The concept of "prudence" traditionally arose in medieval Europe as a definition for people with special character traits - falsely pious and pseudo-spiritual. Over time, this concept has evolved into real life and acquired a broader meaning.

Bigotry as an element of psychology

Very often in everyday life you can hear the common expression: - "Yes, he's a hypocrite!". Most often it refers to people who are hypocritical and two-faced. In fact, the definition of hypocrisy is a slightly different content and, accordingly, speaks of the special properties of behavioral culture:

  1. A person often talks about "high matters", earthly and spiritual blessings, is overly religious. However, the style of his behavior does not correspond at all with his words and, often, such an individual will not come to the aid of the needy, offend the weaker, blame his neighbor and so on;
  2. The hypocrite is inclined to teach, cite all kinds of examples from the life of his friends as proof of his words, or quote the biography of great people: discoverers, artists, artists, athletes and others. This is done with the aim of imposing their own value system and suggesting false truths about the kindness of the narrator, his correct views for life. At the same time, the prude himself is prone to commercialism, deliberate deceit, substitution and distortion of facts (for his own justification), inappropriate boasting;
  3. The nobility and disinterested participation of a person who is a hypocrite is very conditional. He gives only those things and performs only those deeds that do not bring him significant hardships. If the “necessary” and “important” affect the field of his own interests, the hypocrite will either not be able to help disinterestedly, or (provided there is no choice) will endlessly reproach the “piece of bread”, elevate himself and his help, put once turned into an awkward, uncomfortable and forever dependent position.

A lie that aims to create the image of a "Christian" and a "victim". The hypocrite will always build a “good Samaritan” who provides for everyone or withstands serious moral stress for the benefit of someone. Such a person makes an elephant out of a fly and does not understand the expression "temporary participation" or "help". Moreover, he will do everything in his power to make this temporary assistance permanent and full-scale. The idea that someone can do without him and there will no longer be a reason to build from himself "the most important and most disinterested" for a hypocrite is simply unbearable.

The difference between hypocrisy and hypocrisy and arrogance

The main difference between hypocrisy and ordinary hypocrisy and arrogance is its narrow focus. Most often, hypocrisy manifests itself as a persistent violation of the processes of self-consciousness and self-determination in only one area - family, social, labor, and so on. Mechanisms of lies, duplicity, beautiful words turn on only at certain times and under certain conditions - for example, to hide guilt for a bad deed.

Hypocritical people with inflated self-esteem behave the same under any circumstances and at any time.

Bigotry in religion and culture

As early as the 15th century, Noam Chomsky wrote that a “prudence” is someone who applies standards to others that he refuses to apply to himself. For the definition of the spiritual and religious component, this definition fits perfectly.

How does a religious hypocrite behave?

He creates the appearance of a true believer, observing all the commandments and canons. However, in fact, the behavior of this person is far from the norms of morality and morality.

Confession means little to a hypocrite. In other words, he does not feel guilty for what he has done, he only understands that it is “bad” and reports it. His main goal is to seduce the rector, the holy father, in order to come to him at any time to cry, in each story creating a reason for self-praise;

Subtle exposure of other people's shortcomings. In an effort to cover up their own flaws and imperfections in the religious, socio-cultural life, the hypocrite will always look for weaker people or those who make mistakes. This is done with the aim of psychologically harassing a person, writing off their mistakes on him, resonate against the background of a more imperfect person.

moral persecution. The hypocrite never shuns showing off, resentment when disagreeing with his opinion, betrayal, and the like. Therefore, until the moral image of the hypocrite reaches the state that he needs, he will go over the heads and apply all methods of influence.

Absolute illiteracy. Often people with erased moral guidelines do not consider it necessary to delve into other people's problems or master new subjects. They have enough of the knowledge, skills and abilities that they have already acquired in the process of studying / working in their place. They strictly ignore and suppress other methods and new knowledge, considering it heresy and a violation of general rules.

A hypocrite is a person who defiantly preaches and follows moral and ethical standards, but does not really accept them. Such a position in life can be called formal piety. Often behind the mask of hypocrisy lies shame, guilt, or a kind of attempt to whitewash oneself due to a deliberate violation of the norms that a person promotes. Relationships with a hypocrite can be a serious test for their colleagues and partners, so sometimes it is extremely important to find the first alarming beacons already in the early stages of building a relationship. So, first things first.

As it becomes clear from the above, a hypocrite is more a person with a special type of behavior than any serious psychological problem. Although, of course, there may be certain difficulties behind such a line of behavior. What are the key features of the hypocrite's behavior can be identified:

However, it happens that a hypocrite is more a man of circumstances than a philosophy of life. Bigotry can develop as a pathological form of coping with long-term anxiety, unprocessed shame, or as a delayed reaction to overly harsh parenting standards in childhood.

On the other hand, the reasons for hypocrisy may lie in the desire for self-assertion (as a form of an inferiority complex) or in a hidden or conscious desire to dominate in any relationship.

Association with hypocrisy

Is hypocrisy different from hypocrisy? In general, a hypocrite and a hypocrite are in the same row, but there are several fundamental differences:

On the other hand, some practicing psychotherapists admit that sometimes being a prude means trying to protect your right to individuality, but not in a very productive way.

For example, in a situation of strong social pressure, a person who does not agree with the foundations of this group may consciously or not resort to the tactics of external acceptance of the rules. In a grotesque form, such behavior can make a person a hypocrite, and if such a mismatch between group values ​​and personal values ​​is not eliminated in other ways, then a person prone to hypocrisy can extend this style of behavior to other situations.

In neurotic personalities, hypocrisy can develop as a response to unacceptable, shameful acts. A classic example is the male monasteries of the 13th-14th centuries, where the ideas of celibacy were preached, but often the most zealous adherents of this philosophy turned out to be the most lecherous novices.


Association with cynicism

Cynicism is the denial of cultural values ​​and traditions, an immoral attitude towards the latter. This concept also includes a demonstrative refusal to follow established norms (morality and law). However, in the case of cynicism, everything happens exactly the opposite, a person too directly shows his dissatisfaction with established norms, propagandizing his vision of the situation, and often imposing it.

It is important to note that neither hypocrisy nor cynicism is approved by society. At the same time, it doesn’t matter - simply because the average person is not interested in the reason - whether hypocrisy is conscious or not, and cynicism - feigned or real. At the everyday level, a hypocrite is an ordinary hypocrite, and a cynic is a marginal who is not able to fit into society.

In general, both phenomena are inherently a form of denial of social requirements, but hypocrisy is a perversion of norms, and cynicism is their open rejection.

Religious bigotry

Let's go back to the example of monks. Previously, such cases were the exception rather than the rule. Religious and ethical norms were the pillar of the social system, and religion was the ultimate truth. However, with the development of society, beliefs began to fade into the background or turn into modern management tools.

Religious hypocrisy is a phenomenon based on the zealous propaganda of religious and spiritual norms and values ​​(each trend has its own), without their actual observance or complete faith in them. This kind of hypocrisy is found both in official creeds and in sects of a near-religious persuasion.

Moreover, hypocrisy is not uncommon in fanatic circles. In particular, many terrorist organizations are based on very noble goals: equality, a unified system of laws, independence, various social benefits, but their methods are obviously contrary to their ideas.

Distinctive features

A hypocrite is a person who hides his true views. But as we already understood, there are certain “symptoms” by which you can try to identify such a person.

  1. A serious gap between word and deed. This is especially noticeable in matters relating to ethical standards.
  2. Often demonstrative positioning of their good qualities and purity of intentions. At the same time, deceit does not disappear from the actions of such people.
  3. Attributing oneself to people of "high morality", pious, adherents of strict morality.
  4. Playing in public as a hallmark. It is easy to complain about the immorality of society publicly.
  5. Sometimes a sense of guilt can be traced in behavior, a person appeals to his past experience, comparing himself “yesterday” and “today”, talking about moral growth.

How to fix

This is rather a man of reason, whose behavior is based on certain difficulties that he could not overcome in adequate ways. As we have already said, it can be guilt, fear, insecurity, as well as poor adaptability to rapidly changing living conditions.

In the case when the reasons are guilt or self-doubt, then it is necessary to work out these conditions within the framework of psychological practices. In particular, individual sessions of psychotherapy, as well as art therapy, will help with guilt. In the case of uncertainty - group classes and trainings.

The general recipe is this: hypocrisy is a symptom, and in order to get rid of it, you need to deal with its root cause.

In rare cases hypocrisy gradually develops in a person with some severe disorders. Among them, there may be certain forms of delirium (sinfulness, for example) and a person by such behavior is trying to “redeem” his guilt. In any case, behavior that is rapidly developing in this direction (if it is unusual for a particular person) is a reason to visit a specialist.

Marriage is a union between two people who, at least once in their lives, have a desire to be with each other and who have at least once had a relationship with each other. Despite the fact that times and situations change, some marriages resist evolution and subsequently develop into a ballroom, mutually acceptable, dry agreement. If you have exactly the kind of marriage in which passion has dissolved, and you are dealing and trying to understand a person who is not as interested in the intimate side of marriage as before, you need to approach relationships with a certain degree of criticality, but also understanding. When dealing with a spouse who has turned into a prude, you need to stock up on time, patience, and continue to believe in commitment in order to save your marriage.

Difficulty: moderately difficult.

Prepare:
- computer;
- flowers, sweets, gifts.

1. Evaluate and discuss your marriage with your wife in open and honest terms. Sit together with no distractions, no strangers around, and discuss your marriage and lack of intimacy in it. Never call your wife a hypocrite, because she may be offended by this definition of yours. Be sure to make sure that you start this conversation during a calm period of the relationship between you, and that it does not immediately turn into a major quarrel or active disagreement with you. Arrange the conversation in a pleasant way: you should not take your wife to a restaurant, for a walk or to the beach, and bringing up such a topic there is simply inappropriate, but to create a pretty and calm enough environment at home - dim the lights a little, prepare a good dinner (without candles), pour a glass of wine would be just right.

2. Talk about the lack of intimacy in marriage. Calmly, but honestly and openly tell your wife why you feel isolated and rejected due to the lack of physical intimacy between you. Ask your wife to tell you directly why she does not feel the desire to have a marital relationship with you. It is very important to keep yourself completely in control throughout the conversation, not to push and remain completely calm. In the end, you have no right to demand something from another person and blame something in this particular issue - you are here to find out the reason.
However, keep in mind that if your marriage has always, from the very beginning, there has been a lack intimacy and romance, you may not be married to someone with a high level of inclination towards passion and sex.

3. Offer to restore intimacy between the two of you on a vacation trip or just spend a romantic night together in a nice hotel. If your wife agrees, arrange first romantic dinner in a restaurant, book a hotel room and order a bouquet of flowers and champagne/wine to be delivered to your room at your arrival. Before leaving for the hotel, send your wife flowers home - with a card or a note saying you're looking forward to spending time together.

4. Start giving your wife compliments and nice little gifts as often as possible. Keep in mind that many women experience a lack of desire for intimate relationships or a lack of passion if they feel unwanted or unappreciated and appreciated. On a daily basis, start telling your wife that you find her attractive, that you appreciate everything she does; compliment her on her appearance, cooking, parenting, and anything else you think might make her feel important to you.

5. Work to reconnect with your wife by touching her hand when you sit together in front of the TV, kissing her on the cheek when you go out together, and make sure you tell her you love her often enough. .

Additions and warnings:

If all the above attempts do not help, talk to your wife about starting to see a marriage counselor to find out the reason for the lack of desire between you;

Never threaten your wife with divorce or infidelity for lack of sex, unless you are completely sure that divorce will be a real relief for each of you.