Hello, here you need to figure out why your child is showing aggression. After all, the main reasons for childhood aggression are indifference and criticism from parents, the use of physical punishment and insults in education. Also, young children very often copy characters from famous cartoons and films. Sometimes parents do not notice the beginnings of aggressive manifestations in their children (children in early age bite parents or throw objects when angry). And by about three years of age, such aggression can be redirected towards peers.

Mostly children conflict in order to express themselves, to show their dominance, and some simply do not know how to communicate. Therefore, they can hit you on the head with a toy, bite, or push. Later, as they grow older, they will, of course, learn to control themselves and their emotions, as well as internalize social norms.

What to do? It is very good if parents turn out to be wise and offer the child other ways to express his state at the moment of aggression: you can beat a pillow, tear paper, play games where the child will either fight with a negative character or impersonate him. If you don’t do this, the emotion will “go inside” and subsequently manifest itself in the form of stubbornness and disobedience. .

If you still did not have time to switch the baby and caught him in a situation where he hits the child, try to intercept the blow, stop the child’s hand. Explain to him that the other will be hurt and he will cry. If the blow has already happened, say that the child was hurt, show how upset he was and cried. You need to not just say that you can’t fight, but explain why (because it hurts, it’s unpleasant).

Offer your child another way out of the situation: what did you want to ask him? This can be done with words, not with fighting. If your child pushes or hits just like that, show how you can interact: don’t hit, but hug, stroke, take the hand, touch lightly. Typically, small children will stop and begin to gently stroke the other's head. If your baby continues to fight, take pity on the offended child and take yours away. Take him in your arms and carry him a few meters away from the offended person. It is necessary to show that in this way the game will not stick together, that children who fight play independently.

Children's aggressiveness usually increases throughout preschool age and declines only towards first class. Psychologists attribute this to the fact that by this age the child already knows how to resolve conflicts in a different way; he already has experience in “letting off steam” in game situations. All the best!

We have heard this since childhood - “You’re a boy, how dare you hit her, she’s a girl!” There is no more idiotic rule than this. In fact, girls can and should be beaten. The saying about the twofold difference in the cost of “broken and unbroken” applies to girls with an amendment - for one “broken” they give not two, but four unbroken ones.

First, it’s worth figuring out why women shouldn’t actually be beaten? Obviously, the reason for the negative attitude towards violence against a woman by a man is a significant difference in physical parameters - the average adult man is almost always much stronger than the average adult woman, and the practice accepted in a civilized society of condemning forceful confrontation with an obviously weaker opponent leads to the fact that the attack A man's relationship with a woman always receives a negative assessment. In my opinion, everything here is logical, and it’s stupid to argue with it.

But wait a minute, what does this have to do with children? In fact, at least until the age of thirteen, boys and girls have exactly the same physical parameters. So where does the strictest taboo on physical confrontation come from? In my opinion, everything is very simple - the ban on fights between children of different sexes was invented and enshrined in the public consciousness by mothers of girls. Adoring their young child and wanting to protect him from the dangers of the outside world, young mothers, infected with the idea of ​​a woman’s special position in society, demand special treatment for their daughters. And in order to exclude peers of the opposite sex from the list of potential threats, mothers require boys to follow rules that girls are not subject to simply because of their age.
As a result, we get elementary prostitution by social norms of behavior, when one social group, formed by gender, without any physical disabilities, nevertheless declares itself a “weak” part of society, declaring the inapplicability of any measures of physical coercion to itself from its male peers.

The consequence of this practice is that the vast majority of girls have an incorrigible behavioral defect.

No one will deny that the basis and cornerstone of education is the child’s awareness of the consequences of his own actions, which is conveyed to his understanding by adequate encouragement for good deeds and proportionate punishment for wrongdoing. But freedom from responsibility based on gender inevitably leads to moral corruption of that part of society that, in cases of collision with the opposite sex, is not subject to jurisdiction. As a result, we put in the hands of girls a tool that is extremely rarely used for good, and much more often serves personal selfish purposes - strengthening their position in the communication environment, or receiving direct benefits. Thus, sooner or later, the feeling of one’s own impunity in conflicts with boys forms in the girl an inflated self-esteem and a consumer model of behavior.

In the future, the situation only gets worse, because with the onset of puberty, the girl receives another, completely unprecedented argument and tool of influence in the intergender confrontation. I’ll make a reservation right away - it would be a big mistake to assume that we are talking about the argument that is located between her ears; the location of the instrument under discussion may be localized between two paired organs, but very far from the head. Noting the specific attention of the opposite sex, and realizing the emergence of additional benefits from her gender, the girl strengthens her awareness of her special place in society. The result is naturally tragic and sad - the practice of equal partnership is completely incomprehensible to her, she is confident in her superiority and absolute security.

But all crystal castles tend to break into small fragments, and the palace of God’s chosen women is no exception.

It is extremely indicative of cases when some stupid c$%, confident in her own integrity since childhood, suddenly rushes into a fight with a man who, either due to a stressful state, or due to alcohol intoxication, (and more often than both), finds himself temporarily free from socially accepted norms of behavior. She enthusiastically swoops down on him, trying to scratch his face, and suddenly - lo and behold! - snatches it in the fuck. Flashing her disheveled hair, the chicken sits on her butt and expresses extreme amazement on her face. After all, she had been told since childhood that girls should not be beaten, and then suddenly such a strange thing happened! Her picture of the world is destroyed, the template is torn to shreds, the heavens have collapsed to the ground. I don’t know about anyone, but it’s always very funny for me to see this.

Also, during the construction process family relations, the girl's inviolability practiced in our society leads to the emergence of the well-known subspecies of “the wife who runs into pi$%yuli.”

The fact is that painful blows received from other children are vital for every child. After all, it is in the process of receiving them that an adult personality is formed, having a firm sense of shores and clear behavioral frameworks. And the beatings not received in childhood leave dual interpretations of intersexual relationships, and a gaping hole that urgently needs filling. A subconscious craving for opiation makes such a woman the instigator of family scandals, which inevitably end in beatings. And once again, having received a punch in the face from her husband or partner, she cries in pain, sincerely not understanding what exactly prompted her to provoke the man into assault. But everything is so simple and obvious that it’s even funny!
In her childhood, all it took was for some boy, a peer and playmate, to give her a good whack on the neck, and she would have learned a valuable lesson from this, and over time would have perfectly learned to build relationships with the opposite sex without the infantile confidence that that since she is a girl, she is “in the house.”

But that same boy on that distant day, in response to her boorish behavior, fearing punishment from adults, gave in to her, which planted in her fragile soul the first sprout of a perverted behavioral pattern: “I can do anything, I’m a girl!” In the future, she subconsciously transfers this scheme interpersonal relationships in your family life, which certainly leads to opposition from the husband, who refuses to accept a subordinate role. To which the wife, feeling a priori protected from any physical aggression, continues to insist and make trouble, often using techniques that injure male self-esteem, and sooner or later the natural ending is that an unexpected left hook lands on her facial bone. People have long had a wonderful folklore expression for this case: “If a husband hits his face for the third time in a row, then it is not the husband’s fault, but his face!”
But just one good thrashing from a neighbor's boy would have helped her enjoy cloudless family happiness for many years...

So if you see a boy beating a girl, don’t bother him, it’s extremely useful for her.

Parents who hit their children often complain about the anger they feel at the time. It is uncontrollable, takes over completely and does not allow you to react adequately. It doesn't matter at all what the actual situation is. This anger can be caused by the most minor offense of a child. Let's look at what anger is and what you can do about it.

Anger is an emotion. And any emotion comes and goes, it is fluid. Any emotion is created in the head. It has nothing to do with us, our gut, our Soul. Emotion is an activity of the brain, just like thoughts, imagination, and feelings. It is generally accepted that all this is the activity of our soul, our heart, but this is not so. It is the brain that forms and controls emotions.

The mind experiences both pain and suffering. He experiences emotions and affections. Desires and aspirations. At the same time, our present - we ourselves (not the body, not emotions, not the intellect, but we - our being) continue to remain OUTSIDE of this mind. It takes a little to feel it more attention to yourself and the desire to study yourself. Look at yourself carefully from the outside: where does anger come from? Any other emotion? It's all mind.

To overcome anger, you need to admit it to yourself, accept it and begin to study it. When testing it, do not pinch yourself and do not suppress it, otherwise it will burst out with new strength, like any restrained vomiting, but to observe it and be aware of it. Condemning yourself at this moment, a passionate desire to immediately turn it off within yourself will only make things worse. But getting to know him and understanding him can amazingly to neutralize it, to help see its nature and meaninglessness. Moreover, the nature of each anger is individual; no one can solve this problem for us. Only we ourselves, armed with patience and the desire to know ourselves and free ourselves from internal pressures, can solve this problem.

Power in the family
For a long time I sorted through those grains that I am now sharing in detail with you. They brought me understanding, answered many questions, but did not help me with the main thing: to improve relationships in the family. I stopped raising my hand against my daughter. But my feeling of anger and resentment towards her did not go away. The moment came when I realized that to hit or not to hit is not so significant when there is parental authority over children in the family. But I didn’t understand what it was, how it happened inside me. Most of all, I didn’t understand how it could be otherwise. But I felt some kind of struggle within myself, some kind of conflict that I could not identify for myself.

I'll try to explain with an example. The child did something bad. The question arises inside: to punish or not. Of course, punish. How? As for the butt, I dismissed this option a long time ago. I tried to scold her, but it didn’t work out completely, but it led to children’s immunity against lectures. The children simply did not listen or try to listen to what I was telling them. You can punish in a different way, for example, by depriving someone of something good. Will you deprive? Yes! What? How? Sweets - the son will be hysterical, but the daughter is already indifferent to them. Depriving us of pony lessons (we go to an equestrian center) would be a tragedy, a too sensitive topic. If you don’t go to the carousel on the weekend, they’ll misbehave at home and we’ll go crazy, my children are very active, they’ll just boil themselves alive in the walls of the apartment in the summer and that’s all. Continue reading "Power in the Family" »

Domestic violence
Let's start our conversation about raising children and communicating with them with the wrong things that we, adults, bring into the world of children. I will call this word violence. Violence against a child. This word is usually associated with sexual abuse, but it can also occur in other ways - physical and emotional. Often, neither parents nor children understand what exactly is happening in their family. Discomfort in communication, complaints, grievances - all this is often transferred to the character, age and the eternal problem of fathers and children. We do not use words such as parental authority, child slavery, child breaking in our vocabulary. We are more inclined to talk about children's stubbornness, modern hard life, the difficulties of parenting and the importance of a good education for children.

Me too for a long time lived in exactly this coordinate system. But gradually I had to notice that what I don’t like in the behavior of my children, I want to most categorically eradicate, break, and correct in them. I had to notice that what I didn’t like so much in my childhood, I do now in my family. And my children react the same way - they hide, do not make contact, learn to lie, and want to avoid a showdown in every possible way. Continue reading "Domestic Violence" »
Tags: unconditional acceptance, beating, cruelty, living stories, punishment, violence, parental mistakes, child nature

Children must respect their parents. Or not?
The idea that children should respect their parents is quite common. We, adults, try in every possible way to instill this habit in children - to respect us. We are not even embarrassed to tell them this directly: “You must respect your parents.”

Why is it so important for us that our children respect us? Such instilled, pre-desired by the parent, not natural respect of the child for the adult is caused by the parental fear that the child will treat him not as correctly, not as respectfully, in other words, not as well as the parent would like.

We want our requests (often bordering on a claim) to be met by the child not with refusal or rudeness, but with submissive obedience or at least respectful consent. In order for our YES or NO to be accepted unconditionally, our interests (mom needs to work, so sit quietly; dad is tired, sleeping, don’t make noise) were unshakable in the eyes of the child and clearly took precedence over his own interests (the desire to go for a walk, jump, make noise, laugh).

We want to be able to control any situation, make a fairly rigid decision that is beneficial to our policy, stepping over the child’s interests - all this is often done with the motivation “I know better what you need”, “you can’t follow the child’s wishes, otherwise will grow up to be a slob.”

It turns out that our instilled respect for us in children is another attempt by the parent to extend his power over the child, to show him that his interests are not so priority, his thoughts are not so pure, his desires are not so correct, his nature is a priori not so good. We clearly do not have trust in this person, and most importantly, we do not consider the child a full-fledged person, only some kind of unfinished person, until he graduates from a university with honors and earns money for his first car. Continue reading "Children should respect their parents. Or not?" »
Tags: unconditional acceptance, love, violence, attitude towards people, parental mistakes, child nature, happy childhood, sensitivity

Parental fears and what to do about them
We, parents, are afraid of a lot. We are afraid of the diseases described in the pants, that the child will begin to crawl, talk, and read late. We are afraid of failures at school, absenteeism, early love, early pregnancy. We are afraid that the child will grow up unsuccessful, stupid, lazy, selfish. He will drink, smoke and swear. He will not be able to get an education and therefore feed his family. Unsuccessfully marries or gets married.

We have heard a lot of stories about how wonderful parents grew up to be idiots and rude people. And we are afraid that this will happen to us. We don't trust ourselves or our child. We don’t understand the nature of relationships with children, children’s perceptions, parental influence.

And these fears force us to enter the race to train our child, influence him through the external: let him read a lot - this is right, let him wash the floor - he will be neat, let him play sports - he will not wander the streets and drink beer. We give lectures about the dangers of TV, bad company, loose girls and rude boys, smoking, alcohol and drugs. Do you think we will be able to educate good child, which we could be proud of, which teachers would love and which all the grandmothers on the tram would be touched by?

I'm afraid not. And I'm afraid we sense it in advance.

This path of vanity and fear is in no way similar to the path of love and trust in your child, recognition of his personality and mutually joyful communication. A child cannot possibly be a computer that we are trying to program for a specific lifestyle chosen by us. The child is alive. And the very first thing he absorbs is what he sees. He may understand a lot of things that are instilled in him, but he will live by copying what he saw throughout his childhood. If we, with irritation at him, teach him to give in and not quarrel with younger brother, he won't be able to learn it. But he will learn to be a hypocrite, to lie, to disguise the internal behind the external.

To raise a good person, you need to be yourself good person. And education in itself is a completely useless exercise. It gives rise to fear of inadequacy, an inflated sense of duty, which sometimes suppresses internal sensations, dependence on the opinions of parents, and is also the cause of aggressive and painful behavior. adolescence, when the child finally takes his previously suppressed freedom.

Dear parents, let's just live, be who we are. Change for the better, and not try to appear different outwardly. Love your children for who they are. Enjoy life and remain human in every situation. Then our children will be better than us and will give their children a better foundation than we did.

It's hard to find the beginning, isn't it?

It is a mistake to think that a child begins at birth. Or even more so at three years old, when he begins to understand something. A child begins at the very beginning - when the parents conceived it. And it is very important what exactly they felt, how they treated each other, what they wanted, what they dreamed about. It is very important - how the mother’s pregnancy went, her state of mind, thoughts about the baby, whether she wants or does not want the child, her balance. During this period, she demonstrates the ability to show all her best qualities that she has learned throughout her life - the ability to forgive, feel, understand, accept, not be offended, be sensitive, gentle, but strong. From time immemorial it was believed that pregnant women should not be nervous. Why not? This has a bad effect on the child. Seems like an obvious answer. But many people do not understand it at all. Until now, when people talk about the physical connection between mother and child, they do not fully understand the power of the connection that exists from the very moment of conception. We are used to explaining it by purely physiological things such as blood. We forget about the main thing - the spiritual connection of these two beings. Everything the mother experiences will be embedded in the child and will give him a start in life. Therefore, the frequent opinion that a child starts life with a clean slate is wrong - in nine months his mother has already laid a lot for him, so he is not like any other baby of the same age. And this foundation will follow the child throughout his life and will have a serious impact on his health, psyche, character, and destiny. This is not an exaggeration: it is during pregnancy that a woman lays the foundation for all aspects of her baby’s life through her behavior in her ordinary everyday situations.

How many 40-50 year old people have serious mental problems, bordering on physical ones, the basis of which is in the uterine period! Very many! In the old days, every woman knew about this relationship. Medicine has always been silent about this. Attentive psychologists are talking about this more and more openly. More and more mothers are convinced of this from their own experience.

Let's not reinvent the wheel. Let’s just admit to ourselves that motherhood is a woman’s huge responsibility to herself, her child, Nature, and God. And the baby begins in the first moments of pregnancy. It is from this moment that his life begins. God grant that a woman has enough mental strength and wisdom from now on to protect her baby from the blows of fate.
I often think, what am I?

There is a song where the words are: what are our girls made of!

What am I made of?

I love spring in April, when it’s not yet hot, everything is in flowers and fresh greenery! I love May, when there is a downpour with bubbles, ankle-deep puddles, and when the water is warm, when there is a thunderstorm, and thunder, and lightning, but not for long. Then summer, when the sea with and without waves, I love Sergeevka. I love autumn with its yellow and red leaves. And I love winter, when there is snow, and when there are warm things, when it’s a sunny frosty day, everything is covered in snow, and the sky is blue, deep, then I love it very much. I also love the Wind, when it’s warm in the face and chest, arms to the sides and clothes in the wind like a sail, I love the sound of the sea, waterfall, rain.

Flowers are simply captured ecstasy. And their aroma, and their forms, there is no limit to the admiration of the riot of their colors, from naive simplicity to royal pomp.
Sunsets 10-15 minutes of the magic of the sun and sky, you catch every second, you want to absorb and enjoy all the shades from soft pink to deep purple and all this against the backdrop of various shades of blue turning into deep blue sky, the magic is often a hundredfold enhanced by lush clouds with rays piercing them in all directions. The sky changes instantly and every moment gives a new ecstasy, as if there are many little fireflies inside me and they are jumping and dancing at once, spinning in small spirals and I feel joyful and cheerful. Waves of joy come from the heart and spread throughout the body! The most amazing thing is that everything is always new and you can enjoy it all your life!

Sunrises are a sacrament, prayer is a meeting with GOD! The silence at dawn amazes everything. The rooster crowed, somewhere the nightingale crowed, the cuckoo crowed, everything moved, the breeze blew, trembling... everyone is waiting for the command - curtain, and he enters the stage main character- our Sun, all-illuminating with its love. His outfit changes like that of a real magician, in about 5-10 minutes and our fearless acrobat soars high in the sky and imagine - without insurance. This is how he will walk all day long on an invisible rope and delight and give warmth and a smile to us living on our beautiful planet Earth.

I really want to have my own Home. A home where my loved ones can come, and they will feel good, cozy, and warm in it. I want to grow flowers myself, I want to have a garden and a vegetable garden. I really like watching what I planted grow and taking care of everything. It’s great when a cat and a dog live in the house, maybe several. From communicating with them you get a feeling of being at home and needed, they always wait and greet you, they are always happy and love you with some special devotion. I already love all this.

I love my beloved, thank him for being with me!

I love my children, I want them to be happy, let everything in their lives be a joy to them!

Children are love forever! Only for their sake do you come to life and continue to live!

Lack of remorse in the child
Many parents of children 3-6 years old, or even older, complain about the lack of sincerity, understanding, repentance, and empathy in their children. “I hit my brother, he cries, but he himself laughs.” Or “plays with a toy that he wanted to take away.” “She stepped on my foot, I can’t catch my breath, and my daughter has already run away, muttering “I’m sorry.” “I realized perfectly well that I was wrong, but I will never apologize.”

This behavior in itself is unpleasant. But correcting it directly - with some comment or request, or even more so with moralizing - is wrong. This action will show the child the path to lies and external conformity, which parents are unlikely to like. The only correct way is to notice your own inattention to the child. Children always grasp what they see in the house. Many people believe that the street has a serious influence. There is this influence, but it is not the main thing. The main thing is the house.

The most well-mannered mother may turn out to be inattentive to her child. Look at yourself, how do you react to children's crying, childhood experiences, failures, fears? Are your child’s difficulties always as important to you as your own? If your long-awaited new car was taken away from him, you react: “Don’t cry. She's still yours. Let the boy ride, but for now take his tractor,” he is unlikely to be particularly ceremonious in a situation where your interests are infringed.

Let's try to notice that often in acute situations for a child we react with learned clichés, teaching the child not to be greedy, not to offend, not to be offended, not to be jealous, not to brag. We seem to be saying the right things. But at the same time, we ignore the main thing - the child himself, his feelings and experiences. This mistake of ignoring is then repeated by our children to their friends, brothers, sisters and ourselves.

- “Don’t cry. She's still yours. Let the boy ride, but for now take his tractor,” the mother said and went back to her friend’s bench to discuss seasonal sales. These words, of course, did not calm the child down. But he realized that his mother condemns his behavior, she does not understand his experiences, and he is left alone with them. How they accumulate and how they come out is all very individual, but very painful.

The child behaves incorrectly. You objectively want to change his reaction. Try to start with the words: “I am with you.” "I love you". “Dear, tell me what happened.” "I understand you". This attention to inner experiences will generate a high level of trust and sensitivity. The child will happily share his news with you. He will know that he is always understood. You will be able to carefully correct his reaction, offering to go through this situation together. Gradually, you will notice that he himself is sensitive to changes in your mood, cares about you, your well-being, and your smile.

Only by your example can you show your child natural sincerity, care and warmth.

I’m standing, rummaging through the kitchen oilcloths. Behind me is an iron mesh basket. The basket contains hats, caps, panama hats.
Near the basket there is a mother with a boy of 10-11 years old. On the other hand, Grandpa is rummaging through his Panama hats. Very decent, but extremely dilapidated.

The boy grabs a huge scarlet hat from a basket with wide brim and a poppy on the side. He puts on it in delight and screams:
- Mom, mom, look at my hat!
- What are you doing?! - Mom yells, - What are you doing? women's hat did you grab it? Are you an idiot?! What are you, a woman?! You should also put on women's panties! Why are you, like a homosexual, grabbing women’s junk?! There's still a bra on! Go, go, try on that bra!
I face the oilcloth: “It’s none of your business, shut up, you fool, wait for your grandchildren and raise them!”
Suddenly, an old grandfather... With an indescribably anecdotal "Odessa" accent, gracing and helping himself with gestures:
- So madam, you are in vain instructing the boy! Having such a model of a woman nearby since childhood, your boy will easily become a pederast without additional instructions!
Silent scene.

Me, unsticking myself from the oilcloths:
- Grandfather, can I kiss you on the cheek?
“This is at any moment,” says grandfather.
I kiss my grandfather on his parchment cheek, which smells of old cologne, and leave the battlefield.
As they say, no comments...

Source website Ne-bey http://www.nebej.ru/ Anna Demidova

You have always believed that your baby is an angel in the flesh who is incapable of hurting another child. However, the teacher increasingly complains that your child offends their peers. What to do in this situation? Special measures must be taken without delay.

First of all, remember what situations can cause aggression your child's. In most cases, children use physical force because they are offended. In order not to feel disadvantaged, the child begins to offend in return. This can also happen if the child's parents use physical punishment as educational measures. But you still need to know exactly why your baby is doing this.

How to stop a child from hitting other children?

Should not be used physical strength to dissuade the child from offending other children. This can further aggravate the situation, causing additional aggression, which he will take out on his peers. In this situation, it is necessary to use the power of persuasion. Explain to your child that the use of physical force indicates a person’s spiritual weakness. In order to somehow influence another person, it is better to use intellectual abilities.

If your child hurts other children because they don't want to be friends with him, explain to him that this is because he hurts them. Teach your baby interest other children, then he will understand that physical strength is useless when communicating.

If a boy hits girls.

Tell your child that girls- these are trembling, gentle creatures who need to be protected and protected and loved just like their mother. Give an example of a dad who treats his mother very carefully, carefully and lovingly, without giving her offense.

If all your measures were negatively accepted by the child, and he continues to beat children, you should use isolation. As soon as you notice that your child has raised his hand to someone, you should intercept it and take the child away from the children's group, explaining to him that you are very ashamed of his behavior, so he will spend his free time alone.

Encourage and praise your child for doing the right thing.

If your baby is happy with his behavior, focus your attention on this. Be sure to encourage him and praise him. Next time, the child will not want to use physical force towards other children, since such behavior may anger you.

Forbid your child from watching violent cartoons and playing aggressive computer games.

In most cases, the cause of aggression in children is modern cruelty. cartoons And computer games containing violence and bloodshed. Review your archives and leave only good and educational cartoons for your child, as well as educational games.

Why do many parents actively use physical force on their children? The reasons behind this phenomenon are quite deep. But physical punishment, being extremely harmful, can be replaced by much more effective and humane alternatives.

Some argue that “You need to spank a child before he grows up”. And this is a tribute to tradition. After all, in Rus', birch rods were an integral element of education. But today everything has changed, and physical punishment is equivalent to medieval executions. True, for many this question is important and remains open.

Key reasons for using physical punishment in the educational process

A huge number of parents use force in raising their children and do not think about the consequences this may provoke. It is customary for them to fulfill their parental duty, generously giving their children slaps on the head. Moreover, to maintain discipline, an object of intimidation - a belt, etc. - is often hung in a visible place.

What are the reasons for such furious medieval cruelty among modern mothers and fathers? There are several reasons:

  • Hereditary causes. Most often, parents take out their own childhood grievances on their child. Moreover, such a father or mother usually does not realize that there is an upbringing without violence. Their confidence that a slap on the head reinforces the spoken educational words in a child is unshakable;
  • Lack of desire, as well as time, to raise a child, conduct lengthy conversations, explain why he is wrong. After all, it is much faster and easier to hit a child than to sit down with him and talk about his misdeeds, to help him understand his own wrong;
  • Lack of even basic knowledge about the process of raising children. Parents pick up a belt only out of despair and not knowing how to cope with the “little monster”;
  • Venting out resentment and anger for one’s own failures, previous and current. Often parents beat their own child only because there is no one else to lash out at. The salary is meager, the boss is cruel, the wife doesn’t listen, and then there’s mischievous child, spinning under your feet. And the parent slaps the butt for it. Moreover, the louder the child cries and the more afraid the father is, the more the father will blame the child for his own problems and failures. After all, a person needs to at least feel his own power and authority in front of someone. And the worst thing is when there is no one to stand up for the child;
  • Mental disorders. There are also parents who simply need to shout, spank their child, or start a showdown for no apparent reason. Next, the parent reaches the required condition, hugs the baby to himself and cries with him. Such mothers and fathers need the help of a doctor.

What is physical punishment?

Experts consider physical punishment not only the direct use of brute force to influence a child. In addition to belts, towels, slippers, slaps on the head, punishment in the corner, tugging on arms and sleeves, ignoring, force feeding or not feeding, etc. are used. But in any case, one goal is pursued - to cause pain, to demonstrate power over the child, to show him his place.

Statistics: Most often, children under 4 years of age are subjected to physical punishment, since they cannot yet hide, defend themselves, or be indignant with the question: “Why?”

Physical influences provoke new wave disobedience of the child, which, in turn, leads to a new surge of aggression from the parent. Thus, the so-called cycle of domestic violence appears.

Consequences of physical punishment. Is it acceptable to hit a child?

Are there any benefits to physical punishment? Of course not. It is incorrect to say that the carrot has no effect without the stick and that a light beating can be useful in some situations.


Note to moms!


Hello girls) I didn’t think that the problem of stretch marks would affect me too, and I’ll also write about it))) But there’s nowhere to go, so I’m writing here: How did I get rid of stretch marks after childbirth? I will be very glad if my method helps you too...

After all, any physical punishment results in consequences:

  • Fear of the parent on whom the child directly depends (and at the same time loves). This fear develops over time into neurosis;
  • Against the background of such neurosis, it is difficult for a child to adapt to society, find friends, and later, a significant other. This also affects your career;
  • Children raised by such methods have extremely low self-esteem. The child remembers “the right of the strong” for the rest of his life. Moreover, he will use this right himself at the first opportunity;
  • Regular spanking affects the psyche, causing developmental delays;
  • Children who constantly concentrate on expecting punishment from their parents are unable to concentrate on lessons or games with other children;
  • In 90% of cases, a child beaten by his parents will do the same to his own children;
  • Over 90% of perpetrators were abused by their parents in childhood. Probably no one wants to raise a maniac or masochist;
  • A child who regularly receives punishment loses his sense of reality, stops solving pressing problems, stops studying, experiences constant anger and fear, as well as a desire for revenge;
  • With each blow, the child moves away from the parent. The natural connection between parents and children is disrupted. There will be no mutual understanding in a family with violence. Growing up, the child will cause many problems for tyrant parents. And in old age, parents face an unenviable fate;
  • A punished and humiliated child is extremely lonely. He feels broken, forgotten, thrown to the sidelines of life and unnecessary to anyone. In such states, children are capable of doing such stupid things as going into bad company, smoking, drugs, or even suicide;
  • When parents get into a frenzy, they often lose control of themselves. As a result, a child who has fallen under the hot hand risks receiving an injury, sometimes incompatible with life, if, after a cuff from a parent, he falls and hits a sharp object.

You can't hit children. There are effective alternatives


It must be remembered that physical punishment is a weakness, not a strength of parents, a manifestation of their failure. And excuses like “he doesn’t understand differently” remain just excuses. In any case, there is an alternative to physical violence. To do this:

  1. You should distract the child and switch his attention to something interesting.
  2. Engage your baby in an activity that will make him want to be naughty and capricious.
  3. Hug your baby and convince him of your love. Afterwards, you can spend at least a couple of hours of your own “precious” time with the baby. After all, the child lacks attention ( We also read: ).
  4. Come up with new games. For example, you can collect scattered toys in two large boxes, first one. The reward could be good story at night from dad or mom. And this will work better than a slap on the head or a cuff.
  5. Use loyal methods of punishment (deprivation of a laptop, TV, going for a walk, etc.).

READ ALSO:

  • To hit or not to hit? The story of a mother who is condemned by everyone -
  • 8 loyal ways to punish children. How to properly punish a child for disobedience -
  • 7 blunders of parents during quarrels with children -
  • How not to punish a child -
  • Is it necessary to punish a child at 3 years old: the opinion of parents and a psychologist -

It is important to learn how to get along with your child without punishment. There are a huge number of methods for this. There would be a desire, but you can always find an alternative. It is important for any parent to understand that children should absolutely not be beaten under any circumstances!

Why you shouldn't hit children. Parental self-control and physical punishment

Opinions from mommies from forums

Olga: My opinion is that you can’t be too strict. Because we begin to force ourselves into strict boundaries, and when we are not around, the children will begin to have a blast. Remember for yourself, you always begin to want even more what you can’t or don’t have. And we ourselves cannot always fall asleep, even if we really want to. To hit or not to hit?? I am against hitting, although I sometimes spank myself. Then I scold myself. I think that when we raise our hand to a child, we simply cannot cope with our emotions. You can just come up with a punishment. This is a corner for us. The little guy really doesn’t like standing there, he roars... But we have an agreement with him, if he’s placed there, until he calms down, I won’t come up to talk to him. And it stands until it cools down. The hardest thing is probably to find a punishment, because one method does not work for everyone.

Zanon2: don't hit, but punish! agree. but no hitting!

Beloslava: I also spank sometimes, but then I think I’ve lost my temper again, you can’t hit me... I try to generally change the subject if the psychos attack, usually it’s before nap it happens, but what depresses me most is that when a child is naughty and I swear, he says “hit”...he doesn’t speak in phrases yet. I explain that I love him and I don’t want to hit him and won’t. I try to restrain myself now, like forgetting became... And our dad also thinks that we need to beat... and there’s no way to convince him... he was beaten as a child...

Natalinka15: Yes, complex topic, I try not to scream, but I don’t accept hitting a child at all, I try to negotiate. If I can’t calmly come to an agreement, then I leave my daughter alone for a while and just turn around and leave. Sometimes she reacts differently, sometimes she immediately calms down and sometimes she doesn’t. But when I leave, we both have time to think and calm down. In principle, it always works out, then everything can be resolved peacefully and we make peace.

Palms_to_the_Sun: That’s what I was thinking...why do we, adults and parents, allow ourselves to hit our child if he gets out, acts as an irritant, if we can’t come to an agreement with him...and why don’t we spank adults who are completely different from us?.....after all, they are They can also irritate, offend... after all, we think a hundred times before punching our opponent in the face. Also? we are afraid to act as an aggressor, we want to look civilized, smart and tolerant, and transfer the conflict to diplomacy. What about children then it doesn’t work for some?

Read also: How to raise children: carrot or stick? —