There are situations when you need to maintain a conversation with a person whom you see for the first time in your life. Starting a conversation is not a problem. The hardest part is being able to maintain a conversation. It's good if you have a talker in front of you who is happy to "sharpen the frills" for any reason. It is quite another matter if you are dealing with a person whose every word is worth its weight in gold. So what if the conversation isn't going well?
Take a look around
Be mindful of your surroundings. Look around. Perhaps you will see the very thing that can become a stick that kindles the fire of conversation. An interesting comment does not have to be something extraordinary. It can be a simple phrase about the decoration of a room, about what is happening outside the window, or even the question "what is the password for wi-fi?"
More optimism!
A conversation with an unfamiliar person is not the best time to express some kind of negativity. Stay positive and don't complain. But if your interlocutor wants to throw out anger at rising prices, poor wages or noisy neighbors, do not deny him this pleasure. Seeing that you are sympathetic to his problems, he will find it easier to settle for you.
Get ready
Banal curiosity will help keep a conversation with any person. Try to keep abreast of the latest developments, regularly watch news reports for the day or the last week.
You can recall some significant event in the country or the world when there is an awkward pause. Ask the other person's opinion about what happened.
Be interested in the interlocutor
If the “partisan” cannot untie the tongue, try asking him more personal questions: about his hobbies, interests, habits, work, family. Many people like to reminisce. Ask the other person, for example, about school or college years. Anyone feels more free talking about topics familiar and close to him.
A field for thought
Try to ask questions that can be answered extensively, rather than just "yes - no".
Smile!
Learn to "play along" with your interlocutor with facial expressions, smile more often, nod affirmatively in response to his words. Agree that the smile of the interlocutor is felt even during a telephone conversation. What can we say about personal communication. Of course, you shouldn't show insane excitement when you don't share it. But it is necessary to give a response.
Call me by name ...
Psychologists say that it is difficult for a person to find something nicer than his own name.
The simpler the better
No need to pretend to be a smart guy who knows scientific terms. Even if you are at a scientific conference, it is better to start a conversation with simple topics. Do not force the interlocutor from the first minutes to strain your brain.
Avoid unsolicited advice
If the person doesn't ask you for advice, they probably don't need it. Better restrain yourself, even if you really want to teach wisdom.
The main rule
Remember: there is something to talk about with any person. For this, it is important to be inquisitive yourself and to show a keen interest in life. The art of dialogue does not begin with the technique of the conversation itself, but with an interested attitude towards people.
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Irene was friends with Katya for almost two years. They did a lot together: they went shopping, as is customary for girls, discussed boys, sat for a long time in a cafe, laughed at each other's unfunny jokes, talked about everything directly and openly. Irene boldly called this friendship ideal, which could not be better. One cold winter evening, the friends were sitting, as always, in a small cozy cafe and over a cup of coffee, sharing new impressions. Snow was falling in fluffy flakes outside the window, and the room was warm and cozy. The friends had been sitting here for almost two hours, talking about everything in the world.
Irene spoke mainly, she talked about what was happening in her life, what she thought about all this, which men appeared on her horizon, talked about which cookies were delicious and which were not, where it was better to go for a birthday, retold the content of a book she had read recently, uttered intelligent, in her opinion, phrases, assumed what the weather would be tomorrow, gossiped about acquaintances, looking at herself in the reflection of the mirrors, she spoke in one breath, stopping occasionally to draw more air into her lungs and continue the conversation. Katya sat silently, looking from her interlocutor's face to her glass of coffee, she nodded when Irene spoke to her, smiled when the girl said something funny, and ceaselessly wrinkled paper napkins in her hands.
And then came the moment that comes in every woman's conversation - they started talking about boys, that is, about one boy. 1859 Irene recently met Ilya, and now he wrote to her every day. Ilya was a simple guy who did not possess any special abilities, his only feature was his silence, which the girl highly appreciated in him. She could spend hours proving something to him, and he could listen to her silently at that moment.
You know, he writes every day, but I don't understand why he writes at all? - Irene was indignant.
Why? - Katya wondered.
You see, he writes questions every day: hello, how are you, what are you doing - and he answers my answers in monosyllables, as if he wants to get rid of me. This is strange, because why do I need to start a conversation, so that later on all my remarks to answer: yes, it's understandable - it's so sad. He seems to shift all responsibility for the conversation onto me, and then I myself come up with topics for conversation.
And you ask him why he writes. - Katya suggested.
And I told him directly that our conversation was not going well with him, but he said: where did you get this? Is he so stupid? I don’t understand, well, it’s clear that the conversation is not going well. This is so strange, it seems to me that the conversation does not work out, but it does not seem to him at all, maybe this is due to the fact that he is really narrow-minded, because he is always silent. I once said to him: "Tell me something." And he replies: “What should I tell? I like listening to you. "
Maybe this is really a person like that, maybe he really likes to listen to you?
No, no, we simply do not have common topics for conversation, only I always speak, and he does not give any thought, you know what I mean?
Yes, but maybe he's just shy, he likes you, but he doesn't know where to start?
I don’t think it’s just that our conversation is not going well.
Well, it's okay, ”her friend reassured her,“ because it happens with us that the conversation does not go well.
Irene frowned and looked at her friend questioningly. She was silent for the rest of the evening. After all, she could not even think that in their ideal friendship they could not have a conversation, it always seemed to her that the conversation never stops for a minute, and there are no difficult moments. She sincerely could not understand: how could she miss something?
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A person is not able to live without communication. Almost all our time, free from sleep, we communicate with acquaintances and strangers. Usually, unless, of course, a person has grown divorced from civilization, there are no problems with communication. However, when it comes to communicating with a girl you like, males often come to a stupor. It would seem, what's so difficult? There are so many topics to discuss. But even a highly educated person who knows a lot of interesting things, and is not deprived of oratorical skills, a conversation with a girl often does not go well.
Everyone is to blame for the fear of saying something wrong and forming a bad opinion about yourself. As a result, it really does form, but not because of a wrong phrase, but because of an absurd silence. So what do you do in these situations? It's very simple - you need to talk about yourself, as well as listen to what the girl says to you (the latter is even more important). There is nothing to be afraid of. The conversation will start by itself, and there will be no trace of the primary timidity. And if you don't know how to keep up a conversation with a girl so as not to put yourself in a bad light, follow a couple of simple tips, and if she likes you, everything will go just fine. Knowing that you are on the right track will help you feel confident.
So, the main thing in a conversation is not to tire the lady and not let her get bored. After all, you need to leave a positive impression of yourself, and for this she must associate you with pleasant sensations. Therefore, do not turn a conversation with a girl into a lecture about football or C ++ programming. For these purposes, you have friends.
You can start a conversation with non-binding chatter: weather, mood, latest news, studies, etc. But don't dwell on these topics for long. They are only needed to strike up a conversation. Then you need to pique the girl's interest. Let her talk about what she herself is fond of, even if you yourself do not understand anything about it. In spite of everything, show your, even if artificial, interest, praise her, make a light compliment - all this will help you create a pleasant impression of yourself.
When it comes to you, do not complain about anything, even if things are not going well. It is your wife who can take pity on you and provide help, and an unfamiliar girl should see you in you. But do not go too far, boasting will not lead to any good either. It is best to conduct a conversation with a girl in a half-joking tone. The story is lively and fun. Don't burden her with all the details of your work or study. Let her have after communication a slight feeling of mystery emanating from you, even if you are the most ordinary person in life.
In general, a conversation should be conducted only in a positive and slightly frivolous tone: there should be no disputes and negative emotions, even if you consider her opinion to be incorrect. A conversation with a girl is not a place for self-affirmation and protrusion of your “ego”, it is a fun game in which you will receive her location as a prize.
However, the situation changes slightly if you have a conversation with a girl on the phone. In this case, it will not be used, and therefore your enchantment is unlikely to affect it. If you haven't been dating a girl for a while, it's best to use your phone for only one purpose - to arrange a new date. The same applies to which gives you even fewer opportunities to reveal yourself. Leave the internet for and finally go out on a real date. And then everything depends only on you. The main thing is to feel confident and not afraid. Believe me, the girl is going through the same way as you, and it is you who should charge her with a sense of calmness and self-confidence.
There are situations when you need to maintain a conversation with a person you see for the first time. Not only do you have to somehow start the conversation, but it still needs to be continued somehow. It is even worse if you have to conduct a dialogue with an absolutely uninteresting interlocutor. What to do when the conversation, to put it mildly, is not going well?
What I see is what I sing about
Take a look around. What surrounds you at this moment? Any phrase can become a stick that kindles a fire of conversation: about the design of the room you are in, about what is happening outside the window, or even the question "what is the password for wi-fi."
A classic example: "Today is beautiful weather, isn't it?" The main thing is to be positive and not to complain in any way. When you see a person for the first time, this is not the best time to express any negativity.
Search for common interests
Being aware of the events taking place in the world means being able to maintain a conversation with any person. Before the meeting, it will not be superfluous to look at the information summaries for the day or the last week.
They will become a real life buoy for your conversation. If an awkward pause suddenly arises, you can select an event and ask the other person's opinion about it. As a last resort - to tell the details and to enlighten the person about what is happening in the world.
The right questions are the right answers
You need to try to ask such questions so that you can get extensive answers to them. Options such as "what are you hobbies about" or "what do you do in life" will do.
Questions like these help a person focus on one particular object. It can be home, work, family, hobby. The interlocutor feels more relaxed when talking on topics familiar and close to him.
Language will bring to Kiev
Asking questions that simply cannot be answered with yes or no gives you an added advantage. All that is required is to listen carefully to the interlocutor. Since, on the basis of the received answer, it will be possible to form new leading questions.
Initiative is not punishable
If the “partisan” continues to stubbornly remain silent, it’s time to show your own initiative. We begin to bombard the interlocutor with questions in order to find out as much information as possible about him: about his hobbies, interests, worldview, habits.
It is no secret that each of us loves to amuse his ego, so he will hardly refuse to talk about himself once again. Here are some good questions: "What books do you read?" They will help you learn a lot about the person and bring the conversation out of the pit of silence.
Let's play with facial expressions
Listen to the interlocutor and "play along" with him. If he tries to joke, even if it's not funny, at least smile. You don’t have to be insane if you don’t care who won Chelsea or Spartak, but raising your eyebrows a little is not that difficult.
However, this medal has a downside. There are comrades who, as soon as you begin to listen to them carefully, change the subject of the conversation abruptly or completely shut up. Thus, there may be an awkward pause again.
What to do when all efforts to keep the conversation going are dwindling?
There is no chance. You can relax and state this fact with peace of mind with a phrase a la: "Let's go like garlic: something the conversation is not going well today." Of course, this is an extreme measure. But it can work!
OK. You need to keep up a conversation with someone you first see in their eyes. Do not sit with your mouths closed. Simple "how are you?" will not work. “This is not a question to ask a stranger,” says communications expert and author of The Art of Easy Conversation, Debra Fine. Catch three saving phrases.
If you've never met: "What are you doing now?"
“Asking a person directly about what he earns for his living is not always correct,” says Fine. “Maybe he just got fired and is looking for a new job. Or maybe she is so dreary with him that he does not want to talk in his free time about these boring pieces of paper that he is shifting from day to day. "
Your wording is better: it will give the interlocutor the opportunity to talk about what he wants. If it's about work, okay, let it be about work. And if it's about a hobby - let it be about a hobby. All the better!
If you already know: "Well, here we are!"
Imagine: you have already met her and even know something about her, but you (it seems) do not have any common interests. Start by asking "how have you been all this time?" - show that you are really interested in what has happened in her life since you last saw each other.
New job? Ask her about her biggest accomplishments in her new location. Is she getting ready to run a marathon? Ask for advice on useful things as a beginner in this business. “People are very fond of talking about themselves. Give them that opportunity, ”advises Fine.
In the case of a one-sided dialogue: "Yes and ..."
To keep the conversation going, follow the golden rule of all stand-up comedians: repeat and confirm everything the other person says, and then add your own to it. If someone says, "Yesterday was a beautiful day," you can answer "Yes, it was!" - and the whole dialogue will end there. Better say something like: "Indeed, I was so glad to finally get out of the house and go to nature!". Expect the interlocutor to start talking about the kebabs that he ate at the dacha with his family. See? The conversation goes on.
