Francois de La Rochefoucauld
Did your girlfriend cheat on you? Don't you dare suffer! Don't try to make a scandal with her! Don’t even think about shedding tears and snot and asking her why she did this to you! Remember that you are a man, you are a warrior, you are a winner, you are the stronger sex after all! How can some female, and since she cheated on you, it’s hard to call her a person, so we’ll call her a female, unsettle you? Come on, it’s not appropriate for you to bother with such a petty problem - have pride, remember your strength of spirit, your masculine qualities and simply step over the unworthy female individual who allowed herself to do this to you. Do you think this is difficult to do? Your heart is broken, your soul is blackened, and you can’t just forget about betrayal? Well, then let's try to better understand what a girl's betrayal is and how to survive it.
First of all, let's find out why they, girls, women, cheat on their men? You know, I wouldn’t like to write now about all sorts of instincts and the natural essence of a woman; I have written about this in detail in other articles. Let me just say that the tendency to cheat is part of women’s nature. And ours, the men’s too, by the way. We are also scoundrels, not all of us, of course, but many. We deceive and betray women, cause them great pain and suffering, and after that we somehow still live, somehow managing to look at ourselves in the mirror. Still, whatever you say, in this sense we worse than women- We men cause women much more suffering than they do to us. But to our credit, we are not all like that. They, women, too, by the way. But that’s not what we’re talking about now. The point is that in our human nature, the tendency to betrayal is very deeply ingrained, and only our mind is able to curb it. So that's what I'm getting at with all this. And besides, if a girl cheated on you, this does not mean that you are somehow different, that there is something wrong with you, that you are a bad male and all that. So, throw all such thoughts and their derivatives out of your head. You may be, and I am sure that you are, a completely normal man, a normal boy who did everything for his girlfriend, but... What happened happened. Yes, they still cheat on us, no matter how cool we are. Why? Yes, because they are simply drawn to new sensations, to pleasure, to emotional experiences, to something new, not necessarily better, but simply new. For them, it’s like buying a damn handbag in a store; a woman just liked it and therefore was bought by her. So things are the same with betrayal - she wanted it - she took it and changed it. In general, the whole point here is the lack of correct, and in our case, traditional education, the absence of correct, that is, again, traditional system values, and simply the lack of brains of a girl who cheated on you without thinking about the consequences of her action. Well, you know, passion, feelings, emotions curbed her poor head. And the consequences, here are some, and perhaps many women and girls, think about them, of course, later. And very often, many of them, having realized and felt these consequences, regret what they did. After all, often after their betrayal they lose more, much more, than the person they cheated on. So your girlfriend, if she cheats on you, will most likely lose you, right? Will this make her feel better? Unknown.
So this is a simple reason, one might even say a primitive motivation, like that of the most ordinary female, that pushes a woman to cheat. Well, the mind doesn’t always cope with internal urges, you know. How often can we curb our “wants” and do what we need to do? That's it. What do you want? If a consumerist attitude to life and a thoughtless lifestyle have become part of our culture, then all the highest values are simply not perceived by people. And in some cases they are even ridiculed. I personally read on forums on the Internet how some women ridiculed women’s decency and honesty, arguing that being a lying bitch is much more profitable, that no one needs decency and honesty. Here you are, dear reader - do you need decent and honest people, in particular women and girls? I think they are needed. But some women claim that they are not needed. This is our culture today, everything is mixed up in it. But overall, I think this culture is backward. When pleasure is paramount, and honor, honesty, conscience, respect, decency, loyalty, love, become the subject of ridicule, and some people do not understand these things at all, then it turns out that we are simply reaping what we sow. Culture makes us human, and you can see for yourself in what condition we have it. So it wasn’t the girl who cheated on you, it was the product of this culture that cheated on you. However, there are girls with good upbringing and a completely worthy system of values, so let’s not lump everyone with the same brush. Let's move on to the next question.
What to do about it? I mean treason. Well, what do you do if you come across a defective item? You probably change it. Here too, if you think that you deserve the best, or rather, the best girl, then you are looking for this best girl, and release your traitor to all four directions. In the end, your girlfriend is only conditionally yours, on the terms of your agreement with her, so to speak, and even legal marriage does not give you the right to fully control your partner’s life. In this sense, our culture, thank God, takes into account the interests of the individual. Therefore, if a person does not suit you, change him. And there is no need for unnecessary talk. Is it possible to replace a person? Can. If this person does not value you, if there is, so to speak, nothing sacred and nothing valuable for you left in him, then what kind of person is he, in the sense of what kind of personality is he? Well, what are the problems of replacing one that has made itself a thing? Really? Don’t be killed because someone didn’t appreciate you and didn’t live up to your expectations. If you saw in a person something more than he really is, then is it that person's fault? Well, don’t expect the apple tree to start bearing cherries. Of course, certain conclusions need to be drawn from this; after all, the girl’s betrayal could have happened, among other things, through your fault. Accept the possibility that you, too, are to blame for something. Just don’t ask your girlfriend what your fault is. This is actually a stupid question. You are unlikely to receive a truthful answer; you will most likely hear a lie with which the girl will want to justify herself. To understand what your fault may be for what happened, you need to objectively look at the whole situation as a whole, in the context of your entire life together with this girl, which is very difficult to do under the influence of emotions, that is, on your own. Ask your friends for help if you have smart ones, and if you have any at all, I mean real friends, not so-so friends. Or better yet, contact a psychologist for help. Explain everything to him properly, in all the details, so to speak, and he will put everything in its place for you, that is, he will help you look at your situation from the outside and understand its pattern. This, in turn, will allow you to understand what role you played in what happened to you, and accordingly correct everything that you need to correct in yourself in order to prevent a similar situation from reoccurring in the future. By the way, a psychologist will also help you with this.
You know, friends, after all, as life shows, and at the same time my experience in solving such problems, many girls, having cheated on their boyfriend, often sincerely repent of their actions. But they fully realize the vileness and stupidity of this act, mainly when they are faced with unfavorable consequences for them, when they lose their man because of this. Well, this is typical for people, especially for women, who for the most part are influenced by emotions, and therefore do not always know what they are doing. We, as they say, what we have, we don’t keep, but when we lose it, we cry. In general, we are short-sighted creatures. Not all of us, of course, but some of us truly cannot foresee the consequences of our actions. This does not mean that some people are in principle incapable of this, it means that they are not trained to do this. If a girl has not been taught that before doing something, you need to think about what will follow, then she does not think. And you know what, sometimes, sometimes, a girl’s betrayal can be forgiven. Yes, I understand that it is not becoming for a man to forgive such things, but it can still be done. They girls sometimes become smarter after such a negative experience, and then they never change. I’m telling you this for sure, there are such cases and there are quite a few of them. You just see, some people can only learn things from experience. But the main thing is that they can learn something, which is very good. That's why I say that you can forgive a girl for cheating if she really realized her mistake and sincerely repented of her action. But we all make mistakes. Well now, we are all on the chopping block because of this. Here, of course, you need to analyze the girl thoroughly in order to understand whether her betrayal was a mistake, and in general she is not inclined to such actions, or whether she is a chronic cheater who can no longer be re-educated. And based on this, you can already make a decision - to forgive her or not. Of course, if you still have feelings for her, if you love her, then it makes sense to figure all this out. And if the feelings have died completely, well then you need to look for a replacement for this girl. There is no need to suffer, we need to act, we need to start a new life.
And here’s another point you need to consider, dear readers. Treason, of course, is a terrible sin, reproachable, condemned, deserving of punishment, but in our vicious world there is little purity and sinlessness left, so sometimes it is worth turning a blind eye to someone else’s sin, so as not to be judged for your own sins. But we all sin, or better said, we are all prone to sin. So why should we judge others. Better think about own life. For, as they say, no one is without sin. Do you know what I mean? Life may turn out in such a way that tomorrow you yourself may not be entirely honest with that girl who once, for example, now, cheated on you, because there are many temptations around us, and the sins of others can be used to justify your own sins, so that my conscience is not stuck. Who knows, maybe tomorrow you will also cheat on your girlfriend, and then what will you tell yourself, how will you justify your action? But today, now, you can simply hate her, you can suffer, suffer, find no place for yourself, because your Ego was hurt, because you were crap in your soul, because you were betrayed. So maybe you should think about tomorrow, about what action you can take, not so much out of revenge, but out of a desire to experience pleasure? No, I am in no way suggesting that this is right, and that you are no better than your girlfriend, and that your possible tendency to cheat is an excuse for her. I just want you to think about what tomorrow might hold in your life and how your girlfriend's cheating on you might affect your decisions. What if you also want to cheat on her, what if? You understand, if you do this with an honest girl, you will be a real pig, but cheating on someone who once cheated on you is somehow morally easier. However, this is not a universal view of treason, you understand. I just decided to show you from what other side you can look at it. It all depends on the specific situation and specific people. In some situations, cheating opens up completely new opportunities for the person who the girl cheated on.
In any case, on female infidelity A man's life does not end, it is just beginning. Any incident that shocks us, any blow of fate is a signal that is designed to draw our attention to our life, to our value system, to ourselves. You definitely need to change something, because if a girl cheated on you, then this means that what should have happened happened, you just didn’t see the prerequisites for it. Therefore, you need to change something in your life and in yourself. What exactly depends on the situation. Either you need to learn to choose the right girls, women who do not cheat, or you need to behave with them differently so as not to push them to cheat and not create conditions for it, or you need to change your lifestyle in order to be with your girlfriend more often, and not to disappear all day at work, and so on. There are many options here. In general, you need to draw an objective conclusion from what happened, so that you can not only see the reason for her betrayal in the girl, but also find and understand your mistakes. You don’t need to live the way you used to, you need to change your life. We all deserve love and happiness, but each person has their own path to them. Therefore, such disgusting actions as betrayal [if it is unacceptable for you], which gives us severe mental pain, guide us in the right direction, helping us to achieve our happiness.
Hello, Olga. I never thought that I would ask for advice because I couldn’t figure it out myself. In general, the situation is as follows. My girlfriend and I have been together for seven years. The relationship endured many trials, sometimes there were even doubts. But already a year or half ago I became absolutely sure that I love her. Just some kind of calm love, cozy and comfortable. Moreover, this does not go away, but only gets stronger. We also trust each other endlessly. We can walk separately and know that everything is fine, no one is cheating.
I didn’t monitor her phone and she’s mine. She wanted a wedding, and now I began to want it too, although I was afraid before. Everything would be fine, but... She's sure that I cheated on her. I admit, if I read such a correspondence from her, I would also think so (but most likely, either I’m a fool or the skis don’t work, but if she told me that nothing happened, I would creakingly believe that nothing happened ). I don't know how to describe it. But sometimes I have a mania for chatting openly, or even live (but I always told her about chatting live, it happened a couple of times) and with girls I don’t like, tricking them into sex. I don’t talk to nice people at all, and if I do talk, I’ll just fuck off. Or in a friendly way. I don’t pester you, etc. I haven’t cheated in seven years, I’ll say right away. So, I talked with one madam to whom I delivered the product. Moreover, she is from my city (the rest of the correspondence was with nonresidents). The communication was such that I rolled her out and she wrote that she wanted it too. But our communications ended in the style of dynamo dynamo dynamo hee hee hee ha ha ha.
Those. She reacted the same way as I did. Or she played along after I said, oh, it won’t work out today, let’s do it later. Sometimes he even wrote at night, come and pick it up. If she succeeded, I again made an excuse. But because I sold it to her, then we finally saw each other. I even once delivered it to her house when she was sitting with her friends. Twice she took me wherever I needed her to go, when she stopped by for groceries/drove past. So this is the second time. We corresponded on these intimate topics, saying let’s have sex, and I’ll come to her. And when she stopped by, I said take me to the guy alone. She drove it. We again got excited, giggled and parted. I got drunk at a party, came home and passed out. My girlfriend woke me up with emptiness in her eyes. Scandal, etc. In the end we broke up. I couldn’t react adequately or speak (I was very drunk and I was sure that I would just say that everything was ok, it was just a joke and they would leave me alone). But the girl is now sure that I am cheating. Everything in the correspondence is written so badly. I played the role of such a don’t care (but my girlfriend knows me that I’m not like that, and I seem so cold there). In general, she doesn’t want to listen to me, and I can’t prove in any way that I was visiting. Also, the person I was with didn’t pick up the phone. I bought a car from him a long time ago, we saw each other for the second time in my life. But I’ve been pestering him for four days now, I ask him to look at the photo, maybe someone took it and I was included in the frame.
I call and write to no avail. He's probably a heavy drinker. VTSP today added me to the black list of cattle. Mine says she doesn’t believe me and I definitely cheated on her. Please advise what to do. They give up because they are unable to influence the situation. I cried like a girl three times when I imagined how bad it was for my girlfriend. I'm not a whiner, but I can't help myself. Just some kind of panic. I don’t want to lose her and I love her very much. But another question is why I sometimes conduct such correspondence. Also strange nonsense. I guess I’m sure that if it’s terrible, then nothing will happen, maybe that’s why. In short, I don’t know. Tell me what to do. How to prove to my beloved that I did not cheat and did not intend to. I would be very grateful. Thanks in advance.
If there were a female version of Ozhegov’s Explanatory Dictionary in nature, then, probably, opposite the word “treason” there would be a weighty, bold question mark. And all because the girls with this matter are really damn ambiguous. We have met people who - under the influence of free alcohol, hormonal surges, retrograde Jupiter - could flirt to the point of quick sex in the toilet with some strong-assed bartender, and then not even experience anything resembling remorse.
“Well, what kind of betrayal is this?! - one of them was perplexed, inadvertently mentioning that while on vacation she “accidentally” slept with a local waiter. - So, nonsense, I don’t even remember his name. It's like using a vibrator. Or do you think this is also treason?” Other young ladies, on the contrary, grow a diplodocus out of a fly and walk around with a face black from melancholy and remorse, despite the fact that there was only a slight flirtation. And not even aggravated by any tactility. “What difference does it make that we didn’t sleep together?! - the person who got into the habit of having spicy conversations in the messenger with a work colleague is indignant. - I had thoughts about him and sex with him. For me, this alone is already treason.”
In short, there is no and, it seems, no consensus is expected on what is generally considered treason. The very fact of copulation with a stranger? What if it all seemed to have started, but then the girl slammed on the brakes and, in fact, it didn’t come to penetration? And when, say, only with your hands, does that count? Is kissing for a long time and passionately a nonsense, an everyday matter, or is there something to talk about? How, in this case, should we classify sex via text message or frivolous conversations in a chat, after which you can wring your panties out? Therefore, there is a proposal to narrow the scope of the discussion and talk about the signs of an affair that has just begun on the side - that is, situations when not only the organs that are usually worn in shorts are involved, but also feelings.
Surely, dear reader, you yourself have a lot to say on this topic. And, perhaps, even you have had occasion to rub your friend/brother/colleague/neighbor’s nose into irrefutable facts and say the sacramental “Open your eyes!” But let us note that people tend to show miracles of observation and deduction when it comes to someone else. To an outsider. It’s another matter when everything happens literally in your personal space. And late, it’s not some abstract person who returns home with panties in her pocket, but your own woman. Here we men very often evolve into ostriches - we bury our heads in the sand (that is, we bury ourselves in work, TV or a book) and refuse to believe the obvious until the last moment.
In case you suddenly have some kind of unpleasant nagging feeling from time to time, as if something is wrong, we have a cheat sheet that will help you figure out whether your premonition is deceiving you or is it really your friend? If you recognize your girlfriend in more than three points, you will have to admit: sadly, it looks like she is having an affair on the side.
1. She suddenly stopped pestering you.
For some unknown reason, the girl suddenly stopped being bitchy, making scenes of jealousy, paying attention to the unemptied trash cans and your barbaric habit of picking your teeth with a screwdriver. One can, of course, assume that it was not in vain that you choked on burnt paper during the chiming clock and Grandfather Frost finally deigned to fulfill your wish. But, most likely, the girl’s behavior is explained by the fact that her focus of attention has shifted and she simply stopped paying attention to you. After all, as you know, very often a woman nags, harasses you with complaints and expresses her dissatisfaction with or without reason, not at all because she is a sadist and hysterical. And because (just think about it!), she holds on to you, loves you and doesn’t want to stop loving you one fine day because of some damned buckets and teeth. In women's jargon this is called “fighting for relationships.”
Now, when the affair on the side is just beginning, your friend has not yet managed to break a lot of wood, get entangled in phony alibis and completely wallow in lies and depravity. She is not ashamed and miserable, but, on the contrary, cheerful, good and courageous. She finally feels alive and interesting. So at this stage, she simply doesn’t care about what happens to you - and to you as a couple. Yes, probably later, when remorse begins to torment her, she will turn into a real vixen. And, sure enough, she will try to catch you cheating - thereby projecting onto you what is happening to herself, and trying to find an excuse for her own non-kosher behavior (and the best excuse is usually that you are a slob and a womanizer yourself literally forced her to throw herself into the arms of another). But that will come later. In the meantime, there is blissful calm. And it should alert you.
By the way, one of the classic signs of betrayal - increased housekeeping, when a girl, in order to remove suspicion and calm the voice of conscience, cooks, scrubs and cleans something non-stop - is not particularly relevant at the stage of the birth of a leftist romance. The girl, I repeat, is now in the clouds. And in this state, she usually has no time for plungers and dumplings. Therefore, most likely, she will shamelessly skimp on her responsibilities around the house and will not hesitate to feed you semi-finished foods for dinner.
2. She has new friends
Previously, she had no one to go with to the new movie with Gerard Butler. And now she spends most of the evenings of the week with the Nadenkas, Irishkas and Olenkas who came from nowhere. On the one hand, “I’ll be late, meeting Olenka, well, you remember, this is the one we met at Pilates” - may be a banal lie. It’s not Olenka there, but some mustachioed idiot Lev Venediktovich and a booked hotel room, which, of course, you’re not supposed to know about.
On the other hand, these could really be new friends. Because it’s not a fact that the old guard of classmates will praise their friend for Lev Venediktovich and everything they do there on government sheets. Especially if you and the girl have been together for a long time, her friends have managed to come to terms with your candidacy and even began to sympathize with your couple. So, instead of giving the traitor the opportunity to savor the details of the unauthorized romance, they can easily condemn her, admonish her and ruin the mood with their highly moral “Are you completely stupid?!” What the hell is Lev, and Venediktovich at that?! Go home, you damn whore! But a woman needs to pour out everything that hurts somewhere. This is why we need new friends, who usually, on the contrary, find it funny to hear about other people's love affairs.
It is logical that the traitor will begin to look at your absences with friends and business trips without condemnation, as before, but calmly and even with joy. In the current situation, it’s even to her advantage that you will find something to do without her. Her husband is involved in business/classmates/football/new spinning rod - which means she is free to do anything and with anyone.
3. She has become prettier
Blush, sparkle in the eyes, a bunch of new dresses - it's all obvious and simple, like naval pasta. By the way, for some reason, dresses are mentioned in every article about infidelity. But it’s much more telling when a girl suddenly begins to pay increased attention to what’s UNDER her dress. No, it’s clear that girls begin to do deep hair removal and buy vicious lace only if they have a lover. But you must agree: the relationships of people who have been together for a long time are to some extent colored by everyday promiscuity. Being a wife or an experienced girlfriend, a girl can sometimes afford to be a la naturel: with prickly legs, stale armpits, peeling nail polish and polka-dot cotton panties.
It's another matter if she is in the midst of an affair. Here you need to be fully armed around the clock. The life of an unfaithful woman is a continuous challenge and impromptu. It is with their husbands that they end up in bed according to a predictable schedule, and they run to their lovers early in the morning, and during the lunch break, and instead of an evening Pilates workout. In short, draw your own conclusions if suddenly your girlfriend begins to behave as if she works as a lingerie model, who must look better without clothes than in the most luxurious McQueen dress.
4. She talks and acts differently.
One of the main symptoms of the presence of a new gentleman in a woman’s life and the fact that everything seems to be serious with them is a sudden change in the profile of her interests. And the vocabulary, for no apparent reason, was replenished with new words. A rare girl can simply sleep with a man, limiting herself to a stingy “Hello. I have an hour and a half." She also needs a lover in order to talk. And in some cases - and mainly for this. Of course, a woman will inevitably absorb like a sponge everything that he screws into her during his free time from bed. In short, you should tense up if a girl suddenly starts talking about how it’s better to catch crucian carp with pearl barley and in windy weather - although you’d swear that she was previously as far from the topic of fishing as Till Lindemann was from the title “Miss Universe” "
Traces of other people's influence sometimes appear in sex, which, by the way, does not always necessarily disappear from your life with your girl when she has a lover. Yes, there is an opinion that an unfaithful woman will do her best to avoid marital responsibilities. But this does not always happen and not to everyone. Other ladies who have been on a spree, on the contrary, purposefully try to pay increased erotic attention to their husband in order to reduce his vigilance. (Like a satisfied man is an incurious man.)
There are also outbreaks of increased sexual attention without any special secret intent. It’s like “ever since I had Vanya (lover), I feel such courage and drive that Kolya (boyfriend) and I started fucking more.” But here a strong fawn is possible, since it is difficult for both sexes not to transfer the lover’s bed preferences to a permanent partner. And the most amusing movie begins when the cuckold Kolya suddenly becomes interested in the contents of his girlfriend’s phone (and, of course, discovers a lot of interesting things there) for a reason, but also because she adopted the habit of biting his nipples during foreplay, which he I always hated it. So a sudden change in sexual style can and should also qualify as an alarming symptom.
5. She is inseparable from her phone/tablet/computer.
The girl would probably like to spend all her free time with her legs wrapped around her lover’s slender frame, but she cannot afford this for obvious reasons. Therefore, she will begin to look for opportunities to maintain communication, at least virtually - fortunately there are social networks, instant messengers, Skype and other text messages. From now on, until the sinful relationship lets out its death rattle, the telephone and computer will be hers. best friends. Whenever you look at her, she will probably be staring at the screen, every now and then blushing like a Kustodiev, and to your reasonable question, “Who is that there so late?” mutter something unintelligible about work or another Nadya, who was allegedly bitten by a raccoon or detained with 300 g of heroin at the Tel Aviv airport.
The main commandment of a cheater - not to leave evidence, get rid of incriminating messages and mercilessly erase correspondence histories - is very often ignored by a woman. Yes, she knows that it’s easy to sleep on this. But the vague prospect of being caught in treason (and every infidel fancies himself a genius of conspiracy) is nothing compared to the opportunity to reread a hundred times a day how they miss her and want her so much that the zipper on her jeans bursts.
Of course, she will try with all her might to protect her personal life from your sudden invasion: password-protecting her phone and computer, logging into social networks only from her tablet, hiding devices in a closet, and locking the closet with a barn lock - despite the fact that she previously scattered them anywhere . So your completely harmless request to call from her phone or use her computer can easily give the girl a heart attack. She would rather eat them right in front of you, explaining her strange behavior by the fact that she does not have enough iron in her body, than allow you to touch them.
