If you give a girl in anger the will to give, then she can steal a man from a galloping horse, and even make a lame one. Well, of course, a horse. Bad moods, confusion at work, a crying baby and sleepless nights can throw anyone off balance. Therefore, there are quarrels in any family. Everyone knows how to resolve disputes with daggers and practices, but only not everyone conflicts correctly. That is, so that after a quarrel it is bitter about what was said not to regret.

Rule # 1: do not infringe on the male ego

Manhood is extremely vulnerable and very impressionable. But in a fit of mutual statements, frank battles often arise in order to find out who will surpass whom with a red word. The desire to prove why your opponent is wrong is such a priority in a hot moment that we literally walk through the most painful places of a loved one. “And your business has not worked out, you always think that it’s cool, but in fact it’s zero!” and other blows below the belt become even more offensive and treacherous for a man. After all, you, in fact, are for him the first and often the only confidant in difficult times. Keep yourself tight-lipped at the moment of a quarrel, do not humiliate, drown and do not use moments of male weakness as an argument - this is a betrayal!

Rule # 2: don't throw loud words

Never, even in a fit of the most serious despair, do not manipulate a saint or juggle emotions! "I would have known you like this, I thought three hundred times before marrying you!" and other female threats, spoken in the heat of the moment, have the opposite effect on men.

He doesn't sense that you just wanted to reach out to his heart. He hears only reproaches, your regret about marriage and thoughts of divorce. It will not be corrected, because you have already decided everything. Well, it makes sense to try if you already have such terrible thoughts!

Rule # 3: don't hammer

No normal man can handle the regime of a female woodpecker. Learn to resolve conflicts in a single day and close any problem at a time, and not live with it for weeks and at every opportunity to remember how he was "three days ago" very guilty.

Rule # 4: don't make a thousand problems

Favorite girlish idea - to sculpt a huge snowball out of several problems. Everything happens usually on emotions and spontaneously. They begin to discuss a specific problem together, and suddenly it dawns on the wife that this is deja vu, and the husband is not lucky in life, and a string of his bad features went to dangle on the notorious lump. Learn to solve an actual problem, and not remember old ones at any opportunity. Pasted the wallpaper obliquely and crookedly - it means that he is only to blame for this, and not that his hands are growing from the wrong place in life, and therefore he cannot even be entrusted with children!

Rule # 5: don't comment on the fight epic

It is not at all worthwhile to emphasize your dissatisfaction with sweeping, large-scale comments every time during a quarrel: “Oh, it would be better if I didn't ask you for anything!”, “It's easier to do everything normally!”, “You ruin everything your hands touch! " etc.

Otherwise, soon you will surely come to a response click on the forehead: “So don't ask! Do it yourself! What's the question ?! "

Rule # 6: Don't Cover Up Your Grievances

At the same time, hushing up your grievances, hiding them until "better times" in a woman's piggy bank of pride, is also not the best solution. First, it crawls out sideways for you and is reflected in the outside world in the form of deflection. Deflection is a barrier mechanism in which you avoid direct contact with the problem, so you get lost over nothing. For example, you start to get angry with children because of some trifle or withdraw into yourself. Secondly, psychosomatics is an extremely insidious thing. While you walk around with silence or unsaid words, this inner negativity can develop into poor health, and then completely affect your health!

And finally, I would like to add a couple more golden rules for the correct resolution of conflicts. Never go to bed without making up! Do not carry away your nightmares on a new day and do not fall asleep in a bucket of tears. And most importantly, start a serious conversation only on a full male stomach, learn to switch a man in time in a fit of quarrel - to switch the topic, "at the wrong time" to embrace and discourage. From such behavior, the fuse, as usual, quickly fades away in both.

When people live together for a long enough period of time, quarrels and misunderstandings become part of family life. The grinding of people to each other is always accompanied by certain difficulties in relationships, but in each pair, the contradictions that arise are resolved in different ways. In the article, we will give useful advice on how to quarrel with your husband correctly, how to find mutual understanding and preserve tenderness in a relationship, despite everyday problems.

Why do lovers quarrel?

The couple quarrels for various reasons. In most cases, quarrels appear in young families, where the spouses have not yet learned to coexist and everyone is trying to “pull the blanket over themselves,” that is, to protect their own interests, no matter what. More mature people learn to live peacefully, to close their eyes to some annoying habits and actions of their spouse, to give in on certain issues. Although, quarrels are not uncommon in established couples. Misunderstanding, feelings of loneliness, fatigue and irritation, one way or another, lead to conflicts.

To better understand the nature of conflict in a couple and learn how to effectively deal with them, it is necessary to consider several main reasons for the occurrence of quarrels:

1. Fatigue, irritability are the most common causes of any conflicts in the family. At work and in society, it is somehow not customary to express dissatisfaction and take out irritation on strangers, but a loved one is a “perfect” target. When you are tired and irritated, finding a reason to quarrel is not a problem. You will be annoyed by any little thing that you normally would not pay attention to.

To neutralize the conflict, you need to do the following: when you feel very tired and are about to take out the irritation on your loved one - wait a while. Give yourself some time to calm down and look at the situation more realistically. Any conflicts are very exhausting, so there is no point in starting a quarrel when you are already tired. Better to tell your husband right away that you need to get some rest before chatting. And he, most likely, is also tired after a busy day and does not want to start another quarrel.

2. Infringement of pride and self-esteem. Criticism, insult, ridicule are not the best means for "educating" a husband. Women often make one serious mistake: trying to get what they want by resorting to insults and grievances. Not only will this behavior not help you achieve what you want, plus the relationship between spouses is constantly deteriorating. Of course, you may think that criticizing your partner's actions and personality helps him become better, change his behavior, etc. In fact, this is not the case. Moreover, if a person is constantly criticized and does not appreciate his positive qualities, he does not want to become better, to do something for the woman and the family. How to stop quarreling if the husband does not listen to what he is told and is constantly annoying with his actions and habits? There are several effective recipes. The first is to find positive character traits in her husband, to notice good deeds.

Also, so that such conflicts do not arise between spouses, it is necessary to create an atmosphere of support and trust in the family. It is advisable to refrain from criticism or learn how to express dissatisfaction with your partner's actions in a positive way. For example, instead of: "Where have you been hanging around again, how long can you wait for you, loser ?!" it's better to say: "Darling, where have you been, I was so worried about you!" Trust me, a friendly attitude works much more efficiently.

3. Conflicts due to misunderstandings, lack of tenderness in relationships. At the very beginning of family life, spouses tend to care more for each other than for themselves. But over time, the husband and wife begin to pay more attention to their own needs and desires. Then there are claims such as: “You don’t care about me”, “You don’t pay attention to me”, “You don’t understand me at all”, etc. How not to quarrel with your husband when you feel misunderstanding on his part? You need to communicate more, be interested in your partner's affairs, despite the fatigue and lack of free time. High-quality communication in a couple is the guarantor of mutual understanding and harmonious relations.

4. Conflicts related to the division of household responsibilities. Each person has their own stereotypes about the division of family responsibilities. In order to exclude quarrels on this basis, it is advisable to discuss these issues in advance and divide the obligations equally.

How to quarrel correctly?

Unfortunately, in family life, quarrels cannot be completely avoided. All sorts of disagreements, one way or another, will be part of your life together. By the way, this is not so bad. The fact is that alliances, where from time to time partners sort out the relationship, are usually stronger and more harmonious. If irritation and discontent does not find a way out, serious consequences can be expected as a consequence, up to a complete rupture of relations. Clarification of the relationship can be called art, which has its own rules and characteristics. Let's consider the rules for sorting out the relationship that will help you achieve what you want and not spoil the relationship with your loved one:

1. Choose the right time and place for the fight.

Do not quarrel with your spouse when you are with friends or family. Why "take out quarrels in public"? In addition, claims to a husband about his allegedly wrong behavior in front of his friends or relatives will be a strong blow to a man's pride and pride. You cannot quarrel in front of children or in a public place. Avoid moments when both of you are extremely tired or upset.

2. Don't get personal. It is very important not to hurt a man's self-esteem during a quarrel. “Oh, you bastard, you ruined my whole life” is not the most suitable tactic for negotiating. Clarification of the relationship should bring positive results, help partners to better understand each other. Therefore, criticize not the personality of your husband, but individual actions. Tell me what you don't like and why it bothers you.

3. Do not play silent. Tense silence is very annoying and does little to build a constructive dialogue. Talk to your husband calmly, without shouting or accusing him. And then you can quickly make up.

4. Be able to put up with. A good fight should end with a quick reconciliation. For many, pride does not allow the first to approach a partner and improve relations, so the husband and wife sit in different rooms, waiting for the other to offer reconciliation. Why wait? Come up to your beloved husband, hug you tightly and say that despite all the disagreements, you still love him very much and he is the most important person in your life.

5. Do not use threats and blackmail. Most often, it is women who use threats as a way to achieve what they want. For example: “If you don’t do this, I will leave you,” etc. In the first years of a spouse's life, threats will work, but over time, the other person will understand that blackmail is nothing more than a method of manipulation. And nobody wants to be an object of manipulation.

6. Don't take advantage of your husband's weaknesses and fears. After several years of living together, you know a lot about your husband, if not everything. Sometimes you just want to stab a man more painfully during a quarrel, using known information about his weaknesses. But this is not fair play. A man will not only be hurt and offended, most likely he will no longer want to do intimate with such a woman. It will take you a long time to regain your husband's trust.

7. Be able to admit your mistakes. Your husband is not ideal at all. Yes, and you are an ordinary person, with your human weaknesses and shortcomings. You also make mistakes, gain experience, learn and develop. Finding out a relationship is not a way to become better in your own eyes by humiliating your partner. Rather, it is a way to find mutual understanding and understand how you will live next. Learn to admit your own mistakes, then the minor "sins" of your husband will not seem so important and serious.

Family life is always fraught with certain difficulties. But together you learn, develop, try to learn to understand and accept each other, despite the shortcomings and habits. Respect and understanding are the keys to a happy married life. Do not forget about it.

A person lives in society. Each of us is constantly or from time to time surrounded by other people, forced to contact them, to face other people's opinions and unpredictable reactions to some words and actions. In this case, conflicts of interest are inevitable, which means that disputes and quarrels are inevitable.

What is the right way to behave in this case? To arrange a noisy scandal is indecent and harmful for further relations, and often not only with a direct opponent, but also with people around them who are not involved in a clash. Above all, an overt outburst of aggression brings with it stress with all the negative health consequences. However, hiding negative emotions and trying to ignore conflict can be even more dangerous. Unspoken grievances and claims tend to accumulate, which has a bad effect on the psycho-emotional state, and does not improve relations between people.

The problem can be resolved. There are ways to participate in a conflict situation that allow you to let off steam with minimal losses for both parties.

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"Speak out" in writing

Sometimes the person who is irritating you is unaware of this. An attempt to once make a claim to him will lead to a protracted conflict: unexpected accusations will cause resentment and a desire to insist on your own, and it will be very difficult for you to understand each other.

If this is the case, it is worth trying to express negative emotions in writing. The process of creating text disciplines the mind and allows you to articulate thoughts clearly. The letter can be edited as much as necessary, honing the wording and removing overly emotional phrases. The resulting “sheet of anger” will not contain incoherent angry cries, but a logical list of complaints; ideally, it should include a description of ways to solve the problem.

It is better to write such a document by hand: it helps to focus. But sending it to your opponent is not at all necessary. The method allows to reduce the intensity of emotions and eliminates the need for a direct showdown. If you do decide to talk to the "enemy", then with a high probability you will do it calmly and confidently, with a willingness to compromise.

Assess the conflict from a future perspective

The situation that provoked violent emotions may not be as catastrophic as it seems at first glance. In most cases, over time, the resentment loses its acuity.

Try to assess your dislike from this point of view. Will you be as angry and resentful tomorrow? And in a couple of weeks? If not, you shouldn't go into open conflict right away. It makes sense to distract yourself by taking up current affairs, or simply follow the popular wisdom “the morning is wiser than the evening” and avoid stress.

Refuse personal blame

Fighting with a person who is acutely unpleasant is pointless. Nothing can be solved in this way, you can only create a long-term conflict that is dangerous for both sides.

In all other cases, negative emotions are provoked not so much by people themselves as by their specific actions. That is why, in the process of sorting out the relationship, one should refrain from becoming personal. With a calm "debriefing" it is much easier to find a constructive solution and peacefully correct mistakes.

Do not offend your opponent

The opponent is very likely to be loyal to criticism of his behavior, if you do not assert that he is generally a bad person (stupid, lazy, illiterate, unscrupulous, etc.). Also, you can not impose on him a sense of guilt ("you do not love me"). Even with the deepest and most sincere offense, you should not try to hurt in return. This is a dead-end path, exacerbating grievances and claims, and in the long run leading to a complete rupture of relations.

Do not quarrel in front of witnesses

The process of sorting out the relationship cannot be made public. The point is not even that such actions are similar to an attempt to find supporters and, with their help, influence the opponent, which is incorrect. Much more important is the fact that one of the parties will have to admit that they are wrong, and it is much more difficult to do this in the presence of strangers. Solving the problem one-on-one, you will eliminate the conflict much faster and find a way to agree with each other.

It is completely unacceptable for spouses to quarrel in the presence of children: this not only lowers the level of trust in the family and damages the authority of adults, but also causes psychological trauma in the baby. A child participating in a conflict between parents automatically takes the side of one of them and considers himself guilty of betraying the other. Experiences adversely affect the state of the nervous system, lead to a decrease in performance, memory, intelligence and can cause serious health problems.

Feel free to apologize

It is believed that both sides are to blame for the conflict, and this is almost always true for family quarrels. Nevertheless, you do not need to constantly delve into yourself and examine each of your actions "under a microscope", looking for possible mistakes. A person living with a chronic sense of guilt is in any case a very uncomfortable partner: he always torments himself, and provokes others around him to neglect and other unworthy actions.

However, sometimes it is useful to consider a controversial situation from the point of view of admitting your own mistakes. If there are any, the most correct thing is to be the first to declare that he is wrong, to a certain extent disarming the opponent. This act should be deliberate: it is important to clearly state what exactly you consider your mistake, but not to take all the blame on yourself. This will help to extinguish the conflict while maintaining mutual respect for the parties. With a person who knows how to apologize on time and with dignity, as a rule, they easily and willingly communicate and very rarely quarrel.

The ability to competently get out of conflict situations speaks of a person's self-confidence and self-sufficiency. People who have mastered this art are less prone to depression, sleep disorders, hypertension and other problems associated with psycho-emotional stress.

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Well, we had a fight, figured it out, apologized to each other and everything is fine. Life continues to flow on the knurled one. And if not? If the resentment has grown into a real snowball and is about to turn into an avalanche and demolish everything that stands in the way? How to act in such a situation if the relationship is still dear to you, and you would like to keep it? First of all, you need to get rid of grievances. How to do this, read the article “The Power of Forgiveness. How to become happy and how to keep love in the family. " And secondly, learn to quarrel correctly and swear correctly.

Correctly swearing and quarreling is also an art. And now I will try to prove it to you.

Let's first figure out what are the main reasons why we take offense at our other half?

Didn't call . Horror! Indeed, how could he? You are all on your nerves, waiting for the call, worried, but he does not blow his mustache! Well, how can one not be offended and not make a scandal?

Okay, calm. Let off some steam and let's judge adequately. If a person is not initially predisposed to calling you three or four times during the day and one phone call is enough for him to find out if everything is in order, then it is simply pointless to demand more from him. Well, he does not like this chatter on the phone. It is more pleasant for him to see you with his own eyes and communicate in real life than on the other end of the line. You must either accept this feature, or realize that if you really need multiple phone calls, then you will have a hard time with this person. Then you yourself need to somehow rebuild, than strain the man: “Well, call me. Why did not you call?" Etc. He may and will call at first, but it will be through force. And, in the end, he will get tired of playing the role of the "eternal telephone operator" ..

It's another matter if at a particular stage he really showed activity, several times a day he was interested in how you were doing, and then abruptly stopped doing this. Of course, the question arises: why? What's happened. And we turn on the artillery of calls, SMS, terrorizing our beloved with our attention. Of course, it is worth finding out the reason for the cooling, but one must act not with pressure, but delicately and diplomatically.

Everything should be dosed and in moderation. Overkill is fraught with not only quarrel, but also disgust. An alert on his phone that another SMS has come from you can, in the end, cause aggression and irritation in him.

The reasons why a person did not call can be very different: tired, hard and nervous day, a desire to be alone, a strong job at work. If these are one-time cases that have not turned into excuses and a system, then you should not panic. If a person thinks about you, wants to hear, he will in any case rehabilitate and the next day he will call. And if he is more busy with himself, then at least they drank, did not drink for not calling, this will not help the situation, but only quickly bring the relationship to naught. Understanding and patience are what will help you avoid a fight. And remember, you are a woman, but not a hunter, read about it.

Doesn't fulfill your requests . It's also a shame. But why not? Maybe the man doesn't even know how important something is to you. After all, you must admit that even the stronger sex is called such, but they are not oracles to read our thoughts and desires. And you immediately start swearing and quarreling, but why? Here it is no longer important whether you quarrel correctly or not. The reason is different.

It is important to really make it clear how much a particular issue worries you and is not indifferent to you. Methodically, drop by drop, you can achieve a good result. But not by screaming, coercion and abuse. And it doesn't matter if you swear and quarrel correctly or not. This applies to many things: household chores, walking the dog, buying flowers ...

Jealousy. What a reason for grievances and quarrels! However, it can be justified and not. If your man is a reveler, a womanizer and you have repeatedly caught him, so to speak, "hot", then here the conversation is not about how to swear correctly, but about the fact that it might be better to part. About whether you really need such a relationship when a man does not appreciate what he has and is not afraid of losing you.

If jealousy is a part of your nature, where constant suspiciousness, suspicion, mistrust are present in your character, then this is a minus, most likely just for you.

Where have you been? Why so late? What is this, hair? I know - you are cheating on me! These questions are painfully annoying for a man. And if at first he makes excuses, tries to explain that, for example, the phone was discharged, met an acquaintance, got into a traffic jam, and so on, then this terror will only get on the nerves.

Do not be offended, but you are the provocateur. The irritant from which you want to run far away. Who will be pleased to be in the irradiation zone and experience eternal discomfort. Even if the wire is still de-energized, where is the guarantee that in a moment you will not be electrocuted? No, it's better to stay away from this place. So you become such a wire with current for your man.

Suspiciousness, eternal grievances, suspicions - this is all she, jealousy. The worm that eats you from the inside and systematically introduces discord into relationships. The only vaccine against it can be trust, a sense of tact, self-confidence and an adequate assessment of the situation. The amazing book by Rashid Kirranov "How to become self-confident in 3 months" will help you develop self-confidence - I recommend it.

When everything is boiling in the soul and the mind is clouded, actions and words are far from the norm. With a nervous, jealous hysteria, hardly anyone wants to live. Only perhaps a masochist or henpecked. Do you need one?

Coarseness . It is not even worth dwelling on this issue here for a long time. Rudeness must be stopped immediately. Moreover, firmly and without rassalivaniya. A person who allows hard-hitting words in your address does not in itself evoke the respect and title of a real man. There is no point in smoothing out the conflict. As well as endure and think that he will change and everything will be fine. Will not. Respect is either there or not. And letting you wipe your feet on yourself or responding rudely to rudeness is no longer a relationship, but sparring. But a man and a woman are not two boxers who fight whoever. Ideally, these are two allies who support each other, take care and try not to hurt their soul mate.

But still, what to do if a conflict is already inevitable and a mechanism called a quarrel has been launched? Everything is boiling inside you, you want to express to your partner, everything that you think about him. At this moment, words sometimes fly out of your mouth that you may not even have thought of. But… they have already been spoken ……. Wait a minute. So you live with livestock? Or did you just call him that, because you had to say something? Only the word is not a sparrow, you cannot catch it. And even if after a while the conflict can be settled, the person still retains the statements that you named him in his memory. Slowly but surely, resentment builds up, then splash out like a tsunami. Therefore, before you say something, think about whether you will regret what you said. You can, of course, then apologize, but as they say, the residue remains. Words they are like a dagger, they can hurt even more painfully than having received physical injuries. This is a wound that aches and gives a person discomfort. I recommend that you read the series of articles by Anastasia Guy on how to get rid of anger and aggression and how to swear and quarrel correctly. Read the first part.

Some of my acquaintances are very temperamental people and cannot do without scandals in their family. It even turns them on in some manner. However, nevertheless, they never stoop to each other's address to insults and humiliation. Yes, they shout, break the dishes - this is their feature. But to call one another is not. This is taboo. A taboo that should be present in every family.

And even if there is calm after a storm, storms are different. There are waves that hit the rocks and calm down. And there are those who bring destruction with them. These words, spoken in the heat of the moment, can just be such waves that destroy the good attitude towards you that was originally. Moderate this element within you. After all, it is so easy to break, but it is very difficult to glue: the cracks will still be visible.

There are also people who, during quarrels, prefer not to shout, but ... to be offended. They took offense and went into themselves ... for a long time. Maybe silence is also gold, but not in this case. How can a person know what you are offended if you are silent? You sulked like a turkey and you don’t talk, showing, nevertheless, with all your looks that you are unhappy. The problem should be discussed, negotiated, solutions and compromises should be sought. But! Calmly, at the level of negotiations. Explain to your partner what you don’t like and to try not to do it again. To play in silence is the privilege of children, but not adults.

I would also like to cite as an example one fairy tale: "The Kingdom of Crooked Mirrors". Remember, at the end, the main character looked at herself from the side and made the necessary conclusions. So maybe we, adults, should often look at ourselves from the outside? After all, not only the partner always does everything wrong and brings us to emotions. We are not angels either, and we can be wrong. Of course, it is difficult to even see a log in your own eye, not that a speck of dust in the eyes of another. But this is the art of relationships: to be demanding, first of all, of yourself. Thinking about what you say, what you do and how pleasant or unpleasant it will be for your person. It’s very easy to be a “chainsaw”, and it’s like a toy house to break a relationship. But what will be left? A pile of rubble ... So maybe you should be relationship builders, not destroyers. And this will require very simple materials: loyalty to each other, understanding, patience, diplomacy and acceptance of a person as he is.

You also need to be able to swear. Let petty quarrels be just a pretext for stormy and passionate reconciliation, like a fresh breeze. The draft that flew in, ventilated the space and flew away. But not a hurricane, after which nothing remains but ruins and broken hearts.

Best regards, Mila Alexandrova.

“It's hard for me! We need to hug to make sure we still love each other. "
“It's hard for me! You need to be alone in order to calm down, to understand yourself and the situation. “Sound familiar?

Some, more often women, flare up quickly during a quarrel and cool down just as quickly.

Others, and there are more men among them, try to control themselves: resentment or anger builds up slowly and, only having reached the boiling point, break out. It also takes time to recover, and a lot.

In each pair, one is more emotional and plays the role of "approaching", and the other is more restrained and is responsible for distance. Sometimes the roles can change. Yes, there are hot “Italian” families, whose dramas have been watched by neighbors for years, and a couple of phlegmatic people, but there are few of them. Either way, the rules of an effective truce work for everyone.

Calm down

It is useful to express emotions, including negative ones: hidden and driven inside anger, resentment, pain only make it worse. Another thing is that the expression should be constructive. And sometimes, before "broadcasting" the negative, it is better to take a walk, take a shower, punch a pillow or do 50 squats. If the emotional background rolls over and you know from experience that later you will regret what you said, squat, and then swear.

This material was prepared for you by the team of the magazine Cosmopolitan Psychology

Make conflict productive

With the right scenario, you should come to a solution that suits everyone. And this is the most important point. Otherwise, no matter how touchingly you make up, a quarrel over the same issue will soon flare up again. By the way, hot “Italian” couples often fall into this trap: the fuse is gone, everyone is hugging, but the problem has not been solved.

Unfortunately, in addition to one-time conflicts, there are long-term and intractable ones - when a controversial issue arises at an enviable frequency. Does the mother-in-law like to come without demand and put things in order? Does your loved one not like that your work is connected with business trips? And you - that he throws clothes around? Such stories, even if they are connected with little things, are annoying, just like an incomplete tooth. This means that they undermine the relationship, taking away the positive and warmth from them. If a good solution does not exist, choose at least a satisfactory one: one so that at this stage (and not only at the moment of forgiveness and reconciliation) it is acceptable to both.

Separate the problem from the person

When making complaints, do not deviate from the essence and do not get personal: when it comes to business trips, you should not blame the lack of a sense of humor or recall the intrigue of five years ago. After all, your task is to jointly find the right way out, and not prove who is right, who is wrong, and who is throwing clothes at all.

Apologize

And accept the apology. This is not easy to do: in a constructive apology, everyone admits guilt for their contribution to the negativity. Ask for forgiveness only for specific actions that you consider erroneous: "Sorry that I broke down", "I am guilty that I raised my voice." And - be sure to say what hurt you: “I was offended to hear that ...” It is wrong to apologize “for show” - in this case, the partner feels insincerity, and you, without understanding what the matter is, risk stepping on the same rake ...

Do not ask for forgiveness for the content of the conflict if the question really worried you: "Sorry that I am jealous of you" or "Sorry that I cannot love your daughter from my first marriage." After all, so you do not leave a chance for a decision.

In addition, you should not take all the blame on yourself: “Sorry, I have a disgusting character, I always spoil everything.” Both are involved in the conflict, and both are responsible for it.

There is no need for an apology with the proviso: “Of course, I’m wrong, but you yourself brought me on” - thereby we remove the blame from ourselves, outweigh it on the partner and give a round of a new conflict.

Do not rush

If a man, or you, or both of you, after a quarrel, needs to understand himself, be silent and calm down - this is normal. No need to artificially pull your loved one into a whirlpool of feelings or force yourself to smile and go to the movies - it will only get worse. You both have the right to privacy and reflection. The main thing is that it does not turn into a demonstration and manipulation - when you need not time, but increased attention: "No, no, everything is fine, I am not offended, you should not be bothered who cares about my feelings at all."

Love fever

Is it worth ending the reconciliation with sex? Yes, as long as “complete” does not equal “replace”. Let's say the reason for the quarrel is trifling, and the quarrel itself can be called an outbreak rather than a conflict. Then the release of the accumulated tension will help to feel the partner, his love and closeness. But on condition that both of you are ready for it. If one does not yet want tactile intimacy, even a simple hug, the second can only be patient. And to make it easier, shift your attention to other things.

By the way, the phrase “I never take offense at anyone” is just as implausible. It is normal to be offended, the main thing is to understand the reason and help yourself and your partner draw the right conclusions.

Do not press

Some people find it unbearable to admit they are wrong. They generally have a difficult relationship with feelings of guilt. There may be several reasons. For example, such recognition, especially for men, is often equated with defeat and almost humiliation. Another reason is the unresolved conflict with guilt that comes from childhood: when the child considered himself “extreme” in some difficult situation: for example, in the illness of his relatives (“He behaved badly, the grandmother had a heartache”) or the parents divorced. In this case, the topic of guilt is, in principle, very difficult, frightening and painful. If you feel that the words "I am wrong" are given to your beloved hard, do not force them. And if you cannot pronounce them yourself, try to express your feelings by actions. It works even better.