Nothing brings people together like a common cause. And if this concerns a family, then common meals, activities and hobbies can become the very thing that unites its members and makes them like-minded people.

Looking for a hobby

Having a common hobby among family members allows many difficult situations to be resolved peacefully and shapes the child’s worldview and character. It is very important to find an activity that would be enjoyable and interesting for all participants. These could be:

It’s just great when a family has its own little rituals that help to feel the unity and care of loved ones

· shared bike rides;

· visiting festivals;

· weekend trips to interesting places;

· fishing;

· visiting a dance school;

· even diving and skiing;

· a trip to the zoo;

· playing volleyball;

· visit to the skating rink;

· inventing new recipes and cooking according to old ones with improvisation and much more.

Together at the table

Unfortunately, most families today eat breakfast and lunch alone. Everyone's classes and work begin at different times and in different places. But it’s quite possible to turn dinners into home-cooked meals - you can cook together, and at the table discuss the events and news that happened during the day. And if afterward you arrange fun gatherings with games, songs, dancing, watching interesting films together and discussing them, then such evenings will leave the warmest memories in the memory of the household and become a favorite tradition.

It is clear that it will not be possible to organize such a dinner every day. After all, even in the evenings, family members may have their own things to do: training, meeting with friends, homework, preparing for an important event at work, household chores, etc. But it is very important that the family still gets together two or three times a week for one thing. table and everyone talked to each other.

For example, on weekends it could be a family dinner. You can invite relatives with their families, close friends. Provided that each of them brings his own dish to the common table. Those gathered not only try, but also evaluate culinary creativity, exchange recipes, stories and news.

A little about traditions

And finally, it’s just great when every family has its own little rituals that help to feel the unity and care of loved ones:

· traditional exchange of kisses before leaving for work or school;

Reading books to children before bedtime;

· annual small gifts (you can do it yourself) on the day of acquaintance and on the wedding day.

It is on such small traditions, which we sometimes do not even notice, that the well-being of a family is built and its unity begins.

Teenager's blood pressure.

Blood pressure jumps due to the fact that physiological growth does not correspond to height internal organs. Consult a doctor - he will prescribe therapy aimed at strengthening blood vessels, vitamin therapy, and moderate physical activity.

Perhaps today the role of the family in our society is not as high as in former times. However, it remains one of the main values, and family traditions designed to strengthen the relationship between parents and children. We will talk about how to develop and find new traditions, why this is so important, and what impact such rituals have on a child.

What are the benefits of family traditions?

According to psychologists, family traditions are very important for both adults and children. They help kids see in their parents not only strict educators, but also cheerful friends. Rituals also make it possible to feel that the family is a single whole, and not just “elders” and “younger”. It’s the kind of family that grown children want to return to again and again.

During childhood, family traditions give the child a sense of integrity and confidence in his parents. He knows for sure that he and mom and dad have interesting things to do in common, and he will not be left alone in his room. And subsequently, pleasant memories serve as the foundation for creating traditions already in new family.

How to develop family traditions?

Even if it seems to you that there are no common traditions in your family, this is not so. Surely you have small rituals that you simply do not pay enough attention to. For example, you ask your child to help make cookie dough or you go shopping on the weekend. You can add interesting details to these routine little things and make them a source of family pride. Tell your children how excited you are that you will soon be baking their favorite cookies and that you look forward to their help in the kitchen. Of course, the work should be crowned with a pleasant tea party, during which everyone in turn will tell the latest remarkable events.

By the way, it is not necessary to invent new family traditions; they can be “rented.” Ask your friends with children what they like to do together. If you love the idea of an evening game of Monopoly, why not try it at home? Don’t be afraid of new ideas and rituals, study them and feel free to borrow suitable ones!

Of course, in this matter it is important not to overdo it with persuasion and pressure. Seeing that your children don’t want to go for a morning run every day, don’t force them, even if it seems like a great, healthy idea to you. In addition, as needed, look for replacements for established traditions when they cease to inspire family members.

Basic family traditions

Each family independently chooses suitable rituals for itself. However, there are traditions that have been tested for centuries and are aimed specifically at bringing children and parents closer together, so it will be useful to take note of them.

First of all, it is a gathering of all family members for lunch or dinner, where they share news and impressions with each other in a friendly atmosphere. Ideally, this should happen every day, and a century ago this was the case. But today we are used to rushing and snacking on the go in a free minute, setting the table only for children. Therefore, it is worth trying to revive the tradition of family dinners at least once a week.

Board games- an activity that people of all ages are crazy about. They are always associated with a fun time and bond between parents and children, helping everyone feel equal. Choose a game that everyone likes: it could be lotto, dominoes, monopoly, scrabble, or just putting puzzles together.

Another undeservedly forgotten tradition is the family photo album. We are already accustomed to storing all photographs in electronic format. However, why not print out the most successful photographs and paste them into a large, beautiful album, which will then be reviewed for many years? These pictures can be accompanied by funny captions or you can tell children the events associated with the day captured. This is how a whole family history is written!

Family cohesion as an integrative characteristic of its functioning includes two points: firstly, the degree of emotional closeness or affection of family members to each other; secondly, the formation of family self-awareness, the cognitive aspect of which is the image of “We”, and the affective aspect is the feeling of “We”. In family psychology, there are different approaches to determining the essence and mechanisms of formation of family cohesion [Eidemiller, Justitskis, 1999].
Within the framework of the mechanistic atomistic approach, a “balance concept” of cohesion is being developed, operating with the concept of a balance of “pro-family” and “anti-family” forces. It is assumed that each family member has centripetal (“for the family”) and centrifugal (“against the family”) motives. The simple arithmetic balance of these forces determines the degree of family stability. For example, if a child is the unifying center of the family, i.e. the motives of upbringing determine the balance of forces in favor of preserving the family and uniting it on the basis of raising children, then at the moment when the function of upbringing is exhausted, the breakdown of the family is possible. Objections to the theory of the balance of power come down to two main arguments: firstly, in reality, motives are quite difficult to assess based on the criterion of their centripetal/centrifugal nature, which is fraught with arbitrariness in their interpretation; secondly, within the framework of this approach, each family member is considered as an isolated element, the systemic nature of the family is not taken into account, and the interaction of individual subsystems is not considered. The concept of compatibility makes family cohesion dependent on the similarities and differences in worldview, value-semantic sphere, and competence of its members. A high degree of family cohesion is ensured by the unity of values, worldview and family ideas (views on the family structure, distribution of roles and dominance) in combination with complementarity in relation to the competence of its members (knowledge, abilities, skills). Recognizing the unconditional advantages of this approach, in particular the consideration of the family as an integral system and taking into account the influence of the parental family on the formation of the cohesion of the nuclear family, it should be pointed out that the theoretical provisions of this concept are somewhat inconsistent with empirical data. For example, quite often complementary families turn out to be destructive without showing cohesion, or, on the contrary, they show a high degree of cohesion coupled with effective functioning without being complementary.
The concept of “collectivistic identification” as a mechanism of family integration, developed by A. V. Petrovsky, seems very interesting and psychologically justified. Cohesion, according to the author, is based on two socio-psychological mechanisms. The first of them - the mechanism of emotional identification with the family (according to the principle “the pain of the family is my pain”) presupposes that family members have a high degree of development of empathy, the ability for mutual understanding, co-experience and sympathy. The degree of family cohesion is largely determined by the predominance of relations of sympathy and positive emotions in it, which makes it possible to neutralize emotional tension, distress and frustration. The second mechanism is the mechanism of “common family destiny”: a person connects his life plans, his well-being and opportunities for personal self-development with his family. These mechanisms of group identification complement each other. An important condition the development of family cohesion is the harmony of the combination of the image of “We” (family) and the image of “I”.
Marital compatibility is also considered a necessary condition for family integration and cohesion. Three main approaches to the problem of marital compatibility can be distinguished: structural, functional and adaptive [Obozov, Obozova, 1984]. Within the framework of the structural approach, the compatibility of spouses means the correspondence of the personal and individual typological characteristics of the partners. Moreover, compatibility may presuppose both the similarity of characteristics and their differences, even to the point of contrast, but such parameters as value orientations, socio-psychological, communicative attitudes, motives, interests, in the case of compatibility of spouses, should be similar. At the same time, certain typological features (for example, properties nervous system) can be combined in contrast. Similar and contrasting characteristics should together provide a stable and effective structure of interaction between spouses.
The functional approach considers the psychological compatibility of spouses as a measure of the consistency of their role models of behavior, ensuring high efficiency functioning of the family, meeting the needs of it and all its members.
The adaptive approach interprets the compatibility of spouses as their positive interpersonal relationships, good mutual understanding and effective communication. Compatibility means tolerance, a high degree of tolerance for each other’s behavior and personality, and a willingness to accept the spouse for who he is. Marital compatibility is characterized by the degree of marital adaptation and mutual adjustment [Antonov, 1998].
Indicators of the degree of marital compatibility can be: 1) consistency family values; 2) consistency of role expectations regarding the goals and role models of behavior of spouses; 3) the coincidence of mutual assessments of the spouses in each of them fulfilling their family roles; 4) acceptance of the partner’s personal and behavioral characteristics, willingness to take them into account in cooperation.
The antipode of compatibility is considered to be the incompatibility of spouses, distinctive features which are alienation and “psychic saturation” with each other.
The task of generalizing theoretical ideas about family cohesion as a system was posed within the framework of D. Olson’s circular model, which identifies two parameters for assessing family cohesion: 1) plasticity, flexibility in managing the family system, distribution of roles, rules and norms governing the relationships of family members; 2) emotionality of relationships, the degree of emotional closeness of the partner.
Depending on the degree of plasticity of leadership and management of the family system, Olson distinguishes between rigid, structured, flexible and chaotic structure. A rigid role structure is characterized by strict centralization of functions, sole dominance and a hierarchical management system, which does not allow the family to effectively resolve problems, especially when it moves to a new stage of the life cycle. A structured (coordinated) family system is characterized by an increase in democratic management tendencies, the establishment of a role structure and a system of rules, taking into account the opinions of family members. However, the structured system does not yet have the necessary degree of flexibility and plasticity, which entails an increase in conflict when the role structure of the family changes. The set of norms and rules governing the role is rigid and is quite slowly subject to adjustment if necessary. The flexibility of the family system is based on democratic style leadership: equality, egalitarianism or participation of all family members in the distribution of roles and responsibilities. In accordance with the emergence of new tasks and functions in the family, both roles and the rules governing them easily change. A chaotic family system is determined by unstable leadership, uncertainty in the distribution of responsibilities and duties between family members. Roles are not clearly defined and the role structure is not established. The functioning of the family as a whole is characterized by immediacy, “field” behavior, and imbalance. Chaotic behavior usually occurs at critical, turning points in the development of the family system.
Depending on the degree of emotional closeness, we can talk about emotional disconnection, separateness (distance), connectedness, excessive emotional involvement (“confusion”). Emotional disconnection is characterized by a significant distance between family members and low interest in each other. The reasons for disunity may be violations of the feeling of love, fear of close relationships, neurotic fear of being unloved, unformed need for communication, inadequate types of anxious attachment (“avoidant” type). Separation (distance) presupposes the presence of emotional acceptance, love while maintaining a significant distance in interaction and a high degree of emotional autonomy. Connectivity is seen as the optimal level of reliable emotional connection, characterized by emotional closeness, a high degree of empathy towards the partner, and a distance of emotional interaction. The fundamental difference between emotional connection and symbiosis is the high degree of personal differentiation of partners, when each acts and is perceived by the partner as an autonomous independent subject. Excessive emotional involvement, emotional “confusion”, “sticking together” are characterized by the presence of very intense, often non-reciprocal, asymmetrical relationships. There are no clear boundaries of personality in emotional interaction.
The intersection of two selected criteria (the nature of the emotional connection and the flexibility of managing the family system) forms a continuum of family types that differ in the degree of cohesion. The polarity of family characteristics for each criterion (dimension) determines the low degree of balance of the family system and is an indication for the provision of psychological and psychotherapeutic assistance to the family, whose own resources, as a rule, are no longer sufficient. Throughout the life cycle of a family, the level of its cohesion changes due to the emergence of new tasks, the need to accept new members and changes in the boundaries of the family system. For example, the birth of a child in a family, which stimulates the traditionalization of functions, leads to a change in balance and cohesion from flexible separation (during pregnancy) to chaotic connectedness (immediately after the birth of the child) and rigid connectedness (during first - second year of the child's life).

Olga Nagornyuk

5 ways to bring your family together

Family is the people around whom you feel truly happy. It’s not always easy and simple with them, but without them it’s empty and lonely.

Why do family relationships deteriorate?

A friendly family is like a reliable rear, where they are always ready to listen and help with advice, support and lend a shoulder. Creation strong family- a whole science, accessible, alas, not to everyone.
Why does anyone tag diamond weddings, and someone’s marriage breaks up in the first year of life? Why is there peace and understanding in some families, while in others there are constant squabbles and quarrels? There are many reasons for the breakdown of family relationships, but we will highlight the most common ones.

1. Gen. The candy-flower period, shrouded in a flair of romance, sooner or later inevitably comes to an end, and ordinary everyday life begins. Planning a budget, providing for the needs of the family, washing, cooking, cleaning, and annoying habits of a spouse become a serious test of the strength of a relationship.

Psychologically immature couples break up. Those who pass the test of routine with honor and maintain their feelings get a good chance to “live happily ever after.”

Romance in family relationships must always be present. Men, give your wives flowers, simply, for no reason, give them small gifts, let them feel desired and unique, and they will give you their hearts forever.

Dear ladies, you too can bring romance into your relationships. Prepare romantic dinner, visit the place you met with your husband, celebrate the anniversary of your first kiss. Men are not sentimental, but they are able to appreciate your desire to please them.

2. The struggle for power. During the adaptation period, when the “grinding in” of characters occurs, many families go through this stage, but not all overcome it. In couples where one of the spouses is the unconditional leader, and the other is the follower, the stronger half often goes too far, suppressing the will and morally oppressing their partner. Such a marriage will either fall apart or be unhappy.

Marriage is a partnership that is built on love and mutual respect. If you are stronger, be wiser: let your loved one have his own opinion, learn to give in, only then will your union have a future.

For couples in which both partners have strong personalities and are trying to “pull the blanket over themselves,” psychologists advise looking for compromises. In this case, concessions to the detriment of one’s self are not a sign of weakness, but a wise decision that allows one to preserve family relationships.

3. Career. Ambitiousness is a good quality if it does not go against the interests of the family. When your career forces you to spend days at work, forgetting about your spouse and children, family happiness comes to an end.

Always find time for your family. Organize your work schedule so that you can devote enough time to your family. When you promise to spend a Saturday evening or weekend with your family, keep your word. Remember: work brings income and self-satisfaction, but does not replace the warmth of the human heart.

4. The appearance of a child and the discrepancy between the parents’ views on his upbringing. The birth of a baby forces adults to completely rebuild their lives and reconsider old habits.

People who are accustomed to leading a certain way of life have to radically change it: switch to a different daily routine, give up their favorite ways of spending leisure time, learn to think first about the needs of the child, and then about their own desires.

Not everyone is ready for this. Before conceiving a baby, expectant mothers and fathers must realize that with the birth of a child, a huge responsibility will fall on their shoulders, which cannot be ignored. The husband should not shift all the worries of caring for the baby onto his wife, but the wife should not blame the dad, who returned tired after the night shift, for not wanting to play with the baby.

Often the cause of family quarrels is differences in the views of parents on methods of raising children. Dad swears and grabs the belt, and mom tries to avoid punishment and act by persuasion.

In such situations, you need to follow the path of finding compromises. Read literature on pedagogy, visit a psychologist and listen to advice from a specialist on building relationships between parents and children. An outside perspective will allow you to evaluate the correctness of your behavior and draw appropriate conclusions.

5. Unspoken and unresolved problems. Sometimes one of the spouses, wanting to avoid conflict, does not express dissatisfaction with her other half with her behavior, hiding and suppressing the associated negative emotions. This is fraught with serious problems and a breakdown in relationships.

Negativity, like a snowball, accumulates over time and leads to a serious conflict. Therefore, psychologists recommend being open in family relationships, not being afraid to communicate, learning to tactfully express your dissatisfaction and finding the reasons for mutual claims. The article “Do not harm the child!” will help you with this. Rules for quarreling parents."

6. Different views on life and lack of common interests. Opposites attract, so among married couples there are many where the spouses have radically different views on life. He prefers hiking with a backpack and songs around the fire, and she loves theater and art galleries. They quarrel, not wanting to give in to each other, are less likely to be together, thereby passing judgment on family life.

What's the solution? Make concessions. Alternate outings into nature with visits to the theater. Find common hobbies and interests, find hobbies and activities that both would enjoy, become the founders of new family traditions that allow you to spend more time together.

Family involves self-sacrifice. If you are not ready for this, then you have not yet found the person with whom you would like to spend your whole life.

5 ways to bring your family together

What can bring a family together? There is no universal rule that allows you to reconcile conflicting members of a “social unit”, help them understand each other and turn into a friendly family. However, there are several recommendations that will help solve the problem of generations and contribute to family unification:

create family traditions and rituals. Joint decoration of the New Year tree, trips with the whole family to the elder of the clan, regular joint shopping trips, Sunday dinners with the whole team at a festively set table - such traditions unite and give everyone the opportunity to feel their involvement in what is called the simple and capacious word “family”;

make important decisions together. Bring issues related to the location to the family council for discussion summer holiday, carrying out repairs, organizing birthdays, buying a pet, etc. This is how trust is formed, which is the basis of partnerships and understanding between generations;
spend leisure time together. Travel with the whole family, visit theaters and cinemas, exhibitions, visit recreation parks and have dinners in cafes. You will have joint memories and topics for conversation that will help you become even closer;
give each other gifts. Don't think of it as just a man's prerogative. Believe me, the representatives strong half humanity is also pleased to receive gifts;
Find a common hobby: sports, fishing, dancing, cooking. Doing something together is a fun activity that brings you together and makes you forget about conflicts and troubles. Hobbies help relieve stress and reduce children's aggression, instill useful skills and remove the issue of leisure time from the agenda.

Each family has its own recipe for happiness and its own path, which helps to achieve mutual understanding and carry love and respect through the years. Nothing comes easy. Wisdom, patience, willingness to give in and forgive help maintain the trust and understanding of family and friends, without whom life loses its meaning.

Take it for yourself and tell your friends!

Causes of family conflicts

Usually quarrels, disputes and confrontations arise due to the unmet needs of one or more family members. This need can be personal, physiological or emotional. An unmet need causes a lot of stress, which does not help in any way to experience satisfaction. A person cannot live in tension for long, so conflict arises.

Let's give an example. One family I know almost fell apart because of slot machines. Beautiful wife Irina, calm working husband Igor, inquisitive child. Everything was completely cloudless until money, things and savings from accounts began to disappear from the apartment. My husband kept calling various reasons. One day, Ira couldn’t find the money she had saved for food. When Igor confessed everything, there was a terrible scandal with throwing dishes and breaking windows. Fortunately, the child was with his grandfather.

Ira and Igor could not quickly solve the problem, they often argued, the child felt a conflict, became whiny and capricious. Later, the older generation of the family also became involved in the scandal. The mother-in-law blamed Ira for everything: “You are not a match for my son, you don’t know how to interest him, you’re a bad cook, so he ran away to the machines. And be glad you’re not with your mistress.” Ira's mother accused

Igor in failure, carelessness and laziness. And the grandfather actually wanted to take his grandson with him.

As we see, the family was divided, and the conflict revealed other suppressed needs of everyone. And no one asked Igor: “Why did you do this?”

This is where the second reason for family conflicts emerges - lack of information to make a decision. Often, not all family members talk about their views, interests, and needs until it comes up in a conflict. Some people have no time to talk about it, some are ashamed, and so on.

What to do if there is a conflict in the family

Remove children from the “battlefield”. Children are very emotional and traumatic, they should not see insults, throwing dishes, or breaking windows. Not to mention the physical impact. If you want to quarrel, take a walk outside or quietly sort things out while the child is sleeping, or at least in another room.
Turn on your wisdom, rationality and calmness. Without all this, it is impossible to effectively solve the problem.
Understand that conflicts are normal. And defending your point of view, too.
Stop strangers from meeting their needs. In the above example, it would be useful for Ira to stop her mother-in-law like this: “We are now discussing slot machines, not me. Thank you for worrying about us. We'll figure it out ourselves." Irina’s mother could be stopped like this: “Thank you for your support. Please don't insult my husband. We'll figure it out ourselves."
Determine the true cause of the conflict. As practice shows, when a person gets into problems, he does not think about others and the consequences and problems that he will bring to the family. In other words, a person does not purposefully set out to harm his family.

In this case, it is important to tell the culprit without emotion what consequences his behavior led to. It is also important to describe your emotions. Next you will need to ask: “Why/why did you do this? What did you want? What was missing? Sometimes this may require the help of a psychologist. Later, in a frank conversation with Igor, it turned out that his wife’s authoritarianism put a lot of pressure on him, he didn’t like living “according to plan” and really wanted “excitement, emotions, drive.”

Together, come up with alternative, safe ways to meet these needs. In our example, Igor became interested in parachuting and began to actively participate in city quests. And Ira went to work as a teacher and realized her authoritarianism in class management.
Together we can figure out how to eliminate the consequences. Igor voluntarily stopped communicating with slot machines, returned the money, bought the necessary things and began to spend more time with his family.
Don't go back to what you've done. If the conflict is truly resolved, it is absolutely forbidden to discuss it further. Even as an example. As they say, “whoever remembers the old is out of sight.”

I wish you not to be embarrassed to voice your needs to your family in a timely manner and to realize them in safe ways, and then everything will be fine.

What common hobby can bring a family together? §11. Family cohesion. Grandma's participation in upbringing is good