Is it possible to change character or not. How to change your character: practical advice. Change bad habits to useful ones

How often can you hear a person say, “I can’t change anymore.” Indeed, as you age, it becomes more difficult to make changes in your life, but this does not mean that it is impossible to do so. To understand how to change your character, it is enough to realize exactly what traits you want to have, make a plan and move towards its implementation.

What is character made of?

The expression “just like your father” or “you have your grandmother’s character” really makes sense, but the genetic makeup makes up only 7%, and the remaining 93% comes from acquired traits. The following have a special influence on character:

Upbringing.

Parents not only impart genetic material into their child, but also develop their personality. They do this consciously and unconsciously. They talk about good and evil, norms of behavior, etiquette. If a girl is told from childhood that she is strong and independent, in adulthood she may have problems showing softness and femininity. A boy who is overprotected by his mother, grandmother, or aunt can grow up to be a mama's boy. An excess of praise leads to a constant search for approval, and a lack of it leads to an inferiority complex.

Place of residence.

The character of a provincial will be very different from the character of a person who grew up in the capital. It is impossible to level out cultural differences. For example, in the East the bias is towards family and spiritual values. The West is more pragmatic and pays more attention to building a career.

Interests.

They change throughout life. Interests can be both an indicator of character and a means of correcting it. For example, a person who likes to collect model cars is probably pedantic, assiduous, and meticulous. On the other hand, if a person lacks these qualities, he needs to develop the ability to calm down, control himself, and concentrate; he should acquire such a hobby.

Circle of communication. Just as parents influence a child with their behavior and attitude, friends, colleagues, and acquaintances can influence a person. He finds an example to follow, can become dependent on someone else's opinion, borrow other people's hobbies or copy traits.

3 traits you need to get rid of to change your character

Before you change your character, you need to understand whether there is an internal resource. There are factors that hinder change, they need to be eradicated.

1. Laziness.

“I’ll start losing weight tomorrow,” “I’ll sign up for courses on Monday,” “I’ll move next winter,” “I’ll quit in January.” Planning is great, but you need to make sure that procrastination is due to the fact that it is more convenient, better, and not because it is simply laziness. To do this, just ask yourself what can be done to achieve a certain goal right now. For example, you want to develop discipline in yourself. This means that you should plan tomorrow, and maybe even today, and do everything according to the list. Don’t snooze your alarm because you’re too lazy to get up for a run at 8 am, but force yourself to get out of bed.

2. Low self-esteem.

You need to be able to confess your love to yourself. This is the first rule for change. If a person does not love himself, he will not be able to change his character. The internal state largely depends on the external one, and it is much easier to change it. Start simple, change your appearance - get a haircut, dye your hair, change your image, so that you feel more beautiful and confident. Update your wardrobe, get a gadget, an accessory that will make you feel more significant (at this stage this is normal). As soon as self-confidence appears, the inner voice will gain more weight, and it will be easier to make changes with faith in oneself.

3. Negative thinking.

It is in some way associated with low self-esteem. It is difficult for a person who lacks self-confidence to believe that changes can occur in his character. We need to throw out the phrases “I can’t”, “I won’t succeed” from the vocabulary. A good example would be the Jim Carrey movie Always Say Yes.

How to change your character

Is it possible to change your character? Can! It takes time and work on yourself. You will have to take 5 steps.

Step 1 - Analysis

You need to take a sheet of paper, or better yet, keep a diary for this. Divide the page in half. On the one hand, you need to write down the qualities that you want to improve in yourself, on the other hand, how to achieve this. For example, in order to develop communication skills, you need to communicate more with people, in order to become bolder - learn to look your fears in the eye. Once the list is ready, you need to turn it into a plan of what will be done and when.

Step 2 – Outside View

It will be very helpful to find someone with similar negative traits. This will help you better understand the problem and consider it. This way it will be clearly visible what needs to be urgently gotten rid of.

Step 3 – Role Model

Having realized what not to do, you should find a person you want to be like. This could be an acquaintance, a colleague, or even a celebrity. The image can be collective: the elegance of Princess Diana, the kindness of Mother Teresa, the sense of humor of Melissa McCartney. You need to try to copy their behavior, adopting character traits.

Step 4 - Control

Making a plan is only half the battle; you need to make sure that it will be carried out. Self-control is the quality without which it will be difficult to change the others. It is important to think before speaking, get rid of laziness, and control emotions.

It takes 21 days to develop a new habit. You can use the method with an elastic band on your hand. As soon as you notice a negative trait emerging, slap yourself with a rubber band. If this is repeated 4 times, the elastic band is put on the other hand and the 21 day countdown begins again.

Step 5 – Good Deeds

Being kind and helping others brings pleasure, helps you feel good, and makes you feel more important. It doesn't matter what kind of cases we are talking about, it can be something simple. To begin with, you can make a habit of collecting 10 “thank yous” a day. Every time a person thanks you for something, send the words of gratitude to your mental piggy bank.

Before you change your character, you need to think about what kind of person you want to become and how this will change your life. The more powerful the visualization, the stronger the motivation and desire to change will be.

Each individual has a completely different character. You will never find identical personalities, differing only in appearance. If you and the people around you are not bothered by your behavior and habits, then you don’t even think about how to change yourself and your character. But there are cases when a certain type of character interferes in life.

The emergence of personality traits in humans

Character is not genetically programmed into a person; it is an acquired phenomenon. It begins to form from the first months after the birth of the baby. The main role in this is played by the communication of the child, who copies the behavior of those around him.

The active age for the formation of a child’s characteristic personality traits is from 2 to 10 years. During this period, children communicate with each other and their parents. They are open to new achievements and gaining experience. They see around them how peers communicate with each other, how parents communicate with other children, how parents communicate with each other. At this time, the child copies actions and phrases, so parents should constantly control themselves so as not to say or do unnecessary things in front of the child.

Preschool child and his character

In the preschool years, the first thing that is noticed in a child is a manifestation of kindness or a negative attitude towards the world around him, animals, people, responsiveness and sociability. Or selfishness, isolation and an indifferent attitude appear. The more that is put into the baby’s consciousness, the better. Strengthening of qualities occurs in educational games, while reading books, and in household chores.

If you want to develop kindness, mutual assistance, responsiveness, and compassion in your child, bring home an animal from the street. Feed him, heal him, wash him, show him a kind attitude towards our smaller brothers. Move the old lady across the road, add money to the old man in the store who lacks several tens of rubles for groceries. Children absorb their parents' actions like a sponge. Later they will repeat the same thing. Proper upbringing is the key to a positively formed character.

Schoolboy and his character

Schoolchildren are surrounded by a large number of people: teachers, classmates, parents of friends, etc. During this period, active social development begins. The formation of individual traits is greatly influenced by the child’s environment: how peers and teachers communicate with him.

The child tries not to lag behind others in anything. And if he succeeds, he succeeds in his studies, and sometimes even succeeds in front of his classmates. If the opposite happens, he studies poorly, does not understand some tasks, reads worse than others, and complexes develop in him. Over time, he stops trying at all, so there is a chance that he will become a poor student.
Such complexes must be suppressed in the bud if parents do not want behavior problems in the future during adolescence. At this time, the child is developing physically, his hormonal levels are changing, and his psyche is unstable. This is a time of drastic changes in behavior and daring actions.

By the senior grades, as a rule, the character is already fully formed; only the traits are consolidated. The child already knows what he wants from life and tries himself in new endeavors.

A person's character is formed from infancy to graduation (up to approximately 18 years of age). There are practically no fundamental changes. There are only some distortions in one direction or another.

The child receives the basics and reinforcement during his school years, and by the end of his education he becomes a mature personality.

How to change yourself and your character

Some character traits often interfere with our lives. This may be excessive shyness, which prevents you from meeting the opposite sex. Or sloppiness, which manifests itself in constant chaos at home and at work, which is not particularly liked by colleagues and roommates. Curiosity also does not always bring positive results. Not everyone likes having a nickel shoved into their life. There are times when we want to change ourselves and our character in order to improve our lives. But how to do this, because the character has been formed over the years. This is quite difficult to do, but possible.

Positive attitude

To change something in yourself, you must first imagine what kind of life you imagine, what you want to be present in it, and most importantly, who. What kind of people will surround you, what will you have. If you are used to thinking that life is decay, then so be it. Be positive and discover your talent. Changing your thoughts is difficult, but there is an interesting technique. Take the rubber band that is used to tie the bundles of money together. Place it on your wrist. And every time a thought arises in your head, snap yourself with a tightly stretched rubber band and think about the good. Believe me, the feeling is not pleasant. Over time, this will become a habit, thoughts will slowly turn to the side of good.

Role Model

No, to do this you don’t need to turn into a parrot or a monkey and imitate someone. Come up with an idol for yourself, a standard of the person you would like to be. Maybe it will be a TV star, a film actor, or maybe a neighbor from the apartment opposite. In moments of bitterness, anger or some other negative moments, imagine this person and think about what he would do in your place.

Love yourself

Due to their complex nature, many do not succeed. But this is wrong behavior; anyone should love themselves. But to help yourself, do auto-training in front of the mirror every morning, saying how much you love yourself, how every minute you are becoming better and better (kinder, more cheerful, more energetic, more confident, etc.). But don't become a narcissist. You want to create a new person, learn to create, become a creator, an artist.

Analysis

Situations that repeat regularly happen to us every day. It's rare that something out of the ordinary happens. Therefore, over time, we get into the habit of reacting to similar situations in the same way. To track your behavior, in the evening after work, while your memories are still fresh, write down each situation and how you behaved. This will help you analyze the reaction to what is happening around you and understand what is wrong, what to change, and what to improve. You won’t be able to become perfect, but correcting yourself won’t hurt anyone. Rank the traits in ascending order which should be fixed first. For example, top 10!

Habit

To change yourself and your character, you will need to make this process a habit. You've been doing the same thing for years, not noticing anything around you, and then suddenly you decide to change radically. It won't work that way. Make a clear plan to follow and motivate yourself. Clear control is the key to success. Actions must become a habit.

When you change yourself, you will not recognize your own life. She will change with you, you just have to want it.

Before developing ingenious strategies, reading manuals on psychoanalysis, understand for yourself what exactly is wrong with you, what shortcomings are hidden in your character.

To do this, conduct a kind of survey of your friends, family and loved ones on the topic of the negative traits of your willful disposition and unbridled temperament. Try to find out from them what irritates others about you, whether, in their opinion, you have strengths and weaknesses. Perhaps what you consider to be the norm of behavior, for most people around you seems blatant impudence or immorality. You need to get rid of such habits immediately.

When the suitable material has been collected, record everything that happened on paper. Don’t try to hide, downplay or hide something, try to look at yourself objectively, through someone else’s eyes, as if from the outside. This will be the first step towards further transformation.

Take advice from a qualified professional. To understand what type and type of character you have, have several conversations with a psychologist who can get to the bottom of your problem and suggest ways to solve it.

Motivation is the key to change

Think about what advantages the new “I” will bring you, because changing your character is a very difficult and long path that only a person with developed willpower can overcome. Decide for yourself how much you need such metamorphoses, whether the game is worth the candle.

Sometimes a person blames his character for his problems, but this is not always the right approach. Sometimes the cause of failure is complexes imposed by modern society or acquired in early childhood.

Motivation is important in the process of breaking character. If your changed nature helps you find a more prestigious job, become more successful, and improve relationships with family and friends, then the transformation process will happen faster - you will have a good incentive.

The next step is visualization

Constantly keep in mind and mentally reproduce new traits of your future character. Without this procedure, you will end up back where you started. If you don’t know what exactly you want, if there is no clearly defined goal to strive for, then it is impossible to achieve anything. It is necessary to unambiguously represent the model that should become reality.

Let's say no to copying and imitation!

Most people want to change their character only in order to adapt to someone, be it a boss, parents or significant other, to somehow please them, but at the same time they do not think about themselves.

If your colleague is more successful, this does not mean that you need to adopt his manner of behavior, gestures, or some tricks in communication. Each person is unique in their own way. Everyone has a talent that needs to be unleashed in the right place at the right time.

When trying to improve your character, be careful not to acquire new, hitherto unknown to you, bad habits.

Improve yourself, and don’t copy someone else’s character. Develop spiritually: read books, be kinder, think about others, and not just about yourself.

Sources:

• how to change your character

Can a person “unscrew” undesirable aspects of his character, like outdated parts, and replace them with new and better ones? We confidently answer “yes” when trying to rehabilitate the other person. We wonder why he doesn’t want to try to react to life differently, because it’s so simple! Changing your reaction is indeed one of the ways to change your character. But we will experiment not on others, but on ourselves.

Instructions

Recognize the fallacy of spontaneous reactions. Stephen Covey in his book "The Seven Habits of High Performance" says that there is a pause between an event and our reaction to it. People who respond spontaneously to everything immediately pour out their emotions (or are filled with negativity). There seems to be no pause at all. In fact, their pause is so short that they are simply accustomed to not noticing its presence. Before going any further, recognize that this approach is flawed.

Start with habits. No wonder they say: “When you sow a habit, you reap a character.” Start small, move gradually and you will soon notice the first changes. Further work will be easier, and the result will be more and more noticeable. Step-by-step actions and their regularity, control and self-discipline work wonders.

Change your approach. And yet, as for those around you, the same rules apply here.
Gradual changes starting from little things, regular work and praise for positive results.
Husband and this is expressed, for example, in the fact that he comes home late from work? Calmly tell him about it and ask him not to do it again. When he arrives a little earlier than usual, thank him and tell him how important it is for you. Surely he will be pleased. And I want to repeat and strengthen positive emotions.

Mark the nearest growth zone. People strive for development, this is normal. Let the person see the next step, let the step not be too big, and let it not be in doubt. Then your ward will want to take this step.

Don't try to change everything at once. The load needs to be dosed, and it’s better to start with little things. Changing minor habits can lead to a change in character and even worldview.

Video on the topic

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If you really like a young man, but you are not entirely satisfied with his character, try to change his behavior. But this must be done wisely, unobtrusively, so as not to push the guy away from you, so that he begins to change based on his own desires.

Thinking about what prevents us from living, we put all the blame on our character and are killed that we were unlucky and we were not born like that. And then we pour from empty to empty, trying to transform someone we don’t know into someone we would like to be. And we make ourselves unhappy even more unhappy. The good news is that everything can change.

You smile like an idiot, but irritation shoots up from within like prickly needles - you can’t hide your character with a smile, no matter how hard you try. How to change your character without feeling annoyed for wasted time?

Character is nothing, the desire to live beautifully and happily is everything!

As long as character causes inconvenience to others, we will always find a way to justify ourselves. But when character interferes with our plans and dreams, we have a problem. We can no longer live in the old way, but we have not yet learned to live in the new way.

How to change your character for the better? And it doesn’t matter what exactly is needed: whether to get rid of irritability, become more decisive, or, finally, show character and stop being soft-hearted - everyone has their own list. But ahead of us are vertical races, tests of strength and real hell.

Is it possible to change your character and remake yourself?

We try, try to remake ourselves, listen to the opinions of others. Some write down negative traits on paper, others use willpower.

Control yourself and you will be happy. Can't control it? Imitate your idol! Don't know who to imitate? Count to 10! No, better up to 100! At worst, open up to the world and to you... Well, you know.

And it seems like everything is starting to change. People aren't so annoying anymore. They listened at work, smiled on the street, obsessive thoughts receded. Life gets better... until the next stress. When the old rake ends up in a new place, and we get the same result - the character was never changed.

How to change your character for the better?

Why are we failing?

We are trying to change the internal through external manipulation. We act at random: maybe it will help. Ready to listen to others, but not to hear yourself. We look at ourselves, but we see only the framework that we want to adapt to. We don’t understand the reasons why character deteriorates.

Character is not something cast in stone and unchangeable. These are our habits to live in a certain way. And getting rid of old habits is like fighting windmills. Therefore, it will be more effective to focus on something else - on how to create new habits in yourself, how to cultivate a new character.

Is it possible to change the character to the opposite?

Is this possible? Can, for example, a person who is naturally hot-tempered and accustomed to acting in the heat of the moment, suddenly become patient?

How can such a person change his character? He lives as if he were shooting at a target every day. Status, money, ambition - that means you hit the top ten. Fussing, fidgeting, losing money and opportunities - that means she’s a bastard. The first is disciplined, organized, determined and loves to live according to plan. The second is its absolute opposite. But there is much more in common between them than might seem at first glance.

Both have the same set of mental properties, but these properties manifest themselves in different ways.

Secret one: character is not a sentence, but an indicator of your condition

In System-Vector Psychology by Yuri Burlan, such “shooters at the target of success” are called carriers. The psyche of a skin worker is like a match: it flares up quickly and goes out quickly. The new attracts, the old weighs down. It's easy to start, but it's no longer interesting to finish. Higher, faster, stronger - first! But this does not mean that a leather worker can only be annoyed if everything does not go according to plan or someone is slower than him.

The secret of his calm is how developed he is and how he realizes himself. The more developed and realized a skinner is, the more organized and calm he is. If he doesn’t know how to use himself, he fusses and fidgets, he easily loses his temper and gets irritated.

In other words, character is an unplowed field for development, not struggle with oneself. And this is the first little secret.

Secret two: if you change your character, then what exactly should you change?

The second secret is what motivates us. What motives shape us and influence our character. So, an irritable skin person is enraged by one thing, and the wearer becomes enraged by something completely different.

If a skinman gets irritated and angry when he is unable to control himself or others, then for a peace-loving muscleman to rage, it is enough to suddenly wake him up or not allow him to finish eating like a human being.

A person with... reacts just as suddenly and uncontrollably, but for other reasons. If someone encroaches on his natural rank as a leader, in anger he is more terrible than any man of skin and muscle combined.

How to change your character for the better? Act!

Thinking about what prevents us from living, we place all the blame on our character and are killed that we were unlucky and were not born that way. And then we pour from empty to empty, trying to transform someone we don’t know into someone we would like to be. And we make ourselves unhappy even more unhappy. The good news is that everything can change. Understand yourself, see not negative traits, but strengths that will become a support for us.

Many people hear the following phrase addressed to them: “What a character, you urgently need to change it.” But we all know that there are no ideal people. Each one is unique in its own way and one of the traits is character, and it is completely different for everyone. To change it, people are ready to do a lot; doing this is quite problematic, but it is possible.

Some sign up for various trainings, others go to a psychotherapist, others sign up as volunteers, and so on. This helps some, but not others. But what are the most effective ways to change your character and become better?

What does character consist of?

Experts say that genetic traits at birth make up no more than 7% of the total character, the remaining 93% are acquired.

Our upbringing. Moms and dads, without noticing it, instill in us many character traits in childhood, both useful and negative. Over time, it is difficult to get rid of them or change them.

Society. A lot also depends on the people who surround us. If you are friends and communicate with, then you will also have such character traits. Negativity only attracts negativity.

Interests. Since childhood, we first like one thing, but as we grow up, everything changes and we are interested in something else. This is normal. At school you were interested in photography, and now you like martial arts, which you had never even thought about before.

Living environment. Character traits also depend on where you grew up and matured. Mentality affects us no less than anything else, and sometimes more.

What can you do to change your character on your own?

Self-improvement and change are hard work on yourself, which will ultimately bring the desired results. But this, of course, is not enough; discipline, patience and the desire to change are also needed.

A striking example. You need to find a person who will be a role model for you. This must be a successful, smart and cheerful person who enjoys life. You need to learn to behave easily and freely with others, and never pay attention to stupid insults from losers.

Control over your own actions. Before you do or say anything, first calm down, and then think twice whether you need it or not. Our tongue is sometimes our enemy, so learn to control your impulses so as not to get yourself into trouble.

Plan. This is another way to change your character. Write down on a blank sheet of paper those traits that you want to change in yourself and start taking action. You shouldn’t drown yourself too much, you should start everything small. If you are shy, make it a point to say hello to one person you don't know every day for a week. If you are aggressive, then rest more, rather than get angry at everything around you.

Good works. A great way to boost your confidence and feel great is to help others. You can easily help an old grandmother carry her bags home and you will hear thank you in return. Feed a homeless animal and it will take you home, or simply smile at a passer-by and receive a smile in return.

Bracelet on hand. There is a wonderful way to get rid of a bad habit. To do this, you need to purchase a hard elastic band for your hand. As soon as you say a bad word, immediately hit yourself on the hand with a bracelet. On the fifth day, you should move it to the other hand and do this until you hold the elastic band on one hand for 21 days. Three weeks and you will get rid of the habit of expressing negative emotions out loud, after which your internal state will change.

Diary. Write down in it everything that happened to you throughout the day. Your actions, emotions at a certain moment, how long you thought about making a decision, and so on. This will help you further understand how you acted before and what needs to be improved in yourself.

Favorite thing. This wonderful method will help you quickly change your character. . With the help of an interesting activity, a person calms down, feels lightness, freedom and gets into a great mood. Therefore, choose what is closest to you and enjoy it. After some time, you will notice big changes for the better in yourself.