I have only one single question - and it is almost incorrect: Are you interested in Orthodox traditions? Or something else? As for the funeral of an Orthodox person, I will answer.
During the funeral service in the church, women, of course, must have their heads covered. This is not necessary in a cemetery. As for the smoking priest, this is, on the one hand, nonsense (I think you understand what I’m talking about). But on the other hand... when (a year ago) my friend’s father was cremated, I noticed an Orthodox priest among the employees of the crematorium (he probably performed the funeral service for those dead who, for some reason, were not buried in advance). And so, when I walked out the doors of the crematorium and looked around the corner, I saw this same priest. What do you think he was doing? He smoked. Moreover, he puffs greedily. But, you know, nothing even remotely resembling condemnation stirred in my soul. Just imagine WHAT he faces every day... Tears. Grief. Finally, a cadaverous smell (doctors themselves say that if you smoke, you don’t perceive odors so acutely, which is why pathologists are, as a rule, people who smoke). Smoking is a sin, of course. But he does not separate a person from God. By the way, there are smokers even among monks. Invitations to the funeral should be simple and unobtrusive. You can say this: “And now we ask you all to come to us - remember...” Or something like that. There must be three dishes on the funeral table: jelly, pancakes and kutia (usually rice with honey and raisins). A pancake is placed on a plate and a spoonful of kutya is placed on top. Well, after that you can serve whatever you have enough money and imagination for: keep in mind that, as a rule, people come from the cemetery hungry: both stress and fresh air take their toll. So a hot dish must be on your menu. At the funeral table they drink without clinking glasses. Of course, we can talk not only about the merits of the deceased (and in the cemetery too). But... when someone starts talking too long and loudly about himself, his problems, or about completely abstract topics, this can irritate those around him (after all, among them are people who have just experienced a loss). In the church, when you order a funeral service, you will be given a piece of paper with a prayer of permission, a whisk, an icon and soil wrapped in a paper bag. The prayer must be placed in the hands of the deceased, the aureole - on the forehead, the icon - on the chest, and the earth must be scattered crosswise over the bedspread when, after farewells, the deceased is covered "with his face." Before they begin to nail up the coffin, the icon is usually removed. In Russia, it is customary to place a photograph of the deceased in a prominent place, and in front of it - a glass of vodka, covered with a piece of rye bread - all this (except for the photograph) lasts for up to forty days. But the latter is not a necessary condition. This is precisely tradition.
They say that according to Orthodox canons it is forbidden to place a photograph or sculpture of a buried person on a grave monument. Is this true and why? After all, on the graves of, in particular, famous personalities, we have always placed either their sculptures or bas-reliefs with their image.
An Orthodox Christian, realizing the need to externally express the memory of the deceased, nevertheless inwardly tries to always remember our main and most important duty to the deceased. This is a prayer duty, as an offering of love, and as our most pleasing sacrifice to God in memory of a deceased person.
Those who have crossed the threshold of eternity, by and large, do not need a coffin, a grave, flowers on it, or long feasts with speeches. All the attention of the soul in this terrible hour is focused only on those obstacles that block its path to the Kingdom of God. First of all, such obstacles are unrepentant, unconscious sins, unforgiven grievances, and uncorrected ways of life. After death, a person can no longer change anything and expects from us, from members of the Church of Christ and people close to us in earthly life who have the grace-filled opportunity to pray to God with filial prayer - he expects only the most frequent and warm prayerful sighing for us.
Therefore, on the burial mound, only one Orthodox cross is enough, which is placed at the feet of the deceased, as if so that he would look at it as his last hope. The death of Christ on the cross is the event from which the power of death over the human race was abolished by the Descent into hell of God Himself.
When coming to the grave of even the most famous person (especially if he is so dear to us), we should not be distracted by the memory of the appearance or merits of the deceased, looking at his photograph or sculpture, but our duty is to direct all the power of prayerful attention to the simple and most necessary words : Rest, O Lord, to the soul of Your departed servant.
Is it possible to take photographs or videotape during a funeral?
Answered by Hieromonk Dorofey (Baranov), cleric
Bishop's Church in honor of the Icon of the Mother of God "Quench My Sorrows"
Funerals, as a rule, take place in a concentrated, if not prayerful, then at least reverent atmosphere. Each of those present at the funeral comes into contact with the Sacrament of Death and thinks about many things, including, probably, about their exit from this life. At such holy moments, creating any inconvenience for people is not entirely right. Photography is always associated with some kind of invasion into the inner world, this is the power of this art. And the inner world of a person in the face of death, when he sees it and, as it were, remembers it, is a mysterious moment, which is indecent to violate. Of course, the exception is the funeral of famous personalities, when it is presented as news, as some kind of tribute to the information community. But still, in this case, we must remember about the relatives and friends of the deceased, because no matter how well-known a person he may be, there are always those for whom the deceased is just a close person, without regalia or awards.
Why are forks and knives prohibited at funerals?
Answered by Hieromonk Dorofey (Baranov), cleric
Bishop's Church in honor of the Icon of the Mother of God "Quench My Sorrows"
There is no such ban. If someone confuses you with such fabrications, you have every right to demand an explanation as to why this cannot be done. If the answer is reasonable, which is impossible in principle, then act at your discretion. But it’s better not to clutter your head with such trifles, but to think more about prayerfully commemorating the deceased.
Unfortunately, along with the general culture, the culture of funeral meals, which were originally a continuation of the funeral church service, also disappeared into oblivion. But, despite this, every effort must be made to ensure that the funeral dinner is accompanied by an atmosphere of reverence and silence, and not by the desire to observe the most obscure signs.
Is it possible to remember the dead with vodka?
This is something that we not only have to face, but also fight, and even prohibit this kind of commemoration as having nothing in common with Christianity. The deceased, first of all, need our prayers and good deeds performed in memory of him. The funeral service in the church testifies that the person died in peace with the Church, and the Church prays for him, for the forgiveness of his sins. And the funeral meal is a kind of good deed, which is aimed at those who live nearby. Usually people close and acquaintances were invited to it, as well as poor people, beggars, who, having attended the dinner, could offer a prayer for the soul of the deceased.
It is interesting to trace how the tradition of holding funeral meals arose. Previously, the funeral service took place after the liturgy, and the coffin with the deceased was in the church. People came in the morning on an empty stomach, and the burial procedure ended, as a rule, in the afternoon. Naturally, people needed natural reinforcement of strength. But the very idea of commemoration, the idea of prayer is completely incompatible with drinking alcohol, it is blasphemy. It is unfortunate when funeral meals turn into noisy feasts, by the end of which it becomes unclear why everyone has gathered.
Is it possible to place a plate of borscht, a glass of vodka and bread on the funeral table “on the path” for the deceased?
Answered by priest Anatoly Strakhov, rector
St. Nicholas Church at the Elshansky cemetery in Saratov
This tradition has nothing to do with Orthodoxy. According to Christian conviction, the earthly life of a person who belongs to the Church by baptism is the time when he can testify to his desire to be with God or, conversely, by his actions to show that he serves some other goals and convictions. A person realizes his freedom - to be with God or without Him. And after death this expression of will can no longer be made. However, by the grace of God, before the general judgment, the afterlife fate of a baptized person who has died in peace with the Church can be changed through the prayer of the Church and the prayerful intercession of neighbors for his soul, coupled with alms.
When talking about the deceased, they often add “May the earth rest in peace”... Is it possible to do this?
Answered by priest Anatoly Strakhov, rector
St. Nicholas Church at the Elshansky cemetery in Saratov
God created man so that he would share with Him the joy of being in the Kingdom of Heaven. This is the main and final goal of human life. Therefore, the best wish for the deceased is the wish for eternal memory (not in the sense that we should remember him forever, but the eternal memory of God for his soul), and the wish for the Kingdom of Heaven, which is a kind of prayer and hope in the mercy of God.
Is it true that you can’t take a “countrywoman” home after the funeral service and you can’t take anything with you from the cemetery?
Answered by priest Anatoly Strakhov, rector
St. Nicholas Church at the Elshansky cemetery in Saratov
The question of the “country land” reflects people’s pagan idea of burial rites, which has nothing in common with church tradition and the Christian attitude towards death. Very often, careless relatives first bury the deceased and only then remember that he was baptized. And when they come to the temple, instead of asking a person to perform the funeral service, they begin to demand “land.” We have to explain that the earth is not the main thing in the funeral service and does not contain any sacred meaning. It has only a symbolic meaning, it is a reminder of the words of Holy Scripture that man is the earth, and to the earth he will return. This is not a pass to the Kingdom of Heaven. Therefore, whether or not to bring the soil home does not matter. If the funeral service is performed in a church, then there is no talk about this at all - the priest sprinkles the deceased with earth in a cross shape right in the church, and if he accompanies the coffin to the cemetery, then he pours earth into the grave with the words: “The Lord’s earth, and the fulfillment of it, the universe and all living things.” on her" (Ps. 23, 1).
Therefore, the question of a “countrywoman” arises among those who ask to perform the funeral service for their deceased relative in absentia. Previously, such a funeral service was performed in exceptional cases, if, for example, a person died in a war, and it was impossible to perform a funeral service in the church. By and large, funeral services in absentia are an abnormal and unacceptable phenomenon, performed by the Church only out of condescension towards modern unchurched society. These are the consequences of a godless time, when people, being numbered in the Church and calling themselves Christians, are Orthodox only by baptism, live outside the church, and naturally, after death they are also buried outside the church. But the priests still meet people halfway and perform the ritual, since it is impossible to deprive an Orthodox person of prayer.
Death does not happen very often in our lives, so no one is prepared for it. And because of strong feelings, it is very easy to make some kind of tactlessness. Here are simple rules that are easy to remember:
1. WHAT SHOULD I TELL THE RELATIVES OF THE DECEASED?
Keep your speech short, don't make long speeches. “My condolences” is the best and most meaningful phrase in which you will not get confused.
2. WHAT NOT TO SAY?
Avoid vulgar platitudes like “Time heals”, “He feels good now”, etc. Do not ask how exactly the person died, do not complain that he could have been cured if he had turned to other specialists
etc. There is no need to say “I know what it’s like to go through this,” your experience is of no interest to anyone, people are in grief.
3. DO YOU HAVE TO WEAR BLACK?
No, this is not necessary. Dark blue, gray or eggplant colors are also appropriate. T-shirts, shorts and other overly provocative outfits are inappropriate.
4. I HEARD THAT IT IS INappropriate TO BRING FLOWERS TO A JEWISH FUNERAL. IS THIS CORRECT?
Yes, that's true. Different cultures have different traditions, so do your homework and research before attending a funeral. As a last resort, be aware of those around you and do the same things as people of your gender.
5. I WANT TO GIVE SOMETHING TO THE FAMILY. WHAT IS POSSIBLE?
A card, flowers, food for the funeral table or money for funeral expenses, everything will be appropriate. But to avoid getting into trouble, check the appropriateness of your gift with the funeral director, the person from the family of the deceased who organizes everything.
6. IS IT POSSIBLE TO TAKE CHILDREN TO A FUNERAL?
Yes, if they are old enough to endure a long ceremony without fuss. Be prepared to get out quickly with your children if necessary.
7. I WILL SEE MY RELATIVES WHOM I HAVEN’T SEEN FOR A LONG TIME. CAN I HAVE A COUPLE OF PHOTOS?
No, it's not worth it. No photographs at the funeral and especially no publications on social networks. Unless you were invited specifically as a photographer.
8. I WOULD LIKE TO HELP THE FAMILY IN SOME WAY
They will be very busy and anxious. Therefore, instead of the offer “if anything happens, rely on me,” offer your help specifically: - I can take everyone to the airport - I will take care of the table - I can carry the coffin
Etc. Never promise something you can't deliver.
9. NO PHONES
Turn it off during the funeral. Be prepared to be asked to move seats to make room for close relatives. Don't tell funny stories or jokes without thinking twice about whether it's appropriate.
10. AFTER THE FUNERAL
After some time, visit your family, not necessarily in connection with memorial days. Show people with your visit that life goes on and they are valuable to you even after the funeral.
Sad events are confusing, at a crucial moment all words fly out of your head. The speech at the wake can be written in advance to control emotions.
Examples and order of what is said at the wake on the day of the funeral are presented in the table:
Funeral words must come from a pure heart. The constructed pattern only gives clues. Supplement your speech with colorful epithets, enthusiastic words about what a wonderful person the deceased was.
Remember the last parting words spoken to you, what the person who passed away taught you.
End the funeral speech with words of gratitude, make a promise that you will never forget the deceased, and that you will keep the memories deep in your heart.
According to Christian custom, the presentation can be concluded with a short joint prayer.
Advice! Don't make long, pretentious speeches. Keep your speech short and sincere.
How to behave and what to say at a wake on the day of a funeral?
When you first find yourself involved in such tragic circumstances, you should know the rules on how to behave at a funeral. In such cases, it is difficult to contain your emotions; you can offend others with your behavior.
A heavy burden falls on the shoulders of the relatives of the deceased: organizing the funeral and knowing the rules of behavior at such events.
- Black clothes. Women must cover their heads with a headscarf before entering the temple; men remove their hats.
It is customary to wear dark clothes, symbolizing longing for the deceased. Don't dress up or wear bright makeup; choose a modest outfit without vulgar cutouts.
- Organization. For a fee, all events will be planned by a special service.
Invite relatives, friends, and colleagues of the deceased to the wake. If a family does not want someone at the funeral, they should let the unwanted guest know.
- Set up a small first aid station. There are a lot of tears and grief at the funeral, and fainting is not excluded.
Pack a small first aid kit with sedatives and ammonia.
- Share the feast. After the feast, distribute food to those invited.
Important! Make sure that the wake does not turn into a celebration. Limit or completely eliminate alcohol. Follow the rules of table etiquette.
There are a few more mandatory points that guests need to consider before going to a funeral or memorial service:
- Buy a going away gift. Traditionally, they give a wreath of an even number of flowers with a memorable inscription: “to a beloved father from a loving son,” “to a friend, you were the best.”
The inscription can be anything, but not offensive.
- About the deceased it is either good or nothing. Even if your neighbor was boring all day long, remember, he always said hello and treated you with respect.
Express your condolences to the man's relatives.
- Do not refuse help if you are asked. Men are asked to carry the coffin lid, women carry flowers and look after children if necessary.
- Poetry of farewell speeches. Poems can be read if they are appropriate, it is better to limit yourself to short quatrains.
- During a wake, loved ones speak first. It is better for sister and brother to say goodbye in the middle of the event.
Farewell words at the funeral
Funeral orations in Christian canons are not always pronounced. To give the funeral a secular character, the participant in the ritual can publicly address the guests.
Says the words deceased mother's daughter, a close family friend. The moment is regrettable, because after farewell words the coffin is lowered into the grave pit.
The purpose of such words is to solemnly say goodbye, let go and wish for the kingdom of heaven.
To send off to another world, follow the rules of pronunciation of funeral words:
- You don't need to tell everyone. The speech should be given by a close person who knew the deceased well.
- Choose a person with a loud voice and good diction, emotionally stable. The daughter-in-law, giving her mother-in-law’s final speech, will cry loudly.
The best speeches at funerals are given by men.
- Choosing the right words is the art of calming. The performance should not injure family and friends.
- Talk about the best qualities of the deceased. Warm words will calm the soul of the deceased in the afterlife.
- Don't delay your speech speak no more than 5 minutes.
- Use the outline to write your speech. indicated in the table above. Tell us that in your life there was no one closer to your grandmother, remember your character, actions, how important it is that everyone gathered today for the last farewell.
Funeral words for 9 days, 40 days and 1 year
The more time passes, the less the pain of loss. It is customary to gather the family at a common table for 9, 40 days after death, a year later.
At the wake, the deceased is remembered with joy and warmth. They tell stories and eat traditional dishes.
Drinking is the trend of the secular world, In Christian customs, you can remember the deceased without wine.
Important! Poems are absolutely inappropriate at a funeral. But at a wake, touching poetry will come in handy, especially on the 9th, 40th day after death and on the anniversary.
The sincere and best option would be poems of your own composition addressed to the deceased.
- Related Posts
Ecology of knowledge. Have you ever paid attention to how often people thank each other and for what? It is noticed that they tend to say more negative things - thank you, than to say a simple positive thanksgiving
Have you ever paid attention to how often people thank each other and for what? It has been noticed that they tend to say “thank you” more than saying simple positive thanks. Sad but true! The costs of our hectic life, filled to the brim with what comes from TV screens and other sources of information...
Let's figure it out
From Dahl's explanatory dictionary: THANK YOU - adv. abbreviated GOD BLESS! The words THANK YOU appeared in the Russian language relatively recently. The word THANK YOU arose as a result of the fusion of two words: SAVE GOD - save God → thank you → thank you(the trend towards abbreviation continues: in SMS and on the web in general it has already been shortened to “SPS”, at best “pasib” or “pasibki”). This abbreviation appeared in our language towards the end of the 19th century, and as an expression of gratitude we were obliged to use it only during the cultural October Revolution.
I would like to note that in the Russian translation of the Bible there is no word “thank you”, but “thank you” is used. Here are just a few quotes. “Jesus raised his eyes to heaven and said: Father! I thank You that You heard Me” (John 11:41). “The Pharisee stood and prayed to himself like this: God! I thank You that I am not like other people...” (Luke 18:11). “... The twenty-four elders, sitting before God on their thrones, fell on their faces and worshiped God, saying: We thank You, Lord God Almighty, Who art and was and who is to come, that You have received Your great power and reigned” (Rev. 11 :16-17).
Some Christians, due to a lack of “knowledge” in their prayers and sermons, use the word “thank you” to express gratitude to God. For example, “Thank you, Heavenly Father”, “Thank you God”, “Thank you, Lord”, “We have something to say thank you to Jesus for”, etc. This is the so-called pleonasm - a turn of speech in which they repeat unnecessarily words that partially or completely coincide in meaning (for example, about twenty people) or those in which the meaning of one word is already part of another (for example, your autobiography, patriot of the Motherland, work colleague, price list, jump up, etc. .). It turns out to be nonsense - “God, save God...”.
Even before the 20th century, Russian literature was full of words:
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, BENEFIER, GRACE, GRACE, BLESS...
Examples:
“Thank you, sir, I’ll refresh myself a little for your health. (N. Gogol. Overcoat).
In M. Lermontov and other Russian writers we find a parallel plural form: thank you.
- Maxim Maksimych, would you like some tea? - I shouted to him through the window. “Thank you; I don’t want something. (M. Lermontov. Maxim Maksimych).
- Oh, thank you, gentlemen! Oh, how you revived, how you resurrected me in an instant. (F. Dostoevsky. The Brothers Karamazov).”
Saying THANK YOU means expressing approval to a person, it means doing good. And approval is a powerful incentive to personal growth.
What did Kirill do with the Old Russian alphabet?
THANK - give BLESS! Gratitude gets people's attention. You will be remembered long and warmly. People are surprised when they are given THANKS. They catch themselves thinking that they are pleased, they are great, they are happy!
We are worthy of thanksgiving, we are worthy of being told - THANK YOU!
To say or not to say THANK YOU to people It’s everyone’s business, but everyone should know the meaning of this word and what message it gives to another person. THANK YOU means – GOD BLESS! In response to this word, people had a question - what to save from, and why on earth? Therefore, to THANK YOU they answered - NOT FOR ANYTHING (that is, I didn’t do anything bad to you to save me) or - PLEASE (better put - perhaps - a hundred rubles)
The most interesting thing is that in Russian, and in Ukrainian, and in Belarusian, and in German, and in English, the word PLEASE is pleading. However, in all languages it has also acquired the meaning of a response to THANK YOU. Which is no longer strange if you understand the true meaning of the word THANK YOU.
Not THANK YOU, but THANK YOU! Who do we want to be saved from?! From the one who gives us good?! When we say THANK YOU, we don’t actually want to be saved from the goodness that comes to us! And when we want to THANK you for a service, then it’s correct to say - THANK YOU! That is, good for good, and good for good!
There is no word for thanks, but there is gratitude; There is no word thanked, but there is thanked, i.e. the word “thank you” was imposed recently and, if you read at least something from Russian literature, then until the twentieth century, almost no one will find the artificially imposed word “thank you.” Just – thank you!
There are words of gratitude, and there are words of prayer, and we must always clearly understand what we are doing - thanking or praying.
When in our time a person says “thank you” or “God bless you!” or “thank you” - this means that he wants to express his gratitude.
And if a person wants not just to express gratitude, but to pray for a benefactor, for this he must turn to the Lord in a prayer appropriate for the occasion, for example: “Save, Lord.” Only these words should be addressed specifically to God, and not to the person for whom we are praying! In this case, no one will pray: “Thank you”; this is truly blasphemy.
How should you thank?
I think you already understand! Say “thank you” in response to a service done to you. This is how you give a benefit to someone else.
By saying “thank you,” you wish the person good. published
