Chechen children: traditions defeat common sense. Peculiarities of the Chechen family and upbringing What will the child of a Chechen and Russian be like?

Children have become a reality in the Russian black earth outback. For a year and a half, a Russian family from Mtsensk raised a Chechen boy, and a Chechen family raised a Russian boy. As a result, by court decision, the families exchanged children.

They lived and had no worries until last August the Androsovs accidentally found a maternity hospital tag with the inscription “Zarema Taisumova.” Strange, where is she from? Reflections led Anna Androsova to an unpleasant conclusion - her one-and-a-half-year-old baby is most likely not her half-son.

The woman met with the Taisumov family, but initially they did not believe her words. Then Anna obtained a DNA examination, which confirmed: women are not raising their own children. It turns out that the kids were mixed up in orphanage. The midwife wrapped them in someone else's blankets, but the tags on the boys' arms were her own.

By a strange coincidence, both women removed these tags without even looking at them. The mothers were not embarrassed by the fact that a dark-haired and brown-eyed baby was born into a Russian family, and a fair-haired and blue-eyed one into a Chechen family. The truth was revealed only after a year and a half. Well, then there was a court that decided to exchange children. The federal judge presiding over this case, Lyudmila Chugina, has more information about this: “Children have the right, according to family code, brought up in their own families. Both children have mothers, fathers, and relatives. Naturally, the court came to the conclusion that children should be raised in their families of origin. There are absolutely no obstacles to this. What the hospital workers did was negligence that borders on crime.”

As a result, the families exchanged children. The children were not given new documents. Anya and Zarema only exchanged their sons’ medical cards. And everything fell into place: the dark one is Adlan, the light one is Nikita. Now both women have become friends, and the Taisumovs, who have already moved to Chechnya, are going to invite Anna and their son to visit.

For the maternity hospital, this story did not go unpunished. Anna Androsova filed a claim for compensation for moral damage and won the trial. Now the hospital must pay her 150 thousand rubles. “The court took into account that there is an eldest child in the family who is going through this whole situation very hard, and the mother herself, naturally,” continues Lyudmila Chugina. “It’s also a pity for the one she is forced to give away. The stop in which she was own child, was difficult - the boy was going through the transition to another family, throwing tantrums. All this was taken into account by the court."

It is very correct that the boys were returned to their real parents right now, while they are small. There are fewer psychological traumas for them, says Maryanna Bezrukikh, head of the child development laboratory at the Institute of Developmental Physiology of the Russian Academy of Education. “It is important that they grow up in favorable conditions,” she says. “If children grow up in situations of care, love, affection, and attention from adults, then such a situation should not negatively affect their development.”

By the way, Zarema Taisumova is also thinking of going to court for compensation. The maternity hospital itself refused to talk to journalists. They only said that the nurse who made the mistake had already been fired.

Chechens raise their children the same way as their ancestors did 100–200 years ago, they believe in the republic. The birth of a child, and especially a boy, imposes a serious responsibility on parents, which is considered the main task of their whole life. (6 photos)

Despite the fact that modern world leaves its mark on traditions, on family life, on raising children; in Chechnya they managed to preserve one of the most important traditions - having many children. Until now, when a child is born, in the first congratulations to the parents, everyone wishes that the newborn would have seven brothers. A family with seven brothers is a very serious argument worthy of respect in Chechen society.

One parable is very popular in Chechnya: a young mother went to an old man to ask him at what time she should start raising a child. The elder asked how old the baby was. She answered: one month. The elder, without thinking, said that she was exactly a month late in raising her. The most important thing that children are taught according to Chechen traditions is respect for elders. The father's name is an indisputable authority that has a magical effect on the child.

According to traditional adats, Chechens will never praise their children in public. Almost any Chechen father will remain silent if his son tells him about successes. Father and son communicate through mother, keeping a distance. But the core of the son’s upbringing remains the father, whom he must imitate and strive for his ideal.

Even pre-revolutionary historians showed interest in the Chechen traditions of raising boys. When asked why parents don’t beat their children, fathers and mothers answered: “We want them to grow up to be human.” And the famous Russian Caucasus expert Adolphe Berger argued that Chechens never beat their sons because they are afraid that they will grow up to be cowards. The son is not beaten or scolded so that he does not know the feeling of fear.

The family of Ramzan Kadyrov is an illustrative example; here in practice you can see all the features of the traditions of local education. “I never sat down in front of my father, I never talked. When asked, I answered. I tried not to go into the room where my parents were together. Never before have my father and I recent years they did not communicate in the presence of my grandfather. I don't remember my father praising me. It’s exactly the same in our family. I never spoke to my wife or children in my father's presence. We were raised that way,” said Ramzan Kadyrov in an interview.

Chechens raise their children the same way as their ancestors did 100–200 years ago, they believe in the republic. A childless family is compared here to a tree without branches and fruits. Therefore, the birth of a child, and especially a boy, imposes serious responsibility on parents, which is considered the main task of their whole life.

Each of the children is a project, the implementation of which completely depends on the organizers - father and mother. In the end, a person, raising and spending money on the education of children, invests both strength and finances in them in order to ensure his old age, remaining respected in society both during life and after death. Elderly people often say that there is nothing more pleasant in old age than hearing from strangers about the merits of their children and how respected they have become. Ruslan Musaev, 43 years old, father of seven children.

Despite the fact that the modern world leaves its mark on traditions, on family life, on raising children, in Chechnya they have managed to preserve one of the most important traditions - large families. If you ask a 30-year-old Chechen, who does not have a permanent job and a stable income, why he has so many children, it is the same as doubting whether he needs his brothers and sisters. Until now, when a child is born, in the first congratulations to the parents, everyone wishes that the newborn would have seven brothers. And it doesn’t matter whether it’s the third child or the fifth. A family with seven brothers is a very serious argument worthy of respect in Chechen society.

The main educator of children in a Chechen family is the mother. If in an ideal Chechen family a boy learns from his father’s example, carried away by his authority, then his mother is practically the first teacher. A woman can turn to her husband for help only in extreme cases, when the child gets out of his hands. “I’ll tell my father everything when he returns,” such statements act like shock therapy on children. Even if the father never raised his hand to his children. .

The family of Ramzan Kadyrov is an illustrative example; here in practice you can see all the features of the traditions of local education.

I never sat down in front of my father, I never talked. When asked, I answered. I tried not to go into the room where my parents were together. Until recent years, my father and I never communicated in the presence of my grandfather. I don't remember my father praising me. It’s exactly the same in our family. I never spoke to my wife or children in my father's presence. We were raised that way. And we will continue these traditions. .

In fact, according to traditional adats, Chechens will never praise their children in public. Almost any Chechen father will remain silent if his son tells him about successes. Father and son communicated through mother, keeping a distance. But the core of the son’s upbringing was the father, whom he must imitate and strive for his ideal.

My father has always been the most important thing for me after the Almighty. I did everything to please my father, so that he would say Ramzan is a good boy. He taught me to do good, to study, to always work for the good of the people. This is what I did. We had a special relationship. He forgave me a lot of things. But I, for example, never showed him that I was more than he was sleeping. I always got up earlier and went to bed later so that he wouldn’t see that I was sleeping. We also have this rule - don’t show your face to your father for a month until he sees you by chance. My mother and I had a separate relationship. Everything I wanted to tell my father, I conveyed through my mother. She's like a translator. Ramzan Kadyrov, head of the Chechen Republic.

Punishment of the mother was considered not so shameful, especially since it was usually carried out only during the first years of life. At the same time, the grandmother’s word has always had great authority for a boy, especially a teenager.

Grandmothers play a colossal role in raising children in Chechnya. It was my grandmother who raised me and is raising my children, because she knows much more than anyone else. Our grandmothers and grandfathers are the wisest. And my grandfather is a very respected person. I am very happy that my grandparents are raising my children. Ramzan Kadyrov, head of the Chechen Republic.

Grandfathers and grandmothers play a special role in raising Chechen children. The writer Musa Beksultanov has a story where an old man takes his grandson with him on a hunt. This was a long-awaited trip for the boy. His grandfather allowed him to take the rifle and shoot the animal. At the last moment, when the game was at gunpoint, the boy did not shoot, and the frightened roe deer ran away. The boy felt ashamed of his weakness and began to cry. His grandfather, on the contrary, praised him for his humanity. "Well done, you'll grow good man"- said the old man.

For all their brutality, Chechens have always valued humanity and mercy, and taught their children to it. For the boy in the story, such a reaction from his grandfather to the seemingly weakness that he showed would actually have a very strong effect in the future. He will understand that strong man will not offend the weak. For children at that age, this is a big change. Khamzat Duduev, child psychologist.

Chechen historians refer to psychologists who claim that a person who has gone through fear can become a great oppressor. In the worst case, the Chechens believed, such a person could have his soul taken away. They say that if a Chechen is afraid of something, then he should only be afraid of shame or losing face. As the Vainakh proverb says, a horse that has been beaten with a whip will not become a real horse.

Raising children began with quite early age. This does not mean that they were forced to do some labor-intensive work. On the contrary, until a certain age, children were prohibited from lifting weights. Chechens never beat their sons. These days this principle is not particularly respected. Sometimes parents are forced to flog their careless offspring with a belt, as if eliminating their own shortcomings made in the process of upbringing. Sometimes such spanking is beneficial. The carrot and stick policy as a contrasting approach also justifies itself - depending on the degree of understanding of the teenager. In general, education implies primarily edification and reprimand rather than corporal punishment. Suleiman Demalkhanov, historian, teacher at ChSU.

The Chechens and Ingush never abandoned children. Complete strangers could take a lost child under their care. Proof of this is an incident that occurred several years ago in Ingushetia. In the village of Achaluki, relatives found a Chechen boy who disappeared 16 years ago. Somehow, from the Chechen city of Argun, he ended up on the border with Ingushetia. Finding a child local resident, who was working in the Ingush police at that time, took him to his place. Since that time, Murad Soltanmuradov has lived with two families.

Reference

In Chechnya, there has long been a tradition when a brother can give his child to his brother and daughter-in-law who do not have children. Children usually learn the truth only when they become teenagers, and until then they consider them their father and mother. foster parents. Such children will never be deprived of the attention of both adoptive and true parents. Islam, which Chechens now profess, as well as the traditional law of the Chechens - adat, strictly regulates the rules for the adoption of children. At the same time, according to representatives of the clergy, according to the canons of Islam, adoption is of two types: permitted and prohibited. The permitted type of adoption is when a child is taken into a family with the goal of giving him the right upbringing, showing him kindness and sensitivity, and completely replacing his parents.

What is prohibited is when a child is adopted so that he is considered a child of adoptive parents and the same standards are applied to him as to other children in the family. new family. An adopted child cannot be given a new surname, and he is not obliged to consider strangers as his parents. If true parents adopted child are alive, then he should know about them.

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In Chechnya, the centuries-old traditions of their ancestors are sacredly respected; laws that have historically developed over several centuries are still in effect here. Family has a special place in the life of every Chechen.

But despite the patriarchal way of life, the customs here are not as harsh as those of other Caucasian peoples.

Children are the wealth of the family among Chechens

In Chechnya held in high esteem large families. No one here thinks about whether parents’ material wealth allows them to have many children. Welfare does not matter, because only great and friendly family, in which, according to established tradition, there are at least 7 sons.

Mother is a teacher, father is a role model

The mother is responsible for raising children in a Chechen family, despite the fact that the leading role belongs to the father. He is an example to follow and an unquestioned authority. The father does not even talk to his sons and daughters - communication occurs through the mother. Distance is maintained to such an extent that in the presence of the head of the family, children stand respectfully rather than sit. But Chechen grandmothers accept active participation in raising grandchildren. They spend a lot of time with children, instilling the necessary skills and respect for elders.

Spartan methods in Chechnya? No, love, respect and mercy!

Despite the seemingly harsh laws and traditions, very humane pedagogical methods are practiced here. The child is taught to respect elders, love sisters and brothers, and be humane and merciful. Virtue is one of the most important qualities that are brought up in children from the very beginning. early years. Children and teenagers are not beaten or forced to do hard work. For them, just one stern look from a father or a shout from an irritated mother is severe punishment. Chechen children are not characterized by aggression, because they grow up in an atmosphere of love, warmth and respect.

Physical education of Chechen children

Children are not forced to work long hours, but physical education in a soft and unobtrusive form - an obligatory stage of parental pedagogy. Mother and grandmother teach girls handicrafts; they can help adults prepare food, clean, and look after the kids. Boys, together with their elders, herd livestock, participate as best they can in harvesting, and look after the horses that every family has.

In Chechen families, relationships are strictly regulated. Children do not eat with their parents, the wife does not sit next to her husband, the father never addresses his son directly. Chechens themselves often feel that their traditions will soon disappear. But as soon as a Chechen child finds himself in a foreign culture, traditions overcome even common sense

Alan came to Moscow five years ago from a refugee camp on the border of Chechnya and Ingushetia. There he lived in a plywood house with his mother and sister. And during a competition for the best drawing, I met Svetlana and soon, together with my sister, ended up in Moscow, in Svetlana’s house on Rublyovka. He was 11 then, his sister was 13.

The first time Alan tensed up was when he was asked to take out the trash. The second was when they offered to wash the cup after themselves. Alan really did not want to return to the plywood house, and this desire overpowered all other feelings, including pride. He began to adapt to the traditions by which Svetlana’s house lived and by which all of Moscow lived.

There were a lot of wild things in Svetlana's house. For example, she sat on the sofa next to her husband, not at all embarrassed by the presence of either her own children or guests. Moreover, Svetlana called her husband by name. And her husband’s manner of communication with the children was generally extremely strange: he addressed them directly. Worse things have happened: after work, Svetlana’s husband walked around the house in shorts and a T-shirt. Sister Alana could not stand it and returned to the refugee camp. Alan continued to adjust. Now he is 17. In five years, he has managed to break the Chechen traditions laid down in his childhood. But he did not accept Moscow customs either: they are still alien to him, temporary. Someday, Alan says, he will give them up. In the meantime, he lives on Rublyovka, dreaming of leaving for Saudi Arabia.

“Relations in Chechen families are built on the unquestioned authority of elders, and in order to maintain this authority, everything in families is strictly regulated,” says Edilbek Magomadov, director of the National Library of the Chechen Republic. He sits at a table in his office in the Ministry of Culture of the city of Grozny and plays with fake paper-cutting daggers. — If family members belong to different generations, a strict distance is maintained between them. I never saw my father take off his shirt in front of the children. We never called him by name.

— Do you take pictures yourself?

-What did you call your father? Dad?

— We called him by his home name Lala.

- Why such a distance?

- And so that there are no reasons for conflicts. Chechens, and even children, can be disgustingly ceremonious. This is an echo of the times when, after the decline of the Golden Horde, somewhere in the 15th century, the Chechens began returning to the plain from the mountainous regions. Traditional mountain societies were closed even to each other. And so this whole flow moved down. Then the plains were nominally owned by the Kumyk and Kabardian tribes. Therefore, the colonization of the plain was a grueling daily war in which every family participated. And then any conflict could lead to murder. Even in conversation, people tried to limit the number of words spoken so that there would be fewer reasons for squabbles.

“Still, I don’t understand what terrible things could happen if a Chechen father gives an order to his little son not through his mother, but tells him personally,” I ask. — Do you sit next to your wife when there are children in the room?

— Children do not enter the room if both parents are there.

— Do you sit at the table with your father-in-law?

- No, otherwise he will take it as disrespect.

“But now you are not conquering the plain, why these ceremonies?”

“Yes, you’re right,” says Edilbek Khalilovitch. — Norms of behavior in society must correspond to the way of life. But we don’t have any way of life in Chechnya. How should a father of a family feel with such unemployment? If at a checkpoint during the war he was publicly humiliated in the presence of his wife and children? How can he live after this?

- How do you live? You were also humiliated...

- Thank God, not in the presence of children. Yes, I live with it and try not to tell anyone about it. A Chechen boy is brought up in such a way that for him the fact that someone stopped him is an insult.

“I know that in Chechnya there is a tradition: a mother does not have the right to take a child in her arms in front of her husband’s relatives, and if she meets them on the street in winter, and the child is a baby, then out of respect for these relatives she will have to lower the child into the snow. What's the point?

“The relatives will immediately come up and pick him up. Taking a child in your arms in front of your husband's or wife's relatives is a taboo that comes from ancient times. Although the first person who broke this taboo before my eyes was my neighbor. We had just finished school when he got married. He had a son. And I see him walking along the road and carrying his son in his arms, so contented and happy. And before, he also liked to talk about the fact that customs must be observed... There were always exceptions. Remaining in the family circle, our father sometimes spoke to us and read books to us, but as soon as guests arrived, we left. Sometimes I could even have lunch with him...

Edilbek Khalilovitch tells me that the Chechen traditions have only one, at most two generations left to live on, because young people, on the one hand, are under pressure from the Arab world and religion, and on the other, from a secular way of life Russian Federation. And now the traditions no longer correspond to the current way of life of the Chechens. This is why Chechens are so disliked in Russia - both children and adults. It is because of traditions, and not because of war.

“When a person has rejected what is his own, but has not accepted what is someone else’s, he tries to live the way he wants,” he says.

Alan was forced to live first this way, then that way, first there, then here. He also rejected his own: he says that anyone who found himself in a plywood house would want to break out of it.

I don’t really believe that Chechen traditions will die as soon as Edilbek Khalilovitch predicts because of another Chechen boy I know, Zaur.

Zaur from the village of Belgatoy was five when the second Chechen war was going on. For his birthday he was given a T-shirt with a wolf embroidered on the chest. During the clearing of the village, three Russian soldiers entered the house and, seeing Zaur, asked him to remove the embroidery from his T-shirt - right there, in front of them. Zaur refused. The soldier pulled him by the T-shirt, Zaur threw his hand away, and he accidentally hit his colleague in the face. The situation was saved by Zaur’s older brother, a journalist at a local newspaper.

For the tenth year now, Zaur and his brother have been living in the city of San Diego, in the United States of America. He calls his mother, who remained in Chechnya, and says: “Mom, you can’t imagine what a paradise here is!” Zaur works part-time for a medium-sized company that sells computers. During the lunch break, the owner of the company, an American, allows him to sit on the rug and perform namaz. In a photo recently sent to his mother, Zaur raises his index finger up right hand- the gesture means “Allah is one.” In San Diego, most likely, there is no Chechen diaspora; no one controls Zaur. And although the last time he was in Chechnya was ten years ago and still considers America a paradise, Zaur dreams of returning. He spent the first money he earned on a plot of land next to his parents’ house in Belgatoy. The older brother, who works as a security guard, is an unquestioned authority. Zaur still keeps the T-shirt with the totem wolf.