By the way, women themselves are afraid of awkward moments. They want to feel freer, not to be embarrassed by anything, not to be distracted by anything, to listen to the doctor and midwife. It’s another matter when it’s all over: if the father is nearby, he will immediately see the child, be able to hug him, take him in his arms... Many dads agree to cut the umbilical cord, for us it’s a whole ritual. And then you need to see a man: he washed his hands, put on gloves, stands, not breathing, worried... All this is very touching and leaves no one indifferent. Men, for their part, also often talk about the difference in perception - it is one thing to see a child on the third or fourth day, and another thing immediately after birth. I’ll be honest: few could resist tears! And I often hear them talking on the phone - it seems like with the whole world. From the outside it seems that they gave birth themselves, and not their wives. “Well, congratulations, we just gave birth...”; “Yes, I was, yes, I gave birth, yes, I saw everything...” They are overwhelmed with joy and pride.
You can also be present in the operating room. Nowadays there are so many different materials that cover, cover, fence off, those present will never see what is not necessary: a caesarean section is a big medicine, not for ordinary people... But the child was born, he was placed on the changing table, a midwife takes care of him, we We invite the father to come in and take the child to the children's department, that is, to be the first to hold the newborn in his arms!
I can’t say that my relatives have ever bothered me during childbirth. On the contrary, they help: they see everything for themselves, understand everything, and in emergency situations they help a woman make a decision. Openness generally removes questions and eliminates mistrust, allowing you to survive any situation. And this is important for men - to control the situation. Of course, it can be scary and difficult for them to be there and not be able to help. Some even lose their temper. But this is normal, there is no need to be afraid or ashamed.”
Nadezhda Kupriyashina, psychologist:
“Ten years ago, the father’s presence at childbirth looked exotic. Men were worried and worried, had fears and doubts - “do I need this, how much of a man’s business is this”... Now it seems that it has been decided that it is necessary, even necessary, to be present, this is not a tribute to fashion, but a normal step, because a child is born in a couple, in family. But the same question remains - I’ll come to the birth, see all this, and... what will happen then? I believe that there are contraindications for partner childbirth. I would recommend thinking about whether it is worth going in a situation where the couple experienced a serious crisis shortly before giving birth (and there was neither time nor opportunity to cope with it). During pregnancy, such things happen not so rarely. Often in such a situation, partners perceive childbirth as a kind of cleansing event, catharsis - now we will give birth to a child, after which all the negativity will be overcome. This is wrong. Childbirth has magical power. They enhance all the good that has been accumulated in the relationship, but also strengthen the negative that was in the couple. The second contraindication: a man has a fear of medical institutions, manipulations, doctors, operations, for example, due to negative experiences received in childhood.”
Lyudmila Fokina, ultrasound diagnostics doctor:
“It’s good if during pregnancy a man has the opportunity to visit a doctor with his wife or go to ultrasound examination, go to the birth with your wife. In this case, he receives first-hand information, and this reduces anxiety. On the other hand, we must understand that the male psyche is not very ready for what happens to a woman during pregnancy and childbirth. Future dads are simply not adapted by nature to these realities. But some mothers believe that absolutely all information should be conveyed to the husband, regardless of the fact that his emotions are going through the roof. This is, of course, overkill. There should be involvement, but the father's role, in my opinion, is to provide comfort in the family, psychological and material, and not to be aware of all the intricacies of the pregnancy process. If dad is not ready, there is no need to torture him, otherwise the effect will be the opposite - he will start to get nervous. Perhaps women do this in order to awaken his instincts, but in a normal man they will awaken on their own. In any case, I wouldn’t judge what kind of father he’ll be just by the fact that he’s been by my side all nine months. Everything is much more subtle. When a woman comes to see me and says that her husband cannot come because of work, I always answer that this is good, dad must work, and so that he knows everything, we will send him a photo and make a movie for him. Dad must have no time, I think so.”
Childbirth is divided into two stages: preparatory period and the birth of the child itself. The first stage can last several hours (or even a day): contractions (uterine contractions) are preparing birth canal to childbirth. Being close to your wife during childbirth means helping her experience contractions, pain and fear, supporting, comforting, saying kind words, giving a massage, helping her breathe correctly... The birth of a child itself - pushing - lasts much less (from a few minutes to half an hour) and does not require the presence of anyone else other than the midwife and doctors. Men (and women) are usually afraid of this stage. But, again, the presence of the father or other relatives during the birth of a child is usually kept to a minimum.
The Ministry of Health is asked to expand the list of those who can be present at birth. Now, as the law “On the Fundamentals of Protecting Citizens’ Health” states, this can be the child’s father or “another family member” (for example, the mother or sister of a woman in labor). They are allowed to stay in a maternity hospital (including a state or municipal one) next to a woman giving birth. In this case, the following conditions must be met: the woman in labor has given her consent, her health is normal and the guests do not have infectious diseases. The maternity hospital should not charge for the presence of anyone from the “support group”.
But sometimes women want a friend or professional doula to be with them during labor ( assistant who provides practical, informational and psychological support during childbirth). It turns out that this is now prohibited by law.
The initiator of the appeal to expand the “support group” is Ruslan Trofimov; as he explained to Life, he provides legal advice mothers in labor and their families. He sent a letter to the State Duma (Life has a copy). Chairman of the State Duma Committee on Health Protection Dmitry Morozov forwarded this letter to the head of the Ministry of Health Veronica Skvortsova, asking “to indicate the position of the ministry” (Life also has a copy of Morozov’s appeal).
“Over the course of seven years of my public activities in the field of protecting the rights of pregnant women, women in labor and parents, questions have repeatedly arisen about what if a woman does not want the child’s father or another family member to be present at the birth, but would like another to be present at the birth man, the law does not allow her to do this,” the appeal says.
According to Ruslan Trofimov, “the principle of justice is not respected”: perhaps expectant mother- an orphan, she has no relatives, and the child’s father abandoned her. It turns out that she does not have the right to have someone with her in the maternity hospital who can support her (a friend, for example).
Ruslan Trofimov attached to his letter a draft amendment to the law "On the basics of protecting the health of citizens." To resolve the issue, you need to add only three words to it - “or another person” (allowed to be present at the birth).
According to him, now maternity hospitals often prohibit even expectant fathers from attending births - although by law they should allow it.
In most cases, fathers are prohibited from attending,” he told Life. - Employees of maternity hospitals say that you don’t have certificates of absence of infections. However, the law does not say what kind of certificates need to be brought. I advise those fathers who want to be present at the birth to request in advance from their maternity hospital a list (in writing) of all the certificates that are needed.
The second excuse of maternity hospitals is quarantine (for example, due to the flu).
But how is it that a woman giving birth and her unborn child can be in this quarantine, but a man cannot? - says Ruslan Trofimov.
The third argument is a small maternity ward, several women give birth there at the same time. In this case, the man will see not only his wife, but also completely strangers naked screaming women - and most likely they will be against it.
But even this argument is essentially an excuse, says Ruslan Trofimov. - You can put up screens, and strangers will not be visible. Well, the fact that they are screaming - so what, this is childbirth, everyone is screaming there.
The fourth excuse is: “How will you prove that you are the father?”
At the same time, the law does not say that the father needs to somehow prove his paternity, says Ruslan Trofimov. - It is not within the competence of maternity hospital staff to check this.
According to him, maternity hospital staff are against fathers being present at births because they are unnecessary witnesses.
Often doctors open the amniotic sac without even telling the woman in labor, said Ruslan Trofimov. - But she may be against it, she most likely wants the birth to take place as naturally as possible, and not in a way that makes it easier for the doctors. This procedure is often not recorded anywhere. But if next to the woman in labor there is her close person, he will not allow this to be done without consent.
Indeed, on the Internet you can find many comments of this kind: " I was told to climb onto the table “for an examination,” and I felt warm liquid flowing out of me, at first I didn’t understand, then, again “walking” around the delivery room, I saw in the sink that “pin” that was used for the puncture.”
As for private centers, everything is much simpler there. You can find a clinic that will allow you to hold a meeting of graduates in the ward. But there are still some restrictions: only one guest can be present in the maternity ward itself, and only when he leaves can the next one enter. For example, first the husband is present, then the sister, then the girlfriend, then another friend, etc. Such rules apply in private clinics.
Although the presence of friends at childbirth, as stated, is prohibited by law, who will check compliance with this strange rule in private clinics? At the same time, some private clinics have stricter procedures. The Euromed network told Life that only the father of the unborn child can be present at the birth.
According to p erinatal psychologist Anna Severin, “during childbirth, moments periodically come when someone’s support is really needed.”
Often, couples prepare for partner childbirth by attending special lectures together, says the psychologist. “And then the husbands are present at the birth, already knowing how exactly they can help. It happens that women in labor bring their mothers, but we do not recommend doing this. Mothers begin to remember their birth, worry, and the nervous atmosphere is transferred to the mother in labor.
At the same time, according to her, women rarely want their friends to be present at childbirth.
But interest in doulas is growing. This is also shown by statistics from the Yandex tool Wordstat. Over the past two years, the number of requests for “doula” has increased several times - from 2.5 thousand per month to 5 thousand per month.
Recently, the presence of the husband at childbirth has become popular. Some participate in the process because it is fashionable, for others partner birth– the opportunity to share with your loved one the hardships associated with the birth of a baby.
Pros
Childbirth and the few hours ahead of it are a pleasant, but difficult moment. A woman not only experiences severe pain during labor, but some women in labor experience panic attacks. In such situations, the presence of a loved one will ease the situation, and delivery will take place without complications.
Can my husband be present at the birth? Yes, if a pregnant woman is ready for the fact that when the child is born, the father will be nearby, then a partner birth will become a happy event in the life of the family. The main thing is that the man wants it.
Giving birth in the presence of her husband will help the expectant mother to calm down mentally and behave more adequately during labor. Yes, and midwives will become more correct in front of strangers. The husband will be able to monitor their actions and check the medications that are used in the process. This is especially important in case of emerging pathologies.
A man's help during labor is also useful - the right actions will be a good alternative to painkillers. If the baby is expected to be born in vertical position women in labor, then the physical support of the husband will be most welcome - it is on him that the wife can rely without fear.
The presence of the future dad at the birth will allow him to immediately hold the child in his arms. This is important, since most of all it connects the newborn with the father with an invisible thread. If the baby is desired, then this is a special event that will be remembered for the rest of your life.
Cons
Not every woman is ready to give birth in the presence of her beloved, fearing to appear before him in an unpresentable form. Keeps the fear of being uninteresting and unwanted for the husband.
Should a husband be present at his wife's birth? If the expectant mother is not ready for a partner birth with the participation of her husband, she should not plan it. After all, in addition to the positive aspects, there is also a negative side of the situation, which is better not to allow.
Even if the husband wants to be present at the birth, the woman has the right to refuse this, having expressed her arguments in advance. Not even because the wife is embarrassed to look ugly in the eyes of a man - the reason may be the unpreparedness of the partner himself.
Childbirth through the eyes of a man turns out to be not such a joyful event as it seems in theory. This happens if the husband does not support his wife, but observes the process from the side. The torment of a wife and the abundance of blood when a child is born can have a negative impact on the partner’s psyche, causing some of them to faint. The medical staff has to switch attention from the woman in labor to the future dad.
There are squeamish husbands, and the appearance of a baby leaves a negative aftertaste in the soul. The anatomical features of the process cause a cooling of feelings towards the wife, and sometimes towards the newborn. Therefore, the presence of the husband at the birth should be a conscious decision on the part of both partners.
Who can attend the birth:
- the husband is the first applicant to participate in the process;
- other relatives are allowed - mother or sister;
- Some people feel calmer if a close friend is nearby.
The presence of children at childbirth is not always desirable if they are not prepared for the process in advance. It is better if they support the mother in the first stages, and then go into the maternity room when the baby is already born.
Rules for partner births
It is not enough just to want your husband to be present at the birth - partners must prepare mentally and documented. The spouses will discuss what exactly is needed with the gynecologist who will receive the baby, or with a doctor from antenatal clinic.
Is fluorography necessary in the maternity hospital? Yes, a child born into the world is not yet protected from negative influence viruses and bacteria are all important. Therefore, special sterility is maintained in the hall. To eliminate the risk of infections, partners must document the absence of health problems by undergoing not only fluorography, but also laboratory tests.
How long is fluorography valid for a maternity hospital? Every person takes “photographs” of their lungs every year. If the partner has already undergone this procedure within the last 10 months, then the husband’s existing fluorography for the maternity hospital will be valid. Therefore, there is no need for the procedure immediately before the birth of the child.
What you need for your husband to be present at the birth:
- the husband must provide a fluorogram;
- undergo a bacteriological examination of the nasopharynx and oral cavity for the presence of pathogens;
- donate blood for HIV;
- confirm with medical certificates the absence of viral infections;
- be psychologically prepared.
A desirable condition is that both partners mutually attend the School for Pregnant Women, where the man will be introduced to the features of the upcoming process, prepared mentally and taught correct behavior in the delivery room.
How much does it cost to have your husband present at the birth? It depends on where the woman intends to give birth. The law of the country guarantees free presence of the husband during childbirth in public hospitals, providing expectant mothers with birth certificates. If you choose commercial services, you won’t be able to give birth for free. The minimum price in the periphery costs 10 thousand rubles, in the capital, naturally, it is more expensive.
Responsibilities of a birth partner
If the husband is present at the birth, he will not remain indifferent. The partner should immediately become involved in the process already at the stage of the first contractions. The emotional support of the woman in labor depends on the man.
Actions of the partner during childbirth:
- helps to count the duration of contractions;
- gives massages to relieve pain;
- tells you how to breathe correctly;
- will become a support for the wife during vertical childbirth;
- if necessary, he will moisten the dry lips of the woman in labor and wipe away the sweat;
- will assume the responsibilities of an intermediary in communication with medical staff.
Obstetricians are increasingly practicing the principle of “skin to skin” contact, when the baby is immediately placed on the mother’s stomach during birth. If there was a caesarean section, this is unrealistic, and then the presence of the dad will be a suitable alternative.
What not to do:
- you should not sort things out with the medical staff;
- you cannot interfere with the process, even if the birth occurs with pathology;
- it is forbidden to lecture your wife or make any comments to her;
- a man should not panic.
It is also not recommended to watch the baby come out into the world. It is better if the partner stands next to his wife. It is important for a woman to hold her loved one’s hand at the climax. Support will distract her from pain and relieve her fears.
Partner childbirth should not be perceived as a fashionable event - it is a complex process that turns out to be a difficult ordeal for a man. If the husband’s participation is not due to an ardent desire to support his beloved to the end, then there is no point in “tickling” his nerves.
Sometimes the husband is present at the birth solely to capture this process on a video camera. If this is so important, then it is better to entrust the role of an outside observer to someone else, and to be at your wife’s bedside. Video recording will not allow you to fully feel the importance of the moment.
The arrival of the baby will be the final stage of pregnancy for the partner as well. A man must be sensitive to his wife’s well-being throughout all 3 trimesters. Then partner participation for the husband will become a natural continuation of pregnancy.
The husband in the maternity room should be correctly composed, but not indifferent. Not only does the woman need to feel the support of her husband - the midwife needs confidence that the man will come to the rescue at the first request, and will not save in case of unforeseen circumstances.
The husband also needs to be prepared for his wife’s inappropriate behavior - women in labor cannot control their behavior when pushing. If the spouse begins to reproach her husband, scream, push away and even insult, you should not take it personally - this is how the psyche copes with pain.
If a man is not sure that he is ready for a partner birth, he should gently convince his wife to abandon the idea, citing weak nerves. If the husband is still in the hall, he can leave the room at any time if he feels unwell. But this should be done delicately.
Options for behavior
Not everyone goes for a partner birth, but if this idea is supported by both spouses in the family, then they need to discuss the responsibilities of the future father in advance. Here you should take into account the various situations that will arise during the process. Some of them can be predicted, but it is recommended to prepare psychologically for the unexpected.
It is not necessary for dad to be in the delivery room from beginning to end. It is enough if he supports his wife during contractions and pushing, and leaves the room at the moment the child appears. This is a gentle option for men who are afraid of blood. Then the husband comes into the hall to take the child in his arms.
No woman wants her loved one to be present during the third stage of labor, when the doctor conducts a medical examination of the vagina, takes the placenta and stitches up the tears. At this stage, father's attention is distracted by the contemplation of the baby.
The man initially tunes in to actively help his wife, studying breathing techniques and pain-relieving massage. But some women, during the process of childbirth, begin to be irritated by their husband’s touch, so the partner will have to limit himself to only moral support, waiting for the wife to call him.
The birth participant should be prepared for any unusual situations. The process is delayed due to incorrect presentation of the fetus or problems with the umbilical cord. Sometimes obstetricians have to use birth control techniques.
Often natural childbirth are running out Caesarean section. In all cases of pathology, the partner should not panic, because his main responsibility is to support his wife.
If a woman does not want to give birth alone and is preparing for a partner birth, she must take into account the desire and readiness of her husband, weighing the positive and negative aspects. Sometimes it’s easier to give birth yourself or invite a close friend who knows firsthand about the complexities of the process to participate.
Why on paid childbirth they let my husband in without any problems, but free childbirth with husband- rare? After all, according to the law, the husband has every right to be present at the birth, how can this be achieved?
Step-by-step process of “giving birth with your husband for free”
Step-0. When choosing a maternity hospital, try to find out whether the administration and medical staff of the maternity hospital welcome childbirth with your husband.
Step-1. After you have decided on the maternity hospital, your husband will need to submit some tests. In the clinic, at the place of residence:
- Laboratory: blood test for HIV, HBS, HCV and RW.
- Fluorography.
Step-2.
My husband needs to go examination by a therapist and take health report.
They look at the absence of cardiovascular diseases (coronary heart disease, hypertension), endocrine-metabolic ( diabetes mellitus), etc.
By phone it is worth clarifying the list of tests required at the maternity hospital.
Step-3. You need to take birth certificate, it is usually filled out and issued at 30 weeks, in the antenatal clinic where you are registered.
- The birth certificate is filled out by the providers medical care women during pregnancy and childbirth by municipal and state health care institutions that have a license for medical activities to provide work and services in the specialty “obstetrics and gynecology”.
Step-4. You need to write " Application for husband's presence at childbirth» addressed to the head physician of the maternity hospital. You can get a sample application from your maternity hospital.
Application example: 
Application for free childbirth with husband
Step-5. With all the above documents (copies of tests, physician’s report, birth certificate, application), you need approach the head or chief physician of the maternity hospital who must sign your application.
Find out in advance whether your husband is required to take a change of clothes from home or is it provided at the maternity hospital?
It happens that the manager signs the application, but with some postscript, for example: "subject to free boxes." This is fully consistent with the law:
- The presence of the husband (close relatives) during childbirth is possible subject to conditions(individual delivery rooms), the visitor does not have an infectious disease (acute respiratory infection, etc.), with the permission of the doctor on duty, taking into account the woman’s condition. Relatives present at the birth must wear a change of clothes, a robe, shoe covers, and a mask (in the delivery room).
Just like the fact that your husband, being present at the birth, should not feel like a stranger, because this is his legal right, he "legal representative", "patient representative"».
Explain to your spouse that, first of all, he acts in the interests of loved ones, i.e. you and your child. Indeed, in accordance with current legislation, parents of minor children can represent and act in their interests before any third parties without a power of attorney.
The husband has the right not only to attend the birth free of charge, but also to visit his wife in the maternity hospital free of charge.
If you are refused, request the refusal and its justification in writing, with this you can contact a lawyer and higher authorities.
An interesting video about childbirth with your husband - is it worth it?
What do you say?
Comments (15)
- Katyushka
I really want my husband to be with me!
- Nastya P.
Those. whatever one may say, the maternity hospital staff have a loophole to refuse... sad.
- Love
And that’s exactly how I gave birth with my husband and without any contracts :)))) Money was given only for the purchase of my husband’s uniform - a robe and shoe covers. Well, for the postpartum nurses, so that the baby is well looked after.
- Anya
We collected copies of the tests, wrote a statement at home, came to the maternity hospital - the manager was not there. They left the folder with all the goods with the guard and gave him 200 rubles. The next day in the evening, my husband drove up to the maternity hospital and picked up the signed application!!!
- Sonya
I gave birth with my mother, the process is the same. She was allowed in, despite the fact that there was another girl in the family room. I will say that my mom helped me a lot, if I give birth again, it will only be with her support!
- Lyalya
Phew, we’ve dealt with the bureaucracy, we have a signed statement, the main thing now is not to end up at the car wash in April.
- Irina
My husband and I are planning to give birth together. Anyone who already has this experience, tell me if it’s worth it.
- Catherine
I didn’t want my husband to be present at the birth, he was happy about it. Now I have a different husband, but my opinion is that he has no business being “present” with me. Just outside the door! In the sense that if I were to give birth, I would not want my husband to be present, even if he were a doctor.
This is my opinion, I think SO. Joint childbirth is a very individual event; half of you cannot be forced to participate in it if he/she is against it. IMHO. - Svetlana
And I gave birth with my husband!!! It was unforgettable! You feel not alone! The only thing is that I kicked him out (“Get out of here!”) when I climbed onto the chair—the very process of the baby coming out. And when contractions occur, he also massaged the back (during the contraction, he bent his index fingers into the pits above the butt in a circular motion pressing - it helps a lot!!!), and you can hang on it - great!!! And when nothing depends on him, when you need full concentration from mommy, you can ask your husband to leave. And there is no need for him to be there, he will only be nervous for his beloved, and that he cannot help. And as soon as I gave birth, he came in - hugs and kisses, in general, support again, the feeling that you are not alone in your happiness!!!
I hope my opinion will be useful to someone!
And also, don’t be afraid to give birth - the only unpleasant moment is pushing, when you push, but you can’t push. And don’t yell during childbirth, you’ll only lose precious strength and scare the baby. Be calm, you are still one with him, all your emotions are his emotions! Imagine how scared he is now, you know what is happening, but the baby is scared from the unknown, and at the same time his universe-you is screaming, nervous... Think about your imminent meeting, about this little bundle of happiness, which very soon you will be able to take to hands, hug, kiss and tell him how happy you are to finally meet him!!!
I wish everyone a calm, painless, successful birth!!! Health to you and your kids!!! - Lesya
giving birth with my husband turned out to be not so easy (for me personally), my husband panicked more than me. It’s good that an obstetrician-psychologist was present at the birth, who had to adjust not only me, but also for the most part my husband:) I was lucky with the doctors, I gave birth in Lapino, honey. center. in my opinion, the best, then I stayed in the rehabilitation department with my daughter, everything was at the highest level, my health improved, lactation was improved. My husband came every day at a convenient time, so he went through the whole process with us from start to finish:)
- Elena
I treated a man who suffered an acute myocardial infarction at the age of 36, while attending his wife’s birth. There is no way I will allow my dear one to be present during the birth of our baby.
- Lena
The first time I gave birth alone without my husband. Now I really want to try it with my husband and he wants it!))))
- Natasha
We gave birth 2 times with my husband. The first time was a paid birth and there were no problems. The second birth was free, we just arrived at the maternity hospital at 36 weeks to see the manager, she checked the husband’s tests in the exchange card, his and my tests were all in order and signed the birth with husband. and so we only paid for it and everything else was free.
- Tatiana
Probably a very old article!!! I gave birth in 2011 and just the other day under New Year 2014, both times with my husband, we only asked for his stick! no statements, tests, etc. Free both times!
- Lily
In Article 51 323FZ of November 21, 2011 there is not a word about the permission of the doctor on duty. Article 51.2. The father of the child or another family member is given the right, with the consent of the woman, taking into account her state of health, to be present at the birth of the child, with the exception of cases of surgical delivery, if the obstetrics facility has appropriate conditions (individual delivery rooms) and the father or other family member does not have infectious diseases . The exercise of this right is carried out without charging a fee to the child’s father or other family member.
There is no need to mislead people.
