even in moments of despair, remind your child that he owes you as adoptive parents. What if it weren't for you, he would now be in an orphanage. Sooner or later, you will become ashamed of your weakness, and the child will hate you.

No one knows how long this period will last. Everything depends only on you and. The next period in raising an adopted child is a reward for your nerves and grievances.

Raising a foster child in a family begins with these basic periods. They are long and painful. The total time for both parties to adapt and get used to each other can last up to 5 years. To do this, stock up on a lot of patience and love.

Adopted children are problem children

If a child born into a family can be uncontrollable, then adopted children who are not yet familiar with the rules and laws of your family will cause some problems. Knowing in advance what you will experience can help you prepare for problems in advance.

Even before adopting a child, decide among yourselves whether you will inform him in the future that he is adopted. If you think that your child should never find out that he is not your family, make sure that this information does not come to him from the outside. It’s one thing if he hears this from you, another thing from strangers. He will decide that you have been lying to him all your life, and now you have betrayed him. This statement defies any logic, but, as a rule, this is exactly what adopted children say.


When you take into a family a child who remembers his biological parents, serious difficulties arise due to the fact that the child constantly draws parallels between you and his mother and father. In comparing two families, the first one will be the best for him. Even if his parents beat and abused him, they will be shrouded in the child’s memories with an aura of love and longing. Get ready for this turn of events. “Close your eyes” to these statements and comparisons. Otherwise, by proving the opposite, you will only turn the child against you.
Stereotypes towards children from an orphanage are disgusting. But, in most cases, deprived of the most necessary things, these guys are caught stealing. As soon as you know for sure that a child stole from your pocket, in a store, from a classmate or sister, take action! It doesn’t matter what or how much he took. The main thing is that he set his sights on someone else’s. Talk to your child and find out the reason for his action. Provide him with everything he needs, just don’t overdo it so as not to spoil him.
If there are other children in the house, explain to the adopted child that many things in the family are different from those in the orphanage. If there it was accepted that all things are common and do not have one owner, then here each family member has his own things, which can only be taken with the permission of the owner. Try not to offend the child with this statement; time will pass and he will get used to it.

There is a child growing up in the family who has known you since birth and is accustomed to the rules established in the house. For him, your love and care is a common thing, for this you do not need to do anything or prove that he is good. With an adopted child, everything happens differently. Therefore, you need to know what the child you took from the shelter expects from you.

The child must be sure that you love him in any case. The feeling does not depend on any circumstances. It doesn’t matter to you that he is a bad student or stepped on the cat’s tail. You should love your child not for his advantages or disadvantages, but for the fact that he is in this world and he is next to you.
Let your child know that you respect every decision he makes. He is worthy of respect as a person, as a person. This will allow the child to respect himself.
Don't make your child afraid of you. The feeling of fear is not the feeling that generates love and respect.
Attention towards the child should always be close. You must know what is happening to him, what worries and worries him. This will allow you to take action in time and avoid troubles in the future.

Those who want to take a child from an orphanage, but have doubts, need to find foster parents with extensive experience. Talk to them, tell them about what stops and frightens you in the matter of adopting a child. Advice from those raising adopted children boils down to the following points:

Learn from those who have already gone through the difficult journey of raising adopted children;
Don’t lose even in difficult situations;
Faith in the Almighty and His laws saves you from despair and helps you find a way out;
Love your adopted child more than yourself.

Ways to solve social problems of adopted children

Therefore, you need to know standard situations and ways to resolve conflicts.

A child who has spent his entire life in the company of similarly disadvantaged children has... They are explained by the fact that the baby was always left to his own devices. Nobody explained anything to him, talked to him, or solved his problems. Therefore, do not “fight” with them from the first days. First, determine the cause of fear, its origins. Proceed step by step - first gain the child’s trust, give him the opportunity to talk about his fear, and then solve this problem together.

Accustomed to living among people who know his capabilities and abilities, when appearing in a new team, the child becomes an outcast. After all, children are cruel, they do not care about the true motives of why a classmate does not want to communicate with them. They deny his presence and try to “annoy” him. Perhaps the reason that the child does not study well is the reluctance to study and go to school.

Get your child interested in learning new things. . Twos are corrected by fives, which children receive as soon as they feel strong and understand that acquiring knowledge is interesting.

Adopted children must be explained what money is. It is necessary to give an exact formulation of how to use them, and what benefits can be obtained if the funds are used rationally. Give your child some money once a week. Together with him, determine the material benefits that he wants to receive. Depending on what your child is planning to buy, set a goal. Explain to your child that if he wants to buy a bicycle, then spending the entire amount that you give him regularly will not achieve his goal. Distribute your child's pocket money as follows:

School breakfasts;
Travel to and from school;
Expenses for cinema and popcorn;
The amount you need to save to buy a bicycle.

If you are thinking about adopting a child from a shelter or orphanage, prepare mentally in advance for the fact that from this moment your life will change. Patience and love will help you in this noble cause.

15 February 2014, 14:12