Anna Bykova.

An independent child, or How to become a “lazy mother”

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Indispensable books for parents

“Developmental activities for the “lazy mother”

A new look at the problem of child development? teacher and psychologist Anna Bykova invites parents to rely not on fashionable pedagogical systems and advanced toys, but to connect their personal experience and creative energy. In this book you will find specific examples exciting activities and learn how to have fun with your children, no matter your schedule or budget.

“Time management for moms. 7 Commandments of an Organized Mom"

The time management system developed by the author of this training book is easy to use and gives 100% results. By completing the tasks step by step, you will be able to put things in order in your life: set priorities correctly, organize your children, find time for yourself and your husband, and ultimately become a happy and organized mother, wife, and housewife.

“How to talk so that children will listen, and how to listen so that children will talk”

Main book by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish? #1 experts in communicating with children for 40 years. HOW to convey your thoughts and feelings to your child and HOW to understand him? This book is an accessible guide on HOW to communicate correctly with children (from preschoolers to teenagers). No boring theory! Only verified practical recommendations and a lot of living examples for all occasions.

"Your baby from birth to two years"

It's finished! You have finally become the mother of an adorable baby! Authoritative experts, parents of eight children, William and Martha Sears will help you navigate this difficult time. The book will help you cope with the fears of the first weeks and teach you how to organize your life so that your child is comfortable, and you deal not only with parental responsibilities, but also find time for other things.

From this book you will learn:

How to teach a child to fall asleep in his crib, put away toys and get dressed

When is it worth helping a child, and when is it better to refrain from doing so?

How to turn off the perfectionist mom in you and turn on the “lazy mom”

What are the dangers of overprotection and how to avoid it?

What to do if a child says: “I can’t”

How to make a child believe in themselves

What is coaching style education?

Preface

This is a book about simple, but not at all obvious things.

The infantilism of young people has become a real problem today. Today's parents have so much energy that it is enough to live life for their children, participating in all their affairs, making decisions for them, planning their lives, solving their problems. The question is, do the children themselves need this? And isn’t this an escape from your life into the life of a child?

This is a book about how to remember yourself, allow yourself to be more than just a parent, and find a resource for going beyond this life role.

The book is about how to get rid of feelings of anxiety and the desire to control everything. How to cultivate the willingness to let your child go into independent life.

A light ironic style and an abundance of examples make the reading process fascinating. This is a book-story, a book-reflection. The author does not indicate: “Do this, this and that,” but encourages thinking, draws analogies, draws attention to different circumstances and possible exceptions to the rules. I think the book can help people suffering from parental perfectionism to get rid of the obsessive and painful feeling of guilt, which in no way contributes to the establishment of harmonious relationships with children.

It's smart and good book about how to become a good mother and teach your child to be independent in life.

Vladimir Kozlov, President of the International Academy of Psychological Sciences, Doctor of Psychology, Professor

Introduction

Article "Why me lazy mom", published several years ago, still roams the Internet. She went around all the popular parenting forums and communities. I even have a VKontakte group “Anna Bykova. Lazy mom."

The topic of nurturing independence in a child, which I touched upon then, was very vigorously discussed, and now, after publication on some popular resource, disputes constantly arise, people leave hundreds and thousands of comments.

I'm a lazy mom. And also selfish and careless, as it may seem to some. Because I want my children to be independent, proactive and responsible. This means that the child must be given the opportunity to demonstrate these qualities. And in this case, my laziness acts as a natural brake on excessive parental activity. That activity that manifests itself in the desire to make a child’s life easier by doing everything for him. I contrast a lazy mother with a hypermom - that is, one who has everything “hyper”: hyperactivity, hyperanxiety and hyperprotection.

Part 1
Why am I a lazy mom?

I'm a lazy mom

Working in kindergarten, I have seen many examples parental overprotection. One three-year-old boy, Slavik, was especially memorable. Anxious parents believed that he was obliged to eat everything at the table. Otherwise he will lose weight. For some reason, in their value system, losing weight was very scary, although Slavik’s height and chubby cheeks did not cause anxiety about being underweight. I don’t know how or what he was fed at home, but he came to kindergarten with a clear loss of appetite. Trained by a strict parental instruction: “You need to eat everything to the end!”, he mechanically chewed and swallowed what was put on the plate! Moreover, he had to be fed, because “he doesn’t know how to eat himself yet” (!!!).

At three years old, Slavik really didn’t know how to feed himself - he didn’t have that kind of experience. And on the first day of Slavik’s stay in kindergarten, I feed him and observe a complete absence of emotions. I bring a spoon - he opens his mouth, chews, swallows. Another spoon - he opens his mouth again, chews, swallows... I must say that the cook in the kindergarten was not particularly successful with the porridge. The porridge turned out to be “anti-gravity”: if you turn the plate over, then, contrary to the laws of gravity, it remains in it, sticking to the bottom in a dense mass. That day, many children refused to eat porridge, and I understand them perfectly. Slavik ate almost everything.

I ask:

- Do you like porridge?

Opens his mouth, chews, swallows.

- Do you want more? I bring a spoon.

Opens his mouth, chews, swallows.

– If you don’t like it, don’t eat it! - I say.

Slavik's eyes widened in surprise. He didn't know it was possible. What you may or may not want. That you can decide for yourself: finish eating or leave. What can you communicate about your desires? And what can you expect: others will take your wishes into account.

There is a wonderful joke about parents who know better than the child himself what he needs.

- Petya, go home immediately!

- Mom, am I cold?

- No, you're hungry!

At first, Slavik enjoyed the right to refuse food and drank only compote. Then he began to ask for more when he liked the dish, and calmly moved the plate away if the dish was not his favorite. He gained independence in his choice. And then we stopped feeding him with a spoon, and he began to eat on his own. Because food is a natural need. And a hungry child will always eat himself.

I'm a lazy mom. I was too lazy to feed my children for a long time. Every year I handed them a spoon and sat down to eat next to them. At the age of one and a half, my children were already using a fork. Of course, before the skill of independent eating was fully formed, it was necessary to wash the table, the floor, and the child himself after each meal. But it's mine informed choice between “too lazy to learn, I’d rather do everything quickly myself” and “too lazy to do it myself, I’d rather spend effort on learning.”

Another natural need is to relieve yourself. Slavik relieved himself in his pants. Slavik’s mother reacted to our legitimate bewilderment as follows: she asked us to take the child to the toilet by the hour – every two hours. “At home I put him on the potty and hold him until he finishes all his chores.” That is, a three-year-old child expected that in kindergarten, as at home, he would be taken to the toilet and persuaded to “get things done.” Without waiting for an invitation, he pissed in his pants, and it didn’t even occur to him that he needed to take off his wet pants and change them, and to do this, turn to the teacher for help.

If parents anticipate all the child’s wishes, the child will not learn to understand his needs and ask for help for a long time.

A week later the problem of wet pants was solved naturally. “I want to pee!” – Slavik proudly announced to the group, heading towards the toilet.

No pedagogical magic. Physiologically, the boy’s body was already mature at that time in order to control the process. Slavik felt when it was time for him to go to the toilet, and even more so he could walk to the toilet. He probably could have started doing this earlier, but at home adults were ahead of him, putting him on the potty even before the child realized his need. But what was appropriate at the age of one or two years was, of course, not worth continuing at three years.

In kindergarten, all children begin to eat independently, go to the toilet on their own, dress independently and invent their own activities. They also get used to asking for help if they cannot solve their problems.

I am not at all advocating sending children to kindergarten as early as possible. On the contrary, I think that a child is better off at home until he is three or four years old. I'm just talking about what's reasonable parental behavior, in which the child is not suffocated by overprotection, but is left with space for development.

Once a friend came to visit me with a two-year-old child and stayed overnight. Exactly at 21.00 she went to put him to bed. The child did not want to sleep, struggled and was stubborn, but his mother persistently kept him in bed. I tried to distract my friend:

“I don’t think he wants to sleep yet.”

(Of course he doesn’t want to. They arrived recently, there is someone to play with, new toys - he’s interested in everything!)

But the friend, with enviable persistence, continued to put him to bed... The confrontation continued for more than an hour, and in the end her child finally fell asleep. Following him, my child fell asleep. It's simple: when you're tired, you climb into your bed and fall asleep.

I'm a lazy mom. I'm too lazy to keep my baby in bed. I know that sooner or later he will fall asleep on his own, because sleep is a natural need.

On weekends I like to sleep. On weekdays, my working day begins at 6.45, because at 7.00, when the kindergarten opens, entrance doors The first child is already standing, brought by a dad rushing to work. Getting up early is cruel for a night owl. And every morning, meditating over a cup of coffee, I reassure my inner night owl that Saturday will give us the opportunity to get some sleep.

One Saturday I woke up around eleven. My two and a half year old son sat and watched a cartoon, chewing gingerbread. He turned on the TV himself (it’s not difficult - press the button), he also found a DVD with a cartoon himself. He also found kefir and corn flakes. And, judging by the cereal scattered on the floor, the spilled kefir and the dirty plate in the sink, he had a successful breakfast and cleaned up after himself as best he could.

The eldest child (he is 8 years old) was no longer at home. Yesterday he asked to go to the cinema with a friend and his parents. I'm a lazy mom. I told my son that I was too lazy to get up too early on Saturday, because by doing so I would deprive myself of the precious opportunity to sleep that I had been waiting for all week. If he wants to go to the cinema, let him set the alarm clock himself, get up and get ready himself. Wow, I didn’t oversleep...

(In fact, I also set an alarm clock - I set it to vibrate and in my sleep I listened to how my child was getting ready. When the door closed behind him, I began to wait for a text message from my friend’s mother that my child had arrived and everything was fine, but for him it was all left for frame.)

I’m also too lazy to check my briefcase, sambo backpack, and too lazy to dry my son’s things after the pool. I'm also too lazy to do homework with him (unless he asks for help). I'm too lazy to take out the trash, so my son throws out the trash on the way to school. And I also have the audacity to ask my son to make me tea and bring it to the computer. I suspect that every year I will become lazier...

An amazing metamorphosis happens to children when their grandmother comes to us. And since she lives far away, she comes immediately for a week. My eldest immediately forgets that he knows how to do his homework himself, heat his own lunch, make his own sandwich, pack his briefcase himself and leave for school in the morning. And now he’s even afraid to fall asleep alone: his grandmother should be sitting next to him! And our grandmother is not lazy...

Children are not independent if it benefits adults.

The history of the “lazy mom”

“Tell me, are you a lazy mother?” – it was quite unexpected to receive such a question in social network. What is this? Some kind of promotion? Came to mind nursery rhyme Yakov Akim about a poor postman carrying out a mission related to a letter without a specific address: “Hand to the Unable.”

And what should I answer? Make excuses? List all your skills, abilities and responsibilities? Or maybe send me a copy of your work record?

Just in case, let me clarify:

"In terms of?"

And the question is posed differently:

Oh yes, then it's me...

But initially this was not an article. At one of the many psychological forums, far from the most popular, the topic of infantilism of the younger generation and its causes was raised. And even more broadly – about the inferiority and weakness of this generation. In short, all the laments of the commentators could be reduced to a paraphrased quote from the classic: “After all, there were children in our time!” Or to another classic saying: “Yes, at their age...” After which there were enumerations: “at the age of five I ran to the dairy kitchen to get baby food for my brother,” “at the age of seven I picked up my brother from kindergarten,” “at the age of ten it was my responsibility was to cook dinner for the whole family.”

I remember that I allowed myself to speak ironically about the direct relationship between the behavior of children and the behavior of parents: “If mothers were a little more lazy and did not do everything for the children, then the children would have to become more independent.” But if you think about it, this is actually true. After all, children have not really become worse over the past decades. They did not become physically weaker and did not lose their ability to work. However, they have fewer opportunities to demonstrate their ability to act independently. Why? Because children's independence has ceased to be a vital need for the family, a need that frees up mother's hands and mother's time to earn their daily bread. Moreover, in the perception of many parents, independence has become synonymous with danger. And children are not just children, but children of their parents, that is, they are part of a family system where all elements are interconnected. When parents' behavior changes, children's behavior changes accordingly. If you do everything for the child, then he will not have incentives for development. And vice versa, if adults stop doing for the child what he can already do, then the child begins to independently realize the emerging needs.

From discussions on the forum, from life examples, when laziness was opposed to overprotection, blog entries appeared - just to collect thoughts in a pile. And suddenly an unexpected proposal from the magazine editor: “Do you mind if we publish this as an article?” And then the editor added: “This will be a bomb!”

Indeed, it turned out to be an information bomb. It exploded and worked. My article was quoted on parent forums, posted on blogs and social networks, on popular Internet resources, including foreign ones. For example, when translated into Spanish, Slavik was renamed Sebastian, for some reason the diary was replaced with a portfolio, and my mother (that is, me) in the Spanish version asked me to bring her coffee, not tea, because tea is a very unpopular drink in Spain. And everywhere in the comments heated debates arose: “Is it good or bad to be a lazy mother?” From “this is how children should be raised so that they are ready for life!” to “why then have children at all? To be served?!” But in fact, people were not arguing with each other at all, but rather with their own projections. Everyone projected onto the article some personal story, an example from their childhood, an example from the lives of friends.

Unfortunately, a somewhat truncated version of the article was circulated on the Internet (it was necessary to somehow fit it into a magazine spread), and therefore not everyone understood that it actually did not talk about true laziness, but about creating conditions for the development of children independence. And that I did not mean forced early independence, which arises as a consequence of parental indifference and indifferent attitude towards the child. When in the comments under the article “Why am I a lazy mother” people write: “Both I and I am lazy,” meaning by this “I spend the whole day at the computer/sleeping/on TV, and the child plays by himself,” I feel anxious . I would not like my message to be perceived in this case as an indulgence. It’s good when a child can occupy himself and look after himself, but it’s bad if he’s always on his own. If so, he loses a lot in development. Mom’s “laziness” should be based on concern for children, and not indifference. Therefore, for myself, I chose the path of a “lazy mother”, who is really too lazy to do everything for the children, and do it at their first request. She is lazy - and she teaches children to do everything on their own. Believe me, this is also a difficult path and, perhaps, even more energy-consuming. There was no such thing as true laziness... Of course, it’s easier to quickly wash the dishes yourself than to wipe the water off the floor after a five-year-old child has washed them. And then, when he falls asleep, he will still have to wash the plates, since at first both grease and dishwashing liquid will remain on them. If you let a three-year-old water the flowers, then not everything will work out right away either. A child can knock over a flower, scatter soil, or flood the flower, and water will flow over the edge of the pot. But this is how, through actions, the child learns to coordinate movements, understand the consequences and correct mistakes.

In the process of raising children, all parents often have to make a choice: quickly do everything themselves or take advantage of the situation and teach the child something. The second option has two bonuses: a) the development of the child and b) freeing up parents’ time later.

And one day, when the child already knows and can do a lot, the mother will be able to afford to be lazy. Now in the literal sense.

Such profitable lack of independence

What a strange conclusion?! Why, if children are not independent, is this beneficial to adults? What are the benefits of a child’s lack of independence?

Oh, you know, the benefit is very simple: adults in this case receive external confirmation of their superior value, importance, and irreplaceability. This may be necessary if there is no inner confidence in your value. And then the phrase “He can’t do anything without me” can be translated as: “I can’t do anything without him, because only he gives me confirmation of my worth.” Dependence on a child forces the child to become dependent. The subconscious builds its own logical chain: “If he can’t do anything on his own, it means he won’t go anywhere, he will always, always be with me, both at 20 and at 40... He will always need me, which means I will never I'll be lonely." Often this is not even realized. At the level of consciousness, the mother may sincerely worry that the child’s life is not going well. But on a subconscious level, she herself models this scenario.

I have met people who have grown physically, but have not become adults and independent. Have not mastered the skill of self-control. They have not acquired the ability to make decisions or take responsibility. I knew students whose homework was supervised by their parents until graduation. I have worked with students who do not know why they are studying or what they want in life. Their parents always decided everything for them. I saw capable men whose mothers brought them to see a doctor, because the men themselves were at a loss where to get a coupon and which office to line up for. I know a woman who, at 36 years old, is alone, without her mother, and does not go to the store for clothes.

“Grew up” and “became an adult” are not identical concepts. If I want my children to be independent, proactive and responsible, then for this I need to provide them with the opportunity to demonstrate these qualities. And you don’t even have to strain your imagination to artificial creation situations that require independence, if mom, dad or another supervising adult (for example, grandmother) has interests other than the child.

Now I’ll express a seditious thought for most mothers: the child should not come first. For me, I come first. Because if I now devote my life to children, I live exclusively in their interests, then in ten to fifteen years it will be very difficult for me to let them go. How will I live without children? How will I fill the void? How can I resist the temptation to interfere in their lives in order to “make them happy”? And how will they be without me, accustomed to the fact that their mother thinks, does and makes decisions for them?

Therefore, in addition to children, I have myself, there is a beloved man, there is a job, there is a professional party, there are parents, there are friends and there are hobbies - with such a set, not all the wishes of the child are fulfilled instantly.

- Mom, pour me a drink!

“Now, sunshine, I’ll finish the letter and pour you some water.”

- Mom, get me the scissors!

“I can’t move away from the stove right now, otherwise the porridge will burn.” Wait a minute.

The child can wait a little. Or maybe take a glass and pour yourself some water. May drag a stool to the closet to get scissors. My son most often prefers the second option. He does not like to wait - he is looking for a way to get what he wants.

Anna Bykova

Students of the “lazy mother”

From this book you will learn:

How to choose the right school

How to treat grades

How to do homework without tension and stress

How to deal with school bullying

How to confront a teacher if he violates the boundaries of a child’s personality

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1) Children and money. A book for parents from a country that has learned how to manage finances effectively

Do you want to raise successful children? First of all, teach them how to handle money correctly. Singaporean businessmen Adam Ho and Keon Chee offer effective methods promoting financial literacy in children and interesting recommendations for parents. Tests in each chapter will help you make the right decisions, and many useful tips will make it easier to apply ideas in practice.

2) Children of the land of hygge. Lessons on happiness and love from the world's best parents

Children are loved and cared for all over the world, but it is in Denmark that they grow up confident, independent, healthy and happy. What's the secret? In this book, the famous Danish psychologist Jesper Juul tells how to properly communicate with children and maintain an atmosphere of love, mutual respect and support in the family.

3) How to make sure your child learns with pleasure? Japanese answers to unsolvable questions

How to teach children to study? How to explain to them that this is important and necessary? Education economist Makiko Nakamuro has published a study that can change the lives of both parents and schoolchildren themselves. In this book on rhetorical questions, which concern all mothers and fathers, scientifically based answers are offered.

4) I used to have a life, but now I have children. Chronicles of imperfect motherhood

Blogger and mother of two sons, Candis Anzel, does not allow everyday troubles and stereotypes to overshadow the joy of motherhood. In her book, she teaches how to stay happy and be the best for your children. They are waiting for you frank conversations about children, husbands and relatives, as well as useful tips and a sea of optimism.

Introduction

Autumn is the season of parent-teacher conferences. I learned in kindergarten from my youngest son’s teachers that the MOST IMPORTANT thing now is preparation for school. And at school I learn from my eldest son’s teachers that the MOST IMPORTANT thing now is preparing for the Unified State Exam. And it doesn’t matter how many more years we wait for this moment. Even the head teacher of an elementary school talks about the Unified State Exam at a meeting of parents of future first-graders. Future! That is, children still have a whole year before school, and parents are already afraid of the Unified State Exam. As if nothing more important could happen in eighteen years of life. It’s as if all childhood is a period when you need to prepare for exams. As if there is no future after a poorly passed exam...

Why create such tension? There are already known cases of teenage suicides associated with excitement and anxiety on exam days. Please parents, remain calm. good psychological health more important than good grades.

In my school childhood there was a real example of a girl prodigy. Phenomenal memory. Quick assimilation of large amounts of information. Her parents were proud and eager; she was transferred from class to class ahead of schedule. She approached her final exams at the age of twelve as a contender for a gold medal. But when taking the last exam, the girl was so worried that she had a nervous breakdown. I don’t know the details, because I was still young at that time. I only know that she was treated for a long time in a psychiatric hospital, and after that she was no longer able to study... I once came to the city of my childhood. My friends and I decided to go skiing. We went to the rental office, and there I saw this prodigy girl. That is, now the lady is already thirty years old. She worked as a cloakroom attendant...

This sad story I remembered when visiting parent meeting at the linguistic gymnasium. Just an information meeting between the head teacher of a primary school and parents who want to take their children to preparatory courses. There's still a whole year before school. But what tense faces do the parents have... Especially at the moment when the head teacher says that not everyone will enter the gymnasium, that there will be a strict selection based on the results of four tests that the children will write during the year. Six year olds?! Tests?! Yes. And based on the results of each test, there will be individual interviews with parents.

I monitor the reactions of adults. Someone begins to nervously drum their fingers on their knees. Someone starts fiddling with her purse. Someone presses into the back of the chair and slides a little under the desk. Muscle memory responded to the word “control”. Mine too, I wanted to immediately run away from the meeting. That is, first my feet turned in the direction of the door, and then I realized a springy bodily impulse: “I want to escape.” But I stayed. I sat and looked at the tense poses of my parents, listened to the instructions of the head teacher about “be sure to fifteen minutes in advance in order to have time to change your shift”, about “mandatory homework”, and I really wanted to extend the child’s (and myself) carefree childhood for another year... In the end I decided not to take Sasha to preparatory courses. It will be safer for the psyche if he meets with everything that is “strictly obligatory” a year later.

I also had an idea for a new book. Books for parents on how to survive these school years wonderful. Without neuroses, without violence, without a parental inferiority complex, without the need to drink valerian.

The theme of school is close to my heart. I know the school not only from the outside, as a parent of schoolchildren, but also from the inside, as a psychologist whom other parents often turn to for help in solving school problems, and as a teacher who has worked in the public education system for many years. By first education, I am a teacher of mathematics and computer science. After graduating from university, she came to work at school, teaching computer science in elementary school. Then she taught computer science and discrete mathematics in college, and was a tutor for first-year students. Over time, a psychological view of the very situation of teaching at school was added to the teaching experience. Honestly, the psychological and pedagogical views on the problems of schoolchildren are very different. Even when raising my own children, different parts of “I” often argue within me. Internal characters: teacher, psychologist, parent. Therefore, in this book I will present not one point of view, but three of my points of view. That is, I will look at situations from the point of view of a teacher, from the point of view of a psychologist and from the point of view of a mother.

When mom gave book by Anna Bykova, she said: “It seems to me that you already know a lot of this (after all, you have two children and you read a lot:)), but I hope the book will be useful.” I replied: “thank you,” but was very skeptical about her. Perhaps the reason is in the title - the topic is quite popular: a lot has already been written...

Having opened the book, I saw that it was easy to read and the text “sounds in a pleasant tone.” The author shares her observations at work and personal experience as a mother, without forcing the reader to do anything - it’s a pleasure to read.

“Anna Bykova is a teacher, practicing psychologist, art therapist and mother of two sons”

There are quite a lot of things children want/can do themselves. Often we, parents, do not give them a chance to show independence. The reasons for this are different: lack of time, eternal haste, the belief that “I’m an adult, I know better,” etc. etc. Therefore, it is important to remind yourself that a child is a separate person, capable of independent actions and decisions (yes, within the limits of his age :)).
It’s a paradox: parents dream of their child being independent, but when he becomes so, the parents are not ready. After all, independent child- This is an inconvenient child.

An independent child will be able to take food from the refrigerator (the one he wants) himself.

An independent child will be able to choose his own clothes (the ones he wants).

An independent child will have a point of view that may not coincide with ours or other adults... And actively defend it...

“...To be independent means: to think independently; make decisions independently; satisfy your needs independently; independently plan and act; independently evaluate your actions"

It is important to remember that with effort now (and patience:)), in the future we will raise an independent personality!

“Children are not independent if it benefits adults”

“For the sake of developing independence, sometimes you have to sacrifice your usual routine, but, as the consequences show, the sacrifice is worth it. Clutter is temporary, but the skills children acquire are permanent.”

If we talk about mom’s free time, then to get it, you need to be a little “lazy.” And a “lazy” mother in the context of the book is not a bad word at all. A “lazy mother” allows the child to be independent, take care of his physical and spiritual health, and have a favorite activity/hobby. He understands that perfectionism is “not good”, but you need to be able to set priorities correctly and live according to them, because you still won’t have time to do everything...

“Mom’s “laziness” should be based on concern for children, not indifference”

“A lazy mother does not do for the child what he can handle himself. And with age, his mother gradually lets him go, transferring to him responsibility for what happens to him.”

Another important idea from the book: the child is not our business project.

We, as parents, want only the best for our children, but in the most best impulses, we tend to “forget ourselves.” We take our children to all kinds of clubs, we want « do » of them footballers, ballerinas, dancers, managers...to raise geniuses. But it is important to remember that a child is not our continuation, he is an independent person, with his own interests and his own path in life!

I read the book in one sitting. She became a good reminder of important and the right things. Finally, I would like to say that all children are individual! Each child needs a different approach. There are no universal parenting tips. What works for one will not work for another. Therefore, I wish us all mutual understanding with our “independent” children :).

P.S. In Anna Bykova's book " An independent child, or how to become a “lazy mother” you will also read.

I came across this interesting article. Then I found out that there was such a book, but it wasn’t so easy to find it on the Internet. Does anyone have it in electronic form? I would be grateful if you would send me a read

Nurturing independence
or
How to become a “lazy” mom

THE LAZIER WE ARE, THE MORE INDEPENDENT CHILDREN ARE.
I'm a lazy mom! And also selfish and careless.
Do you want to know why?.. Yes because
I WANT MY CHILDREN TO BE INDEPENDENT, INITIATIVE AND RESPONSIBLE.

While working in a kindergarten, I observed many examples of parental overprotection.

I especially remember three-year-old Slavik. Mom believed that he must always eat everything, otherwise he would lose weight. I don’t know how he was fed at home, but he came to us with a clear loss of appetite. He mechanically chewed and swallowed everything he was given. Moreover, he had to be fed, because “he doesn’t know how to eat himself yet!”

And so I feed him on the first day and don’t see any
emotions on the face: I bring the spoon, opens my mouth, chews, swallows. I ask: “Do you like porridge?” - "No". But at the same time he opens his mouth, chews, swallows. “Do you want more?” I offer a spoon. “No,” but he chews and swallows anyway. “If you don’t like it, don’t eat it!” Slavik's eyes widened in surprise.
He didn't know it was possible...

At first, Slavik enjoyed the right to refuse food and drank only compote. And then he began to eat what he liked with extras and move away the plate with what he didn’t like.
-He gained independence in choice. And later we stopped feeding him with a spoon, because food is a natural need. AND THE HUNGRY CHILD WILL EAT BY HIMSELF.

I'm a lazy mom! I was too lazy to feed my children for a long time.
Every year I handed them a spoon and sat down to eat next to them. At one and a half they were already wielding a fork. Another natural need is to relieve yourself. Slavik did it in his pants. His mother told us to take the child to the toilet every 2 hours. “I sit him on the potty myself at home and hold him until he does all the work.” As a result, in the garden already big baby He expected that he would also be taken to the toilet. Without waiting, I wet my pants and didn’t even realize
remove them, seek help... A week later the problem was solved. “I want to pee!” Slavik proudly announced to the group, heading towards the toilet.

On weekends I like to sleep long. One Saturday I woke up around 11. My son, 2.5 years old, was watching a cartoon while chewing gingerbread. I turned on the TV myself, and found the disk myself. And the eldest, who is 8, was no longer at home. The day before he asked to go to the cinema with a friend and his parents. I'm a lazy mom. I said that I was too lazy to get up so early. And if he wants to go to the cinema, then let him set the alarm clock and get ready. Wow, I didn’t oversleep... Of course, I also set an alarm clock on my phone, listened to how it got ready and closed
door, was waiting for an SMS from a friend’s mother, but for the child this remained behind the scenes.

And I’m also too lazy to check his briefcase, sambo backpack, dry his things after the pool and do homework with him (by the way, he studies without C grades). I’m also too lazy to take out the trash, so my son throws it out on the way to school. And I also have the audacity to ask him to make me tea and bring it to the computer. I suspect that every year I will become lazier...

An amazing metamorphosis happens to children when their grandmother comes to us. The eldest immediately forgets that he knows how to do his homework, warm up his own lunch, and pack his briefcase. And he’s even afraid to fall asleep alone in the room - his grandmother should be sitting next to him! And our grandmother is not lazy...
Children are not independent if it benefits adults...
(Anna Bykova, psychologist)

The main mission of an adult is to develop a personality capable of succeeding in all aspects of life. Is this possible without titanic efforts? Many people think not. After all, raising a child is a complex process. Therefore, they focus all their attention on the baby. It especially hits mothers. Most of the trouble falls on their shoulders. They have neither desire nor patience left for themselves “beloved”. What to do? Forget about your interests and completely focus on the baby, resignedly waiting for him to become independent? Or maybe try to make it independent today? Is this possible?

Anna Bykova, the author of the essay “An independent child, or how to become a “lazy mother””, which caused a lot of different gossip, confidently declares “yes”. You just need to learn how to behave correctly with your child, switch to a different wavelength that will satisfy not only the interests of the child, but also yours. All. Life will become completely different. Which? Light, positive, bright. Proper upbringing and competent distribution of responsibilities will help to raise a child into a harmonious, holistic personality, free from your care.

Anna Bykova is a practicing psychologist who works with adults and children. She is ready to teach all women to stop being always concerned mothers. After studying the book, you will understand how to manage everything, since on the pages you will find a lot practical advice. You will understand: being well-groomed, elegant, positive is easy. “An independent child, or how to become a “lazy mother”” talks about how to raise a happy personality, taking into account your interests. After all, a mother’s mission is not to get hung up on the baby’s wishes. It is important to remain a full-fledged person whose life is filled with diverse activities and concerns.

Anna Bykova tried to write the book in simple and understandable language. There are no complex, intricate words and phrases in its vastness. On the contrary, the expanses of the treatise “An independent child, or how to become a “lazy mother”” are permeated with humor. So it will be easy to read. After reviewing the interesting information in detail, begin to apply the recommendations. Your child's life and yours will be significantly transformed.

Reading the book is useful for parents of all ages. After all, the wisest mother will never refuse good advice. After reading the book, you will understand your children better, help them believe in themselves, and teach them to make decisions on their own. Believe me, the child will be grateful for the right to choose. The psychologist is sure of this, and invites everyone to the pages of the work “An independent child, or how to become a “lazy mother”.” If you start reading today, you will understand how to carve out time for yourself tomorrow.

On our literary website you can download Anna Bykova’s book “An Independent Child, or How to Become a “Lazy Mom”” for free in formats suitable for different devices - epub, fb2, txt, rtf. Do you like to read books and always keep up with new releases? We have a large selection of books of various genres: classics, modern fiction, psychological literature and children's publications. In addition, we offer interesting and educational articles for aspiring writers and all those who want to learn how to write beautifully. Each of our visitors will be able to find something useful and exciting for themselves.