A selfish person is not best friend, partner and interlocutor. Such people are shunned, distrusted, and avoid serious matters. In fact, one does not become selfish in one day. The formation of self-obsession and disregard for the interests of other people is preceded by a long process of cultivating egoism.

The conditions in which a person was raised from childhood, his environment and instilled values ​​determine the model of behavior and attitude towards others in adulthood.

Of course, every parent wants the best for their child. Therefore, the last piece is for the child. If she cries, we drop everything and run to console her. A more expensive and larger toy for your beloved child: “So, am I a bad mother?”

There is nothing wrong with striving to fill your childhood with the best. Periodically sacrificing your interests and adapting to the child’s needs is the norm. But, unfortunately, many parents overdo it with care and arranging comfortable conditions for their child. Wanting to provide love and satisfy the child as much as possible, adults forget about an important factor of socialization - respect for other people. It is the lack of respect for others, the awareness that “others need it too”, that are the main indicators of children’s selfishness.

Psychologists say that being selfish, especially for a child, is not bad. Selfishness is a character trait that helps you take care of yourself, defend your position, and get what you want. Without healthy egoism, it is difficult for a person to survive in society, become a full-fledged social element and feel comfortable. Keyword "healthy".

Children who have unhealthy characteristics are often called selfish.

Healthy selfishness

• “Mom, get your brother out of the room, he’s stopping me from doing my homework!”(the child defends his interests).

Unhealthy

• “I’ll take all my brother’s toys because that’s what I want!”(the child does not respect the interests of another without adequate justification).

Recognizing the fine line between healthy and unhealthy selfishness is not easy. Accordingly, there are many chances to take the wrong “path” and raise an egoist.

If you want to turn your “little deity” into a normal child and learn to behave in such a way as not to cultivate destructive selfishness in him, this article is for you. We will tell you everything about the manifestation of children's egoism and how parents should react to it correctly.

Causes of children's selfishness

Example of parents

The child perceives the parents’ behavior as a norm, which he adopts in the process of growth and development.

If adults are busy only with themselves, in relationships they downplay each other’s roles, do not give in, and get offended if it’s “not their way,” then the child will behave according to the same algorithm. To demand the opposite from your child, you yourself must first find out.

Occurs in families for whom it was difficult to get a baby (long years of infertility treatment, difficult pregnancy, etc.). Afraid that nothing will happen to the baby (subconscious fear of losing a long-awaited child), parents circle around him and fulfill all his whims, so as not to be offended and feel unloved.

Strong guardianship also occurs in single-parent families where the parent is left with the child (without a father, for example). An adult, feeling guilty for having a dysfunctional family or being unable to devote time to a child due to work, indulges his whims, thus relieving himself of guilt.

Overprotection leads to the fact that the child does not show initiative in self-care, because everyone will do it for him anyway.

Putting a child on a pedestal

The baby is touched, praised and idolized, regardless of his behavior. The future Pushkin told a poem! He spat out the food - how funny it turned out! The child does not develop a critical attitude towards his own behavior and is free to do whatever he wants. At the same time, ethics, politeness and respect for others are not taken into account. The child is simply not taught by adults what this is all about.

The reasons for the formation of children's egoism lie in the relationships between adults in the family, their personal motivation and behavior.

Signs of a Selfish Child

From birth to 3 years

• He is inquisitive, so he dumps the contents of cabinets and nightstands. Not in order to burden mom with cleaning later.
• He wants to eat, so he cries. Not because he doesn’t understand that mom didn’t have time to cook.
• He takes a toy from a neighbor not because he wants to steal it, but because it is very beautiful.

Preschoolers 3-6 years old

At this age, unhealthy selfishness may begin to appear. The child already understands that he lives in society, that there are other people, etc. Can throw a tantrum if he doesn't get what he wants. May show aggression, withdraw into himself, sulk and be offended.

At this age, selfishness is manifested by an inadequate reaction to a ban. Anything that doesn’t suit him – he immediately starts crying. And the parents’ reaction to the child’s emotions can both reinforce selfishness and prevent it.

Have you read our article about? If not, we highly recommend it.

Schoolchildren and teenagers

• After 7 years, children's egoism takes on a stable form of disdain for others and can manifest itself in rudeness, when children begin to use bad words towards adults, for example, interrupting, not listening at all.
• Can use physical force (catch up and take away, beat, hit) if he does not get what he wants with words. At the same time, voicing what you want becomes unnecessary, since those around you “should” telepathically understand and instantly provide it.
• Children may refuse their responsibilities around the house or school if mom doesn't buy new jeans.
• Or manifest: if I don’t get it in a good way, then I’ll steal it, for example.

The dire consequences that await

Relationships with others

Egoists are conflicting, touchy people. If they don’t get what they want, they are ready to blame others, point out shortcomings or short-sightedness, point out insensitivity and lack of understanding.

The other feels ridiculous, since the requests and demands of the egoist may run counter to the possibilities or common sense. Who wants to listen to accusations from a seemingly sane adult who must solve his own problems?

Personal life

Building long-term relationships with an egoist is problematic, since the partner plays the role of a servant rather than an equal.

Egoists, like capricious children, always demand attention, care and respect for themselves, not realizing that this is not always possible. There is no talk at all about mutual care in such couples, everything is only for the egoist.

Attitude towards yourself

Egoists often have inflated self-esteem; they are confident in their exclusivity and divinity. They expect others to treat them accordingly. Life demonstrates otherwise, therefore, egoists feel like victims of other people and circumstances, whine and hate everyone. And they hardly think about the role they themselves play in the fact that something doesn’t work out.

Selfishness is a lack of responsibility for what happens in life.

How to re-educate children's selfishness

Every parent can eradicate children's selfishness.

The main thing is to be patient and realize that it is better to suffer now than to release a person unadapted to life into life.

Determine your child's responsibilities around the house based on age.

• A 3-year-old can throw candy papers in the trash;
• 15-year-old teenager - wash the floors in the house.

By doing this, you will form an understanding that there are obligations to others.

• Build self-care skills. The child must be able to dress himself, eat, make his bed and learn his homework.

Don't over-praise. Praise only for what is done to the best of the child’s ability. This way you will learn to bring things to the end, to be critical of what you have done.

We have a useful article on our website about not overpraising. We recommend reading.

• Ask for help. Parents should ask for help not only when they no longer have the strength, but also preventively.

Take out the trash, spend time with your little brother, make a sandwich. This way you will learn to care about others and realize that “they are not the only ones.” Be sure to thank them for your help, this will reinforce your desire to do more.

• Less control. Give the child his area of ​​responsibility.

You shouldn't wake up a 14-year-old for school. If he is late, it is his responsibility, which means he will receive a scolding. Next time he will get up on time. Give him the opportunity to have a negative experience. It is he who creates responsibility.

• Talk about your difficulties. Sometimes there is not enough time, money, health. Tell your child about this. Let him learn to empathize and empathize with others.
• Expand the circle of your own interests, so the child will understand that the world does not revolve only around him. We advise you to start.
• Love your child and talk about it.

A loving parent is not someone who allows everything. And the one who teaches to live and feel happy in specific conditions of possible deprivations, obstacles, and shortfalls.

Prohibited parenting methods

Prohibited Method No. 1

Demonstratively say: "WITH today You urgently begin to live differently! I stop caring about you. Your responsibilities are as follows...".

Such a proclamation would confuse even an adult. I lived alone for 10 years, and then everything changes suddenly, why is this? The child will not take this seriously and may stage a protest.

Prohibited Method No. 2

You deliberately express dissatisfaction with selfishness: “Here, they raised it on their own head!”

The question is, who raised and who allowed the child to become selfish? His character is your responsibility.

Method No. 3

Criticize and focus on selfishness in front of peers or adults. This is how you show disrespect for the child.

№ 4

Shift responsibility for your child’s selfishness to others: clubs, schools, kindergartens. It was not there that an egoist was raised, but at your home.

№ 5

Never led to a change in motivation. If a child was beaten because he did not share candy, then next time he will share because of fear of pain, but not because of the desire to please another. Do not cult the child. A baby is happiness, but there are other family members who require a caring attitude.

• Teach to share, listen, and have compassion for others.
• Explain the rules of behavior in society and show by example.
• Do something besides the child to reduce the degree of overprotection.
• Praise for real achievements, and not for the fact that he has beautiful eyes.

Demand only what he has been taught. If you don’t know how to fold trousers, first teach them, then demand they do it. And not: “God, how stupid you are!” - and they put it together themselves.

• Ask for whatever help you can.
• Be clear about each family member's responsibilities for running the household.
• Do not neglect children's groups, where the child learns social interaction.

Learn to solve your problems yourself. Discuss possible solutions, give advice, but don’t deal with your classmate Kolya, who secretly copied your homework.

Be sure that you good parents even when your child is missing something. Life never gives everything at once, the child must understand this. And you have to try, because it’s a big responsibility.

Conclusion

Conclusion

Children's selfishness is a matter for adults. A child’s reaction to the inability to get what he wants, to infringe on his interests, or to sacrifice something will always be negative. This is fine. It is not normal for parents to indulge every whim so that the child does not get upset. Be reasonable. Who, besides you, will teach you how to cope with emotions, respect others, polite behavior and love for your neighbor?

TATYANA BELOKONSKAYA, especially for the site

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Good day, dear blog readers!

Today our topic is about what to do if a child is selfish. As we said in previous articles, they most often hide in childhood. It is also important to know what mistakes made by parents increase the risk of selfishness in children.

• The child is an egoist: what to do

Why children grow up selfish: mistakes in education

It would seem that our children are little delicate flowers whom we care for and raise with great love. And it seems that everything is done for the baby, everything is explained to him, and as a result, then the parents rush to the forums with questions: “My son is an egoist: what should I do?”

Therefore, let's first talk about what mistakes in upbringing lead to selfishness in children.

Mistakes in education:

• Too much love from parents

Everything is always for the baby, all his wishes are fulfilled at once, and all offenders are immediately eliminated from sight by formidable mothers/fathers/grandmothers/grandfathers. But! As a result of such indulgence, he begins to think that everything around him exists for him. And quite naturally he begins to demand. After all, he thinks that all this belongs to him.

• Lack of independence

This is the case when they do everything around the house for the children and do not burden them with even minimal purchases. Moreover, kids don’t even know that they need to clear away toys and plates from the table.

Please note that the baby not only grows up to be selfish, but also completely unadapted to independent life. In the future, he will refuse to do any business related to the house. And he will do this not only because he doesn’t want to, but also because he doesn’t know how to do all this.

• Excessive financial incentives

Your son or daughter should study well not because they receive money for every grade, but because they know why it will be useful to them in the future.

As for cleaning or going to the store, this should be done because it is customary and out of respect and desire to help parents. If this is all done solely to get extra pocket money, then this is a reason for you to think about it.

• Lack of attention from parents

No matter how strange it may sound, egoists are produced not only with overprotection, but also with its complete absence.

A child who grew up in such an environment was accustomed to the fact that any signs of attention must be received with a fight. Accordingly, in adult life such a person will strive to capture the attention of everyone around him. In this way, a kind of compensation occurs for the attention lost in childhood.

As you can see, the answer to the question: “How not to raise a child to be selfish?” pretty simple - don't do any of the things listed above. And then the likelihood that your little and beloved sun will grow into a selfish person is small.

The child is an egoist: what to do

Now let's talk about what to do if the child is already selfish. This happens when one day you realize that something has gone wrong.

So, how to re-educate a little egoist:

• Get rid of unnecessary guardianship

If he already goes to high school, then you shouldn’t wake him up every morning (although it’s worth monitoring from afar that going to school still happens every day). Also, let him make the bed himself and clear the dishes from the table;

• Let me have a negative experience

If you didn't learn the lesson, you got a bad grade. Until the child understands that any of his actions (or inactions) affects the quality of life, nothing good will happen;

• If you ask about successes, then pay attention not only to questions about the baby himself, but also about his friends

This is how the habit of observing what happens to people around you is formed;

• Promote a broader social environment

• Foster altruism

In fact, we need to instill in children the habit of caring for others. To do this, it is enough to have any pet in the house. Even fish will do. This is how children from an early age understand that there is a being who is completely dependent on them. And when there is a habit of caring for those who cannot do it themselves, then we are no longer talking about selfishness.

And one more thing: selfishness often appears in the case of two or three children in a family. Therefore, if you decide to give birth to another baby, then you need to prepare the older one for the arrival of a brother or sister even before the birth.

Attention! So that later selfishness does not manifest itself in the younger one, over time we teach him that the older brother (or sister) also needs care and help. If children in the family help each other, then your goal has been achieved!

So, today we touched on the topic of how not to raise an egoist. I hope you found this helpful. For now I have everything. But we have a lot of interesting things ahead, so don’t forget to subscribe to blog updates and share the link with your friends.

If you have any questions, write, we will answer them!

The difficulties of growing up have become such a discussed topic that all teenagers are aware of their age and the problems that accompany it.

“I’m at a difficult age! They don’t understand me!” - they repeat out of place and out of place. Teenage selfishness is extremely aggravated by the child’s awareness of his exclusivity. After all, adults declared his age to be special, and he learned this well.

Today adolescence turned out to be “at the peak of popularity”, probably as a less studied one, which relatively recently emerged as an independent period of human life. Being interested in the growth of a person, we have gained knowledge and observations, we try to use them for the benefit of teenagers, and this is wonderful. But, having “discovered” adolescence for ourselves, we must remember that it is not the only significant age that deserves attention.

Teenagers are not the only ones who need sensitivity and respect from others for their own age characteristics. Each has its own difficulties and peculiarities. age period. Probably every person has problems due to his age. It is very important that young people understand this.
If teenagers showed sympathy for the age-related stress of other people, at least members of their family, then they would react differently to their own adversity. The point is not to shift all the worries of adults onto children's shoulders, but to ensure that young people learn to show mercy to others. By caring for children or the elderly, not out of coercion, but out of sympathy for their helplessness, teenagers will actually be able to learn Christian love, alien to selfishness.

During adolescence, it will be much easier for a child to cope with his experiences if he is tuned in to compassion and learns to see in other people’s problems an opportunity to show kindness and benefit another person and his own soul. In adult life, the habit of taking into account, in addition to personal interests and desires, the interests and needs of the people around him will help him no less than an excellent education. Let him be convinced from experience that sincere sympathy and active help in the misfortune of others makes his own sorrows less significant.

It has long been known that idleness is the mother of vices and the cause of many troubles. According to St. Theophan the Recluse, “idle time is in conspiracy with all spirits against the poor soul.” Adults need to think through the employment of their children in order to avoid two extremes: when the child is completely left to his own devices or when he spends all his time on school, lessons and tutors. If a teenager has a developing hobby: sports, music, drawing, handicrafts, technical modeling etc., then outside of school he will live more interesting, more meaningful, and more active. He has a greater chance of self-realization in adulthood.

It is useful to involve the child in work at home or in the country, to instill in him self-care skills. By participating in household chores, a teenager understands from experience that life is not arranged on its own, but through the constant work of family members. This will help him notice and appreciate the care that elders show for him. It is especially worth mentioning about reading. Thanks to good books the teenager will not only broaden his horizons and satisfy his curiosity, but also understand that his “superproblems” are not unique.
Instead of surrounding a growing person with ever new prohibitions, it is better to try in advance to instill in him the right beliefs and good habits. For example, if you managed to engage a child in a useful activity, then later you are unlikely to have to reprimand him for spending all evenings on the street in dubious company or staring at the screen without stopping.

Education does not tolerate falsehood or duplicity. If parents convince a growing person of the value of chastity, the teenager must see that their arguments for themselves are not an empty phrase. How can a young man take relationships with people of the opposite sex seriously if his drunken parents do not hesitate to recall numerous “partners” from their youth, if this is not the first experience for each of them? family life…

For all their prickliness and roughness, teenagers need kind, judicious attention and understanding from adults, which does not at all exclude our reasonable demands on them and, if necessary, severity. According to Saint Theophan, the transitional age requires attention, “because from it comes the subsequent course of life - either good, or bad, or mixed.”

Children are the most precious thing in our life, its meaning and reason. We give our children all the most beautiful, delicious, and generally the best, but sometimes it happens that our love goes beyond all boundaries, so much so that the child grows up to be selfish and tyrant..

Selfishness - from the very cradle

From birth, we, parents, personally lay in our child feeling of superiority over others one might even say that a person is born an egoist. A newborn little person simply cannot do without outside help; he needs to be fed, changed, bathed, etc., which, naturally, creates a certain stereotype in the child’s brain that he is the “center of the universe.”

And this is quite natural!

Psychologists believe that up to the age of three, a child who is selfish is normal, because during this period of his life he still does not know how to particularly communicate with peers, share toys and sweets. He is only interested in a personal person.

This must pass by age 4. It’s worse if your child’s selfishness does not disappear after this time and develops even more.

Child psychologists say that even in the most at a young age there is no need to indulge and “cherish” children’s egoism, the sense of one’s own “I” should not go beyond the permitted limits.

A child may demand something, being capricious or falling into a temper. In such situations, cowardly parents often follow the lead of a little capricious child, then they grow up with a selfish child, and they have no idea what to do after that. Therefore it is necessary to vaccinate correct model behavior in children, starting from a very early age.

Why are children selfish?

Who is to blame for the fact that our children grow up narcissistic and think only about themselves? Of course, you and I - parents and grandparents.

The site tried to systematize typical parental mistakes that lead to the cultivation of a little domestic tyrant:

1. “Praising” a child and exaggerating the importance of his personality. There is no need to praise the child for no reason, telling him that he is the best. By doing this, don’t be surprised why children grow up selfish. But the opposite situation – belittling and hushing up its merits – is unacceptable.
2. Performing duties and necessary tasks for the child. This leads to lack of initiative.
3. Selfishness of parents despite the fact that moral standards are declared to the child. As you know, children learn from the example of adults. Therefore, if mom or dad act contrary to the “standards,” the children develop an internal conflict and their ideas become unclear.
4. Imposing personal attitudes and desires on your children, which can reduce their interest in life.
5. Excessive parental activity in terms of education, it can reduce a child’s self-esteem and suppress his personality, which leads to psychological immaturity.
6. Bribing children to perform certain actions. In this case, the child values ​​not the result of the work performed, but its “payment.” Among other things, fees lead to decreased enthusiasm and creativity.

Selfish child: how to re-educate

The very first thing you need to do to re-educate a selfish child is realize your parental mistakes as a teacher. You need to analyze where the “failure” occurred and what pedagogical moments you missed.

Here are some tips on how to rehabilitate a selfish person:

• Don't follow the child's lead, if he demands something hysterical. Just ignore him at such moments. In a couple of minutes, your child will understand that nothing can be achieved by shouting.
• Don't do things for your child, what is feasible for him, so you will teach him to cope with various tasks independently.
• Talk to the baby, try to explain to him, that nothing can be achieved by crying.
• Does an egoist child want to decide something for himself? Amazing, invite him to choose for himself, what he will wear today or what he will eat, but limit the choice to two things or two dishes.
• Let your child care for someone else. If he has younger brother or sister, allow him to do the simplest tasks of caring for the baby, do not limit their communication. Many psychologists are unanimous in the opinion that one child in the family is an egoist, since all attention is paid only to him.

Also you can have a pet, which your son or daughter will have to take care of.

Raising a child is a very responsible and difficult task. Every parent should rely not only on their own inspiration, but also for a healthy mind in matters of pedagogy. Remember that childhood selfishness is far from a death sentence, and negative character traits can be eradicated by being patient.