Traditions of raising children in Russia and abroad: similarities and differences. Traditions of family education in families of foreign countries List of used literature

According to the law, 10 weeks after the birth of the baby, the French mother must already go to work. But French women are not at all against this state of affairs: they themselves strive to return to work as soon as possible so as not to lose their qualifications, continue to build a career and earn money, because life in France is far from cheap. They prefer to give half of what they earn to a nanny and housekeeper rather than sit at home. Women who devote themselves entirely to caring for children are a rarity in French society, where they are called “mother hens.” By the way, mother hens in recent years are much more common here. Grandparents rarely take care of their grandchildren, maintaining neutrality in the matter of upbringing. They visit them on weekends and holidays, sometimes they can take them to the section and take them on vacation.

In France, children are encouraged to sleep separately almost from birth, ideally in separate room. It is considered normal to let a child “cry out” if he is out of sorts. It is typical that all children have a “dudu” - a plush toy with which they sleep and carry it with them everywhere. Dudu is bought for a newborn to develop reflexes, but many children do not part with them until they are 8-10 years old. There is an opinion that the love for “dood”, as well as the universal habit of children in France sucking nipples, fingers and biting nails, begins precisely with the early separation of the baby from his mother. It’s interesting that parents never bundle up their children, feed them “adult” food from the age of two, and generally don’t “shake” over them, like many of our mothers.

The French mother will not adapt to the child, her motto is: “Here I decide.” Mothers often use “no” and “wait” when communicating with children, teaching them patience and obedience. At the same time, parents distinguish between the concepts of “little pranks” and “bad behavior”, not paying attention to the first and adequately punishing the second. They may shout at the child if he crosses the boundaries, but in general, French children have much more freedom than, for example, Russian ones. On playground not a single parent will interfere in the fun and “showdowns” of children if they do not pose a threat to health.

In the absence of a nanny, the child is assigned to a nursery almost from birth, then to a kindergarten or school. State policy stimulates intensive development preschool education. Early socialization, according to the French, only benefits the baby (and this is quite fair) - he learns to draw, play, make friends faster and more organically, and masters household skills and discipline rules. Parents are not keen on early education methods; teaching numbers and the alphabet on their own ahead of time, much less boasting about their child’s achievements, is not accepted here.

The main feature of raising children in France is the complete lack of perfectionism among their parents. Yes, they are not perfect, but they know how to embrace life and teach this to their children.

Country of residence: Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

Two years ago I got married. At that time, we didn’t even have any thoughts of staying in Kazakhstan, because my husband spoke very little Russian. He has his own business in Malaysia, in Kuala Lumpur, and that's why we moved here. In the future, of course, I would like to move back to Kazakhstan, because I miss my family, the weather, and especially the food. And my husband also likes Kazakhstan.

Life in Malaysia is different from Kazakhstan. I'm not working right now. A When I worked, we shared all household responsibilities with my husband. That is, I clean the house, and he cooks dinner. I wash the dishes and he throws out the trash. That is, it wasn’t like we came home from work, and he went to bed, and I did everything myself. All together, team work.

Speaking of traditions, I remember I had a culture shock when I saw how the Malays greeted their elders. When meeting, younger Malays kiss the hand of the older one and bring it to their forehead. I thought: “What is this anyway?” Now I like this tradition. I think this shows respect for the older generation.

When meeting, younger Malays kiss the hand of the older one and bring it to their forehead

Weddings are completely different from Kazakhstani ones. If in Kazakhstan, getting ready, hairstyles, and make-up are important for guests, then here everything is simple: there is a banquet, and it lasts two hours. There are two types of weddings - traditional and more modern. The traditional wedding takes place in the morning, around 10-11. 500, 1000, 2000 people come, and there are no feasts, just a buffet. On modern weddings We've been there a couple of times too. Regardless of the venue, the food is very simple: bone soup, rice and chicken. Two hours - and the wedding ends. Nobody is dancing. There was no white dance at our wedding, although this is customary in Kazakhstan, but for the locals, dancing is a sign of disrespect for elders.

Due to the fact that Malaysia is a Muslim country, women are treated with more respect. There was such a case when relatives came to us for a wedding, and my husband’s parents invited everyone to their home. And all the women sat, and the men carried food and cleared away the dishes. And this is what I really like.

Relationships between family members are different. We are more united. In Malay families, everyone is on their own. No one interferes with sibling relationships. Parents mostly live separately.

In Malay families, everyone is on their own

The main difficulty in our relationship was the language barrier, which our relatives could not overcome. We realized this when my husband’s family came to Kazakhstan to get married. And if mom speaks a little English, then dad only knows a couple of words. It’s good that my sisters and brother know the language - it helped.

We found it pretty quickly common language, because at the time we met, I had already lived in Malaysia for several years and knew what was going on. The only moment of misunderstanding was the situation when my friend asked to meet her father, but I had not met him before. He came to Kuala Lumpur and I needed to show him the city. I told my husband about this, and he was surprised and asked: “Do you know this man?” I said no, to which he asked the question: “How can you communicate with a person you don’t know?” I had to explain that this is how it is with us, and even if you don’t know the person, you meet, see off and feed him. He experienced this personally when he came to Kazakhstan for the first time. I was busy at work and didn’t have time to show him the city. My little sister and my brother and I were walking with him.

In general, Malays and Kazakhs are similar. And in culture, and in mentality, and even externally. When my husband comes to Kazakhstan, they often speak to him in Russian, because they think that he is either Kazakh or Uyghur. People also often speak to me in Malay because they think I'm Malay.

Konstantin Ryabov, 30 years old, hometown - Karaganda

Country of residence: Fort Myers, Florida, USA

I left Kazakhstan for the States in 2015. I met my wife in 2008, when I was studying at an American university, and we got married 2 years later. The wedding was held in the States, and then almost immediately we went to Kazakhstan, to Karaganda. Since 2010 we lived and worked there. And one day my wife said: “Let’s go to my house now?”, after which, in December 2015, we moved.

Life in the city, regardless of the country, is similar - work, home. The only difference is in everyday life. In America they cook less. The food industry is more developed than ours, and therefore going to a restaurant or cafe is not a big event.

The mentality is not very different, and life is similar to Kazakhstan. The wife's family is large: the parents have many brothers and sisters. IN everyday life They don’t meet that often because they live in different cities and states, but they definitely get together for big events, like weddings. The very idea of ​​such family gatherings is the same. But if in Kazakhstan we have this feast with toasts, then here it is more like a big party.

Due to the fact that family members often live far from each other, grandparents are not as actively involved in the lives of their grandchildren as we are

Due to the fact that family members often live far away from each other, grandparents are not as actively involved in the lives of their grandchildren as we are. They are with great attention relate to the parents' opinion and give less advice.

I just met my wife’s parents. In August 2008, I flew to the States before the start of my studies and came home to stay with my future wife. I met close relatives at various family events even before the wedding, but there were also those whom I met only once at the ceremony.

Our relationship was not particularly affected by cultural differences. All controversial issues depend, rather, on the differences between people. Maybe the generation before me would have had a big difference in mentality, but due to the fact that American culture has been quite popular since the 90s, their way of life and views are familiar and understandable.

Our daughter was born in 2014, and while she was little, before moving, she watched cartoons in Russian, understood something, tried to speak. As soon as we started living in the States, she quickly changed her mind and forgot the Russian language. Now she is almost four years old, and she actively speaks English, but only knows a couple of phrases in Russian. When communicating with my parents on the phone, alas, he only uses “Hello” and “Bye.”

Layla Akbaeva, 42 years old, hometown - Karaganda

Country of residence: Sao Paulo, Brazil

I left Kazakhstan for England to study. There she met her future husband. ABOUT n Italian and by that time had already lived abroad for 15 years, and therefore we quickly came to an understanding.

Italy has its own traditions and customs, which differ markedly from those accepted in Kazakhstan. For example, acquaintance with parents took place in an informal setting. My future husband and I were flying to Malta, and there was a two-hour layover in Rome. His parents came to have lunch with us and that’s how we met: without any unnecessary formality, very simply. We met the rest of our relatives in the summer, when big family gathered to relax in the summer house. In Italy, family events are not held in the format of a feast, since everyone can have dinner separately and meet afterwards. More important than a meal is communication.

Let me note that in Italian families there is important tradition: Spend lunch with mom on Sunday. You won't meet people on the streets, in shops, because 90% of them have lunch with their family. Respect for elders is something that Kazakhstani society is reminiscent of and something that we instill in our children.

Let me note that in Italian families there is an important tradition: to have lunch with your mother on Sunday

When raising children, we still rely on the upbringing that we ourselves received and choose the best. In our family, we adhere to English standards, clearly planning the day and taking things responsibly. Despite the fact that we live in Brazil, the children attend an English school and various clubs. When we need to manage everything, we resort to a daily routine.

In any question, we try to explain why it is better this way and not another. For example, in England children go to bed at 6-7 pm, but in Brazil children can walk on the street even at 9-11. When children want to go for a walk late, I give them a choice, explaining that they can go for a walk late, but the next day they will have to get up early, and they are unlikely to get up refreshed and well-rested. It is important to explain the reason. In Kazakhstan, for some reason, they forget about this, answering with a simple “because.”

In the family we adhere to English standards, clearly planning the day, taking responsibility for our affairs

In Kazakhstan, a person’s personal life is little valued. Relatives can arrive at any time, and you have to put things off and not pay attention to your condition. We tell children that they need to pay attention to personal plans, and if you want to go on a visit, then you need to warn whoever it is. Every weekend we discuss who wants to do what, and decide together how we will spend our time.

Chapter 1 What they argued about and argue about issues family education here and abroad. My Meetings with Benjamin Spock

1. Who will protect the child?

Many years have passed since the United Nations adopted the “Declaration of the Rights of the Child” - a document aimed at protecting children from hunger, epidemic diseases, and exploitation.

How significant, how incredibly important are effective measures aimed at protecting the rights of the child, how weighty are the words that remind humanity that the world of childhood can and should be beautiful, how necessary it is for everyone to know the nature of this world and devote all their thoughts and efforts to education in children of goodness, intelligence, beauty! Meanwhile, a child, as the wonderful Polish teacher Janusz Korczak once said, has only one real right - the right to die. Millions of children sentenced to slow death. Condemned by Chernobyl and other disasters, incurable diseases, polluted environment!

Millions of children suffering from national strife, from the unjust struggle in which humanity is increasingly drawn into - how to save them?

In this difficult time, the role of the educator becomes especially important, because only the one who will enter the children’s souls, who will warm their hearts, who will protect them from social and other adversities can help children. What should the personality of a modern educator be like?

Let me emphasize once again: I began my philosophical conversation about family education with the personality of the teacher also because in our country the role of the individual – both the child and the parents – was belittled. You will not find a single book that reveals the personality of a father or mother, their spiritual world, culture and attitude to universal human values.

Perhaps the exception is “A Book for Parents” by Anton Makarenko. But if you open the academic edition of the fourth volume of his works, which is entirely devoted to the problems of family education, then you can read that the main theme of the “Book for Parents” is “the Soviet family as a collective.” Please note that this work is dedicated not to the personality of the child or to the personalities of the parents, but to the team. I oppose the point of view of Makarenko, who argued that it is not the individual, but the collective that is the main educator of the child’s personality. Let me make a reservation right away: while decisively rejecting the doctrine of collectivism, I still regard Makarenko as a great teacher who, like Etienne Cabet and Robert Owen, created another pedagogical utopia: the utopia of “democratic authoritarianism.”

To answer many questions about personal education, the activities and positions of teachers and parents, I will talk about three significant teachers - Benjamin Spock, Konstantin Ushinsky and Anton Makarenko.

2. The core of education is love for children and childhood

The characters of educators can be different, but the core is the same - love for children, trust and respect for human dignity, love for freedom and respect for the democracy of interpersonal relationships.

I would like to note right away that the pedagogical experience of each parent is great in some way and is not inferior in importance to those generalizations contained in the writings of major teachers. When Spock insisted, “Parents, have more confidence in yourselves, use the parenting wisdom of your grandparents, yourself, and those around you,” he was emphasizing that parents have enough knowledge to raise their children well. And miscalculations in raising children result from the indecisiveness and confusion of parents and the fact that they end up in stressful situations, because they are haunted by the troubles of social disorder, conformism and the notorious authoritarianism. While advocating for the humanity of education, I cannot lose sight of the problem of citizenship, which is currently especially evident in the interest of parents in such complex phenomena as politics and war, national strife and social activity of families, social communities, regions, the market and environmental issues. troubles.

When the striking miners of Kuzbass say that they are no longer slaves, they are thereby introducing civic education into their families and setting a great example of courage and democracy for their children.

When the metallurgists of the Urals demand an urgent solution to environmental problems, they act in a civil manner, because they think not only about themselves and their generation, but also about future families, future generations.

When children and teachers in schools rebel against authoritarianism, low pay and poor working conditions, a process of civic education is underway in families, which the public must support. They may ask me; But how does such an attitude towards rebellion, strikes and rallies agree with the philosophy of Freedom and Love, with the Christian education of humility and self-reproach?

I answer: Freedom and Love is God, who stands for justice, kindness towards the disadvantaged, for the beauty of human actions, for selfless service to people. The Son of Man gave us an example of selfless love for people. When the fathers of families and the mothers of their children cease to be slaves, they draw closer to God, for it is not pride that takes possession of them, but the readiness to go to the cross, the readiness to sacrifice themselves for the good of their children and future generations.

From the history of pedagogical thought, I chose three teachers who, in my opinion, boldly went to the cross in the name of the great pedagogy of Freedom and Love. Ushinsky and Spock walked, defending Freedom and Love, Makarenko, oddly enough, denying universal human values. And in this unity of acceptance and denial there is an eternal struggle between Good and Evil, Love and Dislike, Freedom and Slavery. This unity is always in our souls, in the soul of every parent, no matter how perfect he may be. That is why I dared to critically evaluate such remarkable pedagogical personalities.

3. About the height of the teacher’s personality

The height of a teacher’s personality is determined by the measure of citizenship, the gift of hearing the dialogue of his era, as M. M. Bakhtin noted, or, more precisely, hearing his era as a great dialogue. To catch in it not only the resonances of the voices of the past, but also to hear the voice of the future. Reveal thought as a great contradiction and suffer from unresolved life conflicts. Selflessly serve the great ideas of a just world order and endlessly believe in them.

With this measure you involuntarily measure the remarkable American doctor and teacher Benjamin Spock, whose books in our country were published in millions of copies over the last quarter of the twentieth century. Since my son and I were directly involved in the preparation of B. Spock’s publications, I was interested in finding out the reasons for the enormous popularity of the American teacher. My conclusions may be unexpected, but I dare to say that Spock conquered our parents with the breadth of his freedom-loving soul, sincere love for people and children, and his unique personality, devoid of any pedantry, tediousness or arrogant moralizing.

Like the two most important dominants in Benjamin Spock. One is connected with politics and philosophy - here he is a fierce opponent of war and a defender of the highest social justice. The other is due to professional activity that combines the art of medicine and the art of education.

The basis of these two dominants, I am absolutely convinced of this today, are such universal human values ​​as Love and Freedom. I confess: the source of my constant energy is children, moreover– international children's and pedagogical movements that took place in the USA and England, Germany and Switzerland, Sweden and Norway, Poland and Hungary, Denmark and Italy, and in many other countries that constantly took part in international children's festivals in Artek. In the mid-70s I went to a festival where Benjamin Spock was invited; I wanted to see him interact with children, to become more thoroughly acquainted with his views on education, and to come closer to understanding his pedagogical philosophy.

I have never doubted that the content of personality largely determines pedagogical views. More precisely, the personal aspect in pedagogy is extremely important, since it leaves a certain imprint on the entire pedagogical world of a particular thinker in this field. Looking over all the great teachers in my memory, I involuntarily divided them (in a purely personal sense) into two types. First: Owen, Ushinsky, Disterweg, Makarenko. Here I encountered a frantic character - eyes burning like a prophet, nerves like cables; powerful energy gives rise to powerful formulas: if character is created by circumstances, then the environment must be changed (Owen); if the teacher breathes energy, children’s initiative inevitably develops (Disterweg); only a happy person can educate happy person: tear yourself to pieces, but become happy, otherwise you will not be able to raise children (Makarenko). In this character, it seemed to me, major intonations predominate. And the whole spirit of the individual is reformist, uncompromising. The other type, according to my assumptions, was not the complete opposite of the first, but here the tenderness of the teacher’s soul somehow softened the tone of the teacher’s quest. Here there is more focus on the attitude towards the child’s personality, here there is kindness in that exquisitely reverent subtlety that gives rise to the intimacy of touch, characteristic of people who are easily vulnerable and painfully doubtful. Here, truly civic passion is born as a great revelation through one’s own torment, pain, and purification.