It happens that your inner instinct tells you that something went wrong in your relationship with your friend. The former mutual understanding has been replaced by constant reproaches, interests are diametrically different, you do not want to support each other, and you prefer to spend time apart. You can continue to live in this relationship, or you can face the truth and move on. Perhaps you are simply different and, by staying with an unloved person, you doom each other to an unhappy existence without hope of finding true love in your life. If you have a similar situation, then you should be aware of the signs that indicate that your relationship has no future.
Non-acceptance of individuals
Accepting the interests and hobbies of your loved one is the basis strong relationships. A good partner will accept any adequate hobbies, will not constantly poke his nose at shortcomings, but will help you get rid of them.
You don’t have to share each other’s interests, because everyone has their own hobbies. Let’s say, if you play the bagpipes, and your friend loves watching “The Vampire Diaries,” then you shouldn’t adopt these hobbies from each other if you don’t like them. If your partner criticizes all aspects of your life - clothes, favorite places, communication style - and does not try to help fix it; if, besides aggression, you don’t see anything else, then this is a signal that the relationship is starting to go down. It will only get worse.
Complete lack of support
Relationships are not just about going to cinemas, cafes and bars together. Sooner or later, one of the partners will have difficult times when you want to reject the hustle and bustle and feel supported loved one. Finance, health, work - crises and problems can occur in any area. A good partner will support you in difficult moment and will do everything possible to solve any problems that arise.
If you don’t feel support, your partner distances himself from problems and because of bad mood, then nothing good should be expected from this person in the future. Time does not change people for the better, but only the other way around.
Do you feel lonely in your relationship?
Have you ever had the feeling that your girlfriend is sitting next to you on the sofa, but you have the feeling that this is completely stranger? Sometimes you really want to talk to her about your experiences, but she doesn’t care about you. She cheers you up and doesn't show you the slightest bit of attention. An emotional hole forms inside you, into which all your feelings will gradually flow. If this happens at a stage when your relationship has just formed, then you may not even dream of further development and progress.
You are on different “waves”
Let’s say you understand that you want a cozy home and tranquility from life, but your friend wants to wander from place to place, travel and “put down roots” where you didn’t even think of living. You don't have to share each other's interests, but if the position of one of you makes the other unhappy, is it worth continuing such a relationship?
One-sided relationship
Only both partners can build a strong union. If one does much more, all initiatives come only from his side, and the second partner does not appreciate this and continues to live without giving anything in return, then this relationship is unlikely to lead to anything more. You must make mutual sacrifices for each other and try to make each other happy equally.
Lack of trust
If you cannot completely trust your friend, regardless of whether she has given reasons for this, then it is better not to torture yourself and her and end this relationship. This will only lead to constant hassle, and over time will develop into paranoia.
When the motivation to work on relationships disappears
If you don’t want to do anything for each other, please with gifts, make sacrifices and overcome, spend less and less time together, then it’s better to finish everything before you become enemies. You can't live your whole life like a zombie who doesn't leave his girlfriend just because it's wrong. Over time, you will burn out and hate your life.
You spend your free time apart
Imagine: you've been working all week, and now it's Friday evening or the weekend when it's time to be together. So what's going on? You prefer to spend this time not together. If the desire for each other has disappeared, there is no frantic desire to share every free minute with your loved one, then is it even worth spending time on each other?
Lack of respect
Remember how it all began: you couldn’t even say an offensive word to each other, disputes were quickly smoothed over, and schedules were adjusted to suit each other, and you – hers.
What now? You are careless in your words, which hurt and leave scars, and your partner’s personal time has lost all value. The relationship has become mutually consumerist, and hopes for a happy future are fading, like first-year students in front of a young teacher. I doubt it will get any better.
The ability to end a relationship is one of the skills needed by a modern woman.
100 years ago, the ability to end a relationship with a man was practically not required - if a guy and a girl liked each other, they immediately got married and started living together, and then did not get divorced. If courtship reached the stage of intimacy, the guy was morally obliged to marry. Until the middle of the last century, even schools were separate for boys and girls.
Today the situation is developing differently. Already at school, girls begin to communicate with boys and create couples. Sometimes this communication is innocent, but quite often teenage friendship turns into sexual intercourse. Regardless of what you think about it, whether you approve or not (I, of course, would like my daughter to retain her innocence longer), this is the reality of today's life.
Therefore, from a young age, girls need the ability to end relationships (with or without intimacy).
Why is it important to end a relationship that has no future?
The longer you are in a relationship that has become a burden, the sadder your life will be. You might even get depressed. The same thing if you understand that your partner has stopped loving you and no longer wants to be with you, but for some reason does not tell you about it. In such a situation, if there are no children together, the sooner you separate, the better for both of you.
To be in a relationship where you are not in love with the person or he does not love you is robbing yourself. You could spend this time with the person you love and who adores you, perhaps get married, have a child, set up your own home. Both you and the man deserve to be with someone you want to be with.
How to understand that a relationship has no future
Ask yourself:
- If I were choosing a partner today, would I choose the same person?
Very often, when I ask women this question, they answer without thinking: of course not!
When you ask divorced people if they think they made the decision to separate too late, most people say yes. How late they ended the relationship usually varies from 3 to 7 years.
That is, for 3-7 years people live unhappy, suffering and irritated in communication with their partner. They knew for years that the relationship had no future, but were afraid to end it. Is it worth torturing yourself?
Give yourself 1 week to think about it for every full or partial year you spend together. During this time, try not to quarrel, swear, talk less and listen more. If a conflict arises, simply remain silent and give your partner the opportunity to speak. Don't respond to his accusations, say that you have nothing to say in at the moment. If, after the allotted time, you still feel that the relationship has no future, it may be time to end it.
How to end a relationship with a man peacefully
Naturally, the right path depends on the duration of the relationship, the presence of children, living separately or together.
(If there are children in the family, it is worth discussing this issue with your mother, since separation will affect all family members. Remember that you are connected with the father of your children forever and your psyche and future depend on how you separate family relationships your children. Planning a divorce is different from trying to end a relationship with a man with whom you are not related.)
If you don't live together, just disappear for 1-2 days, turn off your phone and don't respond to SMS. If you live together, you can do the same by going to visit your mother or friend for a few days. If you see that a man is very worried (according to the texts of his messages and the number of calls), then answer once, but briefly, that everything is fine with you. The goal here is to change the usual order of communication in order to create a platform for serious conversations, which men terribly dislike and usually avoid.
Your man will become worried and will already know something is going on. After this, you can organize a conversation in which you say something like the following: I’ve been thinking about this for several weeks, but now I gave myself time to think carefully and decided that I can’t give you what you need, and I don’t see the point in the continuation of our relationship. You are a great guy, a wonderful person, but I don't have the same feelings for you that I had in the beginning. It’s very hard for me to tell you this and I really struggled with how to say it all, but I realized that you deserve more, you deserve to have a girl who truly loves you.
Here (or earlier) he will ask: are you leaving me?
Reply: yes, I think we should break up.
Then listen carefully to what he has to say, don’t argue, don’t cry, don’t swear, don’t have sex. Just listen carefully and don’t object (even if you don’t agree), you can nod or make non-committal “Mmm” sounds. If he demands that you answer something, repeat in other words what you have already said: you deserve more, I cannot give it to you.
If he says, no, I really want you, I don’t need anyone but you, answer: “I’m very sorry” or “I understand, but I can’t give you what you want.”
That is, stick to the same line as at the beginning:
- It’s hard for you to talk about it;
- you don't know how to say it, but you are not able to give him what he needs;
- you have made a decision;
- there is no reason other than that you do not see a future in your relationship;
- you both deserve better in life.
Don't give him any reason why or what he did wrong. It's best to end this conversation quickly.
Safety precautions when ending a relationship with a man
Ideally, you should talk to your ex-partner in person. This will be more respectful and allow him to have his say, which is important. But this option is not always suitable in a real situation.
- If you do not live together and your relationship is no more than 1-2 months old, then you can talk on the phone.
- If you live together, it is better to do this in person, unless you are afraid that the man may react aggressively.
- Tell someone you trust 100% about the upcoming conversation (mom, grandmother, decent friend). You can also call her and put the phone in your pocket so she can hear what's going on.
- If your partner is capable of aggression, have someone with you when talking - your mother, father or other responsible companion, this person may be in another room. If you are not sure of your own safety even in this case, you should not do this personally.
- Never send a text or email; at the very least, talk on the phone.
In my youth, I used this method when I decided to end my relationship with a guy: I stopped doing all the good things for him, began to deliberately irritate him, and when he exploded and said unpleasant things to me, I was demonstratively offended and left, leaving him to blame. Today I understand that it was cowardly and such manipulation leaves bad feelings, so it’s better to part ways peacefully and kindly. But then I didn’t have the right words and I didn’t know how to do it.
How to take care of a man's feelings during a breakup
It’s strange for men if a breakup happens “out of the blue.” Therefore, it is better if he takes care in advance and understands that something is happening and prepares himself mentally for the changes. It is precisely these goals that are achieved by silent, calm and detached behavior, leaving for a few days to visit mother, and lack of telephone contact.
This way, your relationship will already be broken, so it's easier to turn temporary into permanent. You should not reproach a man for his misdeeds or explain to him the reasons. After all main reason is that you don't want to be with him anymore. No matter what exactly he did wrong, you have made a decision and do not expect any action from him.
Some girls think that it is necessary to tell the man the “reason” for breaking up so that he can “correct.” What, you didn’t tell him about this problem before? If you did, then he already knows very well what you don’t like. At the moment of separation, the most important thing for you is to end the relationship. This is where you need to concentrate your efforts. Talking about his mistakes and misdeeds here will only get in the way: showdowns, excuses will begin, the conversation may turn to a raised tone - as a result, you will have a quarrel, but you wanted to leave peacefully. Leave the re-education to the next woman who may be able to achieve desired result. You've already tried and it didn't work out - that's why you decided to end the relationship.
: if in their minds they are already “playing out” the scene in the hall of the Wedding Palace, then their boyfriend, as they say, is in no mood. Not only does he, in principle, do not plan anything serious in relation to the young lady. But the girl either doesn’t notice this or doesn’t want to notice.
Director of the Vladimir dating agency “Me and You”, family psychologist, consultant on interpersonal relationships Elena Kuznetsova listed the six most obvious signs that young man There are no far-reaching plans for the young lady.
1. Dating is usually spontaneous.
Almost always, when saying goodbye after a date, a man says: “We’ll call you” (let’s write, see each other, etc.), without specifying exactly when this will happen. A boyfriend can disappear for several days, and then suddenly show up and invite you to a restaurant. Such spontaneity most often indicates that the girl is clearly not in first place in the young man’s priorities. In other words, . So, what serious intentions in in this case can we talk?
The only exceptions are those who work a lot and do not belong to themselves. They see their chosen one only when a “window” appears in their busy schedule. At this time, a man can call and ask, for example: “What are you doing? Let's see you."
2. Doesn’t introduce you to relatives and friends
Here we should immediately make a reservation. If a guy introduced you to his parents and (or) friends, this does not mean that he has serious intentions towards you. Perhaps it’s in the order of things for him to introduce his next passion to mom, dad and his company. So . But if a young man avoids introducing you to his loved ones, then this is...
“If within six months of a close relationship a man does not introduce a woman to either his family or friends, he is unlikely to. There is no point in hoping for a future together with such a gentleman,” Kuznetsova warns.
3. He doesn’t get acquainted with the girl’s close circle.
4. Doesn't talk about the future
According to Elena Kuznetsova, men, in principle, do not like to discuss the future with their chosen one. Something like: “Let’s get married, build a house outside the city and get a dog,” - this is not about talk of the stronger sex. Topics of a shared future are more often raised either by youngsters or by those whose confidence is well supported financially.
Everyone else avoids long-term planning. However, if a man is really seriously interested in a woman, he will still say the “code” phrase: . It should sound within six months of your dates. If after six months of close communication the gentleman does not invite you to move in with him, or does not offer to rent an apartment together, etc., then most likely he is not planning a future with you. You already suit him quite well - how. For example, for intimacy.
“If a man is seriously interested in you, he... He wants to smell you constantly, touch you constantly. He likes to take care of you, and he likes that you take care of him. In this case, the partner quickly invites the girl to live together. Provided, of course, that they are both free and there are no reasons preventing life together", the psychologist summed up.
5. Doesn't call him his girlfriend
It’s quite difficult to imagine a situation in which a man would ceremoniously say: “This is Masha. " If a young man introduces his passion to relatives or close friends, then they, in principle, already know who Masha is.
On the other hand, it has now become quite fashionable to call the young lady with whom a man mainly dates simply “a friend.” The word "girl" has more deep meaning. This is a certain status, which implies not just intimacy, but also more serious relationship. It happens that a man makes a “Freudian slip” when he is suddenly asked: “Is this your girlfriend?” And a guy who treats a young lady “without fanaticism” can automatically answer: “No.”
Kuznetsova emphasizes that this point is ambiguous, and advises young ladies to focus on men’s actions, because “a man should do, not say.”
6. Dates always end in sex.
This indicator is also not obvious, but nevertheless. If the couple’s relationship was initially based solely on sex, then the man will perceive your meetings exclusively in an intimate context.
If the “mixture” was initially not only about, but also about mutual sympathy, as well as interests other than sex, then the guy can meet the girl without “bed continuation”, but this will not mean at all that he has serious plans for your future together .
“Sex plays a huge role in a couple’s life, but not that much. Maybe a girl pleasant companion, and the couple can watch a movie together or discuss something. There is nothing special about this, and it does not mean that the man has serious intentions towards the woman,” states Kuznetsova.
If you have questions for psychologist Elena Kuznetsova, you can ask them by writing a letter to the email address of the AiF-Vladimir editorial office: [email protected] .
Every couple, at some point in their relationship, has a period when they want to find the exact answer to the question: “Will we be together?” For some, a bad streak of quarrels and scandals begins, for others there are moments of dissatisfaction with each other, for others it leads to a long and painful breakup. It is very important at such moments to be honest with yourself in order to sort out all the mistakes in your relationship with your loved one. In addition, there are several signs that people are actually in relationships without a future.
An unhealthy atmosphere in a relationship almost always gives us a chance to figure out the mistakes we make in love or direct our personal life in a different direction. No matter how hard it may be, sometimes you shouldn’t hold on to unsuccessful relationships, since for both partners they can be imprinted on happiness in future relationships. Therefore, now we will look at several signs of hopeless communication, which will help to clearly understand whether the relationship has a future.
Feeling of spiritual emptiness ... When lovers go home after another meeting or communication with each other, they may be visited by different feelings - inspiration from communication, worries about a quarrel, or just feelings peace of mind and harmony. Any of these feelings indicates that you are not indifferent to each other. If, when you come home, you find a feeling of emptiness in your heart, most likely you are no longer in love and it is likely that you are in a relationship without a future.
Clarification of relationships out of habit... I just want to find fault, make claims, run into a scandal. And this is not simply because there is a lack of passion in the relationship. But just to make it happen... At the same time, you absolutely don’t want to stop during a quarrel: you urgently need to find out who is right, who is wrong, who is better, who is worse. Communication is based on the principles of accusation and justification. Even when one person asks: “What do you think, will we be together?”, the second one angrily replies: “It all depends only on you...”. But in fact, everything depends on both...
Desire to control . Relationships without love, as a rule, involve a desire to subordinate a person to your desires, your will. It’s not just the pressure of control that begins, but an attempt to destroy the personality or self-esteem in the other half. A hysterical woman also has this property. One way or another, the desire to control someone denies the possibility of trust in a relationship, and therefore destroys love.
Reduced level of self-esteem . When in a relationship between a man and a woman someone feels humiliated, insulted, and begins to critically perceive the successes of a loved one, even with some kind of dissatisfaction or envy, this is already very bad. At the same time negative emotions prevent a person from developing himself, and he tries to raise his self-esteem by lowering the self-esteem of others.
Mutual insults and humiliation. When everything is bad, but the lovers have not yet figured out how to understand that the relationship has no future, for some reason they begin to look for a way out by humiliating each other. Moreover, they often cannot explain this even to themselves. Expressing mutual hostility most often indicates that feelings between people have already faded. And reconciliation after quarrels speaks more of a strong addiction or habit, but not of love.
Mood swings. If people begin to reach a stage where they ask themselves whether there is a future for the relationship, then their love begins to quickly fade. And if sudden mood swings are added to this, the situation actually looks disappointing.
Dramatic moments when one of the lovers goes to extremes from incredible cheerfulness to hysteria or from tenderness and care to irritation is a sign that the relationship is losing all meaning. This turns into inexplicable moments of misunderstanding: reluctance to explain the reason for behavior, long and painful pauses in conversation, silent departure into nowhere... Thanks to modern technologies, manipulations with the phone have also been added, such as hanging up, ignoring calls, getting SMS.
You have little in common. For some reason, plans for the future have different outlines. Truly, unsuccessful relationships most often develop with too many different people who have completely different worldviews and outlooks on life. In this case, it will be very difficult for the couple to move together. And too contradictory and uncoordinated actions will sooner or later lead to a break.
You increasingly prefer to relax separately . When young people feel more comfortable in the company of other people than together, it means that they are pretty fed up with each other. After all, in a relationship that ends in a wedding, a man and a woman strive to devote a free minute to each other and only then be in the company of friends.
An abundance of negativity and a lack of positivity. Firstly, this happens in the relationship itself - partners begin to morally “eat” each other with insults, criticism, and claims. Secondly, a negative attitude begins to occupy a place in everyone’s soul over time. The confidence of one of the lovers that everything is bad, that he will never be happy, nothing works out for him, there is no love, all men are scum..., women are su... etc. That is, a constant pessimistic attitude entails an unpleasant outcome of the relationship.
The more often you torment yourself with the question “will we be together,” the more obvious it is that the answer to it is not comforting. Don't get used to being in an unhealthy relationship with no future. When you notice that a relationship is crumbling and saving it seems less and less possible, it is better to free each other from the burden, spread your wings and fly. Indeed, truly, a relationship without love and without happiness in the future will be felt by your heart as an unbearable burden that simply needs to be removed from it.
Most often, people are held together by fear of change and habit, which raises the question: “How will I live without him (her)?” If you understand that you have done everything to save love, but there is no improvement, it is better to let each other go... and start writing your personal life from a new leaf, with pure thoughts, with a freed heart.
I dated a girl for 9 months, we broke up many times and got back together again, but the breakups were not long, 2-5 days, mainly the reason for our breakups was my deceptions and my excessive jealousy, and besides, this was accompanied by aggression on my part. I want to say that I love her very much and don’t want to lose her. There were deceptions on her part, but it was a deception for the good, but it still reflected pain on me. I never asked her to say “I love” because I knew that this meant a lot and she is not the kind of person who completely believes in love. But 5 months into our relationship she finally said it, I was happier than ever because I didn’t expect it, but only I did something not so, she said that she doubted that she loved, and soon she completely stopped saying I love. We are students studying in different cities and countries. The relationship is constantly tense. But now the main reason for our separation was not lies, not distance, not other problems , but the fact that she thinks a lot and she believes that my mother will not accept her into the family, or simply will not love her, in short, that our relationship is doomed by the fact that in the end everything will collapse, because in 4-6 years I will propose her hand and heart, but she will refuse because she doesn’t want to get married, or even if she does, my family won’t love her, because she’s not worthy to be my wife (she thinks so), and the fact that we are in character very strong, and we will kill each other. And she keeps saying that she will ruin my future, that she is not the one, that she has already ruined my life, and my mother already hates her for it. The thing is that I fell in love (for the first time in life, and this is my first girlfriend, there is no need to emphasize the problem every time on the fact that she is the first) I lost my mind and order in my head and in my life. I stopped studying, did not receive a medal, did not enter Nazarbayev University. My girlfriend blames all this herself, and she also thinks that my mother thinks so. In short, I don’t like these female relationships, I just want to be happy and give my love. Currently, we kind of broke up with her, but we communicate, I ask you to come back every day, but as soon as she returned to her hometown, she agreed to meet with her past boyfriend, whom she doesn’t love, and doesn’t want to be with him, she just did it so that I would fall behind and so that that guy would not suffer (he also seemed to keep up with time of their separation, and said that he could not live without her), My girlfriend, mother Teresa, damn it, out of pity, she started dating him, and she told me that she was doing this for the sake of everyone, that I would thank her for leaving my life, and my parents will be happy. Do you know how painful it is, your girlfriend is with her past boyfriend. What should I do? I can’t go to hometown, and I'm afraid it will happen after the New Year it's late and I will lose my love of my life, this feeling is stronger than anything in the world. Help with advice, I don’t know what to do, and there is a complete crisis in all areas of activity, and its most basic part (love) is leaving me by leaps and bounds, I simply cannot live without No, I don’t sleep, I eat little, I’m nervous, I smoke a lot, I break everything I can get my hands on, I’m going crazy, and I feel like I’ll become crazy if I learn or hear something else unpleasant or this situation will last for a long time. If you have any questions, ask, I will answer, please help.
